Saying Good-Bye to Your Dog or Cat – Pet Loss Grief Recovery
The following advice on saying good-bye to your dog or cat is from several experienced veterinarians, based on their own personal experience with pet loss.
“Death…is not more than passing from one room into another,” said Helen Keller. “But there’s a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room, I shall be able to see.”
Imagine that your beloved pet can see now, is healed now, and is happy and even waiting for you now….let that comfort you. For help coping with pet loss, read How to ROAR: Pet Loss Grief Recovery
Veterinarian Mark Edwards on Saying Good-Bye to Your Dog or Cat
I remember losing our family German Shepherd as a 11 year old. I was devastated and it really was like losing a family member. The loss of a pet should not be taken lightly and it is not something most people get over quickly or easily – although many may think there is a social stigma not to grieve for animals as we do for humans. The fact is that the bond that is formed between people and their pets is in many cases even stronger than some of the bonds between people. Since losing our German Shepherd, I have lost two cats also – one was an elderly girl that had to be put down due to deteriorating health, whilst the other a couple of years later was sadly run over.
Each pet loss had a different effect on me, depending on the bond I had shared with each animal. I was particularly saddened by the death of our German Shepherd because I had grown up with her and because she had always been very close to me in my childhood.
The most important thing when a beloved pet dies is to focus on their life rather than their death (regardless of the circumstances in which they died). As for humans, grief is a five step process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally the last stage – acceptance. Once you accept your pet’s passing, it is not unreasonable to consider getting a new pet. This is definitely not something you should feel guilty about.
Getting your pet cremated is a fantastic way of remembering them. You can chose to have their ashes given back to you in a wooden casket or an urn and can even have a picture and plaque put on this. Do give yourself plenty of time for the grieving process; you may even want to take time off work. You may be surprised how much the death of your animal affects you when it does finally happen.
If you feel guilty about your dog or cat’s death, you might find 4 Ways to Deal With Guilty Feelings After Your Dog or Cat Dies helpful.
Veterinarian Rosie Brown on Pet Loss Grief Recovery
I’ve lost five dogs over the years; the last dog I lost was in April 2007. None died naturally, I had to euthanize them, and all but one had cancer. The other was euthanized as the result of a bad fall and was only 4 ½ years old.
I’m still sad, particularly about my “very best dog of all time.” She was euthanized 6 years ago, and I still miss her. We did everything together: she came to work with me, we camped together, and I haven’t had a dog like her since. Coping with grief because of your dog’s death takes time. Losing a pet is like losing a family member. You always feel a degree of sadness, but after a while it doesn’t hurt so much.
Some people like to get a new pet straight away because the loss of the old pet leaves such a hole. If you’ve always had a dog around the house, and then all of a sudden there isn’t one that can exacerbate the great sense of loss. In that case, a new pet can give you something to love and hug while you grieve the loss of the old pet. However, people need to be very careful not to compare the new pet to the old pet, as it will never measure up.
If you have to put your cat or dog to sleep, it’s very normal to go through the normal stages of grief – denial, anger, guilt… I think denial and guilt are the two biggies when you have to say good-bye to your dog or cat. Many people feel guilt about choosing to “kill” their pet but it’s not like that at all. If it comes to euthanasia, then you and your vet are at the point where your pet’s quality of life will not be good, there’s nothing that can be done to make it better. You’re actually doing them a great kindness to end their suffering.
After your dog or cat has been put to sleep, be very kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve your pet loss. Take as long as you need to. Surround yourself with friends and family who understand what your pet meant to you, and who will listen to you and support you. The worst thing you can hear is “it’s only a dog, you can get another one”. Avoid people with that attitude, because it will only make you feel worse.
Veterinarian Jim Lear on Saying Good-Bye to Your Dog or Cat
I lost my 18 year old Corgi named Buster that I adopted when he was 3 years old. He’d acquired a few bad habits along the way, but became the most loyal dog. I didn’t always make his life easy, and he didn’t always make mine easy, but there was a joy and love and loyalty of companionship. When he became aged, and incontinent, he still brought me joy (and frustration and anger). When it was snowing, and freezing, and he just couldn’t find that perfect spot to urinate, I’d go nuts. When I lost him, it devastated me. I knew it was coming, and I just wasn’t ready. I don’t think you can be.
Now I have Bobby Ray, a 6 year old Mastiff mix. He still gets to sleep in the bed, at 120 lbs. He got a little spoiled. I don’t think he “helped” me get over the loss of my dog Buster, but he was a distraction, and still drives me to distraction. He challenges me every day, but I still grieve over Buster, as anyone never fully gets over the loss of anyone they lose.
For more help dealing with pet loss, read Tips for Coping When Your Dog Dies.
I invite you to share your thoughts or questions about pet loss grief recovery below…
Are you tired of struggling with debt? Make it your goal to get out of debt this year
If you want to fix a poor credit report, Sky Blue Credit Repair helps with
credit repair, including credit bureau disputes, debt validation, and debt counseling services.
Are your fears about work, family, relationships, or money holding you back from achieving your goals? Try this natural way to end feelings of anxiety and panic.
Comment by Joy Turner on 10 October 2008:
One of the things I find most advantageous is to allow yourself to grieve as much as you want. There are so many people who do not see the passing of an animal to be on par with the passing of a mate or child that there are not a lot of places to share this grief with. The passing of an animal companion is as much or even more impactful than even the passing of a human child (the thing that comes the closest). So allow yourself to grieve as you see fit and don’t listen to anyone who says otherwise. The other thing that is very helpful for many people is to talk with someone who can communicate with beings on the other side and have a conversation with the Soul of your dearly departed. Flowers essences and homeopathic remedies for grieving are excellent also.
