A Test for Introverted Personality Traits
“Introverts enjoy time alone, consider only deep relationships as friends, and feel drained after outside activities, even if they were fun” says Marti Olsen Laney, author of The Introvert & Extrovert in Love: Making It Work When Opposites Attract
Laney also says these famous female actresses are introverts: Gwyneth Paltrow, Helen Hunt, Meg Ryan, Meryl Streep, Diane Keaton, Grace Kelly, Julia Robert, Michelle Pfeiffer, Ingrid Bergman, Candice Bergen, and Glenn Close. Wow! We’re all in good company, then 
.
This test for introversion is from The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World
A Test for Introverted Personality Traits
For some fun tips on personality, read What Your Favorite Dog Breed Reveals About Your Personality.
Answer true or false to the following questions:
1. I like to have long, uninterrupted periods to work on projects, rather than small chunks.
2. I sometimes rehearse things before speaking, occasionally writing notes to myself.
3. I like to listen more than talk.
4. People sometimes think I’m quiet, mysterious, aloof or calm.
5. I usually need to think before I respond or speak.
6. I like to share special occasions with just one or two people, rather than have a big celebration.
7. I tend to notice details many people don’t see.
8. If two people have just had an argument, I feel the tension in the air.
9. If I say I’ll do something, I almost always do it.
10. I feel anxious if I have a deadline or pressure.
11. I can zone out if too much is going on.
12. I like to watch an activity for awhile before joining in.
13. I form lasting relationships.
14. I don’t like to interrupt others; I don’t like to be interrupted.
15. When I take in lots of information, it takes me awhile to sort it out.
16. I don’t like overstimulating environments.
17. I sometimes have strong reactions to smells, tastes, foods, weather, and noise.
18. I am creative and/or imaginative.
19. I feel drained after social situations, even when I enjoy myself.
20. I prefer to be introduced rather than having to introduce others.
21. I often feel uncomfortable in new surroundings.
22. I can become grouchy if I’m around people or activities for too long.
23. I often dread returning phone calls.
24. I like people to come to my home, but I don’t like them to stay a long time.
25. I find my mind sometimes goes blank when I meet people or when I am asked to speak unexpectedly.
26. I talk slowly or have gaps in my words, especially if I’m tired or if I’m trying to think and speak at once.
27. I don’t’ think of casual friends as acquaintances.
28. I feel as if I can’t show other people my ideas until they’re fully formulated.
29. Other people may surprise me by thinking I’m smarter than I am.
Finding the answer to this test for introverts is easy: simply add up your “true” responses. The more “trues” you have, the more introverted personality traits you possess…
Scoring:
20-29 “true” responses means you’re a true introvert (like me!). “Only deep relationships measure up as friendships and you use them to relax. You need to mentally rest throughout the day, even after enjoyable activities. Because you will draw a blank under pressure, prepare for meetings, talks, and even parties beforehand. Accept your nature and learn to politely fend off energy-draining people.”
10-19 “true” responses means you’re both introverted and extroverted. “You sometimes feel torn between the desire to dance in the streets and walk alone on the beach. Notice this, so you can keep your energy consistent. You judge yourself through your thoughts and feelings, and through others, leaving you with a broad view that is sometimes difficult to straddle.”
1-9 “true” responses means you’re an extrovert. “You relish variety, have lots of ‘close, personal’ friends and will chat with complete strangers. Your stimulation is all external, so you talk, think, and act quickly. As you reach midlife, however, you may need to take a break from the high life to reflect, even though it goes against your nature.” To learn more about extroverts, read The Extrovert at Work: 5 Personality Traits of Extroverted People.
Source: Homemakers, Summer 2008.
Did this test for introverted personality traits work for you? I welcome your comments below! And, read When Introverted Personality Traits Cause Problems to find out if your introversion could be unhealthy.
Dear Readers, thank you for your comments and questions! I read them all -- but I can't provide in-depth marriage, relationship, or family advice. ~ Warm regards, Laurie
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Comment by jerry on 18 February 2009:
what do u think is the best mate for an introvert?
Comment by Laurie PK on 18 February 2009:
It’s important to find a partner who shares your likes and dislikes — which includes your introverted or extroverted personality traits! I have a friend who is an extrovert, and she’s married to an extreme introvert….and they clash constantly about the amount of time they should spend socializing.
The problem with two introverts in a relationship, however, is that they may spend all their time together. Couples need to socialize with others — it’s important for introverts to interact with the world.
I do think an introvert-extrovert relationship could be very successful, as long as both partners compromise to meet the others’ needs. They might need to negotiate how much time is spent going to parties, out to dinner with friends, etc — and they should find a happy medium. Some introvert-extrovert couples socialize separately, and it works for them!
Extrovert-extrovert couples run the risk of being out constantly, and rarely taking the time be alone.
So — I think the exact couple combo (extrovert-extrovert, introvert-extrovert, or introvert-introvert) is less important than how the couple agrees to meet the outside world. And, it’s also really important for “mixed” couples to understand and accept how their partners are — that they simply have introverted or extroverted personality traits.
I hope this helps, Jerry! I take it you’re an introvert?
Comment by Jake on 14 May 2009:
Well, I took the test and scored 28. People never surprise me by thinking I’m smarter then I am, because I’m just really smart. A genius, maybe. The problem is brains don’t help much in a social enviroment. I’m 22 years old and I have very few friends (which I prefer, becuase I’ve gotten to know my few friends very well) and no girlfriend, which I hate. Most of my friends are dudes and the few women I’m freinds with are married. I’ve never been on a date. I’ve always been shy and when I try to talk to a woman I’m attracted to my brain freezes. I just can’t think of anything to say.
