When Your Dog Dies – Tips From Pet Owners Who Understand
When Your Dog Dies, You May Be Surprised by Your Grief
When your dog dies – illness, old age, or an accident – healing from the heartache can be surprisingly difficult.
These tips are from pet owners who understand. Their dogs died and they share what helped them cope with the grief.
Here’s how one journalist handled the death of her dog:
“When my precious schnoodle, Puccini, died, I channeled my grief into a project I’d been working on for 13 years-a series of children’s books called Adventures With PawPaw,” says Diana Scimone. “After Puccini died, I pushed the project into high gear. About a year later, the first three titles in the series were published-and more are on the drawing board.”
Not everyone can publish a book about their pet’s death, but reading about how pet owners survived loss can help.
When Your Dog Dies – Tips From Pet Owners Who Understand
Surround yourself with people who understand pet loss
“I’ve got four boxes of ashes on my book shelves – three dogs and one cat – for the pets I’ve had to say goodbye to over the last dozen years,” says Carol Hodes. “Each was an important member of my family [I have no children]. I am of the belief that you have to accept that the grief will be as profound, if not more so, than if you lost a human member of your family. And you need to surround yourself with people who understand that. Folks who don’t share your love of pets will not understand your sense of loss. In most cases, I had to make the decision to euthanize the pet and I also find that to be both a uniquely challenging and, sometimes, uplifting aspect of the experience. You got to be there for the pet and give the ultimate gift of a peaceful and pain-free end.”
Cherish your other pet — whether they’re dogs or cats
“I have been lucky that I’ve always had another pet at home to help me through the sadness – and they do feel the loss of their friend, too,” says Carol Hodes. “And I have gone on to get other pets to fill the void. I don’t understand the perspective of some people who, when they lose a beloved pet, won’t take the risk of getting another pet to love because they might eventually have to cope with the death of their dog or cat. Two years ago I lost my Pembroke Welsh corgi, Chip, to cancer. I knew that by the spring I would have “puppy fever” and sure enough, I got a puppy at the end of March. Scooter is a border terrier who is now a year old.”
Explore a different breed of dog
“One thing I have done that may work for some people – I don’t replace one dog with another dog of the same breed,” says Carol. “There’s no way to replicate your last pet and why have the next one held up to comparison all the time? It’s easier [for me] to enjoy the charms of an entirely different type of dog.”
Remember the funny stories about your dog, and make an album
“We have to put our 14 year old dog to sleep two weeks ago. Not sure how, but he broke his femur bone and he would have had to undergo major surgery to put pins in his leg, or if the break was caused by cancer they would have to amputate and hope the cancer didn’t spread. Neither choice was good for a 14 year old. I had to explain to my children that “Floyd” wouldn’t be coming back from the hospital. We had a funeral and memorialized our dog by telling her funny stories about him-how he liked to chase chickens, how he rescued (by barking to a neighbor) another dog that was drowning in our pool, and how he like to sleep in Mommy and Daddy’s bed with his head on the pillow. We found several pictures of him and made a little album. This helped us heal when our dog died”. – Roni Jenkins
Embark on a new endeavor
“I’ve owned Doberman Pinschers for almost 25 years and each time, the loss of each one was crushing,” says Sherry Stinson. “When I lost my oldest Dobe, Tyler, I was numb with grief. He was old, I knew that, and had lived beyond the average age a Dobie lives, but his passing was still devastating. To pull myself out of the all-consuming grief, I decided to start a pet greeting card company and name it TylerDog Cards. This helped me focus on the wonderful joy I had when Tyler was alive.”
Give yourself time to mourn when your dog dies
“Many people advocate getting a new pet to replace the emptiness, while others say to wait,” says Sherry. “Personally, I think you have to give yourself a little time to grieve pet loss before jumping into a new puppy given they require so much attention. However, that’s just me.”
Let yourself grieve the way you need to
“The most important thing is, don’t be afraid to cry, to grief, to miss your pets,” says Sherry. “Too often people let society deem what’s appropriate to grieve over and what’s not. Pets are an important part of people’s lives today and just as hard to lose as anything else, so it’s very important to just let yourself grieve.”
