On my article about depression when you can’t get pregnant, a reader asked how to connect with other women coping with infertility.
I don’t have an infertility forum, and I didn’t want to start a thread about coping with infertility on my fertility Quips and Tips blog because it’s too pregnancy-related. Readers have complained that the ads about pregnancy make them feel worse about not being able to conceive. Unfortunately, I can’t do anything about that – I have to run ads on my Quips and Tips blogs because that’s what pays my bills!
So, I’m opening up space here on Quips and Tips for Life’s Ups and Downs for readers to share how they’re coping with infertility.
I’ll go first.
How I’m Coping With Infertility
It’s actually a tough time right now, because I’ve been sick with the stomach flu for over 2 weeks. I’m juggling my assignments (I’m getting my MSW at UBC), practicum, and household responsibilities – and all I want to do is sleep. I’m finally feeling better, but it’s been terrible.
The worst part is that my period is a month late. I think it’s because of stress, and when it was due last month, we were just finishing a 2½ week vacation in Peru. I expected my period to be a few days late, but I’ve never skipped one entirely.
So, when I was sick with nausea, diarrhea, lack of appetite, and extreme fatigue the last two weeks…I was kinda hoping I was pregnant! It’s a long shot (like from here to outer space, because my husband has azoospermia), but with God anything is possible. I’ve always hoped He would come through for us, and give us a baby without me having to go through fertility treatments.
But now I think it was just the stomach flu. I still haven’t gotten my period, but I just have a feeling I’m not pregnant after all.
The coping never ends
We’ve been “coping with infertility” for about five years now, and it’s never over. Maybe because we didn’t have a family in another way – adoption, fertility treatments, fostering, baby surrogate mothers.
I’ve learned that everything can be fine for months, then I get sick for two weeks, think I may be pregnant, and then have to cope with infertility all over again. It’s hard. It’s disappointing.
What helps is to focus on the benefits of not having kids (and there are many!), and actually take advantage of those opportunities! For instance – I travel every year, I got to be a freelance writer, I started my Quips and Tips blogs, and I’m in grad school (I love school!). I have a Little Sister from Big Sisters/Little Sisters, and we love our weekly visits. I get to spend lots of time wandering in the forest with my dog Georgie, which I love to do.
So, while coping with infertility sucks in general, there are benefits.
How are you coping with infertility?
Feel free to share how you’re doing in the comments section below. What are the best and worst parts of not having kids? I welcome your stories, tips, and strategies.
Related articles on living with infertility:
- Accepting a Childfree Life – How to be Happy When You Can’t Have Kids
- When Your Friends Are Pregnant and You Can’t Conceive
- How to Live With the Fact That You’ll Never Have Children
Also — if you know of any good blogs or forums for people coping with infertility, please tell us!
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.