I read your advice that you gave to Jerry and it sounded good. So, I’d like to ask your adivce on socializing with women and, of course, dating them. I do eventually want to get married, however I’d don’t know if that’s going to be possible if I can’t stop being so shy.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 15 May 2009:
Thanks for your comments and questions, Jake. You seem to know yourself quite well – and you’re comfortable with who you are, which is great!
Here are 4 tips for socializing with women as an introvert:
Forget about yourself. Instead of worrying how YOU sound, how YOU appear, or how YOU feel, focus on HER!
Comment on a piece of clothing or accessory. Ask where it came from, what the significance is, how much it cost (just kidding about that! Money talk may be going to far). Making small talk is about being observant about people you don’t know well.
Pay attention to what she says. Follow up on her responses; for instance, if she says she’s doing “excellent”, ask why. If she says she’s exhausted, ask her if she didn’t sleep well.
Keep up with current events. Make small talk about the news, sports, your community, or politics. Talk about your surroundings – even talking about the weather can lead to more interesting conversations!
Jake, I think the most important thing is to forget about yourself and concentrate on getting to know the woman you’re talking to. And, to increase your confidence, learn the basics of making small talk.
This article may help; it’s called 10 First Date Conversation Starters:
http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/quipsandtipsforachievinggoals/244
And since you’re smart, you might also like 5 Intelligent Conversation Starters:
http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/quipsandtipsforachievinggoals/775
Good luck — and don’t forget to be yourself! Authenticity and honesty is very attractive.
Laurie
Comment by Joe on 27 May 2009:
I’m 30 years old and finally starting to figure out who I am as a person. What makes me tick and what doesn’t. For most of my life I’ve considered myself an outcast. I have yet to find a person that understand who I am and why I do things the way I do.
I’ve been having issues within my marriage as my wife is VERY Extrovert and we can’t seem to see eye to eye on things.
We went to a marriage counselor and she stated that I’m extreme introvert and that it’s OK. She suggested that I do some reading on introversion. I haven’t found a good book as of yet, but all of the reading I’ve found on the Web is a huge relieve. I now longer feel as though I’m an outcast or like there is something wrong with me.
It’s good to know that I’m not alone in this world. One of the sites I found talked about Introverts being part of some “Gifted Populate”. http://giftedkids.about.com/od/glossary/g/introvert.htm
Although I don’t want to sit here and say I’m gifted, but the High Achieving introvert on the link I provided is exactly me. I have the ability to pick up a book and retain 90% of it on the first read. I never did well in school because I got bored and wasn’t challenged enough.
I’m a software developer by trade and I have never attended a college course for programming. I usually just buy a book, read it once and I’m good to go.
As for Jake, I feel for you man but Laurie does make some good points. When you’re trying to win over a lady, it’s not about you, it’s about her. It’s about you getting to know her. How else you going to do that without asking questions. Write down on a piece of paper some general questions that you can ask and take it with you. Do a quick read before you go and talk to her and just let the conversation take you where it takes you. Try to keep the conversation casual at first. Compliment her on how beautiful she looks or like Laurie said, how a certain article of clothing makes her eyes stand out. (just make sure you know the color if you’re going to use that line).
And, like I always tell my friends, the worse thing she can say is no / not interested. If you don’t talk to her, it’s an automatic no.
Good luck Jake.
Comment by caribbean girl on 28 May 2009:
I am 26yrs old and just beginning to come into ‘my own’. I recently began to experience panic attacks due to stress and reading up on trying to manage my stress and anxiety better, I have found very useful information on from this article. I realise I am not alone, although thats the way it has felt for the past 26yrs lol. Iam still struggling with the belief that there is something wrong with me and that any moment now I may ‘snap’. I am still learning alot about myself and one of the things is that I bottle up my feelings and have never really opened up to another human being before. I have high expectations for myself and others and beat myself up when things do not happen as I think they should. I always feel like I am being judged and so never reveal the real me and avoid intimacy/deep relationships with people and even family.
I am working on maintaining a positive attitude towards life and people in general and better managing my stress so I can truly have a fulfilling life
Here’s hoping!
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 29 May 2009:
You’re definitely not alone — you’d be surprised at how many of us feel close to the edge, and like we’ll “snap” at any moment!
I’m reading a book on self-forgiveness (I can’t recall the title, and it’s at home but I’m not), and it’s excellent for people like us who beat themselves up. I’ve also done alot of personal work on overcoming fear of intimacy, which has allowed me to fall in love and get married.
Learning to accept ourselves – whether we’re introverts, extroverts, or just no-verts
is a lifelong process. It will never end, which means we can relax into our own growth and not strive to be perfect beings. We can’t be perfect!
I hope that makes sense?
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, caribbean girl.
And Joe — regarding extreme introverted personality traits: have you read The Introvert Advantage? It has great information. I also wrote an article called Introverts and Extroverts in love, and I think there’s a book of a similar title.
Here’s the link:
http://behavioural-psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/introverts_extroverts_in_love
I’m an introvert, and proud of it!
Laurie
Comment by QuietStorm on 6 June 2009:
Hello, I am a 41 year old woman. I must say that was a very helpful test. I scored a 27/29. The two questions that I disagreed with were “I form lasting friendships.” and “Other people may surprise me by thinking I’m smarter than I am.” I have always had issues with friends and relationships. My introverted personality prevents me from meeting people and hanging out. I have had several relationships that did not work and conceived two sons. How ever when the relationships end I say the Hell with it and don’t look back. I feel the same with friends and family that I feel have mistreated me. I find it hard to relate to people who are negative or complainers, so I just avoid them. I don’t return phone calls unless it is absolutely necessary and then I have to go over the conversation in my head. I do work and have maintained employment, but I always wait to be invited in rather than immediately becoming part of my environment. Although, I sometimes surprise myself because I do have a very strong sense of humor and I love to laugh and be silly. However, I find it hard to make or retain eye contact for an extended period of time. I really, really want to be more social and more excepting of others and let people into my life but it is really hard letting my guard down and letting others in because I I don’t want to deal with the drama, confusion baggage and issues, which I find a lot of people come with. I feel really safe and peaceful in my little world!
