7 Signs of Unhealthy Relationships – The Worst Love Problems
Is Your Relationship Unhealthy?
Is your relationship making you sick, sad, or insecure? These signs of unhealthy relationships will help you recognize the worst problems in love.
These relationship tips are inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert’s experience of being addicted to a man, which she describes in Eat Pray Love.
Here’s what she says:
“The fact is, I had become addicted to David, and now his attention was wavering,” writes Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love. “Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared admit that you wanted – an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement.”
But wait - her addiction gets worse (and then it gets better!). To learn more about Gilbert’s journey — it’s a pretty cool one — read Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia.
And, here are seven signs of problems in unhealthy relationships…
7 Signs of Unhealthy Relationships – The Worst Love Problems
“Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie,” Gilbert writes in Eat, Pray, Love. “When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted. Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have that thing even one more time.”
“Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has become repulsed by you. He looks at you like someone you’ve never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion.”
Gilbert’s relationship wasn’t just unhealthy — it was addictive!
Unrealistic expectations of your partner
You think he’ll solve your self-esteem, body image, family, and work problems – not to mention your financial woes and spiritual blockages. You believe the “right relationship” or the “perfect man” will make everything better.
Instant, constant gratification
You expect him to be around all the time, especially when you need him. You want him to make you happy immediately. You’re using him to make you feel good about yourself; you’re not relating to him as a partner or even a human being (this was what Elizabeth Gilbert was talking about in Eat Pray Love). This may be a sign of addiction in relationships; for more info, read Tips for Getting Over Addictive Relationships.
Dishonesty or omissions of truth
You don’t talk about who you are or what’s really bothering you. You lie about what you want, both to yourself and your partner. This is a problem in love that women often ignore.
Compulsive control – an often ignored sign of an unhealthy relationship
You – or he – has to act a certain way, or someone threatens to leave. You both feel trapped in your toxic relationship. You know it’s gone sour and you’re not together voluntarily, but it’s hard to leave…this is an unhealthy relationship sign that people often ignore.
Lack of trust – one of the worst love problems
You don’t (or can’t) trust each other. You don’t really believe your partner really loves you – and you may not be comfortable with solid love. At some level you know you’re in an unhealthy relationship, but you can’t let go. You need help solving relationship problems, but you don’t know where to start.
Social isolation – your relationship is almost a secret
Your friends, family, and coworkers aren’t knit into the fabric in a healthy, loving way. In some addictive relationships, the partners only want to be left alone. This sets the stage for an uncontrollable downward spiral. Some lovers look at social isolation as a sign of love and passion, but it’s really a problem in a love affair.
Cycle of pain, betrayal, lies, or blaming
You’re trapped in a cycle of pleasure, pain, disillusionment, blaming, and reconnection. This cycle in an unhealthy relationship repeats itself until one partner breaks finally breaks free – like Elizabeth Gilbert did in Eat, Pray, Love.
One way to create a healthy relationship is to learn how your spouse gives and receives love. Read Examples of the Five Love Languages.
Help for Love and Relationships
- Save My Marriage Today – Powerful Advice That Works
- Captivate Him – Be the Woman He Never Wants to Leave
- He Doesn’t Love You Back? 12 Secrets to Melting His Heart
Breakup Help
What do you think – is your relationship unhealthy?
Related Articles:
- Love Addiction – 7 Signs of Addictive Relationships
- Tired of Bad Relationships? 10 Ways to Fix Couples Problems
- 5 Signs of True Love – How to Know When It’s the Real Thing
Category: Breakup Survival Tips, Love & Relationships, Solving Relationship Problems
Dear Marjorie,
Thanks for your comments. Some people stay in unhealthy relationships because they’re scared of never being loved again, of never finding anyone else who will want them. That’s why I stayed with a loser for months (I would’ve stayed with him for years if he hadn’t dumped me). I just wanted to be in a relationship, so I overlooked and ignored our worst problems.
I think a huge reason a lot of people stay in unhealthy relationships is because they don’t really know any different. I tell everyone I know that starts saying “You just haven’t found the right one” or “He’s out there, you just have to find him” that the only people that, in my opinion, stay together anymore are the people who have been together since they were young & don’t know any different. I also think that if you grow up in an unhealthy environment, you are more apt to be in unhealthy adult relationships. Great post! Very interesting.
Maybe the biggest sign of an unhealthy relationship is that you’re unhappy. Maybe these are the REASONS your relationship is unhealthy…but the sign is unhappiness.
It hapened to and i felt like i have to postipone every time ihave to tell him its over i would not. love was a routine indeed eat, pray and love. i hated it.
Thanks for your insights, fitness girl! I think women in ALL cultures sometimes overlook love and man problems because they want to stay in the relationship….even if it’s an unhealthy relationship.
Sometimes the pain of what you know is better than the pain of change, or of loss.
I happened to watch the movie EAT PRAY LOVE, upon watching it I realized how many women were relieved also when they watch the movie and how much more if they happen to read the book. One thing I could say is that for some culture women are in denial of their situation of a certain relationship because they were blinded by their love or illusion of her man or they use the kids as an excuse thats why most women don’t realized these signs of unhappy relationships.
Thanks,i found this book to be extremely helpful.
Thanks for your comment, May! I read Gilbert’s book, too — and I just wrote an article about leaving unhealthy relationships, based on a few phrases that Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in Eat, Pray, Love.
If you’re in a mentally or emotionally abusive relationship, it might be time for you to read “How Do You Leave a Mentally Abusive Relationship? Here’s the link:
http://seejanesoar.theadventurouswriter.com/how-do-you-leave-a-mentally-abusive-relationship-elizabeth-gilbert/
This is so uncanny or u may call it serendipity. I’ve just finished reading Gilbert’s book-Eat Pray and Love and I just chanced upon this website. This is amazing.
I like the book very much especially the part when Richard, the texan telling her to let go of David. I read and reread it over. It made so much sense. I’ve been through it all. I recommnend all women (who are working on their lives) to read it.