Thanks for sharing this piece of your life here; I’m glad you reconnected with him. There’s something special about old friends from school…

About rebound love, I don’t think you can do anything to reassure him beyond a shadow of a doubt that this isn’t rebound love. He has to come to this realization on his own — you can’t convince him of something that you don’t even know is true! That is, he only had a month of being single…I don’t know if he’s rebounding and either does he or anyone else.

All you can do is take things slow and make sure he has time to heal from his last relationship breakup. Only time will tell if he’s ready for a new relationship, which is why you need to take things slow.

You say you can’t stop moving fast — but that’s not true. You CAN slow things down — you just don’t want to because it’s romantic and fun and exciting and special and passionate I get it, but moving fast doesn’t give you the time or space you BOTH need to see if this is the right person for you.

How are you and he moving fast? And, what can you do to slow things down? I encourage you to use your brain — not just your heart — and really think about taking it one small step at a time. You can still fall in love and be happy and passionate….and in fact taking it slow makes the relationship MORE happy, passionate, fun, and endearing! And, you’ll feel confident that you’re doing the right thing.

I hope this helps, and I wish you all the best in this relationship.

Laurie

I’m sorry to say this — and I think you know what I’m going to say — but it doesn’t sound like he loves you! After all, he told you he doesn’t love you. He’s being honest with you, at least.

You need to figure out if you want to stay in this relationship with him. I don’t know if it’s rebound love or what, but he’s telling you that it won’t work for the long term, and he just wants to be intimate without regard for the future.

It’s up to you: is this the kind of relationship you want? If so, then enjoy it! If not, then you need to let go and start healing so you can love again.

Since you said yourself that you’re not over your last relationship — and even if you DIDN’T say that, my answer would be the same — I think you should take a break from romantic emotional attachments until at least six months have passed.

Give yourself time to heal, to avoid the chance of rebound love. You can still be friends with him, enjoy his company, and do things together….but I suggest keeping it at the friends level until you’ve had time and space to process your last relationship.

Getting romantically involved again so soon doesn’t give you the chance to figure out what went wrong, what you’d do differently in a new love relationship, and what you’re looking for in a man. Jumping into a new romantic relationship now might set it up for breakdown, because it does seem like rebound love — and you might not be thinking as clearly as you will be in six months.

If you and your friend are meant to be together, you will be….you have to trust that it will work out the way it’s meant to. Six months may seem like a long time, but trust me…it will fly by. And, you’ll be glad you waited because you won’t have that “is this a rebound love relationship?” question hanging over your head the whole time.

That’s what I think!

Laurie

Thanks for sharing your life and being so real here! You sound like an authentic, honest person — and both women and men respect that.

I don’t think you should let your issues and health affect the possibility that you could enter into a healthy, loving, fulfilling, satisfying relationship! The mechanics not working the same way they did when you were younger is something all men face, and most women expect.

I also think that if you believe that all women are like those ads on TV make us out to be, then you’re not only short changing women, you’re short changing yourself. Sure, those ads target a certain type of woman…and other ads target women who are incontinent, struggle with depression, or are dealing with menopausal issues.

My third thought is that you’ll get what you set yourself up for. If you believe that you’re less of a man and are doomed to a life of loneliness, then there you have it! But if you believe that there ARE sensitive, caring, happy, considerate, compassionate, smart women out there….and all you have to do is put yourself out there to meet them…then that’s what you’ll get.

Your health issues are secondary to your emotional and mental health issues. That is, the only thing stopping you from being in a healthy, happy relationship is your own attitude, self-perception, and self-judgements.

I suggest finding quality places to meet women — and doing things you enjoy. If, for instance, you like to hike or sail, then join a local hiking or sailing club. If you like to cook, take sushi making classes. If you’ve always wanted to write a book, join a writer’s club. If you’re spiritual, start going to church or synagogue or something that encourages relationships with that or He which is beyond yourself.

Regarding talking about it…I encourage you to talk one step at a time. Don’t put the cart before the horse, my friend! First, get out there and make some friends. Then, tackle the when’s, where’s, how’s, and why’s of confiding your health issues.

One last thing — don’t worry too much about dating yet. Just start meeting women in safe places (like those I mentioned). Then, coffee and dinner dates will in all likelihood arise naturally.

I hope this helps, and I wish you all the best! Do come back and let me know what you’re doing to meet new people

Laurie