Comment by KJ on 27 July 2009:
Considering that Americans today are living in a capitalistic society which requires the introvert to fake they are extroverted (at least to a large extent, especially if they are female,) I think it’s best two introverts get married. Maybe family functions won’t go as smoothly because one of you can’t bear the burden for the other and schmooze-it-up with Aunt Edna and Uncle Frank as well as you could with a spouse who has killer “networking” skills. But at least you won’t go home the majority of the time to a spouse you end up dreading because you’re going to be forced to spend your evenings “acting” just like you did all day.
But in my opinion (based on experience), there are two main categories of introverts:
1) The introverts with extreme narcissistic tendencies have themselves to blame for most of their marital/relational drama. These type of introverts will draw the person in and leave them standing at the doorway staring at their back. Then when the person tries to come in, the door is slammed shut. They are left hurting and confused and this pain is verbalized. The narcissistic introvert may even then blame the spouse for being “extroverted” but that may or may not be the case. Even introverts (the NON-self-oriented kind) can get their feelings so hurt that they display highly extroverted qualities. The narcissistic introverted spouse fears vulnerablity, therefore, they will never invite their spouse in and even if it appears they will, they will slam the door shut enough times on their spouse that the marriage usually doesn’t make it. The narcissistic introvert will push the spouse away and blame the spouse for the divorce…they will lick their inner wounds, and look for other people to draw in and slam the door on…it’s an endless, vicious cycle. Especially if the narcissistic introvert is the man in the relationship (assuming we’re talking about heterosexuals here.)They can make the woman feel very insecure when they shut them out over and over. She will get really confused because her spouse is the one drawing her in and then shutting her out. Making a woman feel mistrusting and unsafe is a recipe for disaster.
Moral of the story – avoid the narcissistic introvert and instead, look for the 2nd kind who is emotionally healthy.
2) Altough on the quiet/deep/reflective side, they tend to display more integrity and a loyal character altogether. They will know how to be polite around your mother, even if she is a super annoying extrovert. She’s still your mom. They won’t leave you to do all the “socializing” either, even if you are the “woman” because they will take responsibility for their own relationships, including your mother-in-law who may have extroverted tendencies. Most importantly, when you have children, they will be able to be an emotionally vulnerable parent, which is ultra important to the psychological health of the child, even though they will get their feelings hurt at some point by their child, which comes with the parenting job (especially as kids grow up and try to find themselves). This is also another example of an introvert, despite how difficult it may be or odd it may feel to them, knowing when it’s appropriate to act selflessly on behalf of someone they claim to love.
Comment by KJ on 27 July 2009:
PS. I think QuietStorm sounds cool and should feel okay with living in her own little world. Sometimes people are from such dysfunctional families that they have no choice but to do what they need to do, to make the rest of their life one that is enjoyable for them. The world is not set up for introverts, therefore, it’s almost a necessity that introverts do create their own world.
Comment by Erin on 29 August 2009:
Thank you KJ. I am a narcissistic introvert with a very extroverted husband. Fortunately he has been extremely patient throughout our 10 years of marriage. I’ve pushed his family and many of his friends away and slammed him out so many times. Thanks to your input of my personality type I know how disgustingly insensitive and selfish I have been. Extreme introverts have a tendency to not see far beyond the four walls of our inner worlds. Sometimes we really need a wake up call.
Comment by LDJ on 11 September 2009:
QuietStorm, you said exactly what how I feel — exactly! I’m 39, and after a few broken relationships (and some friendships gone bad), you get the the ‘Hell with it’ point, to protect myself, to keep going w/ life. Those walls go up to protect yourself, and some people just don’t understand that. Thanks for helping me realize I’m not the ‘only one’ !!!
Comment by Tony on 15 September 2009:
Laurie,
Thanks a ton.
I scored a 28.
But at least, I know that most of my issues with myself aren’t just lack of self-worth.
I am a Creative Director.
(Now running a small creative boutique.)
For years, I have blamed several of the points above on my pitifully abysmal self-worth.
And have pushed myself along in my slow, stumbling way to do things that honestly, make me panic.
The thing is, I am an excellent presenter.
(If I like the story I am telling. And, am not interrupted.)
Which makes people ensure I am always the one doing the presenting.
What they don’t, is that I run a fever before I present.
[Don't laugh. This is true. I have checked it.]
And after every major presentations, I rush home and sleep.
And all along, I have my wife wondering what I am complaining about.
From what she’s heard, presenting, for Tony, is a piece of cake!
Also I have wondered why I find it a strain to come home and yap away about work like she does.
In fact she always asks me if I did nothing at all.
I used to feel guilty about it.
Almost like I want to keep a dumb workday to myself.
Need to share this with her.
She’ll most probably commit me to an institution.
Thanks again.
Comment by Linda on 18 September 2009:
Kj: Comfort food (for thought) thanks.
