When Your Dog Dies – 10 Tips for Healing From Pet Owners

October 7th, 2008 • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen • Related • Filed Under

If your dog died – whether from illness, old age, or an accident - healing from the heartache and guilt of pet loss can be harder than you imagined. Here, several dog owners share how their dog died and offer tips for healing and coping with grief.

Here’s how one journalist handled the death of her dog:

“When my precious schnoodle, Puccini, died, I channeled my grief into a project I’d been working on for 13 years-a series of children’s books called Adventures With PawPaw,” says Diana Scimone. “After Puccini died, I pushed the project into high gear. About a year later, the first three titles in the series were published-and more are on the drawing board.”

Not everyone can publish a book about their pet’s death — but we can all write about it in different places! And, reading about how to heal when your dog dies helps as well, in books such as Cold Noses At The Pearly Gates by Gary Kurz. And, these tips for healing from dog owners whose dogs died may help…

When Your Dog Dies – 10 Tips for Healing From Pet Owners

If you feel guilty because of your dog’s death, read 4 Ways to Deal With Guilty Feelings After Your Cat or Dog Dies.

1. Surround yourself with people who understand pet loss. “I’ve got four boxes of ashes on my book shelves – three dogs and one cat – for the pets I’ve had to say goodbye to over the last dozen years,” says Carol Hodes. “Each was an important member of my family [I have no children]. I am of the belief that you have to accept that the grief will be as profound, if not more so, than if you lost a human member of your family. And you need to surround yourself with people who understand that. Folks who don’t share your love of pets will not understand your sense of loss. In most cases, I had to make the decision to euthanize the pet and I also find that to be both a uniquely challenging and, sometimes, uplifting aspect of the experience. You got to be there for the pet and give the ultimate gift of a peaceful and pain-free end.”

2. Cherish your other pet — whether they’re dogs or cats. “I have been lucky that I’ve always had another pet at home to help me through the sadness – and they do feel the loss of their friend, too,” says Carol Hodes. “And I have gone on to get other pets to fill the void. I don’t understand the perspective of some people who, when they lose a beloved pet, won’t take the risk of getting another pet to love because they might eventually have to cope with the death of their dog or cat. Two years ago I lost my Pembroke Welsh corgi, Chip, to cancer. I knew that by the spring I would have “puppy fever” and sure enough, I got a puppy at the end of March. Scooter is a border terrier who is now a year old.”

3. Explore a different breed of dog. “One thing I have done that may work for some people – I don’t replace one dog with another dog of the same breed,” says Carol. “There’s no way to replicate your last pet and why have the next one held up to comparison all the time? It’s easier [for me] to enjoy the charms of an entirely different type of dog.”

4. Remember the funny stories about your dog, and make an album. “We have to put our 14 year old dog to sleep two weeks ago. Not sure how, but he broke his femur bone and he would have had to undergo major surgery to put pins in his leg, or if the break was caused by cancer they would have to amputate and hope the cancer didn’t spread. Neither choice was good for a 14 year old. I had to explain to my children that “Floyd” wouldn’t be coming back from the hospital. We had a funeral and memorialized our dog by telling her funny stories about him-how he liked to chase chickens, how he rescued (by barking to a neighbor) another dog that was drowning in our pool, and how he like to sleep in Mommy and Daddy’s bed with his head on the pillow. We found several pictures of him and made a little album. This helped us heal when our dog died”. – Roni Jenkins

5. Embark on a new endeavor. “I’ve owned Doberman Pinschers for almost 25 years and each time, the loss of each one was crushing,” says Sherry Stinson. “When I lost my oldest Dobe, Tyler, I was numb with grief. He was old, I knew that, and had lived beyond the average age a Dobie lives, but his passing was still devastating. To pull myself out of the all-consuming grief, I decided to start a pet greeting card company and name it TylerDog Cards. This helped me focus on the wonderful joy I had when Tyler was alive.”

6. Give yourself time to mourn when your dog dies. “Many people advocate getting a new pet to replace the emptiness, while others say to wait,” says Sherry. “Personally, I think you have to give yourself a little time to grieve pet loss before jumping into a new puppy given they require so much attention. However, that’s just me.”

7. Let yourself grieve the way you need to. “The most important thing is, don’t be afraid to cry, to grief, to miss your pets,” says Sherry. “Too often people let society deem what’s appropriate to grieve over and what’s not. Pets are an important part of people’s lives today and just as hard to lose as anything else, so it’s very important to just let yourself grieve.”

8. Share your memories of your dog. “My golden retriever Katie was a huge part of my life for 13.5 years,” says Regina. “We went through everything life tossed at us as a team, including my bout with cancer over six years ago. After she passed away, I hosted a memorial service with my friends. We sat in a circle and each guest told a happy story about Katie. Before each person spoke, I lit a small candle. After that I passed a balloon around and, as it reached each person, they had to express a wish for Katie in Eternity. When we completed the circle, I released the balloon and said that it not only carried our wishes Heavenward to Katie, it would grant those same wishes to every pet who had ever been loved and lost by anyone in the group.” – Regina Leeds

9. Visit a dog kennel. “We had to put down our beloved dachshund, who was two weeks shy of his 17th birthday. I almost immediately went online searching for dachshund rescue sites to see what dogs were available. I had no intention of replacing Joplin immediately but just found comfort in doing this. I also read up on how to deal with pet loss. Naturally, it’s a very individual thing and people respond differently. The house was eerily quiet without him and 4 months later, my husband and I adopted a wonderful 2 yr. old rescue. We still have photos of Joplin around the house and I do sometimes feel guilty loving Charlie as much as I do, but it is possible, at least for me, to be able to love this dog as much as I had Joplin.” – Jane Cohen

And, one tip for before your dog dies:

10. If you can, make a clear plan before your dog dies. “We recently lost Shirley, our cocker spaniel/poodle of 17 years, about a month ago,” says Abby. “My family is still very sad. We have tried to keep it as lighthearted as possible by laughing about her strange habits or funny times when she was around. We did make one mistake the day she passed away. My dad found her body and panicked. To ensure my mother would not arrive home from work and panic also, my dad reacted quickly and buried the dog in the backyard. While preventing my mother from having to watch the burial was thoughtful, it was not what worked for the grieving process. We learned to have a clear plan in case something happens and everyone is not around to make the decision together.” – Abby Harris

What type of dog did — or do — you have? It may reveal your personality traits! Read What Your Favorite Dog Breed Reveals About Your Personality.

If you have tips for healing when your dog dies — or questions — please share below…

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There Are 66 Responses So Far. »

Comment by Diana Scimone on 7 October 2008:

Laurie, thanks for posting my story about Puccini. It’s yet another wonderful way to honor him.

When your dog goes on to Doggie Heaven, you have to cope with it in the best way for you. What works for someone else may not help you at all. I have pictures of Puccini all over the house (I’m looking at 4 of them right now!), but my sister couldn’t keep any pictures of Peanut around; it was too painful for her. You’ll know what’s right for you.

When I was working on the Adventures With PawPaw books for many years, I didn’t know who PawPaw was going to be. We hadn’t yet gotten to the illustration stage, and in my mind PawPaw was going to be a made-up character. After Puccini died, it suddenly dawned on me (duh!) that PawPaw should be a dog.

I rounded up pictures of Puccini and gave them to artist Leah Wiedemer (www.lwiedemer.com) who was going to illustrate the PawPaw books. The result? PawPaw now bears a striking resemblance to a certain fluffy and lovable schoodle named Puccini.

A portion of the profits from book sales goes to help stop child trafficking around the world (www.pawpawspals.org) so it’s another way to honor his memory.

You can see a picture of Puccini at http://www.adventureswithpawpaw.com — click on the “Pedigrees” page for a photo of his first birthday party .

Diana Scimone
http://www.adventureswithpawpaw.com
http://www.dianascimone.com
Twitter: @BornToFly
Comment by Julie McClure on 8 October 2008:

Many people may disagree, but I highly recommend getting a new pet. Another dog, will never take the place of the dog you just lost, but in a matter of days or weeks, this new pet will be loving you unconditionally.

It will demand attention, demand feeding and demand lots of your time. You won’t be able to help starting to fall in love with the little guy. They will NEVER replace your past pet, but they can fill the void left from your loss. The loss is not quite so hard with some other little body is there to cuddle and kiss your face.

It really does help, despite feelings of “I’ll never have another one” or “I get too attached and it’s too hard when they are gone”. This is typical thinking, but most of the time, after another little life is introduced to your world, they have a way of helping the hurt heal.

If you do decide to get a new dog, the best bet is to steer clear of getting one of the same colour, sex and breed as the dog you lost. It’s unavoidable that you will tend to compare the two. You’ll say things like “Fido never would soil on the carpet” or “Fido never barked all time” and other such things. Don’t fall into the trap! Try a different breed or, if you’re hooked on certain breed, a different colour and sex. It will help you love the new addition just for themselves and stop the uncontrollable need to compare.

It’s like children – no two are ever alike, they have their own identity, personality, etc. You shouldn’t try and have them look alike, as you will compare and that just isn’t fair to the new dog. He would have big shoes to fill and that’s something that he won’t need when he is first introduced to your life.
Comment by Hali Chambers on 8 October 2008:

2 days before my birthday in January, my dog Barkley, died at the age of 15 & 1/2. I was traveling and knew when I got home that I would pick her up from the kennel and take her to be put down. She had started having seizures and couldn’t stand or walk by herself.

6 weeks later, I lost her son, Remi, who was 13 & 1/2. Unlike Barkley, I had no warning and was rushing him to the vet. Congestive heart failure. I had to let him go.

This time last year, I remember sitting outside with them both thinking that it would be my last autumn with Barkley. I had assumed that Remi would live to be 15 like his mother.