Joy Turner
Talk With Your Animals
Comment by Audrey on 10 October 2008:
Children also feel the loss of a pet and it can be distressing for them to not only lose the pet, but to see their adult carers distraught. It teaches them that grieving is normal, and that our animal friends are valuable. Depending on the age of the child, it’s a good idea to keep them informed about what’s happening.
Audrey
Comment by Karim on 11 February 2009:
I lost a 6 month old kitten yesterday, she fell off the balcony of our apartment on the 7th floor and I feel terrible and it is so painful. I still have her mother but losing that young kitten whom I raised since birth is more then what I can handle and I think I can’t cope with it.
Comment by Laurie PK on 11 February 2009:
My heart breaks for you, Karim – I’m so sorry! It’s a terrible pain, I know exactly how you feel because I lost my cat and I believe it was my fault. I could’ve kept her safe, but instead I let her get really badly hurt, and had to put her down.
Please don’t beat yourself up about it. She probably didn’t feel pain, because it happened so fast and her adrenalin kicked in! It was an accident – it wasn’t your fault.
Your pain will subside, Karim. You’ll always feel sad and miss her, but I promise that you CAN cope and it WILL get better.
My condolences — and know you’re not alone.
Laurie
Comment by Jackie on 24 March 2009:
I am currently grieving my beautiful Atticus, our Abyssinian who was so much a part of our family. I love that cat and will never get over losing him. But Joy, have you ever lost a human child? If you have I doubt you would have made the statement you made above. I also lost a child shortly after birth and I can tell you, that losing a child is harder and has had tremendous impact on my life…crumbled marriage. I would say that losing a child has the most impact on your life and this is very close behind. I am certain my relationships with my family will stay intact despite the loss we are all feeling so deeply right now, in fact I feel we are all closer. And to Karim..I am so sorry I truly know how you feel, we just lost Atticus last week but I know that with time the pain will subside and he will always be in our hearts and minds. Be good to yourself, give yourself the time and space you need to come to terms with your new life without your kitten. Peace.
Comment by Laurie PK on 24 March 2009:
Thanks for your thoughtful comments and kind words, Jackie. I’m sorry for your loss of Atticus, and for your loss of your baby, too.
A mother once told me that before she had her child, she worried about how her most beloved cat would react, where her cat would sleep, and if it would be happy with a new baby in the house. She was even worried that she wouldn’t be able to put her child’s needs above her cat — she loved her cat THAT much!
And then after her baby was born, she said, “My cat became just a cat.” Her instinctive love and bond with her child instantly surpassed her love for her cat.
You’re right, Jackie. As painful as losing a pet dog or cat is, losing a child is devastating.
Thanks again,
Laurie
Comment by Mary and Jim Cameron on 4 April 2009:
We had to have our precious dog Pepsi put to sleep last night, she was 12 yrs old, she was diagnosed with Cushings Diseise in Novemvber last year and since then her health has went down hill, her arthritis played up and the past week she was in so much pain, she developed a really nasty skin infection where all her fur fell off her rump and the infection was eating into her, we made the descision to have her put to sleep as we couldnt bear to see her suffer any more…we miss her so much.
mary and jim
Comment by amer on 14 April 2009:
Golden Retriever 15 ½ year old died Easter Sunday (2009). My son 11 year went to feed him and found him asleep and tried waking him up but Goldie was gone. I thing he had a heart attack. It has been very hard on us, I try to talk about him but I start to cry. I keep thinking what could we have know to help him. My children always played with him-he was a very good dog. Please pray for my family and me so we can accept the lost. I just cannot believe that he is gone, Goldie will always be in are hearts.
Comment by Michael on 7 May 2009:
I had my cat put down tuesday the 5th of may 2009 she had a tumour her name was lady she was 12 she was a great friend to me would meet me at the door when I came home from work. I miss her so much
Comment by Tracy on 19 May 2009:
My beloved dog Zen was put down Wednesday 15th April 2009. Its been 5weeks tomorrow & I am missing him so so much. My heart feels broken. My life feels so different without him here. Some days I seem to be able to cope with it better but other days I can just burst into tears so easily.
I have been reading about lot of other peoples experiences & I know that so many people have been thru this & can understand the pain.
Its not just the fact they aren’t here anymore it’s that huge part of your everyday life that is gone also. I am grieving for that as well as my Zen.
My heart goes out to everyone that has lost their best friend like I have.
We will meet again one day.
Love you forever my beautiful Zen. xxx
Comment by Laurie PK on 19 May 2009:
Thank you for sharing your pet loss stories — not only is it healthy for you to express how you feel, it’s also good for other people who have lost their pets to see that they’re not alone.
I love Tracy’s sentiment, that she’ll meet her beloved dog Zen again one day.
