Surviving a Breakup? Tips for Healing When a Relationship Ends
How Do You Survive a Breakup?
It can take a surprisingly long time to get over the end of a relationship, but you can boost the healing process!
These tips for surviving a breakup will help when your relationship ends – even if the breakup happened months ago and you’re still not over it.
“From the first moment that you have the wind knocked out of you by hearing in one way or another that the relationship is over, you must ruthlessly prioritize doing as little as possible,” writes Delphine Hirsh in The Girls’ Guide to Surviving a Break-Up. “By that I mean you must accept that you are in shock and that you should expect nothing from yourself other than to keep breathing.”
If you’re still in shock over the breakup, give yourself time to heal. If you can’t seem to break free from the past, read Letting Go of Someone You Love — it offers 75 tips from psychologists, life coaches, and counselors.
And, use one or all ten of these ten tips for healing your broken heart…
10 Creative Ways to Survive a Breakup
Sniff your way to happiness
Michelle Schoffro Cook, author of The Brain Wash, says, “Natural scents have a direct pathway to the brain and research shows that some chemical constituents of aromatherapy oils, particularly…sesquiterpenes can cross the blood-brain barrier and increase oxygen flow to the brain.” Extra oxygen in your brain increases energy, immune function, learning, attitude and positive emotions…all of which you need if your relationship ends!
Soak in classical, easy listening or rock ‘n roll music
Faster, major keys cool your brain, which lifts your mood and helps you stay happy after heartbreak. You know what songs work for you: find music from a different, happier era of your life. Don’t know what to listen to? Read The Best Songs for Broken Hearts.
Paint, arrange photographs, sculpt, or draw
Making art strengthens your sense of self and contributes to feelings of normalcy. Plus, it’s relaxing to focus on being creative — and it’ll help you survive a breakup by distracting you from your emotions. Creativity increases serotonin levels and reduces stress; it also improves blood pressure and heart rate. Anything artistic can help create you create a new identity and even let go of someone you love.
Skip the evening news – your relationship breakup is depressing enough
Ongoing exposure to depressing, negative information can make you paranoid, anxious and physically unhealthy – and the news will not keep you happy after heartbreak. Skipping the evening news will help you produce fewer stress-related hormones that contribute to high blood pressure, depression, digestive disorders, and a weaker immune system. The healthier you are, the faster you’ll heal after a break up.
Get a massage – it does more than alleviate sore muscles
To survive a breakup, make sure you get lots of healthy touch! Emotional struggles, such as depression and eating disorders, are positively affected by massage because it reduces the amount of cortisol in your system and promotes an overall sense of well-being. According to the Massage Therapy Association of Manitoba, “massage promotes elimination of waste products, improves flow of nutrients to body tissues, and increases circulation to all parts of the body.” The healthier and happier you feel, sooner you’ll survive when your relationship ends.
Imagine a bright, loving, hopeful future
Guided imagery involves three steps: 1) relaxing; 2) focusing on pain; 3) replacing painful feelings with healthy images. Visualizing what you want your future to look like can help you achieve your goals – and it floods your body with positive chemicals and feelings. Most physical, emotional and behavioural symptoms are affected by your thoughts and attitude; positive images can help you survive a breakup.
Eat broccoli (a surprising way to survive a breakup!)
Eating nutritiously and taking care of your body is difficult when you’re in pain or grieving – but it’s when you’re down and out that your body needs nutrition the most. Avoid refined sugar, heavy meats, processed foods, and caffeine because they make you feel sluggish and tired, which will not help you survive a broken relationship – especially if you’ve split up with your partner. Eat fish, whole grains, raw nuts, seeds, beans, legumes, wild rice and of course plenty of fruits and vegetables.
Explore museums and solve crossword puzzles
Using your brain to get into the flow of an activity – whether it’s exploring an art gallery or solving a Sudoku puzzle – will help you escape the painful feelings and let go of someone you love (even if it’s just for a short time). When you’re focused on a puzzle or intellectual pursuit you’re not thinking about your pain or ex-partner. This tip for surviving a break up may even help you meet new people…
Dig into your spirituality – it increases optimism and positive feelings
Pursuing spirituality within a group (a church or synagogue, for instance) increases your social support system, coping skills, and self-image. Recently, researchers found that even people who pray online have fewer negative emotions and higher levels of well-being. If you’re surviving a breakup, try connecting to God or the universe. You’ll feel less fearful and anxious, which will improve your health and immune system.
