There Are 9 Responses So Far. »

1. Comment by Angelo Bell on 13 January 2010:

   I am an independent filmmaker. I wrote, directed and produced an indie film called, “The Broken Hearts Club” that might be a fitting tool for closure. The film is like LOVE ACTUALLY meets IN TREATMENT, funny, heartwarming, brave and true. It provides hope: hope for closure, reconciliation or simply mending a broken heart.

2. Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 15 January 2010:

   Angelo,

   Thanks for your comment — I look forward to seeing “The Broken Hearts Club”!

3. Comment by paraniod? on 21 February 2010:

   My boyfriend has always been a little possessive & I have too but not as much as him. He doesn’t like me wearing make up, talking to other guys, or really dressing up. he said recently that he’s going to not care what I do anymore and if I want to do something do it because he doesn’t want me to become depressed from feeling like he’s controlling me, and he doesn’t want is to end up breaking up later down the road because of it. I didn’t think much about it but two of my friends did. Now I wonder, does it sound like he cares about me less? Or is he trying to prevent things from going wrong, like he says. he has admitted to me that he doesn’t trust me because he’s scared to because that makes him vulnerable. Is it possible he’s starting to trust me but is scared to admit it? Or, does it seem like he’s just losing interest?

4. Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 24 February 2010:

   Hi paranoid,

   Your boyfriend has serious insecurity and trust issues, and is not acting out of love. Nor is he trying to “prevent things from going wrong.” He’s dealing with fear and pain by trying to control you, which is extremely unhealthy (and even dangerous).

   I don’t know if he’s starting to trust you, but I think he needs help from a counselor. This isn’t normal healthy behavior, and it could even be warning signs of worse behavior to come. Many abusive relationships start with “little” things like trying to control what women wear and who they talk to, and grow into bigger, worse issues.

   I think you should take a step back from this relationship, and give him time to figure out his trust issues. I don’t know if he’s open to getting counseling, but whether or not he does, I hope you pull away from him.

   Wishing you all the best,

   Laurie

5. Comment by confused on 25 February 2010:

   Lately me & my boyfriend have been arguing a lot. Like, we would be fine for a week then argue again. We’ve broken up before, but never for more than a few hours. Today we got in a argument about something he did & he broke up with me for real. He says he still loves me and always will and if were meant to be, well find each other again because he’s feels like we argue too much & like he shouldn’t be so emotionally attached. He also said he’s not going to be dating for a while. And he still wants to be best friends. Does it sound likf he’s just trying to make me feel better or like he might wanna get back together?

6. Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 28 February 2010:

   Dear confused,

   It’s difficult to guess what’s going on in your boyfriend’s head, but it sounds like he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. He needs time and space to figure things out, but he does care for you.

   Maybe he’ll want to get back together after he’s had time to think — and maybe by then you won’t even want to make up because you’ve moved on!

   In the meantime, while you’re being just friends instead of boyfriend and girlfriend, I enourage you to create a happy, fun exciting life. I know it’s difficult to do when you’re coping with heartache — when all you want to do is get back together with your ex — but wallowing in sadness won’t help. And, being sad and lonely definitely won’t make you more attractive to your ex!

   I wish you all the best, and hope things work out for you and your ex….

   Laurie

7. Comment by confused on 28 February 2010:

   I talked to him since & he was really confusing. At first, he was normal, then when I seemed sad he grabbed my hand and put his arm around me and asked me what was wrong. When I asked him how he felt about breaking up, he said he felt normal cause it didn’t feel like we were. He even kissed me & told me he needed time to think and would tell me after class. After class, he hugged me and said he wants to work things out, and hugged me and kissed me, then after that class he said he pretty much made up his mind that he wanted to break up because we argue too much, but then he said he needed time to think & and still he hugged and kissed me and told me he loved me. At the end of the day, he was in a really good mood or so it seems & he said we should take a break for a week. Last night he called me and said he doesn’t think he’s ready for a relationship and pointed out everything I did wrong, then said that he’s not dating anyone for a long time and we should be friends until we are both ready & that ill find someone perfect for me but he won’t. I’m not sure what to think. Does it sound like he plans dating me after he’s had some time to think things through? He said he’s going to or like those are cheesy ways to let me down easy? He also said that his parents have made him realize that he’s not cut out for long term relationships. he’s used excuses like this to break up with past girlfriends, but the difference is he didn’t mention dating them in the future & the first time me and him dated for only 9 days he didn’t date anyone for half a year & then it was only cause he thought I had moved on. This time we’ve been together for almost 8 months.

8. Comment by Lisa on 13 May 2010:

   Some advise please.

   After a six year relationship. engaged for three my boyfriend broke it off with me, cause we had three embarrasing fights in one month. the last one did it, i bit him in public over a jealousy fit. Anyways we have been broken up for two months, the first month we communicated atleast one time each day. the second month he didnt call as much, and i found myself wanting to hear his voice and called almost each day. during the second month i found out he was seeing someone else. i want my relationship back, there things about me taht i have to change and i know that, but how do i know if there is a chance. and if i give him space and fix myself, will it be too late since he has already hooked up with someone.

9. Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 16 May 2010:

   Hi Lisa,

   It’s not necessarily too late to get back together with your ex-boyfriend — even if he’s seeing someone else! Sometimes people need to pull away and explore relationships with other people before they realize that the original person was the right one.

   However, getting back together with your ex does depend to a large degree on why you broke up in the first place. It sounds like you and he have some issues that need to be worked out…and of course you can’t work those out if he’s seeing someone else.

   I think the best thing to do — which may or may not help you get him back — is to focus on the things you can change. One major thing is your own issues. I encourage you to actively work on dealing with your issues, and put thoughts about getting back together on the back burner for awhile.

   Give your ex-boyfriend time and space to breathe, and to miss you. In the meantime, do some serious self-evaluation. How did your actions affect your relationship — both negatively and positively? What are some things you want to change about your life and personality?

   Work on yourself, and let your ex-boyfriend do what he needs to do. When his birthday or some other significant date rolls around, send him a card or friendly email…let him know you’re thinking about him and that you’re available to talk if he ever wants to.

   And, keep focusing on being a woman you’re proud to be! Become someone you respect, like, and even love.

   Blessings,
   Laurie
   Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post …How to be Lucky – 10 Ways to Get Luckier in Life and Love

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