Comment by Pam Crowley on 7 June 2009:
My Big Ole boy Clyde was put to sleep 7 months ago this week. I am devastated. My heart is just beyond broken. I try to think of the good times instead of the last day and some memories brings a smile to my face but mostly it is just bittersweet. I loved that dog fiercly and he loved me back the same way. I have 2 wonderful little daughters and when they came along I didnt have as much time for Clyde but my love for him was still as strong. I guess your heart can make room to love your children and your pet children. I dont think I will ever get over him and actually dont think I want too. I have alot of mixed feelings about what I did and what I should have could have would have done differently, which I guess we all do. I guess in the end its just horribly painful all around. Even through the pain though I feel lucky that I got Clyde(he was supposed to go to someone else who changed their mind at the last minute) and got to know and love him and vice versa. Thanks Clyde for all love and miss you always. I am sorry to all of you above who have also loved and lost a special friend. You are all good kind people with open hearts. Pam
Comment by Kathy on 1 July 2009:
My inside cat ZuZu got out on June 5 when the cat carrier broke and I am just devastated. I have checked the shelter online daily, did the auto phone “Amber alerts”, sent out post cards, made fliers…every lead I have gotten I checked out, even one last night. ZuZu is over a year old, spayed, all her shots, we took such good care of her. She is timid and I feel very scared all alone. I am tormented not knowing if she has enough to eat, enough water, any attention. I am having such a hard time dealing with this. If anybody has any advice for me or any words of wisdom, please do comment. I am shattered. Thank you so much.
Comment by Kathy on 1 July 2009:
PS I read all of your stories and I am so very sorry for your losses. I understand the human/animal bond because I have loved animals dearly all of my life. Wishing for you all many blessings and much peace.
Comment by Laurie PK on 1 July 2009:
Kathy,
I’m sorry about ZuZu — and sorry for how terrible you feel. I never know what to say when people share about coping with pet loss, because it’s so sad! There’s really nothing that can make your pain better.
But, you’re not alone.
Remember that cats are quite resilient, and they’re survivors! Sometimes cats come back after months, or even a year, of roaming. Don’t give up hope yet….she might come home yet.
And, maybe you could focus on the GOOD things that may have happened. She could’ve been scooped up by a loving family, a caring child, and is relaxing in bliss right now! She misses you alot, but she’s well taken care of. If she could come home, she would…but she’s found herself in this new place and can’t find her way home. It’s good, though…she’s happy and content.
Kathy, try and think of ZuZu being happy. Thinking the worst doesn’t help you or your family…and it won’t change where she went. Do you know what I mean?
You could also try sending positive “law of attraction” vibes into the universe: She WILL come home, and she IS happy and content. Keep focusing on the positive…and positive things will happen.
And — try to free yourself from guilty feelings. She escaped by accident. It wasn’t your fault. When we lose our pets (whether it’s our dog dying or a cat getting sick or lost), we tend to blame ourselves….but we can’t possibly protect our beloved animals from everything!
Best wishes — and do let me know if ZuZu comes back, and how you’re doing!
Laurie
(By the way — I’m sorry, but I had to remove your email address from your comment. Publicizing your email like that opens you up to all sorts of spam, and I avoid personal contact info in the comments.)
Comment by Laurie PK on 1 July 2009:
There is no death. Only a change of worlds. – Chief Seattle
Comment by Kathy on 1 July 2009:
Thank you so much for your comments , Laurie. They really did help me and I appreciate them from the bottom of my heart.
Comment by Linda Meaux on 7 July 2009:
My heart is broken, Tiny,my precious 10 year old female Boston Terrier, was euthanized on Monday. She suddenly developed an enlarged liver, her heart began to fail. My vet tried everything but she suffered another seizure, I know it was best not to see her want to eat, no energy to stand .
How do I go about my job and not feel so wretched. I pray the pain and emptyness in my life will go away.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 8 July 2009:
You did the right thing by letting her go, Linda. Her time here with you had to end….as all good things must. I’m sorry for you, and for all of us who lost dogs or cats to death. Very sad.
Here’s a quotation I found, written from the departed dog’s point of view:
“One last word of farewell, dear master and mistress. Whenever you visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret but also happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my long happy life with you: “Here lies one who loves us and whom we loved.” No matter how deep my sleep I shall hear you, and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail.”
– Eugene O’Neill, from his Dalmatian, Blemie’s, last will and testament.
Tiny is only gone from the physical earth. She is still watching you, wagging her tail, and savoring the moments you had together.
Hugs and warm wishes,
Laurie
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 8 July 2009:
Also — did you read Tips for Coping When Your Dog Dies?
http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/quipstipsachievinggoals/health-wellness/tips-for-coping-when-your-dog-dies/
You WILL stop feeling so wretched some day, and you will be able to go about your job and life without feeling so sad….it just takes time.
Comment by Diane on 10 August 2009:
I was googling – Coping with the loss of your pet – and stumbled on this site. I had to put my 9-1/2 year old yellow lab to sleep this morning and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. She developed this bump on her head a couple weeks ago – they found out it wasn’t an infection, but a tumor/cancer. Then I had to decide if I do a biopsy, then surgery, then radiation, chemo – She (Shadow) was hurting SO much – the bump spread down to her eye – which became extremely swollen and blood shot, then the side of her face became swollen. She would yelp if our other small dog jumped up or if we/someone patted her too hard. I slept with her al night last night and she just couldn’t get settled. Gave her 3 pain meds – and when she cried/yelped for no reason – without being bumped – I knew I was making the right decision to have her put to sleep. My only daughter – 18- went with me – after all – Shadow was her sister – Putting her to sleep was actually a very peaceful process – after they gave her the sedative – she looked so peaceful again and even happy – you could just see all the pain in her face melt away. It is – SO hard, though, I’ve cried all day – As a single Mom for the last 7 years – she was my constant companion and best friend and confidant. I keep seeing her every where in the house (at 90 lbs. – she physically took up a lot of space) – I do know she’s in a better place – happy again – like she always was – not hurting – but I’m sure missing her.