Comment by greg on 15 October 2009:
I have just taken this test and got 28 out of 29…this means that im a true introvert .The only one that I answered false was the last one. As people do not surprise me by thinkng that im smarter than iam ,because iam smart and so there is no surpise to me or any others,but I have got alot of predjudice through life and have become used to the meaningless barbs that is like water off a ducks back…Introvert websitesa seems the only sites that I ever write on.I find them really interesting and like to hear what others have to say .until the the internet came along we where all left to our own devices but now we have this and other forums to air our opinions…nothing like a bit of perspective…
Comment by paul on 17 October 2009:
Something important to consider is that introverts are born not made. Typically the father is an introvert and either son or daughter is born an introvert. Once the genetic link is understood, introvertedness is no different that sharing other family features such as hair color, nose, eye color etc. More importantly though, introverts have a very special place in the world. It is widely accepted that the ratio intovert/extrovert of any country’s populatoin is 20/80. This is the natural division of labor seen in nature. Ants and bees have survived for millions of years because of this adaptive evolutionary feature. In humans, 20% are the thinkers, 80% are the workers. For example, an introvert would seem a natural fit at solitary jobs such as writing(where would we be without books), computer programmers, research scientist, engineers, artists, inventors(think Edison, Tesla). The introverts are mostly responsible for our modern world. Without them, we would would be in the stone age. But then again, it was an introverted caveman who invented the first stone hammer. If you’re an introvert, don’t despair, you’re part of a very special group.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 18 October 2009:
Greg, thanks for your comments! I too wonder what introverts did before the internet — so many people with introverted personality traits tell me that they thought they were weird or odd until they found articles about introverts. I’d love to write more articles about introverts, and welcome any ideas you might have (eg, if you have questions about introverts dating or networking or achieving goals, feel free to ask it here and I’ll research and write an article).
Paul, I hadn’t thought of introverted personality characteristics in terms of genetic or learned — thanks for this perspective. And I love your examples of introverts making history! You’re right: introverts really are part of a very special group
Laurie
Comment by polly on 28 October 2009:
My husband and I are both introverts and we love each other more for that truth. Amazingly he is an IT professional and, one would think, a perfect job for an introvert. He does spend a lot of time on the computer but finds the people in his workplace make it hard for him to do his job. He is very knowledgeable and likes to share his knowledge. But he is always tired because of all the human interaction and very little down time. I, on the other hand, have a more suitable introvert job. I am a professional dog walker! I see my customers on occasion, which I like. But I spend a lot of time out in the woods with the dogs. If anything, I can get lonely! But I prefer loneliness to feeling overwhelmed and overburdened by too much…people!
Polly
Comment by Coco Bean on 15 November 2009:
Reading this blog is like discovering water after a long trek in the desert… what a relief! For the longest time, feeling different left me feeling hopeless and suicidal. So I’m glad that they’re people out there who understand exactly what I’m going through (down to the last uncanny detail like being best at expressing yourself through writing!)It’s nice to know that I’m part of a special group instead of feeling that there’s something wrong with me. I’m the only introvert in a family of 6 extroverts- can you imagine that? And I get grief for it all the time. My mother’s always complaining- oh, you have no friends! Oh, you’re such a loner! Oh, you shut people out! Oh, all you want to do is read!I can only take my family members in small doses- 1 or 2 members at a time. Extended family gatherings are a nightmare for me and usually I just go out and sit on the balcony while they’re all together playing scrabble (loudly and rowdily might I add) or something of the sort.
They’re some really interesting comments on here…
I find it amusing how nobody feels suprised when people think they’re smarter than they are. Same goes for me. Being an introvert people always assume that I can’t do something just because I don’t boast about it. So what would actually surprise me is if someone came out and told me that I am smarter than I think.
It’s good to hear that there are others who feel overwhelmed at the work place or feel pressure to “schmooze” at big events (I hate being fake- like Laurie says-authenticity is beautiful). Quietstorm- I completely understand about not wanting to deal with the drama and confusion and baggage of other people. Paul- thanks for breaking down the statistics historically. Carribbean girl- I truly relate to what you said about “coming in to your own”. Thanks for sharing. I’m 26 too and only beginning to embrace who I am- so it’s good to know I’m not alone in this.
As for KJ- I don’t think you should cut the cake according to “good introverts” and “bad introverts”. It’s more about more troubled people and less troubled people. They come in all shapes and sizes (extraverts too).
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 16 November 2009:
Thanks for being here, Coco Bean! I’m glad you feel at home here, and I welcome you back anytime…..it looks like I need to write more articles for introverts
Comment by Ravenangel on 18 November 2009:
Haven’t got much to add… 29/29 and I really enjoyed to read the others’ comments.
Yes, I strongly agree more articles would be needed – about intraverts, for intraverts. :}
Comment by Afaf on 28 November 2009:
where cud i get the reliability and validity of the tool just provided above, measuring introvert personality type?? actually im doin a research, my final thesis of BS(Applied Psychology), on Introverted Leaders, so i want to use this tool,,but i have to mention its relaibility and validity..
Comment by LG on 28 November 2009:
im an introvert! i like it
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 30 November 2009:
Hi Afaf,
Regarding the reliability and validity of the test of introverted personality traits above: the test came from Homemakers Magazine, summer, 2008. Thus, I’m afraid I don’t have the information you require.
Sorry I can’t help you, but I wish you all the best on your Psychology thesis!
Laurie
Comment by Dianne on 7 January 2010:
Here’s a comment/issue that I have not seen yet. Maybe people are too ashamed to admit the feeling, but it’s driving me crazy. I am an introvert and have an only child – extrovert. She is 24 and loves spending time with me. I like to spend time with her, as well, like maybe 10 minutes at a time. She talks incessantly. I feel as her mother, I can’t ask her to be quiet. Sometimes, when she leaves, I go to my room, pull the covers over my head and cry because… well because I just can’t take it. The other evening, we watched a football game together on TV, and my daughter talked more than the announcers did. Please give me advice!!!!!
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 9 January 2010:
Dear Dianne,
I’m glad you’re honest and courageous enough to admit that you’re struggling with your daughter! You and she are two different people — you’re an introvert while she seems to have completely extroverted personality traits — and it can be more difficult for introverts to be with extroverts than vice versa.
