If you love your husband but hate what deployment is doing to your marriage, read these tips for military wives. The army, navy, or US Marines Corps doesn’t have to destroy your relationship!
These tips are inspired by a reader’s comment…
“I have been married for 10 years and have three boys ages 8, 5 and 17 months,” says R. on 10 Ways to Fix Couples Problems. “My husband is in the United States Marines and I am very proud of him and love him with all my heart. Recently I took my children on vacation without him since he could not get time off. We haven’t seen eye to eye since we returned, as I didn’t want to come back to this duty station. I don’t have any friends here and nor do my children. Everyone leaves and we are still here.”
First, my friend, you need to accept that you married a military man. You vowed to love him for better or for worse…and moving from station to station is part of the “worse.” Deployment is hard on marriage – but so is infertility, illness, and toxic in-laws! Most married couples have something that makes marriage challenging.
Second, you need to get as much support as possible. I’m a big, big fan of books because they offer insight and wisdom. Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives is the bestselling book on military families, and it’s received almost 70 five star reviews. You’re not the only wife of a marine or military man who needs daily strength, encouragement, and support.
And here are a few tips for military wives who dislike uprooting their lives – and their children’s lives – because of their husband’s deployments…
Don’t Like Being a Military Wife? Tips for Deployment and Marriage
Here’s the rest of R’s comment:
“I haven’t been treating my husband the way I should. He says I don’t respect him or his job. Now, he doesn’t come home and won’t answer my phone calls. He hasn’t seen the children. I still really love and want to be friends with my husband again, not only for our children but for us. He is going for a year away on deployment in January 2012. I want to get through these 5 months without fighting and arguing. How do I do it and what advice do you have? I have hurt him and I don’t think he believes me when I say I’m sorry. I don’t know what the solution is. Please help.”
Embrace the life of military wife
I’m afraid I have to side with your husband on this one! You married a marine whose life involves constantly moving, new deployments, and upheavals in your family life. This man is the father of your children and the love of your life…and you need to put him, his deployment, and your marriage above the discomfort of having to live in duty stations you don’t like.
Here’s what one army wife says – I love this:
“Repeated deployments and constant moving are hard on military family life,” says Crissy in US Army Wife Strong! “In a society where more than half of all civilian marriages end in divorce, it’s understandable that a military marriage – so full of potential for excitement and fulfillment – can crumple. The process can prove frustrating and emotional, not to mention financially taxing. I always know that we both have to stay strong, and as long as my husband serves in the US Military I know there is another deployment looming around the corner. So it is very important that whatever problems we have work them out way ahead of time. Life is always throwing us curve balls and we have to learn to overcome and adapt.”
That’s the type of spouse everyone needs! Supportive, positive, realistic, and determined to make marriage work. Crissy’s tips for military wives aren’t just for military wives – her words apply to all married couples.
If you feel like your husband loves his army, navy, or marine work more than he loves you, read When Your Husband’s Job Seems More Important Than Your Marriage.
Connect with other military wives – especially positive, strong ones
You’re not the only wife who hates having to move to new deployments because of her husband’s job! I suspect most military families dislike the constant moving around, making new friends, adjusting to new teachers, learning how to live in new cities, etc.
If you don’t have any friends at this duty station and you can’t see yourself being friends with anyone there, then make friends in other ways. Some stations are in or near cities or towns; can you take fitness classes or adult education courses there?
If there is absolutely no way to make friends at your husband’s duty station, then make friends online. Search the internet for “military wife blogs” or “marine family forums” or “how to be happy as an army wife.” It doesn’t matter if you can’t find a blog run by a US Marine’s wife – just find an active, supportive, busy website that brings military wives together. Talking about how deployment affects your marriage can help you cope.
Remember that “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”
Wives set the tone for the family. If you’re unhappy, negative, and complaining about constantly having to move to new stations or having a husband who is leaving on deployment, then you’ll infect your family. You need to find ways to be happy as the wife of a US Marine, instead of fighting his job and disrupting your marriage.
You have the power to create a happy, healthy marriage and family life. But, you need to unleash your power in the right direction.
Also – do you have realistic expectations about marriage? Read Is Your Marriage Good or Bad? 3 Myths About Being Married.
What do you think of these tips for marriage and deployment? Comments welcome below…
If You Need Help With Your Love Life…
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.