Thanks for listening
Diane
Comment by luc on 6 September 2009:
i am about to loose my dog because he is being put to sleep and he is the best dog i have ever had what should i do
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 7 September 2009:
Hi Luc,
I’m so sorry about your dog. Losing a beloved pet can be one of the hardest things we face in life….and I’m afraid there isn’t much you can do.
If you can be there as he is put to sleep, that might help you say good-bye. This is too much for some pet owners, while others find it comforting to hold their dog or cat as it drifts off to sleep.
To help you cope after the death of your dog, I suggest letting yourself grieve: cry and get angry and feel sad. It’s very painful, but getting your emotions out by expressing them is better than ignoring them or pretending they don’t exist.
Remember that your pain WILL lessen as time goes by. Most people, it seems, take a few weeks before the worst pain begins to heal. You’ll always remember your dog, but the pain and heartache you feel now will begin to fade.
Again, I’m very sorry for your loss. I wish I had the magic words to stop your pain, but I’m afraid it’s just something you’ll have to go through.
I hope it helps to know you’re not alone. So many of us have loved dogs and cats, and were devasted at their loss….it’s just part of loving a creature.
My condolences,
Laurie
Comment by Jessica on 7 September 2009:
I recently had to put my 1 year old kitten Edward to sleep because he had either feline aids or feline leukemia. I can’t really get over it because I raised him since birth, we were very close, and I was the only person in the house he loved. His death was so sudden. He was healthy, and then he got outside, and I found him, and it was horrible. He was so sick. We took him to the vet the next day, and we were told he was close to death, so we had to put him to sleep. I still cant forget how sick he looked and how we was having seizures, having trouble breathing, moaning, and me petting him before he died. He died a day before his first birthday. I still cant get over his death, it was too soon, and I cant stop crying everyday and I still feel the loss. I’ve tried talking to my mother, but she doesn’t understand since “hes not human.” I’m also 15, so this hurts a lot, Edward is my first animal death. Please help me. D:
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 7 September 2009:
Jessica,
I’m so sorry about Edward….that’s so sad. That’s one of the hardest things to face — such a sick, scared, helpless little kitty cat. I’m sure he was so glad that you were there, and I’m sure he knew that you would do anything you could to help him.
Again, I’m sorry you had to go through that with him. My cat was hit by a car, and I had to take her to the vet, who recommended putting her down. It was an absolutely terrible, awful experience….and my heart goes out to you.
Losing a cat or dog pierces your heart and soul, and you just have to let yourself grieve the loss of your cat. It won’t be easy, and I’m afraid I have no magic words or solutions that will make it better. Like Luc who just wrote yesterday about losing his dog…your grief and pain is just something you’ll have to experience. I’m sorry.
Hold on to the idea of kitty heaven; a place where all cats go to be happy and healthy and whole. It helps me to think of my cats being up in kitty heaven! I hate that they’re not here with me, but thinking of their souls being happy and light makes me feel alot better.
Know that you’re not alone, and talk to people about your loss. Sometimes it helps to find friends and family members who have experienced the same type of loss, who know how we feel because they’ve been there.
And, consider memorializing Edward somehow. This can be by putting a picture in a sweet picture frame, or dedicating a small part of the yard to him by putting flowers or a special pile of rocks. Or, you can make a scrapbook with some pictures, cat toys, labels from his favorite food, etc — sometimes creating something to remember our beloved pets by helps us grieve.
Lastly, remember that it’ll take time to heal. You’ll never forget Edward, but someday you won’t feel so much pain when you remember him. Someday, you’ll be ready to love another cat just as much as you did Edward.
In sympathy,
Laurie
Comment by marie on 14 September 2009:
jessica , i know what its like and it will get better i sadly lost lily my beloved cat he was run over by a van on the 4th of september 09, he follow my neighbour to the bus stop on a main road ,i could,et stop crying all day and i had to have medication to calm me down as i was really bad, am 30 with no kids and lily was my baby i feel totally lost it really hurts ,i been crying every day since and i know my partner just wants me to get on with it but i cant, there’s a poem called rainbow bridge and that is sweet and that has helped me , also we have had him cremated and his ashes have been scatterd in a forrest , i wanted more so i have planted a tree in the garden and getting a engraved stone made so i go out and remmber lily everyday and thats how dealing with it , its okay to cry for edward as you had such a bond with him and a cat is still a life just like a human take care marie xx
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 15 September 2009:
Marie,
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thanks for reaching out to Jessica and sharing your story about Lily.
Here’s the poem you referred to:
The Rainbow Bridge Poem for Pet Loss
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….
Author unknown.
Comment by Josh on 25 October 2009:
I lost my 8 month old dog this morning to a car accident. I had her since she was 3 months. During the night she had chewed through her harness which I normally use to walk her. I decided to use her normal collar instead in the morning because she had to go out to pee, it was early with no store open to buy a replacement, and I thought it would be OK. She pulled, got loose and wanted me to catch her…she was playing. I did everything I could to get her out of the street but she wanted to play. I watched as a car came barreling down the street and ran her over with out stopping or giving any kind of notice. I ran to her side but I couldn’t do anything, I was helpless. I love her so much, this loss hurts me so much. I had to sit there and watch her gasp her last breaths and die. There was blood everywhere, I was covered in her blood. I couldn’t do anything for her. I am devastated. I can’t get these images out of my mind. I failed her. I was meant to protect and provide for her, and I failed her.