Strive for balance (it’s the key to emotional and physical health)
If you’re frantically juggling personal, professional, volunteer and social activities, there’s no doubt that your emotional health will suffer and you’ll have a hard time surviving a breakup. Overdoing it can also include spending too much time alone watching tv, lying in bed, or snoozing. Balance means leaving work or volunteer duties to spend time with family and friends – or pulling away from family and friends to read, walk, or pursue a new hobby. When your relationship ends, you need to take care of yourself by adding balance to your life.
Do you want to get back together? The Magic of Making Up is a soft, gentle way to approach your ex.
If you want to pull out all the stops, you need to check this out: How to Get Your Ex Back.
Related Articles:
- Freedom After Heartbreak – Moving on After a Relationship Breakup
- How to Get Over a Break Up When You Don’t Have Relationship Closure
- How to Overcome the Pain of a Bad Breakup and Be Happy Again
Category: Breakup Survival Tips
i dono how to start my story .. i could name it as 7 years before . i was in love wid a girl for 7 years . everything was fine . she was d one who paid keen attention on my career growth .. she was with me all along my life . we were like husband and wife mentally and physically ..the kind of love she showed on me is abundant and u cannot even measure it …. each and every phase of my life she was wid me .. problem started with the relegion i am christian and she is a muslim ..in INDIA the greatest cause of all problems is relegion .. i told my parents they said ok for it but her parents indeed was reversed and they got her engaged with another boy .. the girl never told me that she was engaged as i was going through my certification exams .. she was worried about my results and she hided it and in the mean time she was talking with the engaged boy .. one fine day i founded it … things went worse … i slapped her … she got conceived by me and she was preganant for 2 months which became a miscarriage …now i m in a situation unable to forget her .. i called d boy and i said we were in love for 7 years and we lived like husband and wife … the boy said i ll marry her ..i dono wat to tell .. the girl cared abt my career and she also doesnt want to disappoint her parents … i m unable to come out of this coz she was like a mom, wife and she was everything to me …i don wanna lose her @ d same time situation says that she is no moe your wife .. can any one help me … coz i av loved her a lot ..
I was with my boyfriend for a year and 7 months. He was almost 4 years older than me. Im almost 19, & he is 22. Our relationship couldnt have been any more perfect even when he went to jail for 5 months for a 1st offense DUI. When he came home, he was also sentenced to 30 days of an inpatient rehab program. Thats when the problems started. I guess those people pissed him off because they were way worse off than he was, and there were alot of bed bugs in the house. Anyway, that was in july 2011 and things progressively got worse. He has anger problems and hit me on more than one occasion. I always went back to him. Finally, our relationship came to an abrupt end when new years eve (2012) he pretty much beat the hell out of me the worst he has ever done, and smashed out my back window of my car &2 passenger side windows with a huge rock from a nearby stone wall. I filed a police report &was transported to the hospital the next morning. I had a chest contusion & 2 deeply bruised ribs. I also had a huge black bruise on my arm. Ive never been more scared of an individual, esp someone i loved w all my heart, in my life. I was put on heavy pain medications, excused from work, and for the following 2 weeks or so, suffered a little bit of PTSD. We currently have a no contact order. It’s been a little over a month now, and even though i have a new boyfriend, its not the same and i really dont know what to do. All the times i spent crying myself to sleep from the verbal and emotional abuse from my now EX-bf, I still spend crying the same way because i did nothing to deserve that. I found out later that he was taking steroids, and drinking obviously on new years eve. I also found out he was cheating on me with 2 girls. I dedicated my life to just him and I. I turned away from my family, and my friends at times just because I didnt care what other people thought. It was just me and him. I am in college, and we were planning on getting married in 3-4 more years. we were serious. I was stupid I am so young but that doesnt mean im not just as hurt as everyone else who commented on here already. I just dont know what to do I gave my everything to this guy, and now that a new guy is in the picture, i thought maybe id be able to get over it and love again, but honestly i feel like i have nothing left to give. Maybe im scared to let go i dont know. Just dont know what I want or what to do…
Mine is little different story. I loved a girl truly who is 2 years younger than me. But i was shy to show it to her and she too. I know she loves me. But things gone different. A guy who is living infront of her location impressed her and she got changed to him. She totally forgot abt her love to me and even forget me totally. Im broken totally since then. Interesting thing is, she is my relative. When i come to know about her affair, i asked dat she loves anyone or not. She lied to me by saying NO and i simply asked her dat could i get love from her??. She said me to wait for sometime and tell her decision. A question raised in my heart. Why should she lie to me about her affairs.? She know well i ll never oppose her for anything. Another day comes, i asked the same whether she loves me or not. She repeated the same thing to wait for the decision. Days passed. Years passed. I kept on asking about the same question. But still answer remains the same for years. This is happening for more than three years. I just try to come out from her. But i really cudnt. Before some days, i saw her in the station. She smiled at me. I was little happy about that. But in a second, her boy friend comes and starts to burn my heart. I left the place. Funny thing is she thinks that i still dont know about her affair. But im dying daily thinking of that affair.