There are a few things you can do to preserve your sanity. These tips are from my Tips for Coping With Children Who Are Energy Vampires article. By the way, I suggest you read that article — I don’t know if you’ve heard the term “energy vampire”, but it sounds like your daughter is draining alot of your energy…
Figure out how long it takes for you to recover from a visit, and schedule your phone calls or visits accordingly. That is, if it takes a week for your energy to return after a visit with your daughter, then give yourself two or three weeks between visits.
Let the phone ring. Who says you have to answer the phone every time it rings? You have the right NOT to answer the phone and to return a call when you’re ready.
Have a plan for recharging after visits or calls. Set time limits on your phone calls or visits – and stick to them! And, after your contact with your daughter, do something positive that gives you joy: a funny tv show, yoga, or talking to your best friend.
I hope these tips help, and I encourage you to look into the phrase “energy vampires.”
Wishing you the best,
Laurie
Comment by Larry on 9 January 2010:
Thanks for the article, I answered true to every question.
I’ve always known that I’m an introvert, but living in an extrovert world I sometimes forget that my personality traits aren’t “problems” which need “fixing” and that there are other people out there who also get tongue tied and much prefer their own company.
It’s easy for me to spiral into a pit of despair and self-hated when comparing myself to people who are extroverted, and I’m often torn between forcing myself to act like an extrovert (which almost always ends up making me feel worse when I see I struggle with it) and just letting go to practice self acceptance.
It’s certainly helpful to read that I’m not alone, so thanks for the article, and to everyone else for sharing their comments & experiences.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 12 January 2010:
Thanks for your comment, Larry — I’m glad you’re realizing that you’re not alone!
I encourage you to stop comparing yourself to extroverts. People with introverted personality traits are much different than extroverts, so it’s like comparing apples to oranges. Instead of forcing yourself to act like an extrovert, try practicing self-acceptance. Like you said, you need to let go of the comparisons because it makes you feel worse.
I saw your question on my “Ask a Question” page, and will go there now!
Cheers (from one introvert to another!),
Laurie
Comment by Chris on 26 January 2010:
Wow! True is the answer to just about every question for me. It’s nice to read ongoing commentary on an article that was written so long ago. Being #9 of 10 siblings from an “old fashion” babyboomer family has given me many hand-me-downs, but only recently have I thought about my siblings and their introvert or extrovert leanings. My mother recently passed away, and the small things that one remembers…like mom telling me how “anti-social” I was! Perhaps disfunctional was “in” before disfunctional was cool:)
Thanks Laurie
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 27 January 2010:
Hi Chris,
Isn’t it amazing to learn that those of us with introverted personality traits aren’t “anti-social” or “dysfunctional”? So many people read my articles about introverts, and are shocked to realize that they’re as normal as people with extroverted personality traits. They’re just different, that’s all!
Thanks for being here; I hope to see you around these parts more often
Laurie
Comment by LB on 31 January 2010:
Well I am 53 years, have 27 out of 29. I am alone, divorced, no family, no realtives, no fiends, but also no job, even am a research scientist.
I have no problem with myself, but it is very very difficult to live as an introverted (odd) person in a extroverted world, people do not accept you, don’t understand, unwanted everywhere.
Comment by Chris on 1 February 2010:
Dear LB,
I know how you feel and I think no matter how tough it gets, things could always be worse…I find daily sunshine exposure as important as air; do other introverts have greater SAD symptoms?
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 2 February 2010:
Hi LB, I’m sorry you feel unwanted and that your introverted personality traits are making it difficult to live in an extroverted world! I have written an article about introverted traits causing problems for introverts….if you want to read it, let me know. I can post the link here.
Chris, thanks for your comment. I don’t know if introverts have more symptoms of seasonal affective disorder, but it would make sense if the particular introvert rarely goes outside! I don’t think ALL introverts have a tendancy towards SAD, but I can see how it’d be possible…I’m an introverted writer who doesn’t go outside every day, but I’m not sad.
Laurie
Comment by tommy on 13 February 2010:
In reference to an earlier comment about dating ” the worse thing she can say is no / not interested” reminds me of a Wayne Gretsky quote: “you miss %100 of the shots you don’t take”. Some tips I recommend are :know people’s names, you don’t have to have long conversations, and eliminate the unimportant details. Make it easy for your listeners. Knowing names can increase your confidence. Many of my musician friends (like myself) are extreme introverts, but we are comfortable performing in front on people. Put yourself out there and be positive, it is okay to be quiet and deliberate in your communication. People will tend to listen to you when you speak, and it is always (in my opinion) a good thing to validate what others are saying and you don’t have to speak as much. Most introverts I know have great things to say and usually what they have to say is meaningful, sometimes profound, emotional and
deliberate. Just wait to speak. Many extroverts don’t listen well and like to hear themselves talk. I avoid conversations with these people if I can.
Comment by tommy on 13 February 2010:
I copied these positive traits from another page on this site. I find them to be very accurate in describing myself. What are some of the negative traits? I can concentrate very well, but stimulation (TV, etc.)sometimes are too distracting.
* work well with others, especially in one-to-one relationships
* maintain long-term friendships
* flexible
* independent
* strong ability to concentrate
* self-reflective
* responsible
* creative, out-of-the-box thinking
* analytical skills that integrate complexity
* studious and smart
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 14 February 2010:
Hi Tommy,
Thanks for your thoughts — that Wayne Gretzky quote is one of my favorites!
It’s interesting to learn that many of your musician friends are introverts, but don’t mind performing in front of others. I guess there’s a difference between playing the music or instrument you love, versus actually talking to people face to face. Playing music might be less draining and more energizing.
I haven’t researched the negative personality traits of introverts…but now want to! I’ll write an article about that, and post the link here.
Thanks!
Laurie
Comment by tommy on 14 February 2010:
Thanks for your comments. I would say that roughly 75% of the musicians I work with are introverts as well as dancers and actors. Performing in front of people is great for introverts. It requires relaxed concentration, and you are usually at your best when you are focusing inward and it also requires that you trust your intuition. Also practicing is something we have to do alone for the most part. I used to practice three to six hours a day, which can be very challenging for extroverts.
