Whether you’re going through divorce, separation, or a relationship breakup after a few short months – your sadness and depression can feel overwhelming. Here’s help for surviving heartbreak after splitting up with someone you love.

First, a quip from a famous fairy tale:

“The horror of that moment,” the King said, “I shall never, never forget!” 

“You will, though,” the Queen said, “if you don’t make a memorandum of it.” ~ Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass.

You will get past your sad and depressed feelings after breaking up – but you need to focus your energy and thoughts on healing and moving on. You can’t dwell the relationship breakup itself. In other words, you can’t make a “memorandum” of it! For relationship breakup help, click Real Life: Surviving the 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life. And, read on for suggestions on how to survive heartbreaking emotions after breaking up…

How to Survive Sadness and Depression After Breaking Up

After separation or divorce, you may feel rejected and alone. “Feelings of rejection may run high because we often measure the results of our efforts in terms of whether or not the world accepts or rejects us,” writes Dr. Phil. Sometimes, another person’s reaction can be a barometer of our worth and value. “When the love of our life leaves us, any past rejection issues can be magnified.” You may feel unworthy, not good enough or like damaged goods. A divorce may also signify the failure of your dream, because you couldn’t make the marriage work.

• To survive these feelings, remember that a marriage or relationship breakup doesn’t change your value as a woman or man. You didn’t break up because of a failure on your part; the relationship failed for its own reasons.

After breaking up, you may fear that you’ll never be loved again. If you’ve been married for many years, you may think you won’t be able to survive emotionally, socially, or financially without your partner. You are entering a new phase of your life and don’t know what to expect. If you’re getting a divorce, read Money Tips for Divorcing Couples.

• To survive the fear of being alone, surround yourself with a support group! Gather your old friends around you, and be deliberate about making new friends. Don’t focus on the fear of never being loved again; instead give yourself the gift of self-care, self-love, and self-soothing. This relationship breakup help involves surviving your emotions by accepting them.

After a relationship breakup, you may remember only the good. “It’s just all too easy, once you separate from an irreconcilable situation, to remember and focus on only the good,” Dr. Phil writes. You may find yourself forgetting the irritating habits of your partner and only remembering the nice and sweet things he or she did for you. “By doing this, it’s very easy to fool yourself into wishing that you were back in the relationship and rationalizing that things actually weren’t that bad.”

• To survive this “selective memory” experience, don’t contact your ex-partner in a weak or lonely moment. “Once you’re out, stay out, unless one or both of you earns your way back in,” says Dr Phil. Focus on letting go of someone you love without wishing you were getting back together.

Other emotions after breaking up include anger, shock, bitterness, and loss. It takes time to survive heartbreak and feel happy again — but it will happen! You will live and love again.

If you want to get back together with your ex, you might find The Magic of Making Up helpful.

And, I welcome your questions or thoughts on surviving heartbreak below…

Related Posts on Quips & Tips for Achieving Your Goals:

• The Best Songs for Broken Hearts – Music to Heal Heartache
• Splitting Up and Moving on After a Relationship Breakup
• Surviving a Break Up – 10 Tips for When Your Relationship Ends
• Ways to Stop Obsessing About Your Ex-Girlfriend or Ex-Boyfriend
• How to Make Up After a Break Up – Getting Back Together With Your Ex