I have lost friends & family members–the grief I have felt does not compare to losing my dogs. Barkley was with me at the end of my 20’s into my 40’s. They both had a life-expectancy of 12 years, so everyday after that I felt lucky to have them. I would appreciate those quiet moments with Barkley sitting under my feet as I watched TV or read. Remi loved to be massaged. During those last few years as they got older, I would often think: There will be a time when they won’t be here. So it made me appreciate the moment even more.

I am still surprised sometimes when the grief returns. I have stopped thinking that I should be over it. Pushing it away only prolongs it. I miss the tangibles of being with them. I miss never calling their names in the yard. I miss hearing Remi make his moaning happy sound when I massaged him. I miss Barkley smiling. Yes, she really did.

All those things I miss. Jill Bolte Taylor recounts in her book My Stroke of Insight how when she thinks of her dog she feels the warm fuzzies, but can also go into a sense of loss because he died. It’s both: love and loss. All very bittersweet.

So here’s my advice:

Be with your pet when it’s time for them to go. Don’t leave it to strangers, it adds to your pet’s fear and confusion. Let them see you last. It’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but it was the right and loving thing to do for my faithful companions.

The homeopathic remedy Ignatia is for grief. Take it. It really does help. It works for animals as well.

Recognize from the beginning that the very nature of having a pet is that you will most likely outlive them. Appreciate the time you do have with them. Love them and cherish them as much as they do you.

Doing something creative in honor of their memory helps to channel the grief into something constructive: a scrapbook, photo album, pillow, etc.

Give yourself time to grieve before jumping into getting another pet. The new one deserves your unfettered attention.

It really does get better with time. I think of them and smile. I am so grateful for their presence in my life.
Comment by Sherry Stinson on 8 October 2008:

Wonderful article! I know when I lost Tyler, I didn’t know what to do and when I started creating the cards for TylerDog Cards, it gave me something to throw my grief into, sharing his wonderfulness with the world. The great thing is, in his passing he has reached people from every state and several foreign countries where his cards have sold! It makes my day to know I can bring joy and happiness to others through my sweet Tyler, Grady, and the others I have loved.
Comment by priscilla on 3 December 2008:

Nov.8 a sad day, Nell was breathing hard to took her to the Vet. she had advanced cancer and other health problems I, was not able to bring her home as I expected to. There, is a book “Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates.” by Gary Kurz borrowed from the library. It will soon be a month sence losing her and the loss is painful She liked to ruffle up the Christmas tree skirt and settle in .No Nell and no tree. Priscilla
Comment by Joe on 26 December 2008:

How do you deal with the loss of a pet at christmas? My sweet loving greyhound had to be layed to sleep on Christmas day. My emotions are plenty. Is this a special day to go to heaven? Why do I have to play the role of GOD and be the exicusioner on this day? My greyhound had kidney disease and some other ailments which I had been taking care of regularly. I had been very good to her and spent a car payment on her monthly to keep her going. She was worth every penny of it. But when the time came at Christmas eve she began to have breathing problems. I knew everything was closed so we spent the night on the floor together. Christmas day I could no longer see her suffer. I found an Animal emergency hospital that I could take her to. I had spent so much on her and was just about exhausted for the holiday, I felt guilty that I only had so much money to care for her. The Vet on duty said that it would cost well over 500.00 to help her. I have no credit cards and laid out all I had. Just to give oxgen, euthenize her and receive her ashes cost 690.00 Why must a pets health come down to money? I feel guilty as spilled 505.00 onto the counter. I said take this, this is all I have. I feel terrible that I had to put her down. No price should have to be put on an animal, and yet I poured out so much in the past on low protein foods,MRI`s exrays, dogy daycare while I`m working. Daily meds and I would not take any of it back because My sweet little greyhound girl gave me more. The love she gave was so great I haven`t found any on this earth like it. So you see I am greaving heavily over these decisions I have made an on a day when no one wants to lay an animal to sleep. In my heart I know I took her pain and suffering away. But I find no rest in it. I did what was “right” but playing GOD with a life is difficult. The money to do or not do more is like the gold pieces given to Judas for our lords betrayl. How does one deal with these tough cosiquences? Then there`s the loss of love. This is the greatest. My whole routeen evolved around this loving animal. Now I can`t even go out the back door because of the hundreds of hours we walked around together out there. Another animal is not the answer at this time. Any advise. I grieve more than the loss when my mother died.
Comment by Laurie PK on 27 December 2008:

I’m very sorry to hear about the death of your greyhound, Joe – that’s so sad. Right before Christmas, I wrote this article on Dealing with the Death of Your Pet at Christmas…..and it’s all below. I hope it helps.

But I really think nothing helps but time.

Dealing With Pet Loss at Christmas…

If you’re dealing with the death of your pet dog or cat during the holidays, you may find it difficult to get excited about Christmas preparations, parties, and presents. These five suggestions may help you balance mourning when your cat or dog dies with a joyful Christmas experience. Plus, below are several tips for helping children cope with pet loss during the holidays.

Coping with Pet Loss at Christmas

1. Spend time with people who understand. If you talk about the death of your dog or cat at holiday parties or family functions, don’t spend time with people who can’t relate to your feelings of loss. You’ll feel worse if you feel you have to defend yourself, which will increase your feelings of grief. To cope with pet loss at Christmas, find support in people who have experienced similar situations.

2. Let yourself grieve. If your dog or cat has died during the holidays, you need time to mourn. Give yourself permission to do less, because the last thing you need to worry about is sending cards on time or baking your special gingerbread cookies. Coping with pet loss at Christmas is about giving yourself more down time – and focusing on things that are really important.

3. Find a creative outlet for your feelings. To express your feelings of grief – which will help you grieve your pet loss at Christmas – find ways to be creative. Journaling, painting, or scrapbooking a memoir of your pet’s life can help you deal with the death of your dog or cat.

4. Get out of the house. Research shows that volunteering improves your emotional and physical health, and it’ll take your mind off the death of your dog or cat at Christmas. Consider spending time with adults with disabilities, seniors who need company, or kids who are hospitalized. If you want to be with animals, check with your local shelter – they might need extra help over the holidays.

5. Let yourself grieve in your own way. Tune in to how you grieve. Do you withdraw to spend time alone? Do you talk about your pet and the circumstances surrounding the death? Would you prefer to listen to how others coped with pet loss? To cope with pet loss during the holidays, figure out what your grief process is and accept it – without letting others tell you how you should cope with pet loss at Christmas.

To Help Children Cope with Pet Loss at Christmas:

Talk openly about the death of your dog or cat, and encourage your kids to discuss their pet with friends and family, at school and in the community. Feelings of sadness and grief are often lightened when shared.

Share your own feelings of sadness and loss. Coping with pet loss sharing your grief, confusion, and even anger.

Answer questions as honestly as possible about how your dog or cat died.

Have a memorial, whether it’s a burial, moment of silence in the yard, or a walk in a special place where you have memories of the pet. Grieving your pet’s death at Christmas might involve a formal grief process with several friends and family members.
Comment by ANGELA PALERMO on 30 December 2008:

My tip is that recently a co-worker lost her dog of 12 years, I contacted the Toronto Humane Society and made a donation In Memory of her beloved four legged creature.

It really made her happy to know that her dogs’ celebration of life has made a contribution to a local pet shelter.
Comment by Eruca on 6 January 2009:

my two babies… where put to sleep last night. They were young… only 2… and my heart is breaking. i dont want to do anything. somebody. please. what can help? as im writing this i have tears streaming down my face. they were the best dogs in the entire world. they had so much more life in them. they loved me unconditionally and i loved and appreciated them in my life mroe than anyone will ever know.
Comment by Marisa on 14 January 2009:

Thank you so much for this article. Our little schnauzer got out today and was hit by a car. I did not know he had gotten out until I heard the yelps. His leg was so mangled and he was hurt so bad. We had to put him to sleep and quickly…there was just nothing that they could do. I feel so guilty. Those dogs are my life and I feel such a huge void. Our house is just not the same. It really feels like there has been a death in the family. I feel terrible that he may have been in pain or scared. He was the most loving, tender, and loyal dog.
Now that we are home our other schnauzer is sniffing all around the house and won’t look at me. He wants to stay under the bed. Is there anything that I can do for him? I also have a small daughter that is crying for the dog. It is terrible.
This article helped me so much. Thank you for taking the time to do this! If you have any further tips about how to deal with my other dogs grief or some good children’s books…please pass them on to me.

Thanks!
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 17 January 2009:

I’m so sorry to hear about your schnauzer, Marisa. I had the EXACT same experience when I let my cat, Petra, out. She wouldn’t come when I called, and finally she came limping out of the bushes in my yard dragging her bloody leg behind her. She was dazed and in so much pain — it was TERRIBLE. It happened about 12 years ago now, and I feel as bad today as I did that day (sorry – that’s probably not what you want to hear!). I had to take her to the vet, and he put her down. So sad.

Coping when your pet dies is one of life’s hardest moments, and it never really ends. And, when you have guilt surrounding the death…it makes it even worse.

I don’t know of any good children’s books about pet death offhand, but I think any book about grief and mourning loss would be good to read with your kids. Remember, you’re mourning the death of someone who was a huge part of your life. It takes time, and the pain doesn’t just go away!

Your other schnauzer is mourning, too…and I’m not a vet or dog expert, so I don’t know what to say. I’d call the vet and see what he or she says….maybe getting another dog would be good for him? I don’t know….but some people say that getting a new dog helps you cope with the death of your pet. Others say it doesn’t help or even makes it worse — it just depends on your personality and circumstances.