A while back I was diagnosed with a potentially fatal illness, I had gotten her during the time a few months back when I was trying to get my life back together after dealing with this. There were days were I only lived for her. I had to get out of bed to walk her, I had to make sure she ate..even if I didn’t. She gave me a purpose; she filled my life. I look around my apartment and I realize how much of it I gave over to her. Her Bowls and leashes and many toys, all the things she chewed…puppies will be puppies and despite the destruction I was happy she was mine.
I realize that she was a great dog. She was very social and happy. She always had to say hi to every person, dog, or cat that walked by. She was always the one leading the pack in the dog runs I would take her to as she ran around with all of them following her. Everyone loved her and many people took notice of her exceptional demeanor.
I am at a great loss.
Comment by Kathy Bennett on 25 October 2009:
Oh my goodness, I am SO very sorry for what you have gone through. You are in a tremendous amount of pain and I know that it is devastating. You loved your puppy with all your heart and what happened was not your fault. Terrible things like that happen and there is nothing we can do about it, but my heart aches for you.
I love animals so much and to have to go through that is just terrible. I have said prayers for you that you will get through this and heal. It will take some time, but you gave that puppy a loving, good home and a good life while you had it. Please know how sorry I am that you went through this and you can write anytime. I am going to pray hard for you and I wish you the very best. And I am SO SO sorry for your loss. God bless you and may you find comfort through this terrible ordeal.
Take good care and please know that I will pray for you….
Sincerely,
Kathy
Comment by Tina Slater on 25 October 2009:
I am so very sorry for your loss. It’s inexcusable that car didn’t stop. I hope for you that you can heal in both body and spirit. I said a prayer for you today.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 26 October 2009:
Josh,
I’m so sorry that you lost your dog — especially in such a sad, painful way.
I join Tina and Kathy in saying prayers for you. I hope you can forgive yourself and not beat yourself up for anything you did or didn’t do. If you had known what was going to happen, you would have acted differently — you didn’t harm your dog on purpose!
It was an accident, and you have to keep reminding yourself that you did the best you could.
I wrote an article about coping with the guilt of your dog or cat loss — here’s the link:
How to Cope With the Guilt of Your Pet’s Death
I hope it helps, and my condolences are with you. May your health stay strong and you find a new reason to get out of bed in the mornings…feel free to come back here and share anytime.
Best wishes,
Laurie
Comment by Helen on 19 November 2009:
I lost Tupla, my little fuzzy fighter today. We got her almost 6 1/2 years ago through a tiny little ad in the newspaper, “for sale ex breeding beagles”. We went, I fell in love and we took her home the same day. She really was the proverbial grumpy old woman, and my god she could be verbal when she wanted something.
She had to go to the vets to have a polyp removed this morning, but due to it being attached the wrong way, the vets called us up and asked us what we wanted to do. The selfish part of me wanted to bring her home, but the sensible owner in me said not to wake her. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. She’d been through so much though, what with knee injuries and cancer, and I couldn’t put her through any more.
I feel sick though, because I didn’t see her before she left, and I never got the chance to say goodbye, and at the moment, that hurts the most, well, that and missing her grumpy little face staring at me. I turn round and keep expecting to see her, and it breaks my heart to know I can’t sing me and my shadow to her.
God, I miss her so much, and I hope this won’t hurt forever.
Comment by Ivo on 16 December 2009:
Hi everyone.
Tomorow 17, December I’ll put my beloved dog to sleep.
My 10 yr and 7 months dog Bolinhas get ill suddenly, when we run to the vet it was already to late, he has a large tumour across multiple organs.
He was so vivid that breaks my heart to see him in this state, it will be so hard to put him to sleep but I think is the final act of love that I can give to him.
It’s was been so hard to cope with this situation I always though this day would eventually came but now that it come is so painful.
It’s even more painful because the dog was given to me by my grandfather that pass away in 2006, memories of this other loss are already so fresh in my mind, and now I cant stop thinking about the happy times we spend together and how I miss both of them so much.
I’m Portuguese and in Portuguese there is a unique word “Saudade” that is very hard do translate, it’s like “I Miss You” with a very deep meaning.
“Saudades” it’s what I’ll feel for my Bolinhas forever…
Thanks you all for reading my story and for sharing my story with me make me fell more comfortable.
Best wishes
Ivo
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 17 December 2009:
Dear Ivo,
I’m thinking of you today as you put your beloved dog to sleep forever. You’re right: it is the final loving act you can do for him. He wouldn’t be happy here on earth after getting sick — now he’s a free spirit.
Remember the best of Bolinhas, and of your grandfather….dwell in the love and joy they brought. Soon your heartache will fade, and you’ll be happy again.
Blessings,
Laurie
Comment by Greg Peterson on 10 January 2010:
We lost our beloved Millie on January 6 (this week) who had been with us 10 years – since a newborn puppy.
The whole in our lives are unimaginable.
I did not think she would die until 15 years old or more because we surrounded her with love, she was literally the kindness dog (family member to us) I ever met.
Since her death our two cats have acted strangely.
When Millie was in acoma (four hours on our bed before vet could put her to sleep) – the oldest cat Willow who always lived with millie stepped up smelled her – and laid down.
She (Willow) has not been herself – like jumping up on bed to be brushed and sharing dinner/snack.
The younger cat Leady (first owned by my daughter) – who has lived here for approx three years – seems to be acting a bit more aggressive – not outrageous but seems to be acting like boss (they had minor tussles before, often played and seemed about equal).
Do you think that Millie offered some type of protection for Willow.
Made her more confident – or something.
Willow is much quieter, seems almost confused, and seems to fear or not have time for Leady.
