Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us! It sounds like you’ve been through so much with your siblings. Sometimes breaking emotional ties with our family members is the best way to handle problems. If they aren’t willing to see their contributions and take responsibility, then there’s no point in banging your head against the wall. Sometimes letting go of someone you love is better and healthier than fighting to keep a relationship alive.

Maybe you’ll always care about your sister. Maybe getting to the place where you don’t care anymore is too much to expect. Maybe you need to grieve your loss and be sad about losing her, while moving on from your relationship.

It’s hard, isn’t it? My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Blessings,
Laurie

Thank you for being here. You sound like a very insightful, smart woman – and I think you need an objective perspective to help you see your relationship with your dad more clearly. There is often more going on than we can see because we’re in the middle of it…but if we tell our story to someone who is once or twice removed, we get a different perspective.

I encourage you to talk to someone in person about your dad. I can’t give you the advice you need, and I don’t want to mislead you. I also think the sooner you talk this stuff through, the better – because issues left undealt-with can become bigger and more complicated to manage.

What do you think?

Now I should mention that my parents are in the process of getting divorced after thirty years of marriage (he moved out a year ago, leaving me and my mother in an extremely tight financial state).

I myself have suffered from mental health issues for the last five and a bit years, and his attitude towards those problems may have exacerbated them, which has led to further…well issues between us.

He has claimed for many a year that he treats me and my younger brother the same and doesn’t favour one of us over the other, but that just isn’t the case. My brother, much like my father, has mountains of debt, and yet when he lived with us, me and my mam were the ones getting jibes had at us about bringing debt to the house.

I understand that that probably means that he has many deep set issues of his own, and for that I do feel truly sad for him, because I know he won’t confront those issues until it’s far too late, or perhaps never at all.

I want to be able to move on from all the mental, emotional and even sometimes physical abuse, but I’m finding it hard to accept that I may never get…well retribution for the years of hell he’s put me and my mam through, so any tips anyone can give me on how to move on with my life would be extremely helpful.

Thankyou in advance.

Thank you for being here! You sound like a very smart, insightful, resilient person – and I believe you will survive your mom. And, you’ll use your experience with her to help other people – and even change their lives!

I wrote this for you:

http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-survive-a-situation-you-cant-change/

It’s called “How to Survive a Situation You Can’t Change”, and I believe it’ll help you cope with your toxic mother.

Read it, and come back anytime to let me know how you are.

Blessings,
Laurie

The trick is doing what you think is right, and not letting your family members manipulate you into doing what THEY want you to do. How do you do this? It really helps to have an objective perspective, such as from a counselor or trusted mentor.

Who do you talk to about handling your family problems?