Thanks for taking the time to comment, Marisa. I hope you’re all doing better, and that the pain has eased up a bit! Let me know how things are going…

Take care,
Laurie
Comment by Steve LoCurto on 30 January 2009:

My black pearl, my heart and love, Natasha at 13.5 years I had to put to ’sleep’ from the sudden onset of Immuno Hemolytic Anemia. From her first symptom on a wednesday to her end on Saturday. I am grieving for the most deep and loving and durable bond I have ever known. Only her irreversible suffering could have made me conquer my desire to keep her at the moment when she needed me most to show compassion and love. As i looked into her loving eyes in life I would know there was a God, and only God on this Earth had the power to call her home. They say home is where the heart is…and it’s true. She led me on less travelled paths under stars, moon, and sun, and I was always at home because she was there with me. In life I mostly said “I love you” to her and when the vet injected the anesthetic and her head lowered to my chest peacefully, all i could sob was “Thank you mama, thank you mama…”She enriched my life and rent an opening in my heart that could never be closed. They say “dare to love what death can touch” and I know what this means. In grieving I understand the depth of the love we shared. I pray that this love is a bond beyond space and time that unites us again. You who grieve for an animal spirit, and loving soul, are blessed. I can think of no higher purpose in life than to love and be loved in return. I love you my Natasha Meena Mama forever.
Comment by Lori on 24 February 2009:

When my Keeshond/Collie mix and Golden Retriever ages 14 1/2 and 13 respectively had to be put to sleep eight months apart, I was filled with such sorrow and loss, I cannot even begin to express. My family always got another pet very soon after another one passed on. Getting another pet NEVER replaces another, never stops the grieving process, but getting another pet I found helps one heal, gives one a focus, and a new pet seems to sense that you need them as much as they need you. I adopted a rescued Golden after I lost my two lovely dogs, and he was very malnourished and covered with wounds and was not socialized and was afraid of most everything. This dog really needed someone to love him, and he has come quite far in his journey of recovery. It was quite strange, but my other two dogs never mimicked the other’s mannerisms, moods or expressions. They were very different dogs, but loved each other dearly and were true buddies. My current Golden, although he has his own distinct personality, has surprised me and others in that he does MANY of the same mannerisms, expressions, and behavious that the two previous dogs did! It’s a little surreal at times. I just like to think that my beautiful Rainbow Bridge dogs are giving my special resuced Golden a few pointers. When he does something that reminds me of my other dogs, it makes me smile and makes me glad that I have had the privilege of having owned such beautiful, special dogs, and that I will never forget them. I only hope that we all reunite with our loved ones and special furbabies when we have left this earth. I am grateful for the dog I have now. I love him immensely and thank God every day that I have him. He is my ‘baby’ and warms my heart every single day. Each person reacts differently when they experience a loss and each person should be respected with how they need to cope. I wish nobody ever had to experience any kind of loss. I pray that everyone finds peace and love and a way of coping, and find new pleasure with all the gifts life has to offer.
Comment by Dave on 2 March 2009:

I had to put my faithful companion Buddy (almost 12) Black Lab down a month ago. It seems like I am still grieving almost as bad as the 1st couple of days. I don’t have a lot of guilt as he had advanced kidney failure and I was fortunate enough to keep him alive for an extra 3 months. I held him while we put him down (don’t forget the eyes are still open after FYI). He knew he was with me and passed peaceully. I just plain miss him and almost as bad as my mothers passing 4 years ago. You can’t get ready for this because once it really happens, when he’s really gone, it sinks in and for me was devastating. It is better but still hits hard.
Comment by Barb on 9 March 2009:

My sweet 2 year old malti-poo Bentley was killed in my front yard by a wild, stray dog that had wandered into the neighborhood. Bentley had an invisible fence that kept him safe from running into the street. Unfortunately I didn’t count on another animal destroying him. I always watched out for him but on this day I went back to my car and as I turned around I heard and saw him in this huge dogs mouth. My life feels so empty and I have so much guilt. I have 3 children who loved him more than anything in the world and I feel like I failed to protect and save the most precious thing to them. Can anyone please offer me advise on how to cope with this horrible event. It has been 3 weeks and I can’t bear the pain, it’s as bad as the day it happened.
Comment by Pam on 10 March 2009:

Barb:

I’m so sorry for your loss. Have you tried going to see a counselor by yourself, or with your children? I think it would help if all of you talked in a supportive environment with a specialist trained to asked the right questions and help you grieve and gradually work through the pain. I hope you are all able to get the help you need and deserve. You shouldn’t have to face this alone.

Best,
Pam
Comment by Jennifer on 24 March 2009:

I had to make the difficult decision of putting my dog down earlier today. It was extremely hard and something I had never had to before. I rescued her about 5 years and was told she was about 4 because she was so youthful and playful, but soon it was clear that she was much older than this and I had in fact adopted a senior dog.

Up until last fall, she was her young and chipper self; people never believed me that she was over 10 years old! Then in the last six months she went downhill very quickly; losing her balance, having seizures, going blind and deaf, and having problems with her bladder, not to mention her inability to get comfortable in the last few weeks. She didn’t come to the door anymore when I came home and I told myself that as soon as her bad days outnumbered the good, I would take her in so she could leave this world with dignity. This past month had been her worst ever and looking back on it this morning I couldn’t remember the last time she had wanted to play.

I looked into her eyes and knew it was time. While it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, she no longer had the life of a dog and after all of the love, loyalty and companionship she gave me, I knew I had to do this for her and put my own feelings aside. Today has been anything but easy (and I fully expect to feel this for awhile), but she’s in a better place and will always have a place in my heart. She was my first dog and while our time together was short, the bond we had can never be replaced. I’m sure I will have another dog soon and while I will love the dog just as much, there’s something unexplainable about what I had with my sweetheart.

I hope my story that I had to go through mere hours ago will help those faced with the same decision. It’s important to put your feelings aside and do what is best for the animal; you’ll know when it’s time. I know it’s difficult for those going through what I am to look for the good in a situation that makes us feel horrible, but in my opinion, the silver lining is she’s in a better place, free of suffering and pain. She knows I loved her and making this decision, to me, is the ultimate way I could repay her for her love and loyalty.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 26 March 2009:

I’m sorry for your loss, Jennifer…coping when your dog or cat dies really is one of the hardest things to experience.

I do think your story will help others who have to make the same decision. Sometimes it’s better to let go — and I love your comment about letting her go as a thank you or repayment for her love and loyalty.

Best regards,
Laurie
Comment by Dave on 9 April 2009:

Hey people this is Dave, its been a little over 2 months now. I am doing a lot better. FYI it is mostly time that heals, and also talking to people that understand. It still hurts though as I am teary eyed right now but it is not as bad. I am going to get a new dog now and I think I am ready to not judge the new one so its fair.
Take care,
Dave
Comment by LauriePK on 10 April 2009:

It’s great to hear of people coping with dog loss and moving on — thanks for updating us, Dave! It’s such a hard thing to get over…I know a guy whose 14 year old dog died several years ago, and he says he’ll never get another dog. Ever. It hurts too much.

I hadn’t thought that if people get a new dog too soon after losing theirs, they might judge or compare it unfavorably. That’s a great reason to wait until you’ve mourned properly before getting another.

Yet, some people can get a new one right away — it distracts them from the pain of losing their pet. I guess it depends on personality and circumstances….
Comment by Sandy on 12 April 2009:

Today’s Easter Sunday and yesterday I lost my best friend. Cookie was a 1 1/2 year old German Shepherd. My husband let Cookie and our other dog out to go to the bathroom (they have an invisible fence). We have an acre of land and for some unknown reason, they ran across the fence line and across the road in front of our house. The older dog missed getting hit but my sweet girl Cookie was killed. I feel so guilty that they were put in harm’s way. I am just crushed and can’t seem to stop crying. She trusted me completely and I let her down. She had so much life left to live and it’s gone.
Comment by LauriePK on 13 April 2009:

That’s terrible – I’m very sad for you, Sandy. I know exactly how you feel. I let my cat outside about 12 years ago, and she was injured so badly I had to put her to sleep…and I STILL feel guilty and sad about it.

I wish I could say it goes away and we live happily ever after, but coping when your cat or dog dies seems to be one of the hardest things you could do! Definitely the pain gets lighter and fades with time, but it’s always there….I think it’s because our pets love us unconditionally and trust us totally, and when we do things that seem to betray that trust or put them at risk, we feel TERRIBLE.

My condolences to your and your husband, Sandy….and to your older dog, who might be confused and scared! Sometimes pets take it just as hard as humans, and other times they go on as if nothing has changed. I hope your older dog is doing okay.

Laurie
Comment by Dave T. on 2 May 2009:

A little over two weeks ago, Chloe, our 6yo shepard/chow mix, appeared a little melancholy and just not her usual playful attention seeking self. We thought initially that she was just bored or perhaps had a minor bug or something, so we took her into the vet to have her checked out. It turned out she had two large malignant mast cell tumors which they believe had metastasized into her lungs and heart. We were told the type of cancer was extremely aggressive, that the tumors were inoperable and that she could go at any time. The vet said that Chloe basically had a worst case scenario and was the most extreme case she’d ever seen. I felt like I was sucker punched by a sledgehammer. Although we had another dog, Blue (3yo lab mix) and a couple cats, Chloe was always the baby of the house. My wife always called her the 100-pound lap dog.

Two days ago, Chloe lost her battle with cancer. We had her put to sleep in the comfort of her own home, with her pack by her side. Chloe was my best friend, partner, and hiking buddy. Although the pain and anguish is still exceedingly fresh and at times just stops me in my tracks, I always try to remember that she is in a better place now, pain free, and waiting for us to reunite.

Our other buddy, Blue, is also very depressed right now and we’ve been giving him extra lovins as well. I’d like to get another pup eventually, but I believe it’s true that a little time needs to pass before going down that path…to allow for some level of closure. It’s very true what some of the earlier entries mentioned about the sense of loss being greater than that of losing a human friend or family member. For me, losing Chloe was like losing my 6yo daughter, best bud, and soulmate wrapped into one. It’s very hard to explain. As my wife also said…she isn’t a dog, she’s a Chloe. Through this ordeal, I’ve learned that you just have to live every day like it’s your last, because you just never know what kind of life changing events may be in store right around the corner.
Comment by Virginia on 31 May 2009:

Dear Fellow pet lovers,
i am so glad to have found this site. my girl, Princess, had to be put down several days ago. up until a few days before we had to let her go she was happy and active and had been so for 16 wonderful years. i feel so blessed to have had her in my life. she went peacefully in my arms with my husband petting her gently. i was ill-prepared for what a true and deep loss it has been. other than my husband this wonderful creature i loved more than anyone even other family members. it is so comforting to read all your stories and have my own feelings validated. it is truly a personal and individual experience. i have been experience guilt when i suddenly realize i haven’t thought about her for an hour. if i feel like laughing does it mean i have already gotten over the loss? those kinds of things. so many of your suggestions are very helpful. Pricess was an incredible dog and all who met her knew it. i know that no other dog can be how she was but i know i will know when i am ready to give my heart again. thank you all for sharing your suggestions and stories. it is just so hard for me to learn how to change the love i used to give her everyday to a love based on remembrance instead of actions. that may sound strange but that seems to be my challenge. i hope when we receive her ashes that that will help to have something physical to touch.
blessings to all and to all our companions.
Comment by Laurie PK on 1 June 2009:

Thanks for your comment, Virginia!

Isn’t it shocking how losing your dog or cat can affect us so deeply? I’ve loved and lost several cats over the years, and I have one now whom I love dearly. But, when she’s on my lap purring or asking me to play or bugging me to feed her, I always see my past cats in her! It’s almost like a little parade of cats I’ve loved following this current cat….and it makes me both sad and happy.

Virginia, it’s not only normal, it’s healthy to move on and laugh again, and forget your dear departed pet…..you can’t mourn or grieve for years without losing your own life and spirit. Cherish your memories, and let your feelings of guilt go. You aren’t forgetting Princess, you’re just tucking her away in your heart.

I wish you – and all the pet lovers reading this – all the best in surviving the death of your dog or cat. And, I hope you can love a new pet again someday!

Laurie
Comment by Arturo on 2 June 2009:

Hello, I just lost my baby, I called him my papa. but his name was Coco. I feel so devastated, and I missed him so much. He was almost 5 years old. He was always sick since he was baby, but I always took care of him. He got sick last week and I took him to the doctor, the doctor told me he couldn’t do anything. He was my first dog, he showed me love, respect and companionship. He died in my arms, I missed him licking my face, him jumping in the shower when I was taking a shower, his brown eyes, and he had the most amazing paws, they were like a polar bear paws. I wish I had him with me now. I always told him, “Coco, you don’t need to worry about anything. I’ll take care of you all the time.”. Coco, papo, I’ll always love you, you will always be in my heart, I will never forget you, you were my baby, I miss you papo.
Love you for ever my papo.
Comment by rosa ceja on 2 June 2009:

Hello. my dog Gizmo went missing Jan 20,2009. I don’t know if he was taken or eaten by the coyotes. I don’t know what to do. My heart aches so much. My world is not the same without him. He is on my mind every day. I guess I feel this way cause I don’t have any closure about him. I put ads called craiglist poster, I did it all and nothing. I don’t want to believe that he is dead. I just want him home. I need some guidelines please help
Comment by Laurie PK on 3 June 2009:

When your dog, cat, or a person you love goes missing, the worst thing is not knowing what happened! If you don’t know what happened, then you can’t grieve properly or have closure — as you mentioned, Rosa.

Since it’s been almost 5 months, I’d suggest that you grieve the end of your dog’s life. I’m sorry, but as time passes, the chances that Gizmo will return are slimmer and slimmer.

I know you don’t want to believe he’s gone, but grieving your pet’s death might help you move on with your life. It’s SAD — I’m so sorry — but it might be better for you to mourn properly.

After you’ve grieved his death – and the time that takes is different for everyone – you’ll feel more free to decide if you want a new pet, or just hold Gizmo as your “one and only.”

Good luck, Rosa. Keep me posted.

Best wishes,
Laurie
Comment by phil on 4 June 2009:

i had to put our faithfull german shepard holly to sleep yesterday and it was the hardest thing i had to do.The local vet who knew her since we got her as a rescue case from the rspca.At 18 months old half her normal wieght we built her up to perfect health until the last 3 months noticing her limping at the back and losing weight on her rear it was heartbreaking to see my beloved dog trying to do what she had always done before and failing simple things like jumping into the car,swimming in the rivers ,running and playing with other dogs.She collasped on a walk with my wife and when i saw her in the evening i tried to coax her to walk but i could see the pain in her eyes she wanted to move but she couldnt.I had her in the vets for the first time in 12 years except for normal vacinations and check ups,he was very honest at the examination that her breed 13and a half was exceptional but it was to be the kindest thing in the long run to end it there and then i reluctantly agreed it was for the best and i held her head told her that i was sorry and i loved her and she licked may face as she slid away to see a 45 year old ex soldier cry was not very dignified i know but we are all my wife and 14 year old daughter have to come to terms that she a cracking 12 years with us a constant companion for visits to the beach and the local woods and rivers she loved i am going to miss her desperatly and this helps me i think to come to terms that i will never see a dog with such love, character and temperment again
Comment by Shara La Cross on 5 June 2009:

Hello,
On May 28th my almost 5 year old Newfoundland Primo passed away. I cant sleep eat or stop crying. I am truly heartbroken.
Primo was my heart and soul. He was so loyal and kind. He went everywhere with me, if I was not at work I was with him.
No matter how bad of day I had just seeing his face made me feel happy again.
He was born the week on my Moms passing (lung cancer –that was horrible sadness!)
- I think she sent him for me from above to help heal. He was my first dog.

He was fine the day before, he was playing, ate dinner went for a walk and then put himself to bed early, I thought that was odd. Thinking back I did notice an odd look on his face of sadness. Should have listen to my gut feelings.. that something may have been wrong.
In the morning he had a blank look on his face and I new something was very wrong – He died on the way to vet.
They said it was Abscess Formation of the Pancreases, he was in gave pain.

!!!! People please listen, NEVER, NEVER give your dog people food!!!!!
I have been reading hundreds of sites wanting to know why, why did this happen???
I never scraped my plate and gave it to him, I gave him Science Diet dry food and canned food but I cooked ground Turkey and chicken and beef on top. Mostly turkey.
I thought it was healthy, Turkey is very bad for a dogs, high in fat.
I blame myself. Its my fault – I have read these stories about guilt – I know how bad it hurts. I am so sorry, why did I not learn more before this happened???

Primo leave me Lola, she is 10 months old now – (spitting image of her father).
Today I have learned she is suffering his loss too and I need to allow her to fill the hole in my heart for not only my sake but hers.
Primo was everything to me, It will be very hard to move on with out him.
My heart goes out to all of you for your loss..
Comment by Garalynn Hovda on 8 June 2009:

Hello,

I had never heard about pancreatitis in dogs until my beloved 5 yr old min pin Ozzie was diagnosed with it June 5,2009.”acute” and I had to make a choice to either not wake him up from the surgery or try and treat this disease agressively. I felt that would be selfish for me to keep in pain. I thought he was dealing with an upset stomach and this would pass. I waited a week and he wasn’t better. Had I known the outcome I would have taken him in right away. “Guilt”
Had I known more about feeding your dog human food,I would have never done it.”Guilt” He was my world. He would wait until I sat down and jump on my lap. He was always by my side. He would run to the kitchen window barking when I would get home from work. Where ever I was,Ozzie was. I have cried for 3 days now. I can’t sleep and I’m barely eating. I’m devasted.
I have an 11 month old min pin “Kash” also who has been with Ozzie. I know he’s grieving too. I want to make him feel better but don’t know what to do.
Comment by Gara Hovda on 8 June 2009:

Hello,

On June 5,2009 I had received the devasting call from my vet. He was performing a 2nd exploratory surgery on my 5yr old beloved min pin “Ozzie”. Diagnosis Acute Pancreatitis. Which I didn’t know dogs or cats get. I choose not to wake him up.
I have cried for 3 days,can’t sleep or eat. Ozzie was my whole life.
Where ever I was,Ozzie was. Always by my side or on my lap. This has left a huge hole in my soul.
I also have another min pin named “Kash”. He’s 11 months old and also suffering the loss.
Had I known human food kills your dog I wouldn’t have given it to him. I had given him scraps with his regular dog food for about 3 yrs. When Kash came along I stopped cause I didn’t want him to beg.
I may have saved him. I wished I had known… I love you Ozzie R.I.P. buddy 10/30/03- 06/05/09
It’s like an open wound that has a bandaid on it and everywhere I look something keeps ripping that bandaid off.
God bless all of those who have lost a pet.
Comment by Heather on 20 June 2009:

To Phil…we just lost our 12 year old german shepherd this past week. And if you can believe it…her name was Holly as well.

My heart is crushed right now. I found her first thing in the morning…she had been acting weird the night before but had been fine up until then(aside from her sight dwindling due to keratitis and she was starting to finally lose her hearing). I feel like I can’t get through this..I’ve lost pets before, but this one has hit me so hard.
My husband has taken it extremely hard…in all of the years I’ve known him, I only saw him cry once..at my grandfathers funeral 3.5 years ago. But seeing him lose our old lady has been rough. I’ve never seen him so distraught. This grief has been more than he can handle and him and my kids wanted another dog around to help them cope. I do not. We all miss her and the sounds she made…but…Its entirely too soon for me.

Yet…hubby came home with a chihauhau last night(knowing I’ve always wanted one). He’s adorable. Tiny. Sweet. But he’s not my dog and I’m not ready for him to be here. He seems to be helping everyone else cope and although they’re all still talking about our beloved Holly, I’m the one still in tears all day. The new little dog has taken a liking to me and as horrible as it sounds..I don’t want to like him. Not now. Not yet. Last night he jumped into bed with me and cuddled right up next to me and went nose to nose with me. I said “I refuse to love you. We are not going to be friends.” And then he licked my nose twice as if to say “sure lady, whatever you say.”

I know I will grow to love him, and I already do like him. But gosh dang it…I really needed MUCH more time to grieve. I almost feel worse with this new dog here….guilty. My sweet, sweet Holly was my girl and she’s hardly been gone anytime at all. We have her ashes, and hubby had them do a special plaster paw print, with her name down the side. I just want her back . I am grateful for the time I had with her and I know that 12+ years for a GSD is darn good. But I want her here with me again. I’m just so very sad, and my husband can’t deal with the agony he feels at the loss of Holly-which is why he rushed to bring another dog in. I’m thankful that this dog is Hollys opposite…in size, gender, breed and age. But its just too soon and I just don’t know how to deal right now.
Why couldn’t he have waited? This is apparently what he and the children needed to cope, but now how do I get through it while struggling with this tiny young dog…when I knew I wasn’t ready? Am I really so evil for not wanting him here?
Comment by Laurie PK on 21 June 2009:

Heather, thanks for sharing your story — I can’t imagine how horrible it felt to find Holly gone. But I do know how it feels to mourn a lost pet.

You’re not evil for needing time to grieve the loss of your beloved pet! I know I’d want the same thing. In fact, it took me a whole year to warm up to my husband’s cat (he had her before we got married), because I kept comparing her to my previous cat. But now I love our cat almost as much as my last cat…and she’s more mine than his now. I’ll never love her the way I loved my previous cat, though. It’s just the way it is.

Let yourself sit with your discomfort and sadness that this dog is here, and Holly is gone. It’s okay to feel sad and even resentful towards your new dog. I like that you told your new dog you don’t want to be friends — it’s so important to express how you really feel. Your feelings will change over time, especially if you DON’T struggle against them. Honor how you feel by accepting and sitting with your emotions…and they’ll soon fade.

Your new dog won’t ever replace your departed Holly. It’ll take time to love — or even like — him, and that’s okay.

My thoughts are with you, and again, I’m sorry for your loss.

Laurie
Comment by phil on 22 June 2009:

thanks for the supporting comments ive come to terms that shes gone now we have rearranged the house re decorated it,ive even planted a tree were she is but i still get a feeling that her eyes are looking at me.we have changed so many of our normal routines to get over the loss.Ive decided that another dog isnt the way forward as we will be always comparing them and i wouldnt be fair on the replacment. thanks again for everybodies comments best wishes to all
Comment by Laurie PK on 2 July 2009:

“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.” ~ Author Unknown

It’s not just people….this quotation applies to losing your dog, too
Comment by Virginia on 10 July 2009:

This past Tuesday July 7th we lost our (almost) 10 year old Yorkie -Phoebe, had to put her down .( TEARS) IT ALL HAPPENED TOO FAST –SUDDENLY ( WE THOGHT ) BUT FOUND OUT SHE WAS SICK A LONG TIME —WE JUST DIDN’T KNOW ( GUILT !!!!!!!) -She would have been 10 years old this labor day . When our youngest daughter was a freshman I High School we met Phoebe – the day after she was born . We visited her a few times a week until we brought her home and just loved he to bits . She was always a bit frail but with 4 adults in the house and one ling time boyfriend of one of our daughters ( another dog lover) she always had plenty of tender loving care.
What I feel TERRIBLE about is that after all her illnesses – I had NO IDEA she was dying —-how could I have not know that ? I took her to the vet at 8:30 am on Friday July 3rd..her breathing was very labored. Vet gave me lasix BUT by Monday my husband took her back as she was no better .Tuesday night at 6:00 pm we took her to a cardiologist – took ultra sound ….the news NOT GOOD —she had chronic lung disease….we had her to the vet in MARCH —shouldn’t I have know this —–our 4 hearts are broken….me , my husband and our adult children who live at home still , daughters 24 & 29 . I feel like a bad mom – like I didn’t even think Phoebe was dying…I had no idea –we all thought she was just getting older. we are all so sad …we all stayed with her while she was being put down and kissed and hugged her before and after….

PHOEBE I LOVE YOU – MOMMY IS SO SORRY I WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION – I COULD HAVE MADE YOU MORE COMFORTABLE AND I FELL TERRIBLE YOU SUFFERED AND I WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION —-I PRAY YOU FORGIVE ME HONEY — I AM SO SORRY – I LOVE YOU MY PHOEBE GIRL .

Please has anyone lost their Yorkie this way —Please help
Comment by Ed on 10 July 2009:

Yesterday, we had to put down our Max. He was an 11 year old rescue Cockapoo. He had a protein losing disease. He was severely emaciated (20 lbs when he normally was in the mid-30’s). He was a walking skeleton. He wasn’t eating on a regular basis, especially in the last 30 days, (even when I cooked him steak) and was very, very sick. However, he still was able to run around and bark and relieve himself outside (although his BM’s were awful and strained), he just couldn’t eat. We had many, many tests and tried all kinds of different foods, pills, etc. He wasn’t getting any better.

My problem is that I just can’t get over the immense guilt that I feel right now. I keep feeling like we should have done more or tried different therapies earlier. I agonized over the decision to put him down and I almost walked out of the vets office twice when we were there for his final visit. I am just so heartbroken right now that I can barely function. Please help me.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 11 July 2009:

Virginia, Ed,

I am so sorry for both your losses. Dealing with the death of your dog or cat is heartbreaking – and it’s even worse if you feel guilty about your pet loss. And, feeling guilty is very common for people who are mourning.

Instead of writing it all out here, I posted two articles about coping with guilty feelings (I had to divide it up into two — one article was too long for such an important topic!).

These are the points I cover:
- Stop replaying the “if only” scenarios
- Identify “imagined” guilt
- Identify “real” guilt
- Accept that you made the best decision at the time
- Remember that you don’t know what could have happened
- Know that you’re not alone
- Remember what you did right
- Remember that it’s normal to feel guilty

Here are the links to the full articles, where I explain what I mean.

“4 Ways to Cope With the Guilt of Your Pet’s Death”:
http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/quipstipsachievinggoals/home/4-ways-to-cope-with-the-guilt-of-your-pets-death/

“Dealing With Guilty Feelings After Your Cat or Dog Dies”:
http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/quipstipsachievinggoals/home/4-ways-to-deal-with-guilty-feelings-after-your-cat-or-dog-dies/

I hope these articles help…..though I know nothing anyone can say or do will take away the pain. I’ve loved and lost several cats and a dog over the years, and I honestly feel like I’ll never fully recover.

Best wishes,
Laurie
Comment by Virginia on 13 July 2009:

Dear Laurie ,
This information has saved my life – I actually took in a deep breath and exhaled after reading after reading #4 – Imagined guilt. I feel uplifted and instantly started envisioning the happy and fun times with Phoebe…Thank you for this valued information .
I sent the links to my husband who will benefit immensely —I am sure .

Laurie God bless you for the wonderful work you do .
Regards,
Virginia
Comment by Laurie PK on 13 July 2009:

Thank YOU for coming back and letting me know how you are, Virginia.

Funny; when I wrote that sentence about taking a deep breath, I actually did it myself and thought of my own dear departed cat. It felt good. It may sound “hokey” but stopping to take a few deep breaths — especially when we’re hurt, angry, frustrated, or scared — can change our feelings in seconds.

May you breathe through the bittersweet feelings…

Laurie
Comment by Britney on 6 August 2009:

Only one word to characterize such a great post: “deep.” Thank you.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 6 August 2009:

Thanks for stopping in, Britney!
Comment by Kara on 9 August 2009:

My best friend of 17 years passed away Friday. It was the usual start to the day, come downstairs, pick up Lexy and bring her outside to go the bathroom, bring her back up onto the deck where she would have her breakfast and bask in the sun for a couple of hours. It was a beautiful summer morning! She had a bum-leg from a previuos ACL injury (she was operated on) and arthritis that we treated with Glucosamine. Other than that, she was a healthy old girl. Friday, when I came back home from a morning out with my kids, my husband kept ranting that he had something important to tell me. Of course, I kept brushing it off thinking, it will be something silly and so non-important. I finally sat down, and he just came out with it. I instantly broke into tears, and ran to the door to see her where I left her, only she really wasn’t there. I thought this was some sick joke. Instantly, going into denial that this just couldn’t be, there was absolutely no way. When I picked myself up off the floor, I asked where she was, and he said she was in the garage. I HAD to see her, and even when I did I couldn’t believe it. She looked so peaceful, as if she was just sleeping. I just wanted her to wake up. I kept stroking her in hopes that she would lift her head and look at me. I thought she was just in a deep slumber, left for a moment and came back with high-hopes again, but she was really gone. It was so gut-wrenching seeing her there, but I am thankful that I could properly say goodbye to her before she was returned to the earth. I just wish I could have been there when she went. I feel so guilty for leaving the house that morning, and for not being the one that found her. I feel like if I had been here, she would still be here. Everytime I come downstairs, I expect to see her laying there where she would always lay (in front of the front door), or by her dog bowl, which I have put away, but not seeing it hurts just as much. I just wish the pain would stop. I knew it was going to be hard, but never thought it was going to be this hard. I knew she was old and having a hard time walking/getting up, but she managed, and I always helped her if need be. She and I had been through so much together and I can’t believe that she is not here with me anymore. I am sure she is in a better place, but that doesn’t help the pain and void I feel now that she is gone. The past two days, I have been sitting on the couch covered with a blanket with her photo album right next to me. I can’t seem to do anything else. I just feel so awful. I feel like there is something that I could have done, or might have been able to do and she would still be with us. People keep telling me that Lexy didn’t want me to see her and pain and waited to let go when I wasn’t there, but I don’t know if I can believe that. I would think that she would want me with her.

I am so sorry Lexy for not being there. I love you so, so much! You are painfully missed! Rest in Peace baby! :’(
Comment by Leanna on 18 August 2009:

This past Saturday I had to put my shitzu to sleep. We adopted Britney from the shelter abou 5 years ago. They believed she was 3 at the time. She was the best companion. Britney was my shadow. My family went out of town and britney and my other dog oliver was at the dog sitters house. I received a frantic call from her saying that a Bull Mastif mix that she was also watching attacked my britney. I spoke to the vet and they rushed her into surgery. 1/3 of her neck was ripped open. But his main concern was she received an adnomen injury that severed and broke her ribs as well as caused severe soft tissue damage and muscle damage. She also had 5 other puncture wounds. She was given a fair / guarded prognosis. She came home to use on Tues Aug 11th but I had to immediately bring her to our vet because she was running a fever. They treated her and sent her home with us. Our vet could not believe she survived as she had so many bite wounds. I have to force feed britney as she had no appetite to eat on her own. On Friday I took her to the vet to have the drains removed and that day she seemed to be doing well. She actually started eating on her own again. Then Sat. Aug 15th she stopped eating again and hid under my son’s bed. I finally got her out and she was shivering. I rushed her to the Emergency Pet Clinic and she was running a fever again. They felt she was in critical condition. She needed to undergo some additional surgery as the skin around her wounds have died. They also ran some blood work and that is when we received the worst possible news. She was in organ failure. Her kidneys and liver were shutting down. The vet gave her less than 50% chance to live. She really felt that Britney would not survive her injuries. I was given the option to admit her and give her fluids and see how she would do over night or put her to sleep. I decided to put my baby to sleep. I did not want her to suffer any more. She fought a good fight but was in so much pain. That was the hardest decision I had to ever make. I have been an emotional wreck and can’t stop crying. I worry that I made the wrong decision. I just want my Britney back…..
Comment by Ed on 21 August 2009:

Laurie,
Your post above was extraordinarily helpful. Your advice is what got me through my heartbreak. I was an absolute mess (I could barely function) for 4-5 days after Max’s passing. What helped me the most was:
- Stop replaying the “if only” scenarios (you can’t change the past)
- Accept that you made the best decision at the time (you did what your heart told you was right)
- Remember that you don’t know what could have happened (your animal was sick and all of the medication/procedures in the world may not have saved him)

It is now six weeks since we lost Max. While I can still hear him barking every time I walk up to my front door, the pain has dramatically lessened (but still there).

I think that your advice is a must-read for anyone who has lost a pet. I don’t know what I woul have done without it.

Thank you for caring,
Ed
Comment by Laurie PK on 22 August 2009:

Ed,

Thank you for taking the time to comment, and for sharing what helped you the most! I’m glad to hear from you again…and I’m glad your pain is lessening.

Our pets sure do become a part of our very being, don’t they? I dearly miss all the dogs and cats I’ve loved over the years…but it does make my relationship with my current cat all the much sweeter. I do cherish her more, knowing that she won’t be here forever.

Best wishes,
Laurie
Comment by Gini Grey on 20 November 2009:

It’s been very helpful to read your article, Laurie, as well as all the comments – it’s triggered more tears about losing Jazzi but it feels comforting to hear other’s stories as well. It’s only been a day since Jazzi’s been gone so I know it will take time for my heart to heal. It’s good to know others experienced the “what if I had….” scenario as that has been playing in my head “what if I took Jazzi to the vet a week earlier when she started to show signs of not being well”, yet I know it woulnd’t have made a difference.

What I find the hardest right now is everything I do around the house because I realize now how much Jazzi was a part of everying. When I’d be at my computer she’d come lay down near me, when I’d be cooking, she’d come mooching in the kitchen, when I’d be on the couch she’d jump up and want to be petted and so on – I can’t walk through the house without bursting into tears sometimes wondering how I will carry on without her here – the house feels so empty without her energy in it – so reading that others are moving through their loss is helpful (yet saddening at the same time).

Thanks,

Gini
Comment by Cheryl on 21 November 2009:

It’s been 5 weeks since Harry passed away. Harry was the last remaining connection to my parents. Fourteen years ago, Mom and I went to the shelter to adopt Harry, a wonderful little Lhasa Apso mix. Actually, Harry chose Mom. Mom said he leaned on her. Harry became Mom’s dog. Mom adored Harry. After Mom passed away he became the best companion Dad could ever want. Two and a half years later, Dad followed Mom.
I loved Harry with all my heart. What a wonderful gift of love a pet brings to your life. They are pure, perfect, and can do no wrong. Harry was one of those little tibetan dudes who could look through your soul, and know it.
It’s been ten years since Mom’s passing. I went to the cemetary. I said, Hi Mom,look what I brought you! I brought you some fresh cut garden roses! At that moment,the sun came out in full God light and I heard these words: “Everything will be alright.” One week later, Harry,suddenly passed away.
I’ve put myself through all “the what if’s.” The grief is beyond belief. I’ve been looking for Harry in my dreams. The first
night he was gone, all I heard was a single yelp, in the stillness of the night. Since then, he ran happily by the foot of the bed. The
beautiful dream came just the other night. Harry was so happy to see me. He jumped into my arms, and he licked me all over. As I held him, he became part of my body. We became inseparable. Harry was family. My parents will always be part of me. And will Harry.
Thanks for letting me tell you my story about Harry.
Comment by jo mclean on 28 November 2009:

This morning I had to say goodbye to my best freind of 17 years Pookie. My beautiful little poodle was my whole world and has been my most loyal companion ever, sseing me through all of the ups and downs in life. knowing that he was always there for and with me was the thing that always mattered to me. he was very old blind and deaf but still enjoyed his walks and his apetite was good. i always knew that when the time had come I would just know..i had a work function last night so wasnt back home until late at night, when i walked through the door he just looked at me, his back legs were paralysed and he couldnt move. I held him and knew that in the morning I would have to say goodbye – i sobbed and sobbed i cant seem to stop, the grief feels overwhelming even though i know he had such a great, loved life. He slept with me last night for the last time, i dont think ive been in bed alone since i first got pookie.!!! I managed to give him a pain relief tablet which comforted him for the night I just cuddled him all night. He was no better this morning, I got to the vets as soon as they opened and the vet told me that he had most likely had a stroke. We had to put him to sleep and he died peacefully in my arms..I told him that he was the best friend that i ever had and that i loved him..My heart is broken and all ive managed to do today is go through all of his photos, each photo is full of so many memories we did so much together.My darling knew it was time to leave me and i know that he wanted to stay with me forever but his little body just gave out. This dog touched me on a level nobody else ever has, a little piece of me died today. My beautiful boy may you fly with the Angels as you deserve. jo
Comment by richard langel on 30 November 2009:

we just put down our 14 year old black lab “cyndel” on saturday 29 nov 09.
It is hard not doing the daily things i did three times a day.How do you fill this
void. When I look at the place her bed was I think I’ll see her lying there looking back.

What do you do?
Comment by Gini Grey on 30 November 2009:

I commented about my Jazzi passing over a week ago and I can so relate to your comment, Richard, about seeing your dog in the usual places. It is hard to fill this void – I’ve been asking myself this daily for the past week and a bit, and what keeps coming to me is to be in the present moment with reality (instead of envisioning Jazzi lying on her bed as this makes it harder).

The other thing I keep doing is looking at what role Jazzi played in my life (in addition to the walks etc which I’ve been taking so I can get used to my regular routine without her)and I see that she really filled the house and my life with love and joy – so I take time in meditation each day to feel my own source of love and joy and then imagine filling the house with that energy. It’s not Jazzi’s love and joy energy but it is a source of the same energy and that helps.

I’ve also done several of the tips Laurie suggested – I’ve talked to lots of supportive friends, I’ve started making a photo album of Jazzi (although that brings the tears back), and we’re planning on planting a flower and rose bush garden where we buried Jazzi – bright yellow colors to remind us of her joyful, playful spirit.

Each day I give away one or more of her belongings to friends with dogs. I’m going to keep her favorite toy and maybe her dog-gloo in case we get another dog, but have given away her bed, many toys, crate etc. It helps to do it slowly, because even though we’re still connected on a soul level, the body takes a little longer to adapt to her being gone.

It’s one step at a time – our hearts do heal over time, and because of the loving relationship we’ve had with our dogs, our heart is that much more open.
Comment by Heather on 1 December 2009:

Hello everyone. I posted back in June in regards to losing our GS, Holly at 12 yrs of age. I get updates in my email whenever someone posts a comment here and I wanted to come and send some virtual hugs to all of you that have lost your pets recently.

We still struggle here, but it isn’t as hard day-to-day like it was in the beginning. The little dog my husband got is still here, as is a little friend we got for him- a beagle /shih-tzu mix. They’re both out of their ever-lovin’ minds and are a ton of work(the chi mix is 11 months and the beashizzle-as we call her- is going on 7 mos….) though I’m not much of a puppy person. I take great comfort in knowing that we will more than likely have them for a long time- dreading having to say goodbye to another beloved pet anytime soon. I will admit that I let them into my heart, and adore them both dearly.

