When Your Cat Dies – 4 Ways to Cope With a Kitty’s Death
How Do You Cope When Your Cat Dies?
You may be surprised at the depth of grief when your cat dies. These ways to cope with a kitty’s death are from cat lovers who have felt your pain.
Before the tips, a quip:
“Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it alone, his own burden, his own way.” ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh.
The sadness you feel when your cat dies can’t be shared and is yours alone. But, it can help to read about how others mourned pet loss. Here, pet owners share tips for coping with cat loss — these tips may not take away the pain, but at least they’ll help you see you’re not alone.
In Letting Go of an Animal You Love, I gathered 75 ways to cope with pet death from veterinarians, pet loss experts, grief counselors, and cat lovers. If you’re struggling to cope with grief because your cat died, you may find comfort there.
And here are several tips for healing from cat lovers who experienced the pain of their kitty’s deaths.
When Your Cat Dies – 4 Ways to Cope With a Kitty’s Death
Everyone deals with their pet’s death in different ways. These stories from people who loved and lost their cats may help you heal…
Share memories about your cat with people who knew him or her
“As a child, we were encouraged to talk about the pet and remember him or her,” says cat lover Pam Vetter. “Pets are family members and have important roles in our lives. Whenever a frog, lizard, parakeet or guinea pig has died in our house over the last 14 years since my kids were born, we’ve held a mini-funeral in the backyard. We bury the pet, put a rock marker on top, and share our memories about the pet. The time together serves to recognize the pet’s role in our lives. My kids are encouraged to share their memories about our lost pets.”
Give yourself time to heal after your cat dies
“There is no single formula to saying good-bye when your cat dies,” says Dan. “Healing takes place over time. The loss of a pet is the loss of someone you loved, and when anything you loved is abruptly taken away from you, there is no substitute. Four years ago, my cat Peep disappeared without a trace. I live in an exclusive suburb of Los Angeles in the hills. It’s often you have wild life and predators roaming at night. I was sick with some dental problem and when I came home from pharmacy at 9 pm, I couldn’t locate both my cats…one of then came home and the other didn’t.” – Dan Tanner
Welcome another cat into your home – when you’re ready
“Last January we had to have our beloved cat, Janvier, put down,” says cat lover Jessica. “He was suffering from renal failure, and the treatment would have crushed his spirit and terrified him, so we made the hardest decision of our lives. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss having my first baby around. It’s pathetic, but we haven’t even gotten rid of his kitty litter (it’s clean!) or his leftover food. I still think I can hear him puttering around at night. We have two young children and insanely busy lives, so we haven’t adopted a new cat yet. We feel like we wouldn’t be able to give him or her enough attention at this time, which would just not be fair. I really believe that having a new kitten would help us survive our cat’s death. I also think that bringing a new pet into our lives would help us honor Janvier, by constantly reminding us of the cute and funny things he used to do. So I hope that one day soon-ish, we’ll open our homes to a new pet both to help heal our hearts and so our children know the joy a cat can bring to a home.”
Cats Are Beautiful
Rescue an abandoned kitten or cat
“I had my multi-coloured white and ginger cat, Penny, for 8 wonderful years,” says Cynthia. “Her death was sudden. She seemed to be losing weight to a point until she appeared too thin, so I took her in to the vet’s and got the bad news. They suggested an operation, but the next day I got a call during the surgery that she might not make it. I rushed in, and she died in my arms. In my case, whether or not to get another cat was already solved in a way, as I had just rescued a small black kitten, and was fostering her for the local Cat Adoption Team. The month before, I had decided to adopt her myself. After Penny died, I called her my ‘Little Gift from God’.” – Cynthia Colby.
In Letting Go of an Animal You Love, I share 75 ways to cope with pet death from veterinarians, pet loss experts, grief counselors, and cat lovers. If you’re struggling to cope with grief because of your cat’s death, you may find comfort there.
If you don’t know if you should get another cat, read Should You Get a Cat After Your Cat’s Death? 4 Helpful Tips.
And if you want to share your stories and thoughts about your cat, please do below.