When we call Willow’s name, Leady comes running – and will leave whatever she is doing to see who called Willow.
We can’t tell f we are imagining this in our grief over Millie.
Our devastation over Millie is almost indescribable – a huge whole in our hearts – a breath sucking, ill feeling.
But we want Wilow and Leady to resume their past relationship if possible.
Separating them doesn’t seem to make Willow any better.
Comment by Greg Peterson on 10 January 2010:
A few more things.
When Millie was in a coma – Leady sniffed her and tried to walk on her – which we stopped.
It appears like Leady now thinks she’s boss- but she never did that too much to Willow when Millie was alive.
Any ideas how to stop this?
I just put Leady in the basement (another place they play sometimes) and willow went to eat.
Willow had basically been sitting in her bed all day.
I never saw Millie protect Willow but they were friends and all 3 often shared our bed especially if one of us was sitting on the bed watching TV.
But now Willow seems apprehensive – or at least indifferent – to jumping on bed to be brushed.
I am thining abut putting Leady in basement for an hour every time I see her get aggresive with Willow.
They (Willow and Leady) don’t “fight” per se – but it’s an obvious cooling in their relationship – with Leady apparently thinking she is now the boss.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 13 January 2010:
Dear Greg,
I’m so sorry for your loss of your beloved Millie. It’s so difficult to lose a pet — and our other pets definitely feel the loss and heartache when one of their peers is ill or dies!
For specific advice for Leady and Willow — especially if you think they’re seriously suffering — I suggest you talk in person to your vet or some type of animal expert. There are lots of nuances in their behavior and relationship that can’t be described in a comment section like this.
That said, here are a couple of thoughts on helping your surviving cats cope with the death of your dog:
- Give them time to adjust to Millie’s absence, and mourn in their own way. Their world has changed, and they can’t just go back to normal…they need to reconfigure their relationship.
- Give them both extra attention, both together and apart. Play with them together, give them cat treats, talk to them more…the extra love and affection will help them feel more secure and less confused.
- Remember that they’re picking up on your grief that you lost your dog. Cats and dogs can be very sensitive to our emotions; your cats may be picking up on your sadness and feelings of loss and heartache.
I really think the most important thing is to give them time to heal. They’ll re-establish themselves at home, after a period of re-adjustment!
Wishing you all the best — and I’m sorry for your loss.
Blessing,
Laurie
Comment by Collette on 17 January 2010:
I had to put my precious 7 year old Norfolk Terrier, Trixie, to sleep on January 15th, 2010. She had been diagnosed with lymphoma in September of last year. Talk about a shock! I think it would have been easier if someone would have just hit me in the stomach with a baseball bat! Trixie’s health had been steadily declining over the last few months, but she took her turn for the worst last Tuesday. She stopped eating, would hide in corners or under the bed, and her breathing became very labored. She was dying. My husband & I were present with her when she left this earth. Letting her go has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. All I see is her face & I can’t stop crying. I cry all day and all night. My pain in indescribable. She was precious, gorgeous, loving, loyal, playful, and just a wonderful companion. She was also the center of attention for everyone in the house. We have two other dogs and they’re wonderful too. But there was something super-special about my Trixie. I’m wondering what did she do to deserve this death sentence at such a young age? Is God punishing me because I showered her with so much love and attention? She was just a sweet beautiful little dog that everyone loved and who never hurt a soul. How are we going to adjust to our lives without our Trixie? My life & heart now have this huge hole in it and I don’t know if it will ever be filled again. Trixie was my baby, my shining light and I miss her so much. I haven’t felt this much pain since my father died 25 years ago. I know I am not alone because I have read the other stories of those who have lost beloved pets, and I send you all my condolences & prayers. Please pray for me that God will ease my heartache.
Comment by Greg Peterson on 18 January 2010:
Dear Collette,
I am sorry to hear about Trixie, whose death is even that much more painful because she was young. On Jan. 6th, 2010 we lost our Millie at age 10 and it too seemed unfair.
I always assummed by showering her with love and her general happy disposition would ensure she’d live to at least 15.
We cry every day – and understand the pain and undescribeable severity of the loss – like a family member because she was a family member.
You are not being punished by God!!!!
She did not “deserve” to die and from what I have researched its impossible to really tell how and why a dog gets cancer – much like many human cases when an otherwise healthy person get cancer.
I believe that it was either just her (and Millie’s) time or maybe there is a higher reason and she will save your life or protect you in some way (because I believe all things happen for a reason even if we never know the reason).
Just from not having her around you will change your daily patterns and who knows it may prevent you from being killed in an accident or something else.
Who knows?
Rest assured that she loved you so much and she definitely knows that you loved her but how you treated her and showered her with affection (I prefer to say “love” instead of “loved” – in the present context because you still love her and wherever she is Trixie still loves you.
If our beloved Millie had not died, we may not have noticed the huge pupils in one of our cat’s eyes (both eyes, one cat) which resulted in a trip to vet and a kidney failure diagnosis requiring only a different diet and no meds because we caught it early – Vet even said it was impressive we noticed that tiny clue without other symptoms.
I do not believe God is a vengeful God that would punish a beloved pet because of anything the owner may or may not have done especially one that treated the pet with such love, courtesy and adoration.
You are NOT being punished – but I am sure that both Trixie and Millie knew/know how much they were and are adored.
Yet – knowing this it still doesn’t make it any less painful.
We are low-income but were lucky to find a local artist who is giving us a very reasonable rate and payment plan to make a little tombstone with a mosaic of Millie’s face – and he is making a special solid container to bury here in once the ground thaws.
