I’m sorry to hear that your boyfriend is lying to you, and possibly still cheating on you! That’s a big sign of a bad relationship — and that type of couples’ problem isn’t easy to remedy.

You can’t trust him when he says he’s not seeing her, because he’s obviously lying to you.

You can’t make him stop seeing her, or to end the relationship. He said he would, but he didn’t.

If he really had ended that relationship, then she wouldn’t be leaving messages. And, he’d change his phone number or get a new phone if he really wanted to avoid contact with her!

What CAN you do to solve this relationship problem? Well, you can live with him the way he is, and not expect him to change. But you’ll destroy your self-esteem and your soul in the process…and you won’t be working towards a happy, healthy, committed relationship.

You can suggest couples counseling with him, so you two can figure out why he keeps lying and cheating.

Or, you can break up with him and get on with your life! He’s not likely to change….and we certainly can’t make people change. The only person you can change is yourself….and sometimes that means letting go of those we love most.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, and wish I had better relationship advice for you. But the only person who can change your boyfriend is your boyfriend — and he seems to think you’ll believe anything he says, despite what he’s caught doing. Doesn’t seem like much of a man to me….and you need to decide if that’s the kind of guy you want to stay hooked up with.

Wishing you all the best,
Laurie

I’m glad you and your ex are interesting in working things out and improving your relationship! That’s a great sign, very healthy.

That said, however, other than telling him that his actions and insults are ruining your relationship, there’s not much you can do to show him he has a problem! If he doesn’t hear you, then he doesn’t hear you. If he can’t understand how his words are hurting you and your relationship, then I can’t see what you can do to make him see the light.

A therapist might help him see what’s going on. If you can’t afford couples counseling — which, by the way, may be the best way to go, especially if your ex has anger issues. Problems like that don’t just go away for couples — he really needs to deal with the source of his anger. And, he needs to learn ways to express it without making your relationship bad!

Some colleges and universities have free or inexpensive counseling for students; I suggest looking into that. And, you could try calling your pastor or priest if you belong to a spiritual organization, because they often offer free counseling.

I also suggest reading up on anger management, and how anger affects love relationships. Your ex needs to read those books too — not just you! You need to read them as a couple, and discuss the ideas.

Finally, you could consider talking to someone he trusts, who can then talk to him. For instance, if he’s really close to his dad or uncle, then talk to his dad or uncle and see if he’ll talk to your ex. This may not work — it depends on your ex, his relationships, etc. It’s just something to consider.

I hope this helps, and wish you all the best…

Blessings,
Laurie

I love him with all my heart and we were engaged. We both want to work things out but how can i?

What steps can i take to show him he has a problem?

Where can we get help?( we dont have a lot of money, im in college and thats where all my money goes)

I just saw your comment and question now — I can’t believe it slipped by me! I’m so sorry; I hope you can still use this late response.

When was the last time your boyfriend had a physical checkup? Sometimes health issues can affect our love lives and libido. He may have a health condition that is diminishing his intimacy levels. As he says, it may have nothing to do with you — he may just need a checkup!

If it’s not health related, you might want to think about seeing a counselor who specializes in intimacy issues. An objective third person might help you and your boyfriend figure out why he’s not as physically intimate as he once was.

Another option is to read books on physical intimacy — read them together, as a couple. If you and he can figure out the cause of his lack of interest (stress? health issues?), then you’re more likely to find a solution and improve your relationship.

I hope this helps a little — and that things have already improved in your love life! Let me know how it’s going — I’d love to hear from you again. I promise it won’t take me so long to respond next time

Blessings,
Laurie

It doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything “wrong” in your marriage — but it seems like your husband is withdrawing from you physically and emotionally. It’s impossible for me to say why this is happening….but it IS possible for you to figure it out!

I suggest that you and your husband pick a quiet time (hard with six kids, I bet!), sit down, and talk about what’s been happening in your marriage. Be gentle when you ask what’s been going on with him and why he hasn’t responded to your needs. Try not to judge him, get defensive or angry, or argue. Just be quiet and listen. Give him time and space to figure out how to say what he has to say.

Of course, you can’t force him to reveal how he feels. In fact, he himself might not know what’s going on…but it’d be great if you could open the door to communication and connection. And — be patient! Men need more time and space to express themselves than women do.

I also recommend reading Dr Laura Schlessinger’s books about marriage — she wrote one called “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.” Basically, it’s about fixing couples problems by giving love, affection, and attention.

Finally, you might ask him how you can be a better wife. Ask for three ways to improve yourself as a partner…if you do those things, then he’ll be far more likely to give you what you need in your relationship. Often, improving bad relationships is less about getting what we need from our partners — and more about giving all that we can give. The more we give, the more we get in return!

I hope this helps — I encourage you to try these things and let me know how it goes after a couple of months have passed.

Blessings,
Laurie