How Men and Women Manage Money Differently
Knowing how men and women view and manage money differently will help you do two things: 1) achieve your financial goals as a couple; and 2) strengthen your relationship.
First, a quip about money and women:
“What gets women in trouble when it comes to getting and keeping the job they want or accumulating the portfolio they need to live financially independent lives is the tendency to act like the “nice girls” they were taught to be in childhood, as opposed to acting like intelligent, capable, deserving adult women,” writes Lois Frankel in Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich: 75 Avoidable Mistakes Women Make With Money.
Women act differently than men when it comes to financial independence and career success. For more info about women and money management, click on Nice Girls. And, read on for Frankel’s 11 ways men and women manage money differently…
How Men and Women Manage Money Differently
In childhood, girls receive significantly different messages about money than boys do. This affects a woman’s relationship with money - and also affects whether she’ll achieve her financial goals as an individual or part of a couple.
What Girls Hear About Money:
- “It’s better to do good than be rich.”
- “Girls just aren’t good at math.”
- “Men know more about money than you do.”
- “It’s just as easy to marry rich as it is to marry poor.”
- “Money doesn’t buy you happiness.”
Suze Orman totally disagrees with that last statement! She says money may not buy happiness in the traditional sense, but it does give you the freedom and security to take better care of yourself, take risks, and not worry about paying the bills. If that isn’t a component of happiness, I don’t know what is.
11 Ways Men and Women View Money Differently
- Women are socialized to save money “just in case” something happens; men are encouraged to learn how to invest and make money grow.
- Women use money to take care of others; men use money to keep score.
- Women tend to buy what they want; men buy what they need.
- Women use money to create a lifestyle right now; men use money to prepare for the future.
- Women are cautious about investing money; men take investment risks.
- Women spend money on those they care about; men spend money on themselves.
- Women ask for what they think they deserve; men ask for what they want.
- Women view money in terms of relationships; men view money objectively.
- Women expect others to know more than they do; men learn how to be effective investors.
- Women gravitate towards the helping professions (which don’t pay very well); men tend to seek high-paying jobs.
- Women want to be fair during tough financial times; men advocate for themselves during financial straits.
The more both men and women understand their relationship with money - and the roots of that relationship - the better they’ll be at saving money, balancing budgets, and reaching financial goals.
Does this jive with your experiences with how men and women manage money? Feel free to comment below.
Comment by max on 9 August 2008:
I’d like to point out the obvious inconsistencies in this article. #5 is inconsistent with the theme presented that women look for ways to use money that yield quick rewards without consideration of the future. #2 and #6 seem to be fairly contrary to the (well supported) stereotype of the shopping girl which is also presented in #3 (buy what they want). I believe you may be mistaking a modern woman’s role in the house hold for her spending habits outside of the social standard. While #10 is correct I also would have to say that it has less to do with the difference in views of money but rather the roles that are presented as important in there lives. In a post woman’s rights movement society women are being told that it isn’t there job to raise a family, in fact in schools the house wife is often portrayed as a failure. Instead they are told to get a career, but with no goal other than fulfillment through success. This leads to a difference in gender opinions of the role of employment. Men still want to achieve success economically primarily to support a family or, in a more modern sence, to get the money it takes to get the ladies. Women care much less about money as neither of those reasons apply to them, the only goal of a career is fulfillment.
Comment by LauriePK on 10 August 2008:
Thanks for your comments, Max - you’ve made some really interesting points! My short response revolves around the fact that people - both men and women - are complicated, which means they often act in contradictory ways. So yes, I think a woman can buy what they want AND buy things to take care of others. I don’t think #2 and #6 are inconsistent with #3.
I actually don’t believe any one of Orman’s points about women and money are universally correct or incorrect. I think it’s different for each woman — and it can be different for the same woman at different stages in her life.
My career goal is to support myself financially, not just fulfillment, and I don’t believe “women care much less about money” than men, as you state in your last comment. I care more than I should about money.
