9 Tips for Safe Dating Online for Single Men and Women
Before the tips, a quip:
“Let’s face it: a date is a job interview that lasts all night,” said Jerry Seinfeld. “The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job interviews is there a chance you’ll end up naked at the end of it.”
There’s not much chance of your date ending up like that if you’re dating online! But, it could happen eventually…and these tips for online dating will help you reach that stage of your relationship, if that’s what you want. If you’re interested in more tips for meeting people, click If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever. And, read on for tips for dating online…
9 Tips for Safe Dating Online for Single Men and Women
“Only a few online dating services do a good job of screening applicants,” says dating expert Paul Falzone. “Unfortunately, many are open to anyone with the ability to pay the fee and post a picture (whether or not the image is actually them). Men and women alike may use the anonymity of the internet to lie about their age, appearance, marital status, name and even gender.”
Whether you use an online dating or singles’ service in your city, you need to ask questions to gauge how well they will protect and serve you. Do they conduct background checks? Are their safeguards to ensure that members are not married or have criminal records? Will they offer a guarantee? Are they in good standing with local business associations and the Attorney General’s office?
Here more tips for online dating from Falzone. And if you want to increase the chances you’ll get a second date, read 10 Ways to Be a Great Date. 
1. Guard your personal information on online dating Web sites. Don’t fill out online profiles for free e-mail accounts that you may use when chatting or instant messaging. Even the most seemingly innocuous piece of information, when coupled with the personal information that may slip out in conversation can be used to pry into your personal life.
2. Remember that personal info is on the internet — such as Facebook and Twitter. Be aware that an abundance of personal information can be harvested through both free and paid websites. Be very leery of any additional information you may post on a personal homepage or social network sites such as MySpace, Facebook and others.
3. Avoid using screen names that reveal your identity or location. This tip for online dating will keep you anonymous until you choose to reveal yourself to someone you trust. When you trust your date, then you can open up about your real name and location — and start practicing your first date conversation starters!
4. Be sure to protect your computer and your personal information by installing and keeping computer security software up-to-date. This tip for online dating will not only help you achieve your relationship goals, it’ll deter online thieves.
5. Don’t respond to any annoying, threatening or harassing e-mails. A tip for safe online dating is to immediately block any threatening moves. Trust your gut, and watch for red flags.
6. When it’s time for mail or phone contact, try to use an office phone number and address or a postal box. You need to find the balance between finding love online and protecting yourself!
7. Be aware of any vague or inconsistent information that a single man or woman provides. A tip for safe online dating is to question inconsistent info. Don’t ignore your instincts just because you want to be loved (it’ll backfire!).
8. Be skeptical of any photo your date sends that looks too professional or “too good to be true.” It may just be an image pulled from the internet – and that’s a definite warning flag!
9. Call the police if you’re a victim of online stalking. If you become the victim of stalking or harassing behavior, don’t hesitate to report it to the legal authorities just as you would with such treatment offline. You may also be able to report such conduct to the offending parties Internet Service Provider.
If you have any questions or thoughts about dating online, please comment below…and read 3 Tips for Dating a Wealthy Man for some (possibly controversial) dating tips.
To learn more about Paul Falzone and his dating services, visit The Right One.
Comment by Kim on 6 January 2009:
I have been talking to a guy for a long time online and sometimes on the phone. We have exchanged pictures and we want to meet. The only thing is that he is in Arizona and I am in Georgia. Is it wrong to try and meet someone so far away. My family doesnt want me to go over there. I understand the risks. But I keep thinking about “sleepless in seattle”. She flew from the east coast to the west coast. I know its just a movie but I cant help wondering if I should at least take the chance. I have friends that live in Navada so I can stay with them. But I want to know do you think that I am wasting my time and that it is not a good idea to meet someone so far away?
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 6 January 2009:
I’m a huge fan of taking risks, online dating, and even long distance relationships, but are so many things to consider! You don’t have to answer these questions here (unless you want to) – but make sure you think these points through first:
Why isn’t he flying to meet you — has he offered to visit you?
Where will you stay, if you go visit him? (Don’t stay with him, just in case there’s more to his life than you know)
Does he have kids or an ex-wife who will tie him to Arizona?
Can you take a girlfriend or sister with you, just to make sure you’re safe? Maybe he could pay your airfare, and you could pay your sister’s or friend’s.
How long have you been online dating him? Make sure it’s at least 6 months.
Have you Googled his name? That’s always a good way to uncover scary pasts.
