Comments on: Breakup Advice – How to Stay Happy After Splitting Up

By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 04:00:49 +0000

Hi Stewart,

I’m sorry — you adored your exgirlfriend and she turned out to be so fickle! And, I agree with you: I think she is using you as insurance in case her current relationship doesn’t work out.

To save your sanity, I encourage you to let her go completely. No text messages, no phone calls, no being friends on Facebook or Twitter….just time and space to heal. Tell her that it’s too difficult to be friends, and that you need some distance so you can start to move on.

It won’t be easy, but I believe this is the best thing you could do. It’ll be painful in the short run, but far better for you in the long run! Splitting up is never easy…I have no breakup advice that will make you feel happy again. But, if you get a little distance from her, you’ll start to heal.

One day you WILL love again and laugh again and feel great about life again! That day will come sooner if you let her go now.

I wish you all the best, and I’m sorry you’re going through this breakup.

Laurie

By: stewart

stewart — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 01:26:50 +0000

Its been 4 months since i broke up with my ex, i adored the girl and am still in love with her. we split up as she cheated on me, i was willing to forgive but she ended it saying it wasnt fair on me to continue. we both started new relationships, but she came back to me and i ended mine to be with her again. after trying to go back to her she said it was no longer what she wanted and she is now in a relationship and is happy with a new guy. she still texts me however saying how she misses me and the things we did. i want her back so bad and it seems a reachable goal as she says she misses me but i cant help feeling like im insurance for her if her new relationship doesnt work. the fact of the matter is i still love her and want her after 4 months of being apart and of being with different people. i just dont know what to do for my own sanity.

By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:26:55 +0000

Hi Nitan,

I’m sorry that your partner has ended your relationship…that’s very sad. It’s especially difficult when children are involved — and when you’re not ready to let go of your partner.

I haven’t written any articles on relationship breakups when children are involved, but I’ll dig around in my books and other resources for ways to help you. Give me a day or two, and I’ll try to come up with some helpful advice!

In the meantime, you need to accept that — and I’m sorry to say this — this will be a difficult, long process of letting go. You’ll probably always love him, which is normal when you’ve been together for so long.

Also, remember that he’s not the best man for you. He cheated on you, he has other children outside your marriage, and he left you! It’s hard to accept right now, but…you’re better off without a partner like that.

In the next day or two, I’ll write an article about relationship breakups when children are involved, and post the link here.

Take care,
Laurie

By: nitan taylor

nitan taylor — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 22:47:33 +0000

I am still in love with a man who i’ve been with for more then 10 years. We have children together. We have been through thick and thin together. In the most recent years he has cheated and had children outside of our relationship. I know this is not what I want in a relationship but I choose to accept it and stay together anyway. A month ago he decided to end our relationship. I was devastated about his decision as well as the fact that upon ending his relationship with me he decided to move in with one of the women he cheated on me with. Since then he is still living with this woman and their 2 kids. He is also spending time at my home with our children on a daily basis. I am still in love with him and we even talk about marriage in the future. I say all this because I am soooo confused. I know this is not right but i don’t know how to let go. I’ve read all kinds of break up tips but none that speaks to breaking up when kids are involved. I don’t know how to cut my ties with him and at the same time its hard for me to maintain a parental relationship with him and not think about how much I still love and want him.

Can you please help me?

By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 17:42:25 +0000

Also — remember that you can love someone with all your heart, but know that he’s not good for you or you’re not good together. Love doesn’t heal all wounds, and love alone doesn’t make a healthy, strong relationship.

I think that’s some of the best breakup advice I was ever given: it takes more than love to build a marriage or healthy relationship.

By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 17:40:49 +0000

Well, A Jamir, it’s difficult to give breakup advice without knowing the particulars….but one way to figure out if you should get back together with him is to write out the pros and cons. If you have a journal — or just any old writing paper — write down your reasons for breaking up with him, the reasons you think you should stay away, and your reasons for getting back together.

And, above all, listen to YOUR gut and head! Don’t get caught up in what your friends or parents or anyone else’s ideas about what you should do. If you feel you can’t trust him, then you need to close that chapter of your life and move on. If you really feel you want to try the relationship again, then go for it…but it has to be your decision.

Perhaps you could take a break from him and from thinking about getting back together. Maybe take a month to just heal and think. Once you get some physical and emotional distance from him, you’ll be better able to think clearly and you’ll be less confused. Right now, you’re right in the middle of things…and that makes it hard to know what to do.

Please feel free to come back in a month and let me know how things are going!

Best wishes,
Laurie

By: A Jamir

A Jamir — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 14:55:57 +0000

Hi,
I’m in love with a guy who’s 6 yrs younger than me…we broke up as he was lying down with a girl holding her shoulder…i really love him but can’t digest the way he did in front of me! now all the blame goes to me as his Mum thinks I’m persuading me…He’s telling me that he still loves me and kept on inquiring about me to my frens which tempts me to go back to him…I’m so confused and dunno what to do…please help!

By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 16:03:59 +0000

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Tommy and Wibetro.

I agree about online dating; it’s a good way to meet new people. But, I think you have to be careful about rebound love and infatuation. It can be easy to fall into the temptation of being with someone new just to get over your ex….and that’s not always what’s best in the long run.

By: Wilbetro

Wilbetro — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 05:17:34 +0000

This was a great article.

Thanks

By: Tommy

Tommy — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 01:32:15 +0000

I have found online dating to be a wonderful way to find people I would not have otherwise come in contact with. I have not been able to meet a lot of woman at my job because I am in a male dominated line of work, and I just do not work with women in my industry. Bars and nightclubs haven’t worked out to well because they are loud places, and it’s hard to compete in places like that. Not to mention the sleepyness the following day. A friend turned me on to online dating, and I have found the selection to be much larger, and the singles to be higher quality.

I think for over worked singles, there is nothing better than internet dating. Just my 2 cents…