But, I do agree that how women handle money is wrapped up in their gender roles - that’s a good point.
I’m glad you commented, Max - it’s always great to hear a different perspective!
Comment by Samantha on 7 January 2009:
I did not agree with most of what I just read.
I found this site trying to look for how I can help my boyfriend manage his money better, and found that in #’s 1, 3, 4, 5, and 9, the roles should be reversed in our case.
Hmmm… I do agree strongly with #6 though.
Do you know of any ways I could help my situation? My boyfriend gets paid, gives me the necessary amount for rent/bills, and then is broke the same night. We both smoke, so I end up supporting his habit as well as my own for the next 2 wks, also doling out money for bus fare and change for other random items, buying him lunch, etc. I’m sick to death of it and whenever I try to talk to him about it he shrugs it off like its not important. He’s already decided he’s buying a new guitar with his next check, which will leave him broke … AGAIN… AAAHH
Thanks,
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 7 January 2009:
Thanks for your comment on the list, Samantha — it’s great to hear from you.
I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do to change the way your boyfriend spends money. So many girlfriends marry their boyfriends or move in with them, thinking things will change — and they don’t. Money matters can get worse, because kids and mortgages and health care expenses can be a huge financial drain.
It must be hard to respect a guy who can’t take care of himself financially - he sounds a bit like a teenager in how he spends his money. Whether he was taught money sense or not, there comes a time in any adult’s life to take care of him or her self — and put what they want second to taking care of the necessities.
The only person you can change in your relationship is yourself. If he’s not willing to listen and compromise — to respect your wishes and feelings — then there’s nothing you can do! You can talk ’til you’re blue in the face, but if he doesn’t care…then he doesn’t care.
You need to decide what you want for your future. Then, you need to be strong and brave enough to make the changes necessary to achieve your goals.
Best wishes, and you’re welcome to come back anytime and update me! I’d love to know how you are.
Laurie
Comment by Bob on 4 May 2009:
I think the best thing to take from this article is that differences exist but that doesn’t make one person better than the other. I think that each person can learn from the other half of their partnership. To me, the biggest financial mistake any couple can make is to NOT talk about it before making a commitment. Learning about a person’s financial situation and habits after the fact often makes for rough sailing after the initial excitement has faded.
Comment by Public School Teacher on 4 May 2009:
I do not agree with quite a few of the views, either. I think in my case(and I’m sure for many other women), alot of these “views” about money are reversed… #1 and #2 I somewhat agree with, however… #3- I think men buy what they want and women buy what they need (at least that is how it is in my marriage!,
#4- it is men who spend to create the lifestyle they want now (can you say motorcycle and corvette, anyone?!), #5- investing? what’s that? Does sending money to support your husband’s family in Mexico count?!? #6 - 8 I somewhat agree with, #9- I don’t expect other to know more than I do- if that’s the case, then it’s my job to find out what I need to know! #10- helping profession/ low pay- yep, that’s me! I’m a public school teacher! #11- I have to say that is true for women most of the time- advocating fairness, whereas men can be more selfish when it comes to money- they are out for numero uno!!!
Comment by LauriePK on 7 May 2009:
Thanks for your insights, Public School Teacher! I taught grade 8 for three years, at an American school in Africa. Not a public school…but not a school with alot of money.
Regarding how men and women manage money differently: I’m definitely a saver, and my husband loves to invest and move it around. That’s fine with me - he’s not a huge risk-taker so we don’t lose lots - but I’m happy just to leave it in a money market fund.
I don’t think sending money to support your hubby’s family in Mexico counts as “investment.” That’s an amazingly kind thing to do….does it cause problems in your marriage? If I knew the family members I was supporting and what they actually spent the money on, it’d definitely be easier.
It seems like you agree with most of Orman’s statements about men and money! I think I’ll rewrite this article into “true” or “false” questions, so we can actually tally scores and see how many are actually true for us.