How to Enjoy Being Single and Dating – 10 Ways to Be a Great Date
How’s the singles dating scene working for you? If you’re not enjoying your dates, try this approach: focus on being a great date — not looking for the best date. These ten ways to be a great date are from psychologist and author Paulette Kouffman Sherman, PhD. Here, she applies the law of attraction to love….
Before the tips, a quip about dating:
“My boyfriend used to ask his mother, ‘How can I find the right woman for me?’ and she would answer, ‘Don’t worry about finding the right woman- concentrate on becoming the right man.’”
I don’t know who said this, but it’s great dating advice for women, too! Make it your goal to become the woman you admire, trust, and respect – and you’ll attract a good man.
For more tips on enjoying being single and dating, click Dr Sherman’s Dating From The Inside Out: How to Use The Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart. And, read on for her ten ways to be a great date…
10 Ways to Be a Great Date – How to Enjoy Being Single and Dating
1. Enjoy your date. To enjoy the singles scene, look for something good about all your dates. You don’t have to marry him, but it’d be good to stay positive! We often judge our date from the first minute: ‘Is he tall enough? Is he husband material?’ Notice when you do this, take a deep breath and allow yourself to look for something good so you both enjoy your time together even more.
If you’re ready to test your compatibility and get to know your date better, relationship expert Michael Webb has come up with 1,000 Questions for Couples.
2. Be positive about love. Challenge your negative beliefs about dating! Take a piece of paper and write down every limiting thought that you have about dating and the opposite sex (for example, “I’ll never fall in love or find the right person.”). Then find an exception to it (“Singles meet and fall in love with the right people all the time!”). Negative beliefs hold you back from letting love in, which will stop you from achieving your relationship goals. Here’s another example:
- (limiting belief) ‘Meeting ‘the One’ should happen naturally.’
- (challenge) ‘I have to work at school, finding a job and apartment, why not finding a mate?’
3. Be kind to yourself. Dating often makes us feel miserable because we judge ourselves the whole time. You can hardly hear the other person because your mind chatter says, ‘If only I was thinner, I’d feel ready to date’ or ‘How can he like me if I don’t know a lot about politics?’ Remind yourself why you are a good catch! Everyone has things to improve on … but there are so many wonderful things about you. Concentrate on them to stay present and positive — this will help you enjoy being single and dating.
4. Temporarily suspend your expectations. To be a great date, let your relationship evolve. Do you drive yourself crazy when he doesn’t call the next day? Do you try to control every aspect of what he’ll do instead of just letting the relationship unfold? Instead, keep busy with your own life and let things happen naturally over time.
5. Have a great dating context. Most people consider dating a necessary misery. If expectations create outcomes, why not expect to have fun? Create a dating context that will serve you no matter what happens. For example, ‘I will learn something valuable from every person I meet.’ Then make it your business to do so. Also, read 7 First Date Ideas to Avoid Dating Disasters — because planning a great date will set up you for a successful dating context!
6. Cast your net wide and try new things. To enjoy the singles dating scene, date outside your comfort zone and be willing to give different people a chance. Dating requires some adventure. Perhaps you have gone to clubs but you have never tried speed dating or online dating? Think ‘outside the box’ and be willing to try at least 5 new approaches in dating.
7. Be willing to learn how to be a great date! Think of the world as one large classroom where you can learn and grow. Focus on how each date can teach you something new about yourself and dating. Often people think that dating is a waste of time if they don’t meet ‘Mr. or Mrs. Right’ right away – but it could be time well spent.
8. Share what you love. To be a great date, practice revealing who you are. People are their best when discussing something they love, whether it is their job, volunteer work, travel, etc. Let yourself be known and the right mate will stick around!
9. Be interested in your date. To be a great date, don’t assume you can tell who someone is from their appearance. If you look for what lights someone up, you will leave them feeling great and you will enjoy your time more, too. Read 10 First Date Conversation Starters for tips on making conversation with a new potential lover 
10. Take action. Walk your talk when it comes to love! So many singles think they can just sit around in their pajamas and the right person will find them. If you want to meet a great date, then you need to go out! Make a choice to go to social functions, classes, etc at least twice a week.
For more dating tips, try 300 Creative Date Ideas from relationship expert Michael Webb.
Do you enjoy the singles dating scene? I welcome your thoughts and questions below!
For more information about Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman, go to My Dating School.
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Comment by Dave Pearl on 12 December 2008:
What if we keep getting “leads” but never can convert them into leads i.e. the persons are already in relationships, only see us as a friend, are busy etc. etc. ?
What if we fall into the friends box ?
Comment by Paulette Sherman on 12 December 2008:
It stinks when we have a hunch and really like someone and it doesn’t pan out. It’s normal to feel disappointment. It’s important to remember that dating is a number’s game, no is just a word (so do not reject yourself in the process) and it usually takes some no’s to get to a yes (and it only takes one!).
Circumstantial subjective situations (including timing, chemistry and prior attachments) do not mean that you are not a great person and a terrific catch for someone else, so keep on trying.
Having said this, as a psychologist, if someone has a long-standing relationship pattern of picking unavailable partners it can bear looking into. I do not know you so I can’t say it applies here. My book would help such a person understand why they are picking unavailable prospects instead of the people who really like them and want a committment. The emotional work would involve understanding their relationship blueprint (an exercise in my book). It would also look into whether they really want a committed relationship or have some fear around successfully creating one. Unless we understand and unblock old resistances, we can’t create something new.
Practically speaking, I’d advise them to look in places where they know prospects ARE available–ie singles events, dating sites or via introductions from friends who know their relationship status. This makes them warm leads because at least you know they too are looking to meet someone. Someone who is interested in you and available for a real relationship will consistently make the time, will give signals that they are romantically inclined and will not be in a serious relationship with someone else while dating you.
Hope this helps. Thanks for the comment.
Paulette