Category: Cats and Kitty Tips, Pet Care Tips
Kia ora Laurie,
My name is Juanita. My boyfriend found 2 kittens around March 2010 and we took them as our own.We bottle fed them until they could eat themselves. We Loved them and had them spaded and the works. Anyways when they were fixed, we found out the one I called my own: Fricken had an bladder infection. But it was’nt serious the vet said. So I took her home after 3-4 days in the vet and on a drip. Her sister : Nightmare was so going bananas without her. It was’nt long after Fricken came home. All was well until April 3/4/2011 Fricken was just not herself. I feed them before I went to church and all was good. Later that night I was still at church and my boyfriend txted me and said: Frickens sick, don’t know how long she’s got. I was so deverstated!! Me and my daughter took Fricken to the vet and the only option was to put her to sleep. A week on now and I still call out her name. Do you have any good advice on how I can get over my BABY I like to call her. I have never ever missed anything in my life so badly. Nightmare is still alive and I love her too, but Fricken was mine and Nightmare is my partners.How do I cope with this terrible issue? Nightmare is a complete opposite to Fricken.
Fricken loved cuddles and kisses and Nightmare hates cuddles and kisses.
Fricken loved to be lazy and watch t.v.and chasing woolly balls and Nightmare loves bringing Birds and Mice and very active,with an attitude.
I hope you can help Laurie, your advice will be most appreciated by me and My Family.
Thank you for listening and you take care and keep doing your thing!!!!
From the Wiparata and Hika Whanau (families) in New Zealand.
Dear Juanita,
I’m sorry to hear about your cat’s death. So sad, especially when another animal is affected. And they are aware of the loss (obviously), and do grieve!
When I wrote my ebook about pet loss (http://theadventurouswriter.com/petlossgriefsupport/), I asked the veterinarians what to do for the surviving pets. They said to give surviving pets lots of affection and love, and as much attention as possible. Cats heal from the pain of losing their family the same way we do: with the passage of time.
I don’t know when the best or right time to get another cat is…and you may not know until you bring a new cat home and see how Nightmare reacts! I was in a pet store last month, and the clerk said that whether cats get along has alot to do with their personality traits. Often, females and females don’t get along — but it really depends on who the “alpha” cat is, how old they are, and their personality.
I’m sorry I don’t have more concrete tips for you…all I know for sure is that extra attention helps cats grieve and makes them feel better (well, I guess I don’t even know that for sure…but that’s what experts seem to think).
I wish you all the best.
In sympathy,
Laurie
My cats names areFricken & Nightmare. Fricken passed away 3rd April 2011. Blood disease and puss in her bladder. She is much loved and hard to get over at this point and time. But time will heal us in my family.I am not sure as yet to get another cat, but I am considering it. Due to my other cat is fretting for her sister?
I don’t know what to do for her. If you have any advice or really good tips that would be really appreciated. To help my other cat Nightmare to get on with her playful self again.
Thank you Juanita Wiparata.
Dear Ruth, Sharon, and June,
I am so sad to hear that you lost your cats. It’s so painful, whether your cat was 9 months or 19 years old! It doesn’t seem to matter how long we loved our cats…the pain of losing them is the same.
You have my sympathies
Blessings,
Laurie
My heart is broken because my wonderful Tigger is dead. We found Tigger in our garden on September 2010. he was just 6 weeks old. someone had dumped him. Was’nt sure about keeping him for a start but decided we would. Best decision ever. He was wonderful such a beautiful kitten. He would greet me at the door when I came home and sleep on my bed. the kids and I loved him so much even my husband came round to him. he is not a cat lover. On saturday 26th March I let Tigger out and he got run down by a car. the driver came to the door and told me i just ran out to see if he was alive. He was killed instantly. He was only 8 months old. I am in bits my baby has gone and miss him so much. How do I cope with this sadness?