Here in extreme northern Michigan both pets and humans must be frozen till the spring thaw – our vet guided us through this practice – and she is currently temporarily buried under four feet of snow – a weird and even unsettling thing but vet assured us it happens all the time.
We thought about cremation until we found out the crematory that does animals (and people) a long distance from us does a mass cremation instead of an individual one for each pet – so there is no guarantee you’d get your pet’s remains.
God bless you Collete and God Bless your beautiful Norfolk terrier Trixie and our Springer Spaniel Mix Millie. (My girlfriend of twelve years lived in Norfolk as a child when her dad was stationed on the ill-fated U.S.S. Forrestal – thankfully he survived the fire/explosions).
p.s. Thank you Laurie for answering our cat questions.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 18 January 2010:
Dear Collette,
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you grieve for your dog — and I’m so glad Greg wrote in! That was so helpful.
I agree with him, that God is NOT punishing you or Trixie. She got sick, as so many humans and animals do. That’s part of being on earth, of being a living creature. It’s not about vengeance or punishment…it’s about being alive in an unhealthy world.
I will say special prayers every night for you and your husband, as you grieve your loss.
Blessings,
Laurie
Comment by Donna on 20 January 2010:
Collette, I totally understand how you are feeling. On January 17, 2010, two days after you, I too had to put my beloved dog Bailey to sleep due to lymphoma. Bailey was 13 years old and diagnosed with cancer the latter part of November. Although we tried everything in our power to provide some quality of life for her during the very short time period of 8 weeks, this vicious killer disease took its toll on my Baileygirl and we had to make that horrible decision that I honestly hoped that I wouldn’t have to make. Toward the end I prayed that I would wake up in the morning and she would have succumbed on her own but that was not to be
I have cried and continue to cry each day. I have screamed and asked God why her, why me and my famiy. She was an amazing dog, faithful, loving, loyal so why would you put her and us through such misery. I have no answer to this yet and I’m not sure I ever will.
Bailey was always there in the morning to greet me when I woke up and she would be the last one I would say goodnight to. Now that she is not with me I am finding that the void is unbearable. 8 weeks just didn’t give me a “time to prepare” if there is such a thing. The constant ache and missing feeling in my heart hurts so much, will this ever go away! I am so very lucky to have a very supportive family to help me through this but right now all the words of comfort and “you made the right decision” isn’t worth a hill of beans. The plain and simple truth is that I miss Bailey tremendously and I just can’t imagine how it is going to be without her with us.
I will hold onto the belief that wherever she is she is not suffering anymore and will wait for me when the time comes for me to rejoin her again.
Comment by Malki on 22 January 2010:
Losing your beloved pet is certainly one of the most hardest things in life to experience. When I was a single girl in my apt had bought a cute little beagle to keep me co. Fondly name “Jazz”, she not only kept me co., she brought so much to my life, she made me a better person, more patient, more kind, more forgiving, more loving. When Jazzy girl was seven we both met my now fiance who became her “dad”. We both loved jazzy girl dearly until she reached the age of 14yrs. One night, she fell so severly ill, wouldn’t eat, drink, it was very sudden. We stayed up with her thru the night. The next day we rushed her to the vet where they gave us the news that it would be best to put her down as they found a large tumour in her spleen. I was actually very strong. I wanted to be for her, in admiration and as a tribute to the sacrifices she made me as my loyal pet for the last 14 years, I did not want her to suffer anymore. We took her for one hour selfishly for ourselves to spend our last moments with her with the vet’s okay. We wrapped her in her warm brown blankie and cradled in our arms and walked down the path by the lake that she knew so well. We took her home where family, friends and neighbours came to say good bye to this crazy beagle of ours. At midnight, she looked at me as if to say “its time Mommy”. We drove back to the vet where they sent her off with Angel wings to heaven. We cremated her with her brown blankie. Every morning I see our little shrine with her urn, her pawprint, and her picture as if to say Hello everyday to me still. She died Feb 23rd 2009, almost a year but yesterday in my heart always. I know she waits for me at heaven’s gate. As to the future? We caved in and bought a little chocolate beagle, quite different from Jazzy Girl as I strive not to compare. She brings us a new joy, new love, new blessings and I am thankful. Thought I would share my thoughts to all those who have lost a pet, or about to lose a pet.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 24 January 2010:
Malki,
Thanks for sharing about your dog, Jazzy…this is a beautiful story, and I can see how much you still love her! I love how you have memorialized her, and how she’s still part of your lives even though she’s gone.
You’ve been a blessing — thank you.
Laurie
Comment by Gini Grey on 25 January 2010:
What a wonderful story that Malki wrote – as are all the comments on this poste. I wrote a while back about losing my beloved dog Jazzi – what a gift she was to both my hubby and I – I can relate to what Malki wrote about being a better person as a result of having a dog.
It’s been a little over 2 months since losing Jazzi and I do feel much better now – we caved in too and brought home two cats who needed homes (couldn’t bring myself to getting a dog just yet) and there have been days when I’ve been filled with joy having a cat purring on my lap while crying tears of sadness at the same time for not having Jazzi (the cats don’t seem to mind my grief) – interesting to have two different emotions flowing at the same time.
While Jazzi taught us about unconditional love, fun, play, humour and kindness, these cats seem to be teaching us how to snuggle more, and to trust (as when I let them out lose, I need to feel secure that they will return without me being beside them with a leash).