Share your memories of your dog
“My golden retriever Katie was a huge part of my life for 13.5 years,” says Regina. “We went through everything life tossed at us as a team, including my bout with cancer over six years ago. After she passed away, I hosted a memorial service with my friends. We sat in a circle and each guest told a happy story about Katie. Before each person spoke, I lit a small candle. After that I passed a balloon around and, as it reached each person, they had to express a wish for Katie in Eternity. When we completed the circle, I released the balloon and said that it not only carried our wishes Heavenward to Katie, it would grant those same wishes to every pet who had ever been loved and lost by anyone in the group.” – Regina Leeds
Visit a dog kennel
“We had to put down our beloved dachshund, who was two weeks shy of his 17th birthday. I almost immediately went online searching for dachshund rescue sites to see what dogs were available. I had no intention of replacing Joplin immediately but just found comfort in doing this. I also read up on how to cope with pet loss. Naturally, it’s a very individual thing and people respond differently. The house was eerily quiet without him and 4 months later, my husband and I adopted a wonderful 2 yr. old rescue. We still have photos of Joplin around the house and I do sometimes feel guilty loving Charlie as much as I do, but it is possible, at least for me, to be able to love this dog as much as I had Joplin.” – Jane Cohen.
A final tip for before your dog dies: make a clear plan when all is well
“We recently lost Shirley, our cocker spaniel/poodle of 17 years, about a month ago,” says Abby. “My family is still very sad. We have tried to keep it as lighthearted as possible by laughing about her strange habits or funny times when she was around. We did make one mistake the day she passed away. My dad found her body and panicked. To ensure my mother would not arrive home from work and panic also, my dad reacted quickly and buried the dog in the backyard. While preventing my mother from having to watch the burial was thoughtful, it was not what worked for the grieving process. We learned to have a clear plan in case something happens and everyone is not around to make the decision together.” – Abby Harris.
If you don’t know how to help your child when your dog dies, read Kids and Pet Loss – 5 Ways to Help Children Cope With Death.
In Letting Go of an Animal You Love: 75 Ways to Survive Pet Loss I interviewed veterinarians, grief experts, and pet owners who survived their pet’s death in sometimes surprising ways. A book like this will help you grieve, show you you’re not alone, and give you ideas on how to memorialize your dog long after he or she has left our world.
If you have any questions or thoughts about healing when your dog dies, please comment below.
Feel free to share your story – because writing can help you heal.
Category: Dogs & Doggy Care Tips, Grief & Recovery Tips, Pet Care Tips
Dear Rose, I felt really sad when I read your story here. I too haven’t thought about getting another dog. It’s really hard and the thing I’ve noticed which was a bit surprising, is that the grief process is extremely long, like a slow moving river. My beautiful girl died on Jan 28 and there isn’t an hour goes by without I think of her so I know what you’re feeling. I think, like you, I’ll have to be feeling a lot more in control of my sadness before getting another dog, if I ever do. My girl was old, unwell and tired. People saying “it’s better she’s gone, she was old” doesn’t help at all. I think you hit te nail on the head with your comment “I will love and miss her always”. Sadly I laid her to rest in the garden but we’re moving now so I won’t even be able to go sit with her any more. We have treasured memories, haven’t we? I’m grateful for that.. Every good wish to you Rose, Ann x
Dear Maria, I know your pain. My sweet dachshund, Holly had to be put down March 30, 2011. It’s been a year, and two months, and still my heart aches. She was 14 years, 5 months. I can’t bring myself to get another dog, not because I’m afraid of losing them, but I miss her so much, I don’t think it would be fair to another dog. I have her ashes in a special place with her picture, and it gives me some comfort. I am not crying as much now, my husband and I try to recall happy memories, and talk about her. I will love, and miss her always.
Maria, just wanted you to know, that I too, had my Molly, a yellow Lab, I had for 13 yr. and 4 mos. cremated. I felt like you too, about picking up her ashes, but there was a sense of peace when I picked them up, I hope this helps. Be thankful for the time you had with Sammyboy. One day you may be able to give your love to another dog, I have not yet, it’s been 8 mos. for me. Having Molly’s ashes here with me, does help. Hope this helps you when you go to pick up Sammyboy’s ashes.
Sam I Am was the light of my life. A brilliant boy–a 29 pound blue heeler Aussie shepherd border collie, with more charm, wisdom, humor,and courage than can be imagined-he had to be experienced! He was fourteen years and five months old. I had to have him put to sleep because the pain he suffered was excruciating–the chronic pancreatitis was becoming moe frequent and distressing for this former agility dog. I cannot believe that he is no longer here. The days are long, the nights are longer. He was my constant companion. And everyone remarked how he was the Sean Connery or George Clooney of dogs–ruggedly handsome with a wry wit–and so like a little wolf. My sorrow is visceral. I feel it in every part of me. There will no replacing him, of course-but, how I long for him to suddenly appear and bark joyfully. There are people who truly understand, other who feign understanding, and others who, by their demeanor, insinuate that animals are just that and nothing more. No they are so very MUCH more; whereas humans knowingly and willfully exited Paradise, animals remained with the Divine and so their spirits often reveal that relationship to us. They love unconditionally and teach us so much about our nature. They know more about us than we will ever know about them. Oh, my Sammyboy please remember me and come to me in eternity. This is a cry from my heart. So
lost.I hold all who have written on this blog up in prayer for your losses. How I miss my brave friend and long to feel him close. Tomorrow I will pick up his ashes–I feel numb. But I must bring the little box home. How will I feel? I do not know. I am afraid of the depth of my sadness. He was the only pet friend I have ever known. He stood in for family. He was my family.
