How to Leave Your Husband
“When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they ‘don’t understand’ one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to,” said American writer Helen Rowland.
If you’re just beginning to understand your husband…you may be ready to leave him. If you want to file for divorce, click on 101 Things to Do the First Year of Your Divorce — it might ease your pain by helping you think ahead! And, read on for several things to think about as you prepare to leave your husband…
How to Leave Your Husband
If you’re in a bad relationship, you might find 5 Stages of Leaving an Abusive Relationship – Tina Turner helpful.
Prepare your children. Some kids will want to know everything, and others won’t. A separation or divorce will be traumatic for some, and a relief for others. It may be difficult to find the emotional and mental energy to talk to your kids about the separation, but it’s a mistake to leave them in the dark. If you’re leaving your husband, try to give your kids the time, attention, and answers they deserve. The smoother you try to make their transition, the smoother yours will be.
Make sure you’re financially stable. You don’t need enough money to live on for a long time, but you should have at least three months of living expenses saved up. Figure out how much money you’ll need to spend on rent, household bills, transportation, and other expenses. If you need to borrow money, don’t be embarrassed or ashamed to ask a family member – it’s just a loan, and most relatives want to help if they can. To learn ways to reassure them you’ll pay it back after you leave your husband, read Tips for Lending Money to Friends or Family Members.
Prepare for awkward moments with friends. You’ll lose some friends if you leave your husband, you’ll keep some friends, and you may have to defend yourself to others. Be prepared for a wide range of possible reactions from friends: anger, grief, shock, disbelief, etc.
Prepare for painful moments with family members. Separation or divorce can be very hard on extended family members, such as parents in-law, aunts, uncles, siblings, grandparents, and cousins. Leaving your husband isn’t just about you, your husband, and your marriage; it affects the people you’re related to. Try not to feel guilty about your decision to separate – you’re making a decision that best suits your life. But, remember that family members may take it hard.
Take inventory of the household items you most want to keep. Dividing the possessions you acquired as a couple may be difficult, especially if you’ve been married for decades. Figuring out who gets what may be part of the divorce negotiations, or it could be decided by you and your husband privately. Either way, it’s smart to decide in advance what you absolutely must keep, what you want but will part with, and what you’re happy to let your husband have. You may lose cherished items…and that may be one of the costs of leaving your husband. If you think you’ll struggle with money after you leave, read Preparing Financially for a Divorce.
Join a divorce support group. Often, the best way to overcome or survive anything – including leaving your husband – is to spend time with people who have “been there, done that.” Or, who are currently doing it! Find people who are experiencing the same situation and emotions as you – it doesn’t even have to be a formal divorce support group. Be honest about what you’re going through and the type of help you need.
Learn about different ways to get divorced. Self-representation, divorce mediation, collaborative divorce, and litigation are all described in Leaving Your Husband or Wife – 4 Ways to File for Divorce. You don’t need to make any decisions about divorce right away, but it may be good to start thinking about your options.
If you have any questions or thoughts on leaving your husband, please comment below…
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