That is so great you’ve identified your super monster inner critic and I know it can feel scary at times – as though that part of you might take over. It took me a long time to dig deep down to my own self-hatred which many people have from being raised in dysfunctional families (which makes up about 95% of the population from what I’ve heard). If not dealt with these feelings and thoughts either go outward toward others or inward towards oneself.

Laurie’s suggestion of counseling would be great as a good counselor can help you to heal old wounds which trigger self criticism etc. There are also some good books out there – just go to a site like amazon and search for self-esteem type books. I’ve also written some articles on these topics at http://www.Suite101.com. Here’s a link to my profile (http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/ginigrey) where you can click on “all Gini Grey’s articles” to see the list and find the revelant ones.

Most importantly though, feed yourself with more positive, loving thoughts than the negative ones you are hearing. There’s a parable about a man having a wolf on each shoulder – one that is kind and loving, the other that is mean and hateful. When he was asked how he handled the hateful thoughts he said it depended on which wolf he fed.

Be good to yourself,

Gini

Yes, someone can help you! It’s great that you’re reaching out, that you realize you need support.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re so angry and self-critical. That’s a difficult place to be in life. We need to be kind and loving to ourselves, since the world and people in it can be tough on us! If we aren’t kind and loving to ourselves, who will be?

I don’t know where your frustration and anger comes from, but I encourage you to talk to someone in person about it. You CAN find someone to help you love and forgive yourself…you just need to pick up the phone and reach out.

Try calling a counselor or therapist. Or, call a local help line or distress line. You could even talk to your pastor or some sort of spiritual leader. You could also try something a little different — Gini Grey, who wrote this article about your inner critic, is an energy healer.

Here’s a link to an article about energy healing:

What is Energy Healing?

I encourage you to talk to someone about the pain you feel, my friend. You don’t have to live this way — but you do need to find the strength and courage to reach out and get in-person help.

I wish you all the best — and thank you for your comment on my “Songs for a Broken Heart” article! I liked your suggestions

Blessings,
Laurie

I like the idea of talking to it, though…Gini suggested the same thing. She suggesting asking your inner critic what it wants. “Why are you so hard on me?” is a good question for your inner critic, I think.

I also like dialoguing or talking to my inner critic.

Your words about WHY people keep certain messages in their heads reminds me of Dr Phil’s advice. He always asks, “What’s the payoff?” In other words, why are you doing that behavior or keeping those thoughts alive.

Janet, even negative, critical inner voices have a payoff of some sort. In your case, maybe your dad’s critical voice is familiar and keeps you safe in your comfort zone. His voice keeps you down where it’s secure.

I hope Gini’s advice works for you — I hope you can free yourself from your dad’s critical voice, and from your own inner critic!

Best wishes,

Laurie