I really loved her.
Loving her.
Will love her.
Now all i need is to survive a broken heart and find a fantastic girl who is more better than her, and have to show my MIDDLE finger to her..
But i really cudnt do dat. Things not turning my mind. It sticked with her alot.
Plzz help me to survive from this..
What do you do with a broken heart. that can’t mend at 70 years when I can’t understand why it started. I have no future and i do not want it. I just want peace and quiet to stop me thinking 24 hours a day. I have nobody to talk to and I am totally alone in this world. I live in Spain without the communication and noware to go. I am treated as a leper and don’t exist.I cry every day in totally depresion I can’t over come. At 70 we have the same feelings as young people.
Hi everyone.. I’m having a hard time getting over my ex-boyfriend, actually my ex-fiancee.. How could he just call off our wedding like that easy? When I asked him what went wrong, he just told me that it was my fault.. That I said no to him because I wanted to prioritize my career.. My gosh, I didn’t say that.. The problem is, he can’t wait for me.. He perceives things differently.. How could he be serious bout marrying me then all of a sudden call it off like it was just a joke? Oh my gosh, the pain really sucks.. And weeks went by and certain things were revealed to me.. He lied to me about a lot of things…I know he likes this certain girl who’s married.. I don’t know what he’s gonna do.. It’s an immoral thing to break up with someone and be with another girl who is already married.. I dunno anymore but all I see is hatred and pain.. Pls advice me what to do..
I lost my relationship w/my bf of 6 years about two weeks ago. I found out in the worst way possible he cheated on me, I found out due to his account being hacked. His “friends” account was hacked too and that’s when I found out he’d been talking to and meeting a “girl” from the United Kingdom now she thinks she’s pregnant by him. She says she wants to move to the states I pray its not his and that she doesn’t move. He went from loving me two weeks ago, to not knowing who he wants, then to loving me as a friend. Idk how to feel about this or what to think. I think I went into shock last night, I was so cold Its like I couldn’t get warm enough. Also he has a son which I love like he’s my own. Before this he and I were talking about getting married. They’re my family !
My boyfriend of 10 months and i broke up after we had an argument about pictures of a woman he had downloaded fron FB.My boyfriend is always flirting and chatting with other gals in FB and they also exchange mobile numbers and plan to meet.When i confronted him about his behaviour he told me that FB chatting and flirting is not cheating and tha if i was uncool with that then i had a big problem.I told him that if he wanted to maintain a long term relationship he should avoid temptations as FB flirting is shady and breaks this rule.So when i asked about the pics of the gal he told me it was his cousin which is a lie as she is one of the gals he flirts with.
I told him that i felt he was cheating and the gal in the pic was not his cousin but he told me he will not discuss anything about the gal with me.Before that he had changed and was rude to me and most of the time he was arguing and i felt someting was wrong though i could figure it out.But since he doesnt want us to talk about the pics i decided to end the relationship and he seems ok with it.I feel bad and i know its for the best to let the relationship end but i loved him so much and i really miss him and i wish things were differnt.I dont know how to cope.I feel bad that i wasted a whole year with him
I need some advice,,
Its been 4 days since i have called of the relationship with my husband, im 23 and he is 31 but doesnt act like it!
we had been together for 4 years and 4 months and 12 days,, the problem with him is alcohol… he puts that first rather than me and my daughter,
i had dealt with him and his drinking up until october 2011, i gave him the ultimatum ,, i told him either he quit drinking or moved out,, he took the easy way out and move out ,, only for 2 weeks and during those 2weeks he was begging for a opportunity to show me he could change .