Comment by sehar iqbal on 11 March 2010:
hi, my name is Sehar Iqbal and i am a student of kinnaird college for women, Lahore, Pakistan. I would like to use your questionnaire for my research required for the degree of Bsc honors in applied psychology.. My research topic is relationship of procrastination among extroverts and introverts. kindly tell me about the reliability and validity of your tool and give me permission to use your tool in my research. I shall be thankful to you. Waiting for your respone. thanku.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 11 March 2010:
Hi Sehar,
Thanks for your comment, and congratulations on pursuing your applied psychology degree — with honors! That’s great.
Regarding the reliability and validity of the test of introverted personality traits above: the test came from Homemakers Magazine, summer, 2008. Thus, I’m afraid I don’t have the information you require. It’s not a standardized or validated psychology test, and isn’t a proper tool for university or college-based papers or research.
Sorry I can’t help you, but I wish you all the best on your Psychology research!
Laurie
Comment by LaShanda on 9 April 2010:
i am a 21 year old female african american college student and i find that the world does indeed put pressure on introverts to be extroverted when we are not. its so hard fitting in and getting to know yourself when everybody wants you to be someone else. i also used to think something was wrong with me. how could i be alone in my apartment and be totally fulfilled with no one around? it’s weird and people have told me so. i also am pressured because unfortunately the african american steroetype presents us as loud confrontational people when i am definitely not.
today i got invited to a social event at my church and its hard for them to understand i get irritated and anxious when around too many people. how do you say you don’t want to attend a church event? extrovert culture has leaked into the very base of church social living.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 11 April 2010:
Dear LaShanda,
It’s NOT weird to be totally alone, and feel totally fulfilled! That’s what being an introvert is all about, my friend. It doesn’t matter what color, religion, or nationality you are…people with introverted personality traits just don’t like being around tons of people, and aren’t loud and boisterous.
I hadn’t thought about the African American stereotype…that’s interesting, and presents a different dilemma for introverts!
Regarding social events at church — I don’t think turning down an invitation from a fellow church goer is any different than turning down an invitation from a coworker or neighbor. I go to church, and I decline invitations when I need time alone.
When I turn people down, I’ll say something like, “Thanks for the invitation – you’re so kind! But, I need some downtime. I had a busy week, and need to unwind.” It’s as simple as that! You don’t need to argue or defend yourself…just keep repeating those 3 sentences until they get tired. Don’t add new reasons for not going, because people will keep arguing with you. Just quietly, firmly restate your position.
I hope this helps, LaShanda!
Blessings,
Laurie
Comment by chisho on 12 April 2010:
i’m proud to be an introvert. i love being what iam. thnx for the test.
Comment by chisho on 12 April 2010:
i’m sure there are some negative points in being introvert so what could those be and how can i work on it to bring it the positive side?
Comment by Jess on 16 April 2010:
I’m 24 years old and have always known that I’m a shy person. Every now and then through my adult life I’ve had bouts of depression where I have seriously thought that something was wrong with me because I don’t need to talk or interact with people to be happy, and have been aware that people think this is strange. I don’t talk very much at work except to my customers, and this is because customers don’t try to get to know me personally and I’m happy with that. Reading this article is helping me to accept myself and be proud of myself for who I am, and not try to fake being extroverted because it’s just not me.
Comment by JH on 26 April 2010:
Wow!I didn’t realize how extremely introverted I actually am. I get a lot of comments from friends about how much time I spend alone. They find it weird that I’ll do a lot of things by myself that most people would never do. (movies, dinner, vaca) The truth is sometimes I would like to be the guy that can talk to anyone and make 10 new friends while waiting in line for a table. A lot of my friends are that way. I’ve read a ton of material trying to figure out how to make myself do these types of things but nothing has ever worked. My introverted characteristics have probably limited me in my career more than anything else. I’m happy where I’m at but I guess I’ll never stop looking for a way to jump to the other side. Thanks for the article. It gave me some new things to think about.
Comment by Laura on 26 April 2010:
I am 30 years old and I have always been a shy person…I am not one to talk to people out in the world. I can chat and carry on a conversation online, but as far as talking on the phone or meeting new people in person, that just isn’t me…I have had alot of people hounding me as to why I don’t meet people I talk to online. I also don’t like talking to people I work with because they are 2 faced and will stab you in the back…they also try and get into my business, so I would rather not share any personal info with my co-workers.
I scored a 29/29 and glad to have found this site…thanks for the test!
Comment by Mike on 26 April 2010:
I don’t agree with the mentality that us introverts should just accept who we are. Why should I do that when being an introvert has done nothing but fail me in life? Just because there are people just like me doesn’t make me believe it’s ok. Nothing angers me more than when people say “just be yourself”. WHO THE HELL ELSE DO YOU THINK I’VE BEEN???? I think some of us need to admit that our natural introvert personality just doesn’t cut it in this world, especially when it comes to guys in relationships. A woman can get away with being an introvert because typically guys are “supposed” to approach women and no matter what she looks like some guy will come on to her. I’m a good looking guy, I know this for a fact yet girls my age don’t talk to me. I rarely talk to thgem but when I ask them questions I feel like I get one word answers which really discourages me. It’s like they become intorverted when they really aren’t. Only women at least 10 years older show interest in me and i’m not interested in women older than me. Introverted guys need to find a way to change, we are missing out on so much and I think it’s foolish to just accept being an introvert. We need to find ways to change.