I lost my beloved, beloved, beloved cat Julius today. He is and was my heart and I love him with a love I never thought I would ever feel for a cat. He was sixteen and went peacefully at home. We came home to find he had passed away. There was never a more gentle creature alive than my Julius. That cat did not ever ever display any hostile, mean or angry behaviours. I used to call him my big bag of love. He loved me deeply in return and was always near me. I am overcome with grief – was there SOMETHING I could have done to prevent this?! I already know the answer is no, that it was his time and he lived a long, contented cherished life. But still…I wish I had been able to comfort him in my arms and soothe him with my words when he passed. I have another cat, who I love, but she is not my heart like my Julius (aka Jules, buddy-boy and kitten-face). I just want him back, I just want more time to love him. My heart is gone.
My beloved cat of 18 years died yesterday, I had to have him put to sleep as he could no longer function. He was a beautiful ginger cat who adopted my family as a kitten. He used to come and see us everyday until we were told by his orginal owners that we could keep him. He was unique. So loving, playful, a bit of a show off when he was younger, he would stretch out on the floor and chase his own tail. In his autumn years he became so he just wanted to be close to me, he would sit on the arm of the sofa next to me, and place his paw on my hand. I love my cat, in life and in death. It is hard because even those closest to me don’t quite understand the heartbreak of losing my beloved companion.
George, I’m so sorry to hear that you lost Soot. What a heartbreaking experience.
I like the idea of having his paw print framed.
Some animals dig right into our hearts and souls; others we love, but it’s not the same. I don’t know why we have such strong bonds to some cats, but not others…I guess it’s similar to having strong bonds with some people, but not others.
In sympathy,
Laurie
P.S. In Letting Go of an Animal You Love, I interviewed pet loss grief experts, veterinarians, and people who really, really struggled after losing their pets. They share dozens of helpful, inspiring, strength-building, and sometimes surprising tips for coping with pet loss – none of which are here on Quips and Tips.
good info !. thanks for sharing this inspiring blog.
We lost our cat yesterday and we are all so very sad. Our cat was named soot; he was gray with a little white on his paws and neck. Soot was only 3 years old and such a loving cat. Last week soot was breathing heavy so we took him to the vet. The vet took x-rays and found fluid around the lungs, gave soot a shot and some medicine to take home. After almost a week soot did not seem to get any better, he was still breathing heavy but also seemed to be in good spirits. Soot was still purring when we pet him and would lie next to us as he always did but we knew he was not well. We decided to take soot to another vet that only worked on cats. When we got there the vet was concerned and said we need to leave soot for the weekend. They would be putting him in an oxygen chamber, draining the fluid, taking x-rays, and administrating meds. The vet seemed very optimistic about the outcome because soot was so young and strong so I left him there on Friday Jan 14. I called later that day and was told that when they tried to drain the fluid soot became very stressed and that was not good. They put him back in the oxygen chamber and he seemed to feel better after awhile. I received a call at 0810 Saturday morning from the vet, she said soot was not doing well and we should decide what we want them to do. We decided that they should try to give anesthesia and then drain the fluid. The problem with this was that the anesthesia would most likely kill him but it would be just like having him put down. We decided at least that would give soot one last chance so we told the vet our family would be there asap. We live about an hour away and had to get the kids ready, they are ages 8, 8, and 10. The girls wrote letters to read to soot hoping that it might help him and I’m sure it would have. When we got to the vet’s I was pulled aside and told he passed just a few minutes ago. I am a 44 year old man and I cried my eyes out for a long time. My girlfriend then came in and said her good byes as well as leaving soot his favorite mouse toy. Then the kids came in, the girls were sad and crying as they said goodbye and left soot the letters they wrote. What really tore us apart was not getting to the vet in time to say good bye to our beloved soot. I just hope he was not scared.
We have decided to cremate soot along with his mouse and letters from the girls along with having a paw print framed. We all cried most of the day and as I sit here tonight at work I still have tears from time to time. I am sure we will get another cat some day but for now we will just love the ones we still have and remember all of the great times we had with soot. We have many pictures and memories to remember him by. I just know soot is up in kitty heaven and some day we will all be together once again. We miss you soot. We have 2 other cats and they seemed to know something was wrong and came to us in a sad loving way. I have lost cats before but for some reason this was the most devastating of them all.
my cat rue was living at recycling center and i toke him home. he grow to be a pretty red tiger striped tom cat.
he was killed by dog next door.i miss him so much
writing a book of him called my cat rue
Thanks for sharing your stories about your cats — I’m so sorry you lost them, but glad you had the time together.
I agree that writing about pet loss really helps both dog and cat lovers. Just expressing your love and pain can really help with healing.
In sympathy,
Laurie
I just feel heartbroken, never felt pain like it. My beloved cat Oscar died suddenly with no warning at home a week ago. He’d not shown any sign of illness…that i was aware of anyway. We had had lots of cuddles on the bed, i went to the bathroom and i heard a thump, then a couple of little whimpers..ran into my bedroom and found him on the floor. The vet reckoned it was his heart. There was just no warning, and it’s unbearable the pain i’m feeling.
I miss him soooooo much, it’s like my chest has been ripped open.
Oscar was 13, very shy of others, but very kittenish and cute with me. Never one to sleep on your lap..unless you had a cushion…but he did the cutest thing when i checked on him where he’d look at me and then curl his head under revealing that ultra-soft bit on the side of his face and neck…almost willing me to come and stroke him. He was irresistable.
Over the past few months he had been sleeping next to me, we’d spoon so that i fell asleep with my hand under his tummy. I can’t tell you how much i’ll miss that.
He was my baby. I live alone and always have, so now my flat is so empty and i keep thinking it’s him when i hear a noise or see a reflection.
Although hearing other people’s stories is upsetting, it is comforting sort of to know that i’m not the only one who can’t put away the cat litter or clean out the food bowls.
I carry around a little photo frame with pictures of both Oscar and his long-lost brother Felix in….and kiss the photos regularly…as well as the images on my phone and on the table by the candles that i have been lighting constantly for the past week. I’ve also been stuffing a little Bagpuss soft toy into my neck and using it as a comfort…and i’m 38yrs old! Embarrassing…but you kinda revert to being a child when you feel loss i guess…the vulnerability is immense.
For the first 3/4 days it felt like all i did was cry, the doubled-over kind of crying where you just feel broken, and then i found that i was becoming very restless and irritable. My body was so full of tension every evening and the anxiety has just been awful. Most of today has just been spent crying though, perhaps cos it’s been a week now.
As much as anyone says to me that there was nothing i could’ve done, i still feel guilty. Guilty that i wasn’t in the room when he died, that i couldn’t comfort him in his last moments. Guilty that i was a month late taking him to the vet for his jabs…so i’ll always wonder if they would’ve spotted a heart problem and prevented his passing. The vet reassured me that it absolutely wasn’t my fault..but guilt doesn’t let you belief it.
I’m very nervous about getting his ashes. I’ve arranged for a little wooden curled-cat casket, and his ashes will be inside. But i’m actually really really nervous about collecting it. I’m worried i won’t be able to let go of it, as in put it down. Maybe it’s just the pain of the reality that i’m scared of. So far i’ve been in a confused shocked state, just not understanding the speed and suddeness of it all…having the ashes is so final and so definite.
I keep wishing i could hallucinate him, and i so wish i would dream about him, but there’s nothing.
I’ll miss him head-butting me, his mad 5 minutes before going to the loo! I’ll miss him racing to jump on top of the window frame (3rd flight up) before i get a chance to shut it. I’ll miss his love of boxes and chasing his tail, even in the smallest space. I’ll miss his unbelievably soft furriness, his soft tummy and the little face-licks he’d been giving me of late, little kisses i like to think. I’ll miss him rubbing his face on the side of my glasses, whilst i’m wearing them. It was so amazing to have him so close to me.
So much i’ll miss………i just hope the pain of losing him won’t prevent me getting another cat in the future. It’s certainly not something i am even considering now…..Osc is irreplaceable….and i’d be very scared of the pain of losing another pet.
Time will tell.
The pain is still so raw, and i’m still so confused and scared of how desperately sad i’m feeling. A week is no time really, and perhaps it’ll get worse as it starts to sink in more…that’s a scary thought.
It’s been cathartic to write about this, thank you for giving me and everyone else the space to express our sadness.
I felt utterly compelled to collate all the photos and videos of Oscar into one file and i made a little video. I’m not sure how, but i think it helped. It is a a memorial i suppose, a tribute…i can’t watch it without touching the screen..so if anyone would like to see it, here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcP1MYZiTqg
Love and heartfelt wishes to everyone XXX
Hi all I lost my beautiful rocco on tuesday he was only 18 months old he had a heart murmur but was a normal healthy cat the vet said that he mite need sum medication when he was older but he was fine that was in july, 2 weeks ago he started breathing really heavy I took him to the vet an she said it seemed as tho he had an lung infection cos he had sum fluid on their so she gave him a jab and sum tablets and she said 2 c how he went. He seemed to hav got betta but the following weekend it all came back an his tummy was swollen so we took him bk 2 the vet she said he needed a heart scan an X-ray bcos it was down 2 his heart an by havein the X-ray the cud determine what medication 2 give him the he wud b ok. Well I droped him off the nxt day first thing and went bk 2 work then I gt the call 2 say that he was very I’ll his heart tummy and lungs where full of fluid and that if she didn’t try an drain it off his heart he wud die in the matter of days but she did tell me that he cud die when they where going the opp and that i sud get down their 2 see him as it mite b the last chance I get, by that poin I was beside my self I cudnt speak i was so upset . Unfortunatly he died when they where workin on him we went 2 c him and he jus looked lik he was asleep it was so hard 2 believe he died that day bcos he was his normal cute happy self and eating his food and goin out b4 this I can’t come 2 terms with his death I loved that little cat soooooo much and my heart is broken I’m so empty inside can stop cryin, I dread comein home cos his not here . Me an my partner keep hearing his bell in the house it’s strange cos we both hear it. I hope this pain goes away cos I’m finding it really hard 2 cope like I’ve lost a child. Thanks for listening guys. Mummy misses u so much rocco I hope ur still here with us love u lots.xxxxxxxx
I’m so sorry to hear about your cats’ deaths. It’s heartbreaking.
I wish there was something I could say to make it easier. Mourning pet loss — especially when your cat was SO MUCH a part of your life — is a long process. I don’t think it ever really ends, either. I lost my cats more than 10 years ago, and I’m still sad whenever I think about them.
It helps me to think their souls have gone to heaven, and they’re happy, healthy, and watching us with love.
I lost my cat suddenly without warning this morning and its been the hardest day off my life alongside watching my grandma pass 5 years ago on new years day. My 16 year old house cat was called Taz but i called him tazy magoos or magoos magoo ( i have daft names for all my pets) He has been crying during the night for sometime but we were told he had feline dementsure so he cried at 4 as he usually does and i normally get up feed him and put the heating on for him. However this time i went into my mothers room to ask if she could get up with him as i had been up all night feeling ill of chest infection..she didn’t get up. He cried again at 6 oclock and was walking around the landing as i went to the bathroom but again i didn’t take him downstairs to feed him and instead told him to shut up and went back to bed. It was then that my dad got up to feed him and I so regret this as my dad would have showed him no love and harsly shoved and shooed him down the stairs. My mam got up not long after and he had been sick and flopped to the ground she picked him up and lay him on the sofer he then let out cry and drew his last breaths. My mam came up to wake me to tell me Taz was dying i rang down to see him eyes wide open looking scared not breathing but hanging on i was hysterical and i was told to go upstairs to look after the dog.
The pain and guilt for not being there for him is unbearable i was the closet one to him and he’s always been there at every difficult time i have faced in life.
The strange this is when my man rang my sister to tell her he was on his way she already knew and answered the phone with taz has died mam i know, she had just dreamt it. Her daughter woke up after the phone call and not hearing the conversation, came running in to say she had feeling something was wrong with one of grandmas pets. So i would like to think it was his time to go but it doesnt help with the guilt or that he is no longer here.
My grandma lived with us and she doted on him he follwed her everywhere and slept in her bed cuddled into her with his head on her pillow like a human. he meant so much to our family and we could all see my grandam in him as daft as that may sound,and now that last bit of her is gone. i can’t walk past the step where he slept without breaking down and i can’t get his dying face from my mind. i feel such guilt and regret that he died thinking he wasn’t loved and it is eating me up i can’t breathe for tears.
Im sorry for all the detail and lack of grammer but i can barely see and i’m hoping this will help. My heart goes out to you all
My cat sophie died on may 5th 2010 and today on 1st december my 4month old kitten barney died in a car accident just like sophie in a blink of an eye, he was playing with me, after tht i went to buy grocerys and then as soon as i was coming back home, i saw him lying outside on street
Awful drivers
My beautiful 2yo cat Sparky was run over out the front of my house this morning. She is normally always at home but this morning decided to follow me walking the kids and the dog to school. It was so quick, I cant believe it has happened. The car didnt even stop. I feel devastated. How do I tell my kids? Should they see her before I bury her. I dont know what to do.
I cannot help but feel sadness in that maybe Kismet was lonely without me there since I have been in college for the past 3 years. I wish I could have been there to at least see him one more time and tell him I love him so much and give him one last kiss and hug. My boyfriend said maybe it is better this way so that I can remember the good things about Kismet. I cannot stop running over different scenarios in my head thinking about him. I wish I could wake up and this would be a bad nightmare. I feel lost without this cat I don’t know where to pick up my pieces and move forward…
I am away in college and today my mom called me to let me know that my childhood cat passed away. His name was kismet and he was all black with some white spots on his paws chin and nose. He was my best friend during hard times in my childhood and we would sit together on the bed meowing back and forth to each other. (I always thought we could talk to each other). We rescued Kismet in the parking lot of an old Vet Office when we saw his mother dead and he was sitting beside the road just watching cars go by. Kismet was the most amazing pet I have ever had. He knew when my bus would come in the mornings and afternoons and would walk me to the bus stop and be waiting for me to get off in the afternoons to walk me home. Never did he miss one day. He loved to sleep with me and rub he body all over me. He also always knew when I was upset and would always comfort me. We had to move several times due to my parents divorce and he was an outside cat but he NEVER got lost and always knew where his home was. Kismet was around 15 years old and led an amazing life with my family but it kills me to think that we had been best friends forever and I didn’t get to see him out. My mom made the decision to put him to sleep last night after the vet told her he had a large heart murmur and was suffering from renal failure. I am completely stunned with grief and sadness and although I have recently adopted two maine coons of my own I cannot stop crying and missing “my best friend.”
Denise, I’m so sorry to hear about your cat….I can’t imagine finding my cat on the side of the road
I just want to say how sorry I am that you lost your cat.
In sympathy,
Laurie
My partner went for a walk to look for our cat, it was just weird of him to not push our room door open to wake us up this morning. He found our Crunchy a few houses down. He had been hit by a car and someone had kindly lay him under a tree on the side of the road. We don’t have any kids and we always said “who needs a kid when you have a cat like Crunchy?” He had the best personality anyone could have wished for. We lost our baby. That may sound silly for some but i don’t care. He was my baby Crunchy and our whole household will miss him.
Thank you all for this wonderful site it has helped me with my pet loss from smokey. I miss her but I am so happy lately I went on a sleepover with one of my girlfriends and we had so much fun! But thanks so much for this website. The first night Smokey died I seriously thought I wouldnt be able to live the next day like literally. But now I decided to get over the pain and tell myself that everyone has a time they have to leave and go to heaven and it was her turn.
Blessings,
Heather Wood
Hello HeatherandSmokeyFurever,
I’m glad you have a new kitten, she sounds adorable! She can never replace your beloved Smokey, and you may always feel a hole in your heart because you lost her. But, Midnight Smokey Wood can help you remember the love and fun you had with Smokey, and help you keep Smokey’s memory alive.
Soon, you won’t be so sad….time will heal the pain of losing your cat….and you will be happy again. You’ll never forget Smokey, but you’ll be happy again.
Blessings,
Laurie
I got a new baby kitten 2 days after Smokey died but she isnt enough to feel the gap Smokey took when she died. The new kittens name is Midnight Smokey Wood. She was the fattest the friendlest and the most energentic out of the litter. She is black like her sisters but she isnt pureblack like the others, she has a little patch of white on her chest.