My 12 year old little boy Noah(mini dachshund) passed away this Last Friday…I’m in so much pain and to see my Beau (my other 12 year old mini dachshund) just brings tears to my eyes…he crys and howls all day, Noah was his buddy and I’m so scared to death of what could happen to Beau…I miss my Noah and so does Beau….
Dear Ann, You asked why I think that animals will be in heaven. I don’t know that they will be there, but they are creatures of God, He made them, I am just hoping one day I will say my sweet Molly and my other sweet dogs that I’ve had before her. Take care.
Dear Carol, do you honestly think we will see our beautiful animals again – if so what makes you think that? I desperately want to accept that this is in fact true. I hope and pray it is, but it could be just wishful thinking on my part. I do hold the view that animals being so much more perfect than humans couldn’t be denied heaven by their creator – I so hope I’m right. I guess we won’t know till we pass through the same door they have. Best wishes, Ann
I had to put down my precious baby girl, KiKi, Saturday night. She was a mini dachshund I’ve had for nearly 12 years. She had cushings disease and I didn’t know it until about 3 weeks before her death. Her belly was very big and the vet would always ask about her belly, but nothing was ever done about it. I had no idea about this dreadful disease until it was too late. My heart is very heavy and the pain is enormous. She was my everything, with a unique personality. I don’t know if I will ever get over this, but thanfully I have another beautiful doxie to love and help me cope. I feel tremendous guilt for not knowing about this disease which could’ve eased her misery and possibly extended her life. I even got aggrevated at her constant need to eat a few times, which is a symptom of this horrible disease. The only hope I’ve got to hang on to is that we will be together again someday, forever, because she is a beautiful creature of God, who loved so unconditionally. There has to be a great reward for that, which is heaven. I thank God for bringing us together and for the love that we shared. She was truly a blessing to me and my children and I pray for her peace, joy and happiness in God’s beautiful kingdom. Til we meet again, I love you, KiKi, with all my heart!
I can certainly understand what all of you are going through, I had to say goodbye to my sweet Molly last September 16, and we still miss her so much. I haven’t gotten to the point of getting another dog, just can’t bring myself to that point yet. She’s been gone almost 8 months, and I think of her everyday. It really hurts when we’re out and I see a yellow lab, which is what she was. I hope and pray that those of you that just lost your precious babies, will find peace and know they are no longer in pain. I truly believe they are waiting on us, and one day we will be joined together again. Take care, and remember the good times, even though the memories hurt, it’s better to have had them and loved them, than to not know their love at all.
Carol
Dear Alan, hope by this the rawness of the pain has dulled. Just know there are many of us all going through this awful thing together, connected through this site and I know we all feel one another’s pain. Sincerest compassionate wishes to you. Hope the sun comes out for you soon. Ann x
I understand how you feel. I had to put my dog that I had for 14 yrs to sleep on May 3 She was my best friend and I am so sad. It was just the two of us so now my house is so quiet. I know time will help but I will always miss her.
Dear Jim, condolences to you and your family. 19 years is a long time. Your comment reminded me of a story I heard years ago. An animal lover was sad and angry that so many animals in the world are treated badly. He complained to God “Why don’t you do something! I can’t stand seeing animals hungry and abused”. God said “I did do something. I put you there.” Sly must have had a good life. Blessings on you and yours in your loss. I am convinced it is one of the hardest things to get through in life… best wishes, Ann
Just put down my cat “SLY” today. Been with the family 19 years. Although we have had to deal with the lost of many pets in our 34 years of marriage as we are pet lovers (mostly picking them off the streets), it doesn’t get any easier with time. God Bless to all that have lost their pets recently and take heart in the fact their spirit and love lives on in our hearts…..and they to are God’s creatures and await us on the other side….
