Before you can rebuild trust and save your marriage after emotional or physical infidelity, you need to stop cheating on your spouse! These tips for staying faithful will help you separate from someone you’re having a physical or emotional affair with.

Before the tips, a quip:

“When he’s late for dinner, and I know he’s either having an affair or lying dead in the street. I always hope it’s the street,” said American actress Jessica Tandy.

You know it’s not just husbands who cheat; in fact, I’m writing this article in response to a reader who described why she cheated on my emotional affairs article. She didn’t ask about how to stop cheating on her husband, but I suspect there are many men and women in the same boat! Below are several ways to stop cheating on your spouse. For more info on overcoming physical and emotional infidelity, click Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing by Dennis Ortman.

How to Stop Cheating on Your Partner

Physical infidelity is easy to recognize, but emotional infidelity is a little more complicated. To learn about emotional affairs, read 6 Signs of Emotional Cheating.

1. Figure out why you were unfaithful. People have emotional or physical affairs for different reasons, but the bottom line is that they’re getting something out of the adulterous relationship. If you want to stop cheating on your partner, ask yourself what caused you to be unfaithful. Maybe you felt attractive, understood, and passionate with the person outside your marriage. In Emotional Affairs on the Dr Phil Show, he discusses several reasons people have affairs.

2. Find new ways to get the same benefits. To stop cheating on your partner, find healthy ways to enjoy the same benefits you were getting from the emotional or physical affair. For instance, if you felt understood in the adulterous relationship, then work on your communication with your partner. Find ways to meet your needs within your marriage.

3. Expect the end of the affair to be difficult. Sometimes it’s easy to end the affair because you know how much it hurts your partner and kids (even if they don’t know about it), and you want to rebuild your marriage. Other times, you don’t want to leave the adulterous relationship – but you know you have to. Preparation is half the battle: expect it to be difficult and even painful to stop cheating on your partner.

4. Accept that you may be letting go of someone you love. Some affairs are strictly physical, which may be easier in terms of finding ways to stop cheating on your partner. Emotional infidelity or affairs of the heart may be more difficult to end, because there’s a very real connection between two people. For help letting go, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.

5. Put your spouse first. Perhaps this should be the first way to stop cheating on your partner! You made a wrong choice when you embarked on this physical or emotional affair. You deceived your spouse, you disrespected his or her feelings, and you broke your marriage vows. To end the affair, you have to accept that you made a mistake – and you need to be mature, responsible, and loving enough to re-commit yourself to your partner.

6. Get individual or marriage counseling. Rebuilding your relationship may not be as simple as ending the affair and communicating with your spouse. Infidelity is a symptom of other problems in the relationship – and to reconnect with your partner, you need to deal with what the real problem is.

For help rebuilding your marriage, read Tips for Surviving an Emotional Affair.

1,000 Questions for Couples is a great resource for learning more about each other and improving your communication skills.

If your marriage is falling apart, you might find The Magic of Making Up helpful.

Related Posts on Quips & Tips for Achieving Your Goals:

• 7 Ways to Make Your Marriage Better – Love for Married Couples
• An Emotional Affair or Friendship? Dr Phil Explains Affairs of the Heart
• Is My Marriage Over? 7 Ways to Tell if Your Spouse is Ending the Relationship
• Why Men Cheat on Their Wives – Marriage Counselor Gary Neuman
• 15 Meaningful Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Partner