Talking to your date won’t be painful with these ten first date conversation starters! These tips range from talking about the “elephant in the corner” to knowing when to “fold ‘em”.

Before the tips, a quip about making conversation:

“A gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself,” says Lisa Kirk in New York Journal American.

There’s one first date conversation tip: talk about the other person! Make sure to listen and respond to what they say, too. For more dating tips, click on The Automatic 2nd Date by Victorya Michaels Rogers. And, read on for ten first date conversation starters…

10 First Date Conversation Starters

Are you sure you’re ready to date again? Read 5 Tips for Avoiding Rebound Love!

1. Talk about the elephant in the corner. If you notice that there seems to be nothing to talk about, then your date is probably noticing the same thing. Talk about that! I use this as a conversation starter regularly: “Isn’t it awkward when you feel like you have nothing to say?” Then you’ll start talking about that – and you’ll both be more relaxed. Try it – it really is an effective first date conversation tip.

2. Keep up with current events. I’m not a big fan of American politics, the war in Iraq, or the Canadian housing economy – but I listen to CBC and scan various news sources so my hubby and I have something to talk about at dinner (because sometimes old married couples need good conversation starters, too!). Make small talk about the news, sports, your community, or politics.

3. Share the highs and lows of your day. Here’s a great first date conversation tip that works for any get-together: family meals, first dates, or huge galas. Ask for the highs and lows of the day, and share yours. Did you lose your keys or find $100? Maybe you ate at a new restaurant recently, or found a great new CD. Making small talk is about sharing the little personal things, which is important even after you’ve been married for years.

4. Comment on a piece of clothing or accessory. Even better, wear a funky brooch, scarf, or necklace. If you’re talking to someone wearing any accessory, ask where it came from or what the significance is. Being observant about people and your surroundings is a great conversation starter for first dates. For more dating help, read 5 Successful Dating Tips for Men and Women.

5. Follow up on what they’re saying. There’s nothing worse than talking to someone who’s eyes are flitting all over the place. When you’re making small talk, follow up on what your conversation partner is saying. For instance, if they say they’re “doing excellently”, ask why. If they mention that they’re exhausted, follow up on it. Great first date conversations can arise out of the most benign questions.

6. Recall your past conversations. Even if it’s a first date, you can highlight what you talked about on the phone as you were setting up the date. Here’s a first date conversation tip that will carry you to second and third dates: file away bits of information, such as  their favorite vacation spots, the tie they were wearing the last time you met them, or where you were the last time you saw them. Then, make sure you ask about those things.

7. Ask open-ended questions that require an explanation. For instance, “How are you?” isn’t an effective first date conversation starter. Making small talk is easier if you ask “Whatever happened with ‘__________’ “? or “The last time we spoke you said ________. What happened with that?” For more conversation tips, read 5 Intelligent Conversation Starters.

8. Ask what movies or books they’ve seen or read recently. Someone once asked me that at a party –and this is so much more than a first date conversation tip. When I was asked what book I was reading, it felt like contrived conversation – which it was – but then we had a fantastic discussion about the book! Even the obvious conversation starters can be effective, especially for first dates…you’ll never know where it’ll go.

9. Take deep breaths and relax. Your date (and conversation partner) will pick up on how relaxed – or anxious – you are and will respond in kind. And two nervous people aren’t great at making conversation! So, let your guard down with your first date, business lunch partner, or the stranger at the gala event. If you’re nervous, say so. If your shoes are too tight, say so.

10. Know when to fold ‘em. If the conversation feels like dragging a piano uphill with cement boots on, then let it go. You can’t connect with everyone, and some conversations simply refuse to take life! Making small talk involves knowing when it’s time to move on – because conversational chemistry is just like personal chemistry. You can’t force it to happen. 

Here’s a great resource for dating couples: 1,000 Questions for Couples by relationship expert Michael Webb.

And if you’re looking for creative date ideas, you might find 300 Creative Date Ideas helpful.

Do you have any tips or questions about these first date conversation starters? Please comment below…

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• 5 Successful Dating Tips for Men and Women
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