7 Signs of Addictive Relationships
These seven signs of addictive relationships will help you figure out if you’re in an unhealthy pattern of love with your partner…
First, a quip from Mary Tyler Moore:
“Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you’re really strangers,” said Moore.
At the beginning of a relationship, you may not realize that you don’t have much in common – but you’re too swept up in the hormones and excitement to notice. And, some psychologists say that if you grew up in a dysfunctional home, your chances of being in a dysfunctional or addictive relationship are higher. You feel like you’re not worthy of being loved so you settle for a partner who treats you badly. This could be obvious physical, emotional, or other abuse… or the less obvious addictive relationships.
To learn more about addictive relationships, click on Healing the Addictive Personality by Dr Lee Jampolsky. And, here are the seven signs of addictive relationships, read on…
What are Addictive Relationships?
According to Terence Gorski in Why Do I Keep Doing That? addictive relationships involve one person who is self-centered and extremely independent. This partner (let’s call him Selfish Sam – but it could just as easily be Selfish Sally) believes he’s entitled to whatever he wants whenever he wants it. He surrounds himself with people who support his opinions of himself.
Addictive relationships include the other partner (we’ll call her Dependant Debbie but it could be Dependent Darren) who is dependent and other-centered, and willing to mirror whatever the first partner wants. She’s simply a reflection of him.
Gorski says, “It works until the other-centered person runs out of steam one night and doesn’t have enough energy to mirror back what is needed. The relationship is going to blow up. Addictive relationships do not necessarily have to have self-centered and other-centered partners, but it’s the norm.”
7 Signs of Addictive Relationships
1. Dishonesty. Neither Sam nor Debbie talks about who they are or what’s really bothering them. They lie about what they want. This turns communication into an addictive relationship, which aren’t healthy relationship goals.
2. Unrealistic expectations. Both Sam and Debbie think the other will solve their self-esteem, body image, family, and existential problems. They believe the “right relationship” will make everything better. Yet, they’re in a disastrous addictive relationship, which won’t help them achieve their relationship goals.
3. Instant gratification. Sam expects Debbie to be there for him whenever he needs her; he needs her to make him happy immediately. He’s using her to make him feel good, and isn’t relating to her as a partner or even a human being. She’s a like drug that revolves around addictive relationships.
4. Compulsive control. Debbie has to act a certain way, or Sam will threaten to leave her. Both feel pressure to stay in this addictive relationship; neither feel like they’re together voluntarily. These are signs of unhealthy relationships.
5. Lack of trust. Neither partner trusts the other to be there when the chips are down. They don’t believe the other really loves them, and they don’t believe genuine caring or liking exists. At some level they know they’re not in a healthy relationship – but they may not know about addictive relationships.
6. Social isolation. Nobody else is invited into their relationship – not friends, family, or work acquaintances. People in addictive relationships want to be left alone, and may feel unprepared to achieve their relationship goals.
7. Cycle of pain. Sam and Debbie are trapped in a cycle of pleasure, pain, disillusionment, blaming, and reconnection. The cycle repeats itself until one partner breaks free of the addictive relationship to achieve healthier relationship goals.
If you’ve broken out of an unhealthy relationship like this, read Tips for Getting Over Addictive Relationships.
And, if you have any questions or thoughts about addictive relationships – please comment below.
Do you have a poor credit report? Sky Blue Credit Repair is an awesome program that helps with credit repair, including credit bureau disputes, debt validation, and comprehensive counseling services. This program is ideal for anyone interested in real and lasting credit improvement.