Gini
Comment by Malki on 4 February 2010:
Thank you for your wonderful reception to my little beagle Jazzy story. It’s so comforting to know others have experienced what I have felt. Writing my story made me realize how much my heart still aches. Maybe I should have shared earlier in my grieving process? I was trying to be so strong and get on with life as others in your life may not understand a love and loss of a pet but it catches up with you… I feel blessed to know that others are reading my story now and may receive comfort and hopefully peace from it.
Thank you all. I love that Gini had a dog named Jazzi too!
God Bless. Malki.
Comment by valerie on 7 February 2010:
Hi I had to have my darling Buddy put down two days ago. I had to deal with the anticipatory grief as he was riddled with allergies inside and out. Nothing worked through all our eleven years together and the allergies finally killed him. Our birthdays were on the same day in April. We were inseperable and the loss is excrutiating I fear I may not be able to handle this the depression is unbearable. I will not be getting another dog he was my heart dog and will live just with his memory now . How does one cope with this horrible horrible loss and pain. I play the song ’slipped away’ by Avril a hauntingly beautiful song. Buddy loved songs.
Comment by Gini Grey on 8 February 2010:
Valerie – I can so relate – I’ve commented hear a few times as I’m on the email list. The first few days are the hardest – I found it helpful to cry, cry, cry and cry some more, but to also talk to friends and cry while they listened. I also found it helpful to blanket myself in laughter and love by remembering all the funny, quirky things Jazzi would do and to talk about these with friends who knew her well.
I think it’s so important to let go of all the things you tried to do or could have done etc and accept that it was your dog’s time to go – hard to do, but acceptance helps. Over time the pain eases, and is replaced with other activities. I found it helpful to give myself lots of love and kindness and other things I received from my dog – this way I didn’t feel totally lost without her – I knew I could experience those feelings on my own and with others.
May your heart heal with ease and love,
Gini
Comment by Margaret Wilkie on 22 February 2010:
My faithful friend Hugo was put to sleep this afternoon and I am absolutely heartbroken. He was a magnificent miniature schnauzer and I am sure half human. I can hardly cope with the grief that I feel at the moment. He was only six years old and I should have had the pleasure of his company for so much longer. I will miss him forever and cannot stop crying.
Comment by Donna on 25 February 2010:
Hi Margaret,
I feel for you right now as I went through exactly what you are going through when I had to make that horrible decision and had my Bailey put to sleep in mid-January. For a week I just cried and cried and cried some more. I don’t believe this is unusual as you have just lost your best friend. You just have to play it day-to-day and start to relive all the wonderful memories you have of Hugo, the ones that made you laugh and try not to dwell on the last day of Hugo’s life. The days really do get easier as time passes. You will always miss Hugo but you will start to remember him with loving thoughts that won’t make you cry. It’s been said that you shouldn’t rush out and get another dog right away but for me and my husband this was what we had to do. We now have a yellow labrador puppy named Hoover and he has helped us in so many ways get over the pain of losing Bailey. I still miss her with all my heart but Hoover is providing me with a sense of “life goes on”.
Stay strong and may God help to heal your broken heart.
Donna
Comment by Margaret Wilkie on 25 February 2010:
Hi Donna,
Thank you so much for your thoughts I am still consummed with grief and think of my much loved Hugo all the time I have another lovely schnauzer called Henry who is helping me get through this loss and I know that he also is missing his lifelong friend Hugo. My husband and I talk every day of Hugo’s funny and quirky ways and you are correct, it does help get us through the day. I am sorry for your very sad time over Bailey but so glad to hear Hoover is bringing you much joy.
I will try to stay strong and look forward to the time when I can think of Hugo and look at all our photos of him without this great ache in my heart.
Thanks again for your thoughts I really do appreciate them
Margaret
Comment by JUDI on 8 March 2010:
I JUST HAD TO PUT MY CAT TO SLEEP AFTER HAVING HER FOR SIXTEEN YEARS. IT IS HEART WRENCHING IN MY HOME WITH HER NOT HERE. I HAVE NEVER BEEN WITHOUT A CAT AROUND THE HOUSE FOR THE LAST 34 YEARS. I MISS HER SO MUCH. I EXPECT MY DIZZY DEVIL TO JUMP UP ON MY LAP AS THAT IS WHERE SHE LIKE TO BE BUT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. IT IS SO HARD BECAUSE I JUST LOST MY MOTHER FIVE WEEKS AGO AND FOUR WEEKS AGO MY HUSBAND HAD HIP REPLACEMENT SURGERY AND NOW THIS.
I KNOW IN TIME I WILL BE OK BUT FOR NOW IT IS SO DIFFICULT.
SHE WAS THE BEST CAT
SHE FOLLOWED ME EVERYWHERE. SHE WAS MY PURR-FECT FRIEND.
I WILL MISS HER TERRIBLY
IT GIVE ME COMFORT TO WRITE ABOUT HER.
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE AND MISS HER
Comment by Debbie on 18 March 2010:
Well this afternoon my dog Rufus went off to “doggy heaven” an I never thought as I could feel as bad as I do. He had been getting worse with his legs etc since Christmas 2009, We took him him to the vets on Tues and had thought it was time then but the vet gave us Painkillers for him as he had never been on them (he was almost 16) he went downhill from there so I took him today and lay with him on the floor whilst they put him to sleep. He didn`t struggle and seemed to be relieved but OMG it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. All I can see now is his face whilst all this was happening. I know it was for the best but I had had him from him being 8wks old. RIP Rufus will never ever forget you xxx