AND here the foolish me accepted,he kept his word for 3 months but this past wednesday jan 18,2012
he left to charlotte to work (CONTRACTOR) thats where his family(alcoholics) live… so since i wasnt around to hold the leash and keep him in line he went back to drinking…
i had clearly warned him that this was his last chance , so he calls me and i tell him this is it and he responds saying thats whay you told me last time!!!isnt that funny!
he takes my words as a joke!
he has been over in charlotte for 4 days and is still drinking and yet he says he is SORRY!!!
but he keeps doing that!!
he is very sure that when he gets tired of drinking and start to miss the family atmosphere he had here im going to let him right back in my life!!
My boyfriend just broke up with me two days ago. He said he just wanted time for himself and for him to be “me” for a while. I asked him if that meant he wanted me back in the future and he said, I don’t know. He told me after he had met my parents that I was treating him like a husband figure, but he was acting like one too. I don’t have a lot of cash right now because I lost my gi bill for college and don’t have a job, but just found one yesterday. Anyways, I would ask him if it was ok to buy some discount paint to paint the walls, and he would tell me no you don’t need to do that. Then he later told me, that was treating him like a husband figure, if I wanted to go out and buy some paint to paint the whole house then do it, and not to ask him it was my life. But, if I would have done that he would have gotten so mad at me, so that is why I would ask. Well, DUMB me. He would come over all the time and I try to encourage him that lets just have fun and not see each all the time, just be a bf and gf. He wouldn’t. He hid conversations with other people from me. But when he changed his relationship status on facebook, a girl asked him, are you alright and he said, I’m good. It sucks that Jennifer couldn’t make me happy. She will make someone happy one day. and then the girl said, don’t worry you will find the girl of your dreams one day. It broke my heart that he posted something for everyone to see. He treated my son like he was his own. And now he is gone from his life. It is really hard to cope with now, but I’m doing all I can to battle this bad feelings I have so I can move on.
i currently am going through a broken relationship. the lady i tot i loved very much and who loved me so so much, and have been with for 3 years just suddenly left me for some other guy. i tot it was kind of joke until 3 days ago when she was bold enough to paste the guy’s picture on her facebook page addressing him as MINE. i was supposed to go pay her parents a visit in december 2011, it was that same month that she broke this precious heart.
its so so difficult for me, deeper than i have ever imagined, i cant explain the heat and dept of the pain because i truelly loved her. i hope to get over this time and 1 day look back and realise it was all for my good
My boyfriend broke up with me official last week. It was his birthday last month and I planned I whole night of out to the theatre and to a restaurant he’s never been to and wanted to try. Well the show when well and then we went to dinner. It was also the same day I received a new phone, he asked me to put it away and I agreed until after. While we waited for the check, I took the phone out to turn on back the volume. I was so engrossed that I didn’t see when the check came. When I looked up he was paying the bill. I asked why didn’t he alert me to the check being there. He said he already asked me to put the phone away and now was so upset he had to pay for his own birthday meal. When we got outside, he was going to walk the wrong way to the car. We started walking and the next thing I knew,he stopped walking with me and walked the other way. He said I did not immediately offer an apology and I was walking fast ahead as if he did something wrong. It was cold that night and he walked 12 blocks to the subway to get home. I didn’t run after him. I went to get the car first because the garage was closing. I texted and called him apologizing and asking where he was so I could drive him home. After all we came together. I admit I was wrong, but the whole incident apparently hurt him so bad. He called off the relationship. I am devastated and trying to heal. I never thought this would happen over something like this. This was our 2nd disagreement. I offered to take him out again properly but he refused. Yet he’s upset I did not offer the money he paid for dinner back. Help!
Here’s the hard part about how society views relationships and so much of the surviving breakup advice – it assumes that the relationship was long term, it assumes that breakup occurs because of one or the other’s bad behaviour, it assumes a lot of things that are not my case. My relationship was only several months old, but we were doing well – we shared similar goals, needs and wants, we communicated well, we were happy together. Out of the blue, he started to experience latent grief about his dead spouse and couldn’t cope with that and our relationship. He ended it with me and I am devastated. It doesn’t matter that we were not seeing one another that long – our feelings were deep – and although intellectually I understand his need to break it off, it doesn’t diminish the pain and then add on top of that frustration because people keep saying – be thankful you weren’t a year down the road, be glad it happened this soon. Why do people assume it couldn’t have been as serious a commitment over a longer term. It STILL hurts – it STILL feels like I have had my world turned up side down – and more so because I really didn’t see it coming. There was no reason to believe this would happen and I truly believe he was just as blind-sided by it. BUT knowing that almost makes it harder and I am just devastated.
my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me with a coworker for 4 months when i found out i was destroyed but i didnt leave him, but the relatioship was really damage we fight almost everyday. a week a ago he saw i was texting a old friend from back home one of the meassges said i was looking for a wasy out of the relationship with my boyfriend my boyfriend got mad when he saw i said that and braak up with me, the same day he broke up with me he deleted me from his facebook and add the girl he cheated on, that was more painfull so i text him and call him like crazy he was really mean on his texted i told him days ago i lied about using birth control and that i think im pregnat he go even worse and told me if i go near him he will kill me he also had a naked picture of me and told me if i have that baby he would post that picture on facebook i didnt know what to do i go scared but if i am pregant i want to keep my baby. i went over his house to get all my stuff i had there and he was there and he was really mean with me and say i messed up his life and that he dont trust me and if i want we can be friends but right now he jsut cant be with me he too mad i lied about the birth control. i know i lie but i think he is over reacting because 2 days after he left me he was having dinner with the other girl , in a week he got really agressive with me i just can take it. it hurt so mcuch i never expect it from he ask the whole summer for a baby but i alwsy say no and when i finally ganna give what he been asking for he doestnt want it im very hur i dont know him anymore, he texted last night saying he love me and adore me but right know hes too hurt because i lied to him but after he heal his pain will be get back together. and i think he just saying that to have on hold just in case it doesnt work with the other girl
I have been in a relationship for a while and my partner said to me that she needs time and to give her her space. She was in an abusive relationship about 7 months ago and I am guessing that she is still getting over it. Well about 3 weeks ago she said that she wanted to be friends and nothing more. We have been living together for over a month now with a child on the way. I am trying my best to give her her space and she is slipping away from me further and further. Before all of this happened, we used to talk, look at each other,we used to be a very happy couple. Now she can’t look at me, talk to me,she is being hostile verbally towards me. I have a heart of gold and therefor i get easily hurt.With all of this I can no longer sleep, I rarely eat and my life is spiraling downhill at a rapid rate. Is there any suggestions that can help me?
Hi, I was with my boyfriend for two years and love him very much. Recently things have started to go downhill and we don’t see each other very much. I decided to end the relationship two days ago as I feel it would be unfair on him to carry on when I know the relationship is not working.He is finding it very hard to cope and feels like he has no one to talk to as we are like best friends. I can’t stop thinking about how much I have hurt him and its killing me to see him so upset. He says he doesn’t know what he will do without me and he tells me he doesn’t know how to cope with the breakup. Is it possible he could never get over the relationship? I’m worried he will be upset forever and will never be able to move on. Please help
Dear Melanie,
I am very sorry I missed your comment. I wish I’d seen it earlier, and I hope you’re doing better after all this time has passed. Time really is one of the best tips for surviving a breakup when your relationship ends.
I wrote this article with you in mind:
Words of Comfort When Your Heart is Broken
I know it’s probably too late, and I just want you to know that I’m sorry. If you’re still around, I’d love to know how you’re doing.
Blessings,
Laurie
Hi, I’ve been officially broken up for 2 weeks now. In my mind and heart, however, it feels more like a month. My boyfriend and I used to live together, and a couple of weeks back from a fabulous vacation that we took abroad, he told me that he wanted to move out. That was a month ago. As you can imagine, I was stunned and devastated. I really should have known that it was going to end soon though, there were plenty of signs. He stopped visiting with my family as often, was less physically affectionate, and spent more time alone or with other people that didn’t include me. Either way, I’m in pain, and am struggling with the moving-on process. Several of his belongings are still in my (or, our previously shared) apartment, which only makes things more difficult. I know that I’ll see him a few more times until all of his things are out. That only makes everything drag on further. I’d appreciate any words of encouragement that anyone could offer. We were together for over 4 years. I really thought we’d get married soon. Instead, he told me that he doesn’t feel love for me anymore, and that he wants to date other people. How can I get past this?
all this talk about “letting go” and “moving on”. The problem with this, is no one tells you HOW to do it. I know he was not what I thought he was, I know I am better off without him, I know that it was not my fault, etc. that does NOT help. I love who I love. I have been to many sites, read many books, spoke to many people, and everyone says the same thing. distract yourself and let go. I did all the tips and tricks and it has been a year and everyday I want to die. But i spend the day doing what all the sites and books say, but it is not working. Dont say “you need to let go”. I know I need to let go, that is obvious. What I need is to know HOW to let go. I moved to a new town, new friends, new job, new hobbies, etc. That does not take away the pain or the hole left in my soul.
My blog was started to chronicle the first 100 days of my breakup. I have no idea what to expect and how it will go. But I am sure there will be ups, downs, regrets, doubts and moments where I am down right mad. I have broken up, gone back, been disappointed and know there are millions of people who have done the same. Follow me through this process, add your thoughts, experiences and advice! One thing I do know is that it is time to move on for the 100th time ONCE AND FOR ALL!
Hey Carlos,
Thanks for your tip on surviving a breakup! I’m glad it helped you.
I bought a manual called save a breakup system from http://www.saveabreakup.com and I gotta admit it helped me a lot, this manual teaches you tricks how to get your ex back, how to heal a broken heart, and how to breakup if you want to..I love it and it works great.
“Real love does not play games” — I love that, Shirl! Thank you.
There are so many different ways to survive a breakup, I’m writing an ebook about them! It’ll contain 75 ways to let go of someone you love…and there’s something for every personality and every situation
In the meantime, Trish, don’t feel like you need to get over this breakup in less than two weeks, by the time school starts! Getting over someone you love takes time, and is full of progress and setbacks. So don’t put that pressure on yourself — it just creates anxiety and fear.
Instead, take a deep breath. Focus on enjoying the next two weeks, doing healthy activities (hikes, swims, summertime activities), sleeping well, being productive by getting ready for college, and even setting goals for your first semester.
Shake off the negatives, and start focusing on the exciting parts of being a college student. You might also look into clubs or groups on campus — start something new in your life!
Blessings,
Laurie
thank you both so much. It really means a lot and Shirl knowing you went through it really helps. I have to go back to school in 2 weeks. I am so scared to see them together. The girl he is dating is scary, she is a fighter and she is loud. I am quiet and reserved. I dont know how to act or how it will be? I need to get over this in 14 days. I have NO time to waste. I havent spoken to him in a full week. I need to move on and get over them so this doesnt hurt me at school. Any suggestions?
Thank you all so much.
If I do hear from him do not worry, I will NOT answer. I will leave him hanging, but I do not think he is going to contact me anymore, I think he is over me and really into his new LOVE. ugh.
I have gone through two years with an exboyfriend who was stringing me along and I allowed it. I believed that the problems in our relationship were all my doing so I tolerated him breaking up with me and seeing me here and there. I found out he was seeing other women and still is. The lies and the playing games are unfair. I have learned that it takes two people to make problems or work them out. You do not deserve what he has done to you. I think he is seeing how this other woman is and keeping you on the side. Please trust me when I say that you cannot be there for him anymore. I did that exact thing and it has been going on and on with him now thinking it can go on. No more. My ex moved on fast too. That is not love, it is more like lust and the excitement of something new. Do not take his calls. No contact. It is hell but it will be worse for you if you talk with him. Real love does not play games. He just wanted to have you hold on. If there is a chance for things to change, let go and let him have his new so called love. Only then will he miss you and not have the convenience of you being there and him knowing it.
Hi. Thank you for your reply. Do you have any help in which I can STOP thinking or wondering what him and my “friend” are doing? I just get so upset and I need to move on. It is hard for me to move on because for a full month he was telling me that he still loves me, now all of a sudden he is “in love” with her?
I just don’t understand how he went from me to her.. her and I are two completely different people.
any help?
Hi Trish,
I’m sorry to hear that your boyfriend ended your relationship…that’s really hard to take.
