My Cat Died and I Need Help Mourning – Pet Loss Tips
I’ve loved and lost many furry felines over the years, and it’s not easy! To help you cope with pet loss, I’ve collected tips from cat lovers who mourned when their cats died. Their tips for coping may help ease your grief.
Coping with the death of your cat is a sad and painful process; it’s probably the worst part of being a pet owner. These cat loss tips won’t erase your grief, but at least you’ll know you’re not alone.
“Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it alone, his own burden, his own way.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh.
For more help saying good-bye to your cat, read When Only the Love Remains: The Pain of Pet Loss
If you feel sad because you put your cat to sleep, you might find 4 Ways to Cope With the Guilt of Your Pet’s Death helpful.
If your cat died and you need help mourning pet loss…
Share memories about your cat with people who knew him or her. “As a child, we were encouraged to talk about the pet and remember him or her,” says cat lover Pam Vetter. “Pets are family members and have important roles in our lives. Whenever a frog, lizard, parakeet or guinea pig has died in our house over the last 14 years since my kids were born, we’ve held a mini-funeral in the backyard. We bury the pet, put a rock marker on top, and share our memories about the pet. The time together serves to recognize the pet’s role in our lives. My kids are encouraged to share their memories about our lost pets.”
Give yourself time to heal after your cat dies. “There is no single formula to overcoming your pet loss,” says Dan. “Healing takes place over time. The loss of a pet is loss of someone you loved and when anything you loved is abruptly taken away from you, there is no substitute. On October 17, 2006 my cat Peep disappeared without a trace. I live in an exclusive suburb of Los Angeles in the hills. It’s often you have wild life and predators roaming at night. I was sick with some dental problem and when I came home from pharmacy at 9 pm, I couldn’t locate both my cats…one of then came home and the other didn’t.” – Dan Tanner
Welcome another cat into your home – when you’re ready. “Last January we had to have our beloved cat, Janvier, put down,” says Jessica. “He was suffering from renal failure, and the treatment would have crushed his spirit and terrified him, so we made the hardest decision of our lives. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss having my first baby around. It’s pathetic, but we haven’t even gotten rid of his kitty litter (it’s clean!) or his leftover food. I still think I can hear him puttering around at night. We have two young children and insanely busy lives, so we haven’t adopted a new cat yet. We feel like we wouldn’t be able to give him or her enough attention at this time, which would just not be fair. I really believe that having a new kitten would ease the sadness a bit. I also think that bringing a new pet into our lives would help us honor Janvier, by constantly reminding us of the cute and funny things he used to do. So I hope that one day soon-ish, we’ll open our homes to a new pet both to help heal our hearts and so our children know the joy a cat can bring to a home.” – Jessica Rosenberg
Rescue an abandoned kitten or cat. “I had my multi-coloured white and ginger cat, Penny, for 8 wonderful years,” says Cynthia. “Her death was sudden. She seemed to be losing weight to a point until she appeared too thin, so I took her in to the vet’s and got the bad news. They suggested an operation, but the next day I got a call during the surgery that she might not make it. I rushed in, and she died in my arms. In my case, whether or not to get another cat was already solved in a way, as I had just rescued a small black kitten, and was fostering her for the local Cat Adoption Team. The month before, I had decided to adopt her myself. After Penny died, I called her my ‘Little Gift from God’.” – Cynthia Colby
If you need more help mourning pet loss, read Tips for Coping When Your Dog Dies.
And if you have any thoughts or questions about your cat’s death, please share below…
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Comment by Kristen L. Nelson on 10 October 2008:
Here are my tips for dealing with the loss of a beloved pet – I’m a vet with Veterinary Creative and a member of the American Association of Human-Animal Bond Veterinarians. I care for dogs, cats and exotic animals in Scottsdale, Arizona and have practiced for twenty years.
1) Avoid non-animal lovers. Since these people have not experienced a deep bond with an animal, they do not understand the emotions you are experiencing. They sometimes make insensitive comments, such as “It’s just a cat, get over it,” or “Go down to the local shelter and pick-up another dog.”
2) Celebrate your pet’s life by putting together a album of great memories or make a donation in your pet’s name to an animal charity. I also recommend hosting a party for your animal loving friends. Have them share pictures and stories of their treasured pets.
3) Remember, people react differently to the loss of a pet. In general, women mourn for several weeks to months. Men are ready to adopt another pet in a much shorter time frame. Be sensitive to your spouse and the different stage of grief they may be in.
4) Some people imagine seeing or hearing their pet around the house for several weeks after they are deceased. I have experienced this myself. Take it as a sign of how deep a bond your shared with your pet.
5) Many communities have pet grief support groups to help with this process. Check with your veterinarian for a group in your area.
Comment by Jackie Hawken on 10 October 2008:
4 years ago, Locket, my daughter’s cat who was an amazing personality, was diagnosed with cancer. I miss her and think about her every day – I still have one cat and a dog now, but Locket was unique.
When we went to have her injected, Ellie held her paw as she passed away and I chanted my Buddhist mantras under my breath. We asked that she not be put in a box – so we wrapped her little body in a blanket with her had poking out. Ellie, 18, took her back to the house and went to bed with Locket in her arms – I told her that Locket would want that and that her spirit was still around. She awoke a few hours later, still with Locket in her arms. I phoned her friends, bought some champagne and a cake. My partner, Ben, sculpted out ‘Locket’ on a stone and dug a hole in the garden. I got some rose petals that I had in the house. Ben put Locket (still in the blanket) into the hole and one by one we scattered rose petals on her. I then did some Buddhist prayers. Ben put the earth back and the stone on top. We then went inside to toast her life and eat the celebration cake.
It was a tearful occasion, but we honoured her and believed that her spirit would go on. I then did the 49 day Buddhist Chenrezig practice every night for her to have a good rebirth. It really helped to honour Locket and see it through in this way. Ellie still has her picture in her room.
I don’t think there is an easy way to deal with the death of a beloved pet.
Comment by Amy Pearson on 24 November 2008:
I moved into a flat by myself for the first time and it was daunting but within 2 weeks this gorgeous long haired cat arrived on my windowsill and would not leave, I tried to put her out of the front door, the back door and windows but she kept coming back. 6 years later and Lucy had become one of my best friends, she helped me with a few issues I had to deasl with and I saved her from a couple who were not looking after her as they should haver been. She was killed by a car recently and the pain and loss I feel is so hard to describe. It is exactly like losing a member of family, and everybody in this situation will feel very different depending on circumