5 Signs of True Love – How to Know When It’s the Real Thing
These signs of true love will help you figure out if you’re in love, infatuation, or obsession. Learn what infatuation is so you can recognize the difference between being infatuated with someone new (infatuation doesn’t last) versus true love (which does last)…
Before the tips, a quip:
“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
And there, my friends, is one way to tell if you’re really in love: you’re looking in the same direction as your partner. You need to be focused on the same life goals if you want to stay in love for the long haul.
If you’re still wondering if you’re in love or addiction, you may find Is It Love or Is It Addiction? helpful.
Here are five ways to tell if your love is the real thing…
5 Signs of True Love – How to Know When It’s the Real Thing
Your experience goes beyond your feelings
Be honest: do you like talking to your sweetheart? If you weren’t sweethearts, would you be friends? Can you see yourself accepting his or her foibles and weaknesses just as they are right now, in 10 or 20 years? Infatuation is defined by obsessive feelings and how you feel; true love is about how you act towards your sweetheart, and how he or she acts towards you. It’s not about feelings – if you’re in love, it’s about your actions.
You have similar life goals
If your life goals include living in Africa and your sweetheart’s goals involve staying put, building a home, and raising a family…then you might have to have a conversation about the future. I’m reluctant to say this, but it’s a myth that “love conquers all.” Infatuation is about short-term desires; true love is about long-term life goals and plans. One way to tell if it could be true love is if you’re both willing to compromise so you can both achieve your life goals.
A reader recently asked about declaring his love to someone who is moving away. If you’re in a similar boat, read Starting a Relationship With Someone Who is Leaving the Country.
You have the same core life values
Do you have similar spiritual, moral, or ethical beliefs? Relationships in which one partner is, for instance, Jewish and the other is, say, Muslim, make it difficult to forge a strong life together. Of course, if you both have lukewarm spiritual beliefs, then it may not matter if they’re in opposition…but if you follow your faith faithfully, you’ll need to address it sooner or later. Infatuation and love addiction ignores spiritual differences; true love makes your spirituality stronger.
You feel accepted and good about yourself
Do you feel good about who you are and where you’re going in life when you’re with your sweetheart? When you’re not with him or her, do you feel secure, confident, and happy with your relationship? Infatuation often involves feeling insecure, self-conscious, or unhappy about who you are; true love is about feeling supported and accepted. One sign of true love is whether you can disagree without feeling unloved.
Am I Infatuated or in True Love?
Rebound love isn’t an issue in true love
Sometimes people fall into relationships because they feel insecure or sad about a previous relationship breakup. If you’ve recently broken up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, read 5 Tips for Avoiding Rebound Love. Infatuation is about attraction for the wrong reasons; true love involves accepting and loving your sweetheart because of who he or she is.
You may also find 80 Ways to Say I Love You (not I’m addicted to you!) helpful.
And if you have questions or comments about love versus infatuation, I welcome your responses below…
Category: Dating Tips, Love & Relationships
I think it’s important to define what “true love” means, because love means different things to different people. For me, a simple act of love is listening when I talk – not reading the newspaper, fiddling with tools, or getting distracted by an ant on the counter.
So, I guess a sign of true love for one person may be a sign of disinterest or neglect to another.
Isn’t is funny how we keep ourselves in denial? We suffer through the same inconsiderate treatment over and over again and when we finally tire of it we allow ourselves to be led back to the same insanity by simply being told what we want to hear. The truth may be staring you right in the face but once you hear those words you question the truth, you deny that he could be so cruel and uncaring, you tell yourself he loves you when you know that the way he treats you is not the way you treat someone you say you love. When you’re always made to stand at the back of the line and it doesn’t look like your position is going to be changing, know this, there will always be someone that will be allowed to cut in front of you. When promises are never kept his word is no good. When his disrespectful ways are always your fault, and you have many, and he never has anything positive to say about you, he’s just playing you. You have something he wants and as soon as he gets it he’s gone, he won’t call, he won’t write, he simply “walks away” and justifies it by making your fault. My only expectation of someone who says they love me, is too “love me”, I don’t see that as an unrealistic expectation but, as I have learned, it is. Thanks to my denial I am empty, for two years now I have been lost to love and loving, I am lonely at times but when I consider the alternative I’m okay with being lonely, it passes rather quickly and there’s definitely no denying it.
Hello fitness girl,
Thanks for taking the time to comment! One of the best ways to tell if it’s true love — not just infatuation — is time. It’s hard to be patient, but honestly…if you can wait, time can be one of the best signs of true love.
hi
I’m in a relationship right now and we’re celebrating our monthsary this day but sad to say he’s not on my side right now because he’s far. And I don’t know if its for real or its just an infatuation just as what you’ve said, but still hoping for the right guy to come.
Hi Laurie,
Thanks for sharing, I found what you’ve written very useful.I’m in a relationship where we don’t have the same life goals or share the same faith. Moreover, even though he tries to give me advice to improve myself, I feel put down. This suggestion stem from his concern yet I don’t feel accepted when I hear this. I wonder if I should still continue this relationship.
un chico de 13 años me dijo q si queria ser su novia le dije q lo iba a pensar pasaron dias y me encontre a su hermana y ella me dije q habia pensado Y LE DIJE Q YA LO HABIA PENSADO Y LE DIJE Q LE DIJIERA Q SI Y LE DI DE REGALO UNA VELA Q DICIA TE QUIERO DESDE ENTONCES LO VEO MUY POCO Y YA NO ME COQUETEA Y TAMBIEN EL PROBLEMA ES Q A EL NO LO DEJAN TENER NOVIA Y AMI TAMPOCO ME DEJAN TENER NOVIO POR Q YO TENGO 12 AÑOS
I know i’m in love, but my ex, that I quite possibly just cannot get over. It’s not like i’m refusing to but i’ve tried, and anything and everything I do just can’t get him out of my head. I know i love him because all I do when I think about him is smile, I felt something for him, and I still do. I get a tingling warm feeling inside me, in my heart, when I think about him. It makes me happy when I think about him..but the thing I don’t know is..am I falling in love alone. I haven’t talked to him about all of this, but I would just like to know before I make a fool of myself.
Hi Lacie,
I don’t know how common it is for women to experience infatuation when it comes to buying or selling homes…but I bet it happens fairly often! Realtors are often attractive, charming, friendly, expressive, and extroverted — and those qualities make them very appealing.
Sometimes infatuation can just be enjoyed. It doesn’t have to have the potential to become a true love relationship…it can just be fun and harmless!
.-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post …Establish Good Financial Habits – 6 Ways to Make Money Saving Tips Stick =-.
How common is it for women to become infatuated with their realtors?
Hi Kerrie,
I’ve had plenty of crushes on guys out of desperation — and have stayed in relationships out of both desperation and infatuation! It’s hard to break those relationships off because we think the right guy won’t come along, or we’re too old to wait for him.
But, it’s much worse in the long run to stay in a relationship that isn’t right for us, versus waiting longer for someone who is a good match.
Best wishes with this new guy….I hope you can see clearly if he’s the one for you or not.
Laurie
Thank you, this helps. I’ve just started dating a guy and I keep thinking that he’s not the one, but I can totally see us staying together just because there’s nobody else on the horizon for either of us. Thinking in terms of love versus infatuation versus desperation helps.
- Kerrie
Thanks for dropping in, Waiting4TrueLove…and I’m glad to hear that you’re waiting for the real thing! I hope it comes sooner rather than later
Even when you know it’s not true love, it’s just infatuation, it’s still hard to let go. I’ve been infatuated with people several times but never been in true love. Thanks for these tips, they help to figure it out. It’s not just about how you feel!
I’m waiting for true love, no matter how long it takes.
I liked it. So much useful material. I read with great interest.