The most important thing to remember is that love isn’t a competition. She’s not better than you, and you’re not better than her. You’re two different people, with different strengths and weaknesses. For some reason, your boyfriend finds her more appealing — but that doesn’t make her BETTER than you. It just means he and you aren’t meant to be together.
I encourage you to think about your relationship. If it was solid and loving, then he wouldn’t have broken up with you….so rather than focusing on her or them, I think you’d be better off figuring out how you contributed to the best and worst parts of your relationship. Learn! Grow. Get some insight into your personality. What makes you a great girlfriend? What makes you a challenging girlfriend? Maybe you could build on your strengths and at least be aware of your weaknesses….you don’t have to change who you are. Just be open to your own foibles and quirks.
I wrote this article for you — it has more tips for surviving a breakup — you just have to substitute the word “husband” for “boyfriend”!
My Husband Left Me for Another Woman – 6 Breakup Survival Tips
Blessings,
Laurie
Hi. My name is Trish. I was dating my boyfriend Max for two years. I spent four months away in another country and we decided we would be friends. Two weeks before I came back, he told me he wanted to be with me again and would be the best boyfriend ever. When I returned home I heard that he was “seeing” someone in my sorority. She is an acquaintance, but I still am with her a lot and know her well enough. I told him it was me or her and he choose me. We hung out for a few weeks and I told him he would have to prove himself because I don’t know if I can trust him after hearing he was with this girl in my sorority, Logan. I went to Florida with my family and Max was texting me the whole time, he said he wants to try and get back togehter. Two days later, He told me he was now offically dating Logan and that I should leave him alone. So I did just that, I left him alone. Three weeks later I ran into him and Logan. They were shocked to see me. Max texts me three days later telling me it was great to see him. Little did I know Logan was out of town for 10 days. Max begged to see me and he told me he was still in love with me and he missed me and that he was going to break up with Logan. Once Logan came back he never spoke to me and obviously he never broke up with her. Then he wanted to see me again because he did not want me to move on. He told me he would see me every day even though he has a girlfriend. When Logan was gone again for a weekend he contacted me. I told him I was with someone else (even though I am not) and he did not seem to care. Why did he tell me he loves me and would break up with her? Now they are all happy and IN LOVE. I am so upset because I dont want my boyfriend of 2 years to be dating this girl Logan. I feel like this girl beat me and I know I am better then her, it just makes me sad that he choose HER over ME.
HELP!!!! what do you think?
Dear Kelly,
The interesting thing about your comment is that you didn’t mention anything good about your husband. Why are you staying with him? What are you getting from your relationship? All you mentioned were the negative parts — the reasons your relationship ended.
So, my first suggestion is to figure out why you’re still with him — why you’re still in this unhappy, unsatisfactory relationship!
My second suggestion is to decide what you want your marriage to look like. One home? Couples counseling so you communicate better? Less fighting? Make a list of things that make your marriage ideal. Then, make a sublist of things that achieve that goal. For instance, if you want one home, then outline the steps that will get you both living in one home — such as him moving in with you, which requires him to be on board. If he isn’t on board, then you can’t have your ideal relationship with him. If that’s the case, then maybe you need to be focusing on surviving the breakup and moving on!
If you decide to end the relationship, you might find this article helpful:
How to Stick to Your Decision to Leave Your Marriage
If you’d like tips on building a better marriage, let me know! I’ve got those too….
Blessings,
Laurie
Dear Dru,
I’m so sorry I missed your comment until now. If you’re still checking back on this comments forum, please let me know how you are!
Laurie
Ive not done this before, I just don’t know where else to turn. I’ll try to keep it short…Was married 16 years this is the second time for separation. Once his choice but this time mine (at first). This time I was the one who had enough, I wanted out. I just knew “the grass was greener” anywhere else! Our 13yr old daughter(at time of sep) had begun to cut herself due to our fights. I found it out from a poem she had wrote. When I showed it to him he laughed. He laughed!!! Even though I had told him how serious this was. Ok, thats how it ended. That was 1 year 5 months ago. Still separated, but spending alot of time together. Really as though we are married and one big happy family, just 2 seperate homes! Problem, I want 1 home, he likes it “the way it is” as he puts it. If it gets to much like 1 home he pulls away and Im back feeling alone. The independant WOMAN says, “dont give more that I get and just DONT GIVE until I get what I want”. The other says I like it the same as he does. I enjoy my freedom also!! Back to the 2 homes. It is no longer financially happen (emotionally) either. I want a (MY) family and home, no more his or mine!! HELP WHAT DO I DO?! I HONESTLY DONT KNOW?!! I WILL TAKE ANY HELP I CAN GET!!!!!! PLEASE!