Comment by Cathy on 26 April 2010:
Hi, my name is Cathy and I am 46 years old. I scored a 27 out of 29 on the introvert test. I used to think I was “odd” or “different” when I was a teenager because most of my friends were extroverted and I have always been an introvert. However, I had no desire to change to be like them; I like The way I am and I’m happy with myself. There may be an occassion once in a while where I wish I was more outgoing, but it quickly passes. I do believe hereditary plays a role in a person’s personality. I am the middle child of 8, and I would have to say all but 2 of us are introverts. I imagine life might be a little easier for the introvert if we could be more outgoing, but I enjoy life, and I know it takes all kinds of people to make it interesting. I can understand Chris, though. I beleieve my moods are worst in the winter because of S.A.D. It seems like Spring will never get here, but when it does, I feel like I’ve come alive and blossomed just like the flowers have. I certainly have more energy during the spring and summer. I’ts always good to know you’re not alone whatever your circumstances!!
Comment by AH on 26 April 2010:
To go along with the musicians comment (slightly same direction)…
The thing that I have recently found out about myself – and slightly odd because of my introvertedness (yeah 26!) – is that when I play hockey, I am the loudest person on the ice and in the locker room. I really do not shut up. Put me in any other situation, though, and you can barely get a word out of me. Seriously, I don’t even need to be on the ice to be a chatter-box; it happens when I just go to watch games – I will just strike up a conversation with a complete stranger or talk my dad/friend’s ear off. Perhaps all the practice and games have led me to become relaxed in that atmosphere, I don’t know.
Thanks for the article, though! I work for a small company and 2 of my coworkers are complete extroverts (the third is an extrovert with introvert tendencies, I’d say) and I always go home feeling completely drained! I love when they are out of the office because I feel like I can actually get some work done and I don’t have people constantly making noise or chitchatting about their personal lives while I’m trying to work. It’s always nice to know that there are others out there like me and that it’s okay to go home after a long day and chill by myself; that that behavior isn’t “anti-social” – as people have constantly told me – but rather my way of relaxing and rejuvenating my energy. Thank you!!
Comment by Tj on 26 April 2010:
**faints** I got 29 out of 29!!
Thank you so much for helping me know there is nothing wrong – I always thought I was an introvert, but to see it “on paper” just makes me feel better…a little more understanding of myself
Comment by Emi Sugiarti on 26 April 2010:
How to explain that if I prefer alone (or just with the close friend/certain people) is not weird.
Comment by MissJ on 26 April 2010:
I can completely relate to the comments here. I have always struggled with being a quiet person. I didn’t realize how introverted I was until I read “The Introvert Advantage”(great book, everyone should read it). I could never understand why I couldn’t think of things to say to people, why my mind went blank. It still frustrates me. I always wished I could talk more and I still do. I get so tired of people saying “you’re so quiet” or “you should talk more”. They act like it’s so easy but it’s not for me. After reading the aforementioned book, I tried to be more understanding and accepting of the way I am, but its difficult when you’re surrounded by extroverts all the time who make you feel bad for being the way you are.
And LaShonda, I can really relate to you because I am an african-american female also. It’s even less likely for an african-american female to be intoverted, we are expected to be loud so that makes it even more difficult.
I don’t think introverts should have to change, but I wish extroverts would be more understanding and accepting of introverts and understand that we’re just different.
Comment by Pamela on 26 April 2010:
I’ve always known that I am introverted, but I still found this article and test interesting (I scored 29/29). Despite my quiet nature, I find myself preparing to become a high school English teacher; however, true to form, I come home from working as a teacher’s aide completely drained. Oddly, my life is best suited for an extrovert, but I manage. I have a special needs child who requires more attention than I can consistently give him while meeting the demands of work and graduate school (both full-time). My son now stays with his grandmother during the school week, which allows me to study upon my return home from work. He comes back home on the weekends. I am now less stressed with this arrangement, yet I still struggle to recharge my batteries. If I had the luxury, I could easily spend days on end by myself and be completely content.
Comment by DC3 on 26 April 2010:
I am a 32 year old African American woman and I have heard MY ENTIRE life how anti-social I am. I have gone through life just brushing it off and as Mike stated earlier just “WAS MYSELF”. I can honestly say that just being myself has done way more BAD than GOOD. I keep a close network of friends who have been my friends for years. I do not wish to make new friends because I feel quite secure in my own little world. Now, job related is an entirely different story. I cannot keep a job longer than 2 years. If I am on that job longer than a few years I have usually been transferred from one dept to another. The bonus is I always get transferred/promoted to a better department but the downside is I always have personality conflicts with my co-workers. It is funny because I have always foolishly believed that if you go to work everyday, do your job and go home, you will never have any problems at work. That is so far from the truth. Because I choose not to go to happy hour after work, go to lunch with co-workers or entertain their miserable lives because they are up to their neck in debt and their husbands are cheating on them I am labeled a social misfit.
I stumbled upon this article by simple coincidence and I believe this is a wake-up call. I like many others have gone through life thinking what’s wrong with me? Why is it when I transfer to a new dept people are nice and friendly and later those same folks will make my life miserable. Well now I know! I plan to research this topic in depth over the next few weeks as I indeed search for new employment. I think the unique thing with me is I am a social butterfly in job interviews. I have never interviewed for a job and was not extended employment. I usually sit in panel interviews watching the interviewers facial expressions as they are amazed with my knowledge and all of my experience (I’ve been transferred so many times I have a wide range of experience) and my winning personality. I also know while participating in these interviews that this is the last real conversation they will ever have with me.
Its not that I don’t like people I just do not care to be around them and entertain their BS. A perfect day for me would honestly be for me to wake up, watch all of my T.V shows or read a good book at home ALONE. This would be without no one ringing the doorbell or the phone ringing at all. But society thinks there is something wrong with this. I want to fit into the extrovert role but it is very difficult for me. Does anyone have any advice as I began my journey to find my next job on how to pretend to fit in without losing my sanity?