Dear Liz, thanks for your message. I can truly share in what you are going through too. You lost Pinnie at about the same time as we lost ours – it was jan 28 in the early hours of the morning. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I can relate to all of them. I guess we are very blessed to have known the bond that comes with loving an animal so deeply. More than anything I hope that animals do “go somewhere” when they leave us. My girl and I had a telepathic thing going. We didn’t always need words to communicate. She “said” very clearly more than once “I’ll be going soon”. I sent her the thought back that she should go whenever it was right, that I’d be here with her, and not to worry for me. Sure enough, it wasn’t long after that she died.
I hope you start to heal soon Liz. Don’t know how long it takes to rise above this pain but there are obviously many of us all going through it – and thank God for this website and the opportunity to share. with my sincere best wishes, Ann.
Dear Ann, I read your comments on your beloved dog. I know how hard this is for you, it has been for me, very much so. I lost my beloved pharaoh hound in late Jan and the grief is just so different to what I have ever experienced. I have lost my parents (elderly) , sure they were sick and frail, but grieving for my best friend is so much harder. My house feels so quiet, so lonely. I cry each and every night for him..I see someone walking their dogs and anger builds up, they look so happy. My life was like that not that long ago.
I try and live hour by hour, I have finally started a scrap book on Pinnie but it hurts so much. All I can say to you Ann, we are the lucky ones, behind this pain we are experiencing. We have loved and cared for our dogs and many many people never experience that type of love with animals. It is a special type of love.
Dear Claire, thanks for your message. It somehow does help to know someone else knows exactly how you feel and can relate to it. I know precisely what you’re saying – the hair on the chair, and the lead.. I have the collar and lead on my bedside table so when it’s all too much I can shut my eyes and smell it and just imagine she’s still here. I know where you’re at with your up and down feelings. I was the same – some times I felt OK and thought I was coming to terms with it, but others there was just tears, especially in the evenings, first thing in the morning, when we go out in the car and she isn’t in the back seat like she always was, and even in the pet food aisle at the supermarket!.. Ghastly.. I hope and pray you start to heal and I thank you for your concern. Our animals are, I’m convinced, a great and wonderful gift we have for just a while. I feel so priveliged to have had her in my life. Every good wish to you Claire. Ann x
Dear Ann
I feel for you, I know how you feel, my lovely dog passed away two weeks ago. Have cried so many tears for her, I can’t sleep or eat. I go through waves of emotion, one minute I tell myself to cheer up, she wouldn’t like me upset, but then I see a reminder like her hairs on the chair or her lead hanging up and I’m off upset all over again. I got her ashes back today and that made me upset initially but a little calmer now I know she is home,
Am truly heartbroken, I know how you feel. My little shadow has gone and I miss her so much
When I awoke this morning I thought of my lovely girl, who died 13 weeks ago today. It struck me that there have been people in my life who have died and yes, I’ve been sad, but this grief I feel for the loss of my dog is gut-wrenching, agonizing and doesn’t appear to subside as the months go by. I miss her so…
I gave Steve a chic/pom puppy in November 2011 , Steve just suffer the loss of our other dog on Labor Day Weekend , than the next week he had a bad brain seizer and really set him back , I had a friend that had this wonder lil boy chic/pom so i gave it to Steve. that lil pup he named Milo- and Milo turned out to be a wonderful addition to the family. I really think Milo was like a little angel, Steve and Milo was so great together along with our other dog Bell. Milo was a one of a kind pup just full of himself and he had a great time and love playing in the huge yard. Today April 23,2012 the horrible thing happen, Steve went to move his vehicle and not reealizing that Milo ran under the tire and was accicently ran over and died in the yard which he loved to play in. This was a Horrible thing to witness that the person you love so much is going throught the pain of loosing a pet that he loved so much , my heart is broken. Im so sad. but im glad i was there to help with the burial of Milo. God had other plans for Milo and even tho Milo’s life was short, this little bundle of joy i really believe help Steve through his health problem and now that Steve is doing much better health wise, Milo did more than i think we will ever know he was a great puppy and will be missed dearly. I will miss seeing my lil boy when i go by everyday to see them. He will be missed but while he was here he was wonderful. While i know you Steve must have time to grive, I agree with what other say and in order to honor Milo / Maybe oneday give a Homeless/ shelter puppy/dog the home and the love which you gave Milo. Milo loved you Steve just as You loved Him.
Bless you Melda. I am going through terrible pain as you are. If you want to email me any time it’s clairehedge26@msn.com xxxxx
My wonderful 16 year old dog died twelve weeks ago – and my world collapsed. The house feels empty. The grief doesn’t seem to get less it seems to get more because it’s such a long time since I’ve seen her now all I can do is sit near her grave whch I do a lot. Nothing can ever replace her. Even our cat is depressed. Nothing can prepare us for the pain of losing a beloved animal friend..