I have been in a physical and emtional abusive relationship for off and on for five years. I feel I as much emtionally abusive at the end as he was. He put me in the hosptial twice during this time. He bruised my kidneys twice.
I cannot seem to leave this person. When I do get away and things start going well for me he shows up. I suddenly stop my progress and go back to him. Now he is trying to break away and I am chasing after him no matter how bad he treats me.
I feel like I am losing my mind. I can’t stop myself.
Dear Annie,
I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time surviving this breakup! That hardest part of when a relationship ends is often the first few weeks.
It sounds like your weak spot is calling him at the end of the day. It’s like the habit of mindless snacking — most people eat more food at the end of the day, when they’re tired and unable to make good decisions! That’s you: you’re tired, lonely, and maybe even stressed at the end of the day, so you call your ex-boyfriend.
I encourage you to do something different. Instead of calling him, make a pact with a friend that you’ll call her instead. Or, go to Pilates class, out for a walk, or for a bike ride. Instead of calling him, write in your journal or take a bubble bath. The idea is to distract yourself by doing something else — because you KNOW that calling him isn’t a good idea, and you KNOW you want to survive this breakup!
You need to tap into your strength, courage, and wisdom. It’s there inside of you…….but you need to help yourself by using it to get over this relationship.
Try that for 2 or 3 weeks — doing something you love to do instead of calling him — and let me know how it goes, okay?
Blessings,
Laurie
I had arelaionship for 2and a half years now.my boyfriend and me had many problems bt always sorted it out among ourselves until he went 2 pune 6 months back.after that he became a changed person givin me less or no time at all.he started ignorin my calls and get irritated whenever i asked him any questions.he kept sayin that it is necessary for our future but somehow i didnot believe him and realised that it is the end.today i m trying 2 get over him bt i cant.whatever i do i end up caling him at the end of the day and get insulted over and over again.i am suffering terribly.i cant sleep,nor do any work or talk normally to people.i tried hard 2 get back 2 normal life bt couldnt.please help me.
Hi Amanda,
Surviving a breakup and healing from a relationship that was four years long can take a long time, especially if you were happy with your boyfriend. It sounds like you and he were very connected and had been through a lot together…which of course makes letting go and moving on much more difficult.
But, you can have fond memories and an attachment to someone who you just can’t be in a relationship with. You may even still love him a little…but that doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together, or that you’ll have a strong happy relationship.
I’m glad you’re in a new relationship, and encourage you to focus on building a healthy connection with him. You might also consider seeing a counselor for a session or two, to get specific ideas for getting closure on your old relationship. Sometimes we just need to talk our feelings through with someone who is objective and supportive.
I wish you all the best, and hope you find closure from your past relationship, and happiness in your new one!
Blessings,
Laurie
My former partner and I broke up after he was out of town and got into an orgy with other people. He called me the next morning with such hurt and regret and was willing to do anything to work things out. We had been together over 4 years and had planned a future together. I told him I needed space and time apart and to myself. He had been seriously depressed in our relationship for sometime after remembering previous childhood sexual abuse during a counseling session. After our breakup I know that he was at the lowest point in his life, and I felt that getting back together would not be good for either of us.
It’s over 4 years later now, and by some circumstances we are in the same place again. We have both been away for 4 years.
Just being back in the same environment, seeing mutual friends, I think of him a lot. I’ve tried so hard to work on closure but I can’t seem to get it. I have forgiven him for what he did completely. And I feel a little guilt for abandoning him during this low point in his life, but because his actions hurt me I knew I needed to make my own space and be selfish for awhile.
I am in a long distance relationship now. It hasn’t been an easy one, but I have been able to imagine myself with this person as a future partner. It is further complicated by not being able to be in the same place as we are US-Canadian couple. I am not ready to give up on this new relationship as I think there is real potential there but my heart and mind are in such confusion. I want to see my former boyfriend to gain closure, but I also find myself daydreaming of being happy in a relationship with him again.
I never would have thought healing from this relationship would take just as long as the relationship itself?!!!