Comment by Nana on 26 April 2010:
Hi..I scored 20/29..but still..I believe I am highly introvert..due to some other tests i took..and my answer for last question is true..Well, it’s not like i dont think im smart..so many ppl thought i am..but ive never excelled in my school except during my study at university..
Being an introvert sometimes is a problem to me..cuz it’s hard for me to speak up my thought and sometimes ppl just dont listen..maybe because im not convincing enough..and i usually lost few good opportunities since some other ppl who really want them..they grab it even if it’s for me..it’s because i just allow them to take it since they want it so badly..but at the end..i feel sad..
Comment by TE on 27 April 2010:
QuietStorm – I feel like you were writing about me.
Coco Bean – You summed it up best “Reading this blog is like discovering water after a long trek in the desert.”
I’m a 40 year old woman and have been wondering for all of these years why I feel the way I do—like an outcast. I am so happy to know there are others out there that feel the same way and that we’re not alone in this. I’m exhausted after socializing, I enjoy my alone time (have to have it), and get tired of people thinking that I’m less of person than them because I don’t constantly talk about myself and all of my accomplishments. Here I thought something was wrong with me, because that’s what I was told. I have been trying to “fix” myself for years. Well, now that I understand why I am the way I am, I’m going to learn more about it and embrace it. Thank you Laurie for writing this article and to everyone for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Comment by suicy on 27 April 2010:
my result is both introverted and extroverted which is true because i have few friends but i enjoy working around people especially to those i have just met. but I’m sad because I’m always alone and i want to have many friends!
Comment by Monique on 27 April 2010:
First of all WOW! I had no idea so many people thought or felt the way I do. The first thought that comes to mind is why I haven’t run into more people like me. I can honestly say most of my friends are extroverts and definately speak their minds. Especially my boyfriend. I think over the years I felt I had to adopt some extrovert traits. Such as: Looking people in the eye when I talk to them and be confident in my speech. Smiling was a big one for me, learning to smile when someone looks at me Even if they are not smiling. It changes the way you carry yourself (in a good way). I chose to “adopt” these traits with much practice. Not to appease others but to help me better live my life. Im still an introvert and proud of it!
Comment by Fred on 27 April 2010:
The best response, in my opinion, to the question “Why don’t you talk more?” is to reply “Why don’t you shut up more?”
I realize this may sound harsh and antagonistic to some people, but occasionally the other person will laugh, and perhaps even at that point realize how inappropriate or offensive the question is. That’s the kind of person it may be worthwhile to get to know. And if they get hurt or offended, so what? Introverts aren’t generally interested in making a lot of friends anyway. I prefer quality over quantity myself. Unfortunately, there’s also another kind of response, I would term as mindless obliviousness, which seems to be common among the obnoxious type of extrovert, in which they entirely brush off almost anything anyone else says anyway and will continue to harass you, but it’s life and we have to deal with it as we can. Just try not to slap them upside the head if you can control yourself.
As for the dating and relationship problems we have, my advice, to the guys anyway, is to be patient and don’t give up. I can see in my own life a progression in dealing with the opposite sex. I never even talked to a girl in high school, I went on a couple dates in college, and since then I’ve actually had a few girlfriends that have been good relationships. My social progress has been well behind the extroverted “normal” course, as far as first date, first kiss, first sexual experience…but it has all come with patience and the desire to keep working toward my goals when it comes to women.
Take small slow steps, plenty of time to recover yourself, and always remember that no one else determines your worth as a person, only you do. There will be setbacks, and discouragement, but there will also be happiness and fulfillment, as long as you keep at it. Decide who you want to be, how you want to behave around others, if at all, and work toward that place. And never let anyone tell you there’s something wrong with the person you are or want to be. (Unless you want to be a serial killer or something.) As has been said before, if you don’t even try to reach your goals, you WILL fail.
Comment by Rhonda on 27 April 2010:
I’m an introvert with social skills.
Comment by Stacy R Jones on 26 May 2010:
Why have you not done any articles on People with extroverts personality traits?
If you have could you please refer me to them?
Thank you,
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 31 May 2010:
Dear Stacy,
Thanks for your request — I’d love to write more articles about extroverts!
Here are two:
The Extrovert Personality at Work – 5 Personality Traits of Extroverted People
Money Saving Tips for Extroverts
If you have any specific questions about extroverted personality traits, please let me know. I’d be happy to try and answer them!
Laurie
Comment by cj7 on 5 June 2010:
hey! i thought i’m the only one who felt like this.. and yah it’s weird. i enjoy being alone. i find hard socializing. sometimes it’s sad that i felt like i can’t get along with them I mean HOW?!” T.T ahm. thanks! now i know myself. it’s not that bad that i think. ^_^ (HERE’S WHAT I GOT –> *20-29* is true, im a true introvert)
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 7 June 2010:
Yes, you’re a true introvert — and there’s nothing wrong with that! As long as you’re happy, and not totally isolated from the world (because people with at least some social ties live longer and are physically healthier).
Comment by Jenny Grose on 25 July 2010:
I have enjoyed reading these comments, and doing the questionaire,
I have always been quiet, and a loner, prefering my own company.
I have always considered myself as a good listener, but this can
cause problems sometimes, as some people drain me. These are usually
the self important people who think I want to hear all about them.
As I have got older, I have found it easier to be more assertive
about my own needs.
If we do not look after ourselves, who else will?
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 28 July 2010:
We do indeed have to look after ourselves….whether we’re introverts or not….but I think people with introverted personality traits might need to focus more on self-care than people with extroverted personality traits!
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post …Set and Achieve College Goals – 5 Goal Setting Tips for Students
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[...] For more information about introverted personality traits – and to find out if you’re an introvert – take this Test for Introverted Personality Traits. [...]