As for missing Holly…it’s still there, as I knew it would be. We still talk about her often and I think about her everyday. We got some snow a couple/few weeks back and that was weird for us because Holly LOVED the snow. We joked that she was our snow dog. We’d let her out in it and she’d roll in it, bury her face in it and have a grand old time. We were sad that she wasn’t here to see the first snow, but it cheered us up to see our beagle/shih-tzu mix, Francis, running through it and rolling around and playing in the snow.

I miss Holly like crazy. I miss how gentle she was. How loyal. I miss her giant, soft ears and the scruff of fur around her neck. I miss watching her transform into a puppy again when we’d get her favorite soccer ball out to play(which we still have). I think one of the hardest parts for me has been that I can’t get the image of her-when I found her after she passed- out of my head. Nor can I forget my crazy, emotional reaction in those first several minutes. I miss her so much. So very much.

I hope everyone is doing okay despite their losses. I’m sure this will be a difficult hiloday season for all of us, and my thoughts are with each of you during this time. Take care.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 6 December 2009:

Hi Heather,

Thank you for popping in — it’s great to hear how you’re doing after a few months have passed.

I’m especially touched that you’re thinking about others and the holiday season. It hadn’t occurred to me that the holidays may be difficult for people who lost their dog or cats…that’s very thoughtful of you.

I hope your Christmas season goes well, and is full of fond reminiscing about Holly in the snow. I’m glad Francis likes it!

Take care,
Laurie
Comment by matt on 19 December 2009:

today, 12/19/09 i lost my best friend ever…my lab. He was 14 years old and he had a heart attack 2 nights ago. He survived it though but then his kidneys started shutting down and he couldnt use his back legs cause he had a stroak also. On 12/18 he was doing a little bit better because the vet gave him some heart medicine. He could walk around but couldnt walk like he did 5 days ago. He was very healthy and could jump up on people when they sat down…then all the sudden he had this heart attack.

Losing my 14 year old lab was very hard for my family. Since he was so sick from his heart attack we had to put him to sleep so he wouldnt suffer. Please if you have a pet and its very sick..dont let it just lay around and wait for it to die. Thats selfish. Do the right thing and put it to sleep. Your pet would want that not just lying around being sick and about to die.

Also, before my pet died, my birthday was on the 15th of december…4 days after my birthday. Then on the 20th was my brothers birthday which was sad cause it was right around christmas he died. Im very sad from my pet dieing and i hope he still chases squirrels in doggy heaven =))))))
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 21 December 2009:

Matt,

I’m sorry you lost your dog, and I thank you for sharing your thoughts on putting your dog to sleep. I agree that your beloved pet wouldn’t want to just be sick or in pain…and the least selfish thing you could do is say good-bye forever.

Wishing you all the best — and stay focused on those visions of your lab chasing squirrels in doggy heaven!

Laurie
Comment by Matt C on 29 December 2009:

Two days ago, our Saint Bernard, Ginger (8 years, going on 9 in a few months) started showing signs of being lazy. We brushed it off as old age, and continued with our daily lives until yesterday, where she wouldn’t move. She wouldn’t eat. Nothing. We took her to the vets, and they said she had a tumor on her liver and she was in a lot of pain, so my parents put her down. I’m 15, and I was the one that selected Ginger so many years ago. I remember as a puppy, when we went to pick out a Saint Bernard out of several, she came over and went on top of my shoe. I immediately choose her.

It just hurts so much that we had no time to prepare for this. A few days ago, she looked like she was in perfect health. And now, she was deathly sick and she’s dead now. It’s very difficult to deal with it… she was like my best friend. She was a member of the family. I cried the day she died, and now I don’t cry at all. Only in times do I cry when I see the corner where she used to lay all the time empty, or see her box of doggy bones. We have two other dogs, and I can sense they miss her as well. This has all been very rough, and I appreciate the tips that you supplied.

The shocking thing is the fact that she got sick so suddenly. That’s the most heartbreaking result. I’ve given her lots of love, but if I just had another day… :/

~ Matt
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 30 December 2009:

Matt C,

Thanks for sharing about Ginger here…and I’m so sorry you lost her. It’s a very very sad thing to lose your dog — especially so suddenly.

Think of her loving you from doggie heaven, and watching you with the love and kindness that she did when she was alive. You and she had a great life together…and she’ll always be with you in your heart and soul.

In sympathy,
Laurie
Comment by Claire on 16 January 2010:

Hi all,
It’s been so bittersweet reading everyone’s comments.

About a month ago now, my family and I had our 14 yr old (baby) jack russell, Lachlan, put to sleep.
We got Lachlan as a 6 week old puppy from a breeder. My dad had asked around at work and had been told that jack russells were ‘the smartest dogs’. What he didn’t realise is that these doggies are also: CRAZY! I was 13 at the time, and I pretty much just wanted a lap-dog, a glorifed stuffed toy. Our family (first time dog owners) were not prepared for the fire-cracker of a dog that we took home!
When the ‘honeymoon’ was over, we had some difficulties with him. Jack russells are energetic, and can become very bratty if this energy isn’t expelled. Lachlan was very bright, but when the family got busy, he would bark or tear up his bedding. There were some trying times!
But we grew and learned together. He was a quirky, clever, loving dog. Every morning he’d run around the yard, ‘inspecting’ it. He was always covering the same areas but would be sniffing the ground like it was the newest most interesting thing in the world. He would catch insects and bring them to his bed and then roll over onto his back – a funny habit he had that I never figured out. I would always catch him ’sneaking’ up the stairs when we weren’t looking (proving that he KNOWS he’s not supposed to, but is CHOOSING not to listen!). I could teach him to do funny things, like turn away when he sneezed, or to roll over (instead of jump at me) when he would bolt over and greet me, but could never get him to understand the concept of ‘fetch’ – he never liked to bring the ball back once it was thrown! He was hyper all the time, but whenever I was sad, he could tell, and he’d just sit next to me, or lean his head onto my lap. Even when he was tired and nodding off, if I was still up and about, he would try so hard to stay awake. It was hard getting photos of him because he was an opportunist and would always try to lick my face when I bent down to get a photo of him (I have a lot of photos of his tongue).

When he turned 10 I started getting sensitive about the thought of him dying. I got very upset at animal deaths in movies (more than human deaths!), I watched this heart-wrenching Futurama episode (“Jurassic Dog”) and cried my eyes out. There is this adorable dog in the movie “Up” that says things like: “Hi, I was hiding under your porch because I love you” and that sort of thing would set me off too! I woke poor Lachlan up so many times, thinking he was lying a bit ‘too still’ (He would huff at me as if to say: Lady, you’re crazy. Can’t a dog get a decent sleep around here?) I was trying to prepare myself, but how could I?

He started having trouble with his bladder. We thought it was old age at first, but after a while we thought he might be uncomfortable (He complained easily if he wanted attention, but never complained when he was sick). The vet told us that his prostate was inflamed and that it was ‘nothing to worry about’ and put him on anti-biotics for 3 weeks. One night, he didn’t eat his dinner. Lachlan LOVES his food and this was the first time he’d ever done such a thing. When we took him to the vet again she had a different story: Lachlan had prostate cancer, it had spread, he only had weeks to live. We were shocked. We had been lulled into a false sense of security and then brutally slapped in the face. The next morning, he was paralysed from the waist down and completely unable to urinate or defacate. He’d eat and then bloat from the discomfort. I spent 48 hours straight nursing him. The hardest was watching my poor darling confused. He wanted to jump out at me, but he couldn’t. He’d contort and strain his front legs just trying to support the weight of the lower half of his body. He would pant heavily, even when we were trying to soothe him.

We made the decision to have him put to sleep a few days later. We all agreed: We loved him, we knew that mentally he was fine – that he’d love to stay with us, but his little body was tired. We knew we couldn’t know how much he was suffering and couldn’t justify his degraded quality of life. If it were up to me I could nurse him all day and give him anything he needed, but of course it’s not fair to him and I had to push those feelings aside. We spent one more day with him. We gave him lots of cuddles in his bed, we took him out for one last ‘inspection’ of his yard. We took him to the vet and I held his face and told him to look at me and that he was OK and that I was there and he didn’t need to be afraid and he was very good, very calm, he did what I asked and kept his eyes on me (he didn’t even flinch when the vet started shaving his paw for the needle). His face didn’t change when he was gone. And then he was just a body lying on a bench, and I was a little child wondering where my baby had gone.

As for the grieving, I feel like I’ve felt everything. I’ve been grateful for his love, I’ve been angry at the vet for the misdiagnosis, I’ve felt guilty for not noticing sooner, I’ve heard his footsteps and his sighs in the halls. I go through the motions during the day and at night I worry that he might not have understood what we did, that I betrayed him somehow, that maybe things might have gotten better if I had just waited another day. It’s all irrational, I know. It’s all part of grief and tragedy of love and loss. Mum and I have been donating to a pet rescue organisation and are toying with the idea of getting a rescue dog but we’re not sure we’re ready yet so we’re waiting. Sometimes I want a new dog so badly, I feel hollow without one. And other times I think Lachlan was it for me and I should leave it at that.

I can understand why the loss of an animal can be so devastating. They are your best friend and your child at the same time. They possess an insight and wisdom such that they understand you and love you unconditionally. But they are so vulnerable, and they don’t understand everything, and they can’t always communicate to you what they feel and you just want to protect them so, so much and it’s so hard when you can’t have control over that. And you have to trust that they knew you loved them.

