Comments on: You and Your Mother Can’t Be Friends? How to Live in Peace

By: Theodora

Theodora — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 21:51:51 +0000

Laurie, THANK you, I was checking daily but your reply was above the comment and I didn’t see it! I was looking under it LOL

I just read the article–first of all I can’t believe how accurate your view is about me by just reading my questions! Secondly, my friends who I THINK are in bad relationships have NOT asked me for advice cause obvioulsy they ENJOY their relationships..I never thought I was doing to them what my mother has been doing to me all my life, ie always encouraging me to break up whenever things became even slightly difficult with all my ex boyfriends. Obviously this hasn’t taught me anything on how to handle stressful/difficult situations in life but let’s not get into that right now

I read a lot and it has helped me a lot and thank you for the books you’re suggesting, I will definitely get them. And I will also try and do what you’re suggesting..Since I wrote this I actually told my friend what I thought of her boyfriend, and I suffered so much after that, that I decided it’s just not worth it..I hope our friendship is not ruined..I decided that as much as I am used to identifying the negatives in people (and using it as an example of great insight!) I will put all my effort in not focusing on that and looking for the positive in everyone (including my mom, myself, and life in general).So far, by doing that, I have even seen changes in my mom’s behavior towards me!

I’m sorry if this is too long and too personal..I am glad you wrote the article and I hope I will not be the only one who finds it helpful! I will always come back to read it, and maybe also keep you updated on my progress! I wish you all the best

By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 17:05:58 +0000

Dear Theodora,

Thank you for sharing your questions here! You’re a smart woman with a great deal of insight and self-awareness. I bet you were a handful for your mother

I wrote this article for you:

Do You Act and Talk Like Your Mom – and Hate It? How to Stop

I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts here or there.

Blessings,
Laurie

PS: Did your girlfriends ask for your advice on leaving bad relationships? Just curious

This article may help:

5 Ways to Help a Friend Get Out of a Bad Relationship

By: Theodora

Theodora — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 10:35:52 +0000

Laurie, your writing is great! I started reading about How to Leave a bad marriage/relationship (Ive done it, but I wanted to give advice to a couple of my girlfriends), and then I ended up reading about the critical mother-sensitive daughter relationship, which I also found very helpful and spot-on (I am a cliche it turns out!). I have a couple points if you dont mind discussing, even briefly:

1. Do you think that the mother-daughter relationship HAS to be fixed in order for the daughter to be in a functional and happy relationship/marriage? ie. could the reason why I always end my relationships have to do with the same thinking/behavior patterns that don’t allow me to be in a happy relationship with my mother? (I am currently single obviously)

2. As much as I can’t get along with my mother because of specific behaviors she exhibits, I catch myself acting exactly the same way to people that are the closest to me (and if we also spend a lot of time together uninterrupted, as in a holiday etc). HELP!!! By dealing with these behaviors all my life (Im 33), I have adopted them!! Advice please??

3. And sorry to take so long, any ideas why I firmly believe that ALL my girlfriends’ boyfriends are morons (to be polite)? Could it be Im not noticing something about myself instead? Has it ever happened to you, to think that ALL your girlfriends deserve better??

I really hope you’ll be interested in discussing these issues, even briefly with me..Your help will be hugely appreciated!! Thank you