Take it one step at a time — go meet him, and have an adventure! But play it safe, and don’t base your hope on what happened in Sleepless in Seattle. Online dating relationships can definitely work out….and sometimes they don’t.
The only way to know is to try — but protect yourself while you’re trying, and don’t sink all your finances, energy, hopes, and dreams into one guy.
Good luck & best wishes, Kim! Do let me know if you’re going – I’d love to hear how it turned out….
Laurie
Comment by Joy on 27 March 2009:
I was reading the letter of Kim and I can relate with her. I have been a victim of lie on online datings, maybe twice. There are people that really uses picture that not their own. And maybe you can advice that I have to ask for cam so to actually see them. But I has one online love now that i did not really able to see on cam, because he said he just new in online dating and don’t have cam. When I ask him to have one he get one but said there’s problem, don’t know how to connect, and that sort. But we already exchanged thoughts, ideas, dreams, wishes and hopes that seems to be very compatible with each other. He called several times already and we already express deep feelings of love. But because I have the experience of lie before, I really have this doubts about him. And i don’t want to spend or invest too much emotions this time. But I cannot let him know that i don’t trust him. What if he is real just as i prayed for? He might get hurt of not trusting him. What must i supposed to do?
Comment by Laurie PK on 27 March 2009:
Joy, you may not want to hear this, but — I’m not sure how you can have deep feelings of love for a man you’ve never seen or met in person! Sure, you can like his personality or feel like you connect, but you can’t LOVE someone until you’ve spent time together, grown together, argued together, and solved everyday problems together.
Online dating can be very safe and a great way to fall in love…but you have to take it one step at a time. The first step is getting to know each other — and like you said, seeing pictures of each other. I understand that he can’t — but don’t fall into a situation that you’ve experienced before!
The second step is meeting in person, and THEN determining if you want to further than online dating.
Joy, you’re DATING. This does not include expressing deep feelings of love right away! The purpose of dating – online dating or not – is to get to know someone, to see if you can build a life together.
I suggest dialing it back a little — and I totally agree with you, that you shouldn’t invest too many emotions in a man you’ve never met. You don’t have to tell him you don’t trust him. Just keep getting to know him, and don’t fall into the “I love you so much, you’re my soulmate” scenario until you’ve spent at least a year getting to know him IN PERSON.
Can you meet him? That sounds like the next best thing to do. Take it away from online dating, and into in-person dating. If you can’t meet him, then you can’t keep going. You should never, ever commit to a move or major committment when you’ve never met him. That’s just not smart.
Good luck! Let me know what you think of my suggestions…
Laurie
Comment by new dating online site on 10 June 2009:
The Nigerian/Russian scam is a popular online dating site, and the rate of which people get burned from it is growing with cosmic proportions !
Comment by Laurie PK on 11 June 2009:
If you have to pay money to belong to an online dating site, you run the risk of being scammed. And, dating in general opens you up to the possibility of meeting the wrong person and/or getting your heart broken!
I think meeting online is great, but it has to be followed up with dating in person. It’s more difficult to be scammed when you’re face to face (though I know people get conned by their face-to-face dates, too!).
If you have any tips for not getting scammed by online dating website, I welcome them here….
Comment by Safe Online Dating on 18 June 2009:
Online dating can be done safely by following your tips. I think the most important thing is to be sensible about things, don’t get too caried away and protect your identity and personal details till you are absolutely certain of the other person
Comment by Laurie PK on 19 June 2009:
The are so many great tips for safe online dating:
- keep your friends or family members involved, so you don’t get too carried away!
- remember that you can’t be absolutely certain about another person until you’ve been to his or her home, met a few friends, and haven’t encountered any red flags
- don’t let your heart get ahead of your head!
I met one of my closest friends through online dating, about 12 years ago. I’m married to someone else — and my friend and my husband just had lunch yesterday. The ripples of online dating can spread throughout the ages
Comment by FilipinaBride on 28 October 2009:
This is why being a bit cautious really pays off a lot, whether its with online dating or dating in real life. Tons of people out there are not exactly trustworthy, so everybody should really be careful when dealing with others.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 30 October 2009:
Thanks for your suggestion — you’re right; it’s important to be cautious when trying online dating sites. But it’s also important to take risks in life and love, and be open to meeting people in new and different ways.
As with everything, it’s a balance of caution and adventure…
Comment by Erin McCall on 30 January 2010:
You have to keep meeting people to truly know that you are with the right person.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 2 February 2010:
Thanks for your comment, Erin…I agree that you have to meet as many people as possible until you know you’re dating the right one. But sooner or later, the dating has to stop