Thankyou for providing a forum where I could share this, and read of others’ stories.

Lachlan, my little munchkin, I hope you know I’d have kept you forever if I could.
Comment by Michael on 17 January 2010:

My condolences to all who have lost their beloved four legged member of their family.

We found Zoe at the pound, in a litter of 9 puppies that were wandering the streets of San Diego. She licked my fingers and then my partner’s fingers, and then went over to this cement platform because all the other puppies were climbing on top of her. I said, “I want that one. She knows she’s cute and she doesn’t care to do the song and dance. She knows she’s going home.” That was 13 years ago. She has been our constant companion, devoted guard, and loving friend. It was such a shock that we had to let her go.

We took her to Balboa Park last Sunday. Walked through the park and to the dog park. All she really cared about was sniffing around. On the drive over and back, she was in the back seat, but her head was constantly between us. On Monday night, she wouldn’t lay down and when I reached under to her stomach, she winced in pain. She did finally settle down on my bed and I just thought maybe she ate something that disagreed with her. She seemed fine the next day, but on Wednesday the same thing happened so we took her to the vet.

Her regular doctor said that something was definitely down there, but Zoe was very stoic and didn’t show any discomfort. She wasn’t vomiting and didn’t have diarrhea, so the doctor referred us to an emergency hospital for an ultrasound. The ER doctor took x-rays and found massive growth on her spleen. We decided to have it removed. We saw her one last time before surgery and she was energetic and happy. Licked both our faces. We took pictures of her because she looked so strong. She was schedule for surgery sometime after midnight. Didn’t hear my phone, they had called three times. When I called, the doctor told me that her blood would not clot, and that they found cancer in her liver. Because of the loss of blood, her vitals were shutting down, so at 5:15 am, we had to make the decision to let her go.

We are both devastated and heartbroken. Guilt is a major feeling right now. Why didn’t we schedule the operation the next morning instead? Why didn’t we see any early signs? I think she knew it was time. Everyday when I’d leave for work, she’d look at me as if it was the last time I’d see her. A couple of times, I’d wake up and she’d be on my bed just looking at me. The past few mornings, I’ve woken up on the left side of the bed, and wishing she was on my right. In retrospect, I guess there were some signs but we just attributed them to old age and arthritis. I thought we’d have a couple more years. I guess I’m naive into thinking they can live just as long as we do.

I’ve been reading about the grieving process and it has helped everyday. I feel so guilty now. We use to go out for a few hours, but made it a point to return home for Zoe. I miss her greeting us at the door, and her tapping her bowls for either more water or food. It is a comfort knowing we are not alone. There are many reminders. We haven’t moved anything. We miss her so much.

Thank you for allowing us to share.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 18 January 2010:

Claire,

Thanks for sharing about Lachlan…I know your experience is helping others cope when their dog dies! Often, it just helps to know we’re not alone in our grief…I’m so glad you shared about your pet loss here.

Blessings,
Laurie
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 18 January 2010:

Michael,

I’m so sorry to hear about Zoe….I had a cat named Zoey, and I miss her as much today as I did when I lost her seven years ago!

I think we’ll always carry a bit of sadness and grief over the pets we lose, especially if we feel guilty about their health or the way they died.

Have you read my article about dealing with guilt over pet loss? Here’s the link:

Ways to Deal With Guilty Feelings After Your Dog Dies

It may help you. The more you accept that it happened the way it happened, and it wasn’t your fault, the easier time you’ll have grieving your loss. Guilt can mess grieving up…so we need to let go of guilty feelings.

In sympathy,
Laurie
Comment by wanderlusting on 18 January 2010:

Please help….

My parents rescued a dog nine months ago from a shelter. She was the most affection and loving dog, Muffin. She was an older dog, they told us 8, and a bit funny but so sweet with the best temperment and the biggest brown eyes you’d ever seen.

My parents took her to Palm Springs with them in December. She was sick when they first arrived…listless, vomitting, not eating, generally depressed. But after a day she would be better. This happened a few more times they said, but she would always get better.

I came to visit my parents on Tuesday. Muffin seemed OK that day, super happy and excited to see me and everyone and just loving life.

The next day she was listless again. She went for a long walk in the sun, which now of course we regret, and wanted to rest a lot. We let her. We took her off the leash at one point and she went running across the golf course, all happy.

But later she would go back to being listless. She would just wander restlessly around the house and stare at us, trying to tell us something with her big brown eyes.

She would occasionally vomit up clear liquid, but was still eating. We knew she was sick but my parents said it happened before and she would get better. Because she was vomitting and had the runs, we thought it was her diet so we were very careful about what to feed her and thought maybe it was pesticides used around the golf course.

Also, her stomach was very large and bloated and it hurt if you pressed on it. I knew something was wrong with the way her stomach hung down but my parents said they didn’t know what it was.

By Friday she wasn’t getting any better. My mother said she would take her to the vet next week for sure. I even did one of those ASK A VET on the internet type things. They said to take her too for it could be a number of things.

The next day we went out for a few hours and left Muffin at home. We came back and she was happy to see us at first. But then after awhile went back to wandering around in a daze. I started to get a VERY bad feeling, especially as she kept leaving the condo and wanting to be alone. At one point she ran away to a ditch to lie down. My mom had to go back and get her.

Then a few minutes later Muffin went to go lie down and vomit. That was enough for me – my feeling was that she was looking for a place to die.

So even though it was Saturday and most vets were closed (and we were in a strange town) I found a vet open. They had a slot at 4PM to take us. It was 340PM.

I felt it was so urgent that we go right away so we bundled up Muffin and took her. Car rides were her favourite thing but not today.

Even walking to the vet, she pulled at the leash, wanting to be outside and not go in the building.

I filled out the forms and we sat down by the glass doors. Muffin lay down at the door, kind of plopped down, and kept staring out the window at the sky and desert outside.

My mom and I talked for a minute, she looked back at Muffin who was only really two feet from us and she said, “It doesn’t look like she’s breathing.”

Indeed her laboured breathing had stopped. I thought it was a joke. She was dead. I yelled for the vets to help and they picked her up and rushed her off to the emergency room.

My mom immediately started screaming and crying and I was in such shock, the horror of that reality. I kept hugging her and telling her that Muffin would be OK.

But she died.

The worst part – the guilt – was brought on by the rude vet. Dr. House has more bedside manners than this woman. She said, “Well how long did you realize her stomach was that bloated? Maybe we could have done something if you brought her in earlier.”

I can’t stop picturing Muffin lying there dead. One minute she was alive and then she died when we werent’ looking. I feel so bad, I feel so guilty that I noticed her bloated tummy days ago and didn’t force my parents to take her to the vet then.

How could she die so close to being helped? The only consolation I have is that it was better to have Muffin die looking outside at the world with her families voices nearby, instead of on an operating table surrounded by the roughest and rudest b***h of a vet I have ever met.

I just can’t stop hearing what the vet said, the way she insinuated that it was our fault. The guilt is tearing me apart. I’m 28 years old and have seen a lot of terrible things in my life but for some reason this is really, REALLY hitting me hard.

Any advice would be appreciated. The guilt is overwhelming.

Karina (wanderlusting)

PS sorry for the long rant. I wonder if anyone else was belittled by a vet?
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 21 January 2010:

Dear Karina,

I’m so sorry to hear about Muffin…that’s very sad. Losing a beloved dog is hard enough, without having such a negative experience with a vet! That vet should never have said that — it was inconsiderate and thoughtless. When we lose pets we love, we go through enough guilt, without having more heaped on us by vets!

I haven’t had a similar experience, and I hope it doesn’t happen often with other pet owners.

My sympathies to you and your mom…and if you’re still wrestling with guilt, you might find my “tips for coping with guilt” article helpful. Here’s the link:

Ways to Deal With Guilty Feelings After Your Dog Dies

My thoughts and prayers are with you…

Blessings,
Laurie
Comment by bruce on 5 March 2010:

Well I lost my best buddy Smokey back in oct to a ruptured spleen and cancer it was very unexpected it was so sudden and it still hurts to this day

I got a new pet i guess around 2 weeks after Smokey died i figured it would ease the pain . the sad thing about it is that I have no feelings towards him and it was wrong toget another pet so soon

I dont treat him the way I treated Smokey and I know its wrong but I just dont have it in me to feel anything for this little guy
I’m to the point where I want to give him away but im still unsure

Any advice from anyone I wish I new what to do
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 7 March 2010:

Dear Bruce,

I’m so sorry that you lost your dog, and that your new pet hasn’t helped you heal. It does take time to mourn after your dog dies, and a “replacement” pet doesn’t always help — as you’ve learned!

One suggestion is to set up a different routine and life than you had with Smokey. That is, don’t try to treat him the way you did Smokey. Change it up by taking him on different walks (for example, go jogging or cycling instead of walking), or teaching him different tricks, or volunteering him and you at a local children’s hospital or senior’s retirement home. The idea is to create a special bond or connection with your new dog — DIFFERENT than the one you had with Smokey.

And, give yourself time to fall in love with your new pet. Talk to him about Smokey; tell him how much you wish Smokey was here. Be honest with him about how you feel, and ask him to help you connect. (I know it sounds wierd, but still…try it!).

Mourn your beloved Smokey’s death by writing, crying, exercising, talking, creating a photo album, or making a dog memorial.

Remember that your new little guy isn’t a replacement for Smokey. He’s a different dog with a different personality and habits. He’ll never be Smokey — and he doesn’t want to be! Try to stop thinking about him as a way to ease your pain.

Regarding giving him away — I encourage you to live with him for 3 more months and implement the suggestions I’ve given…and if you still can’t connect with him, then re-think your idea of giving him away…

Let me know how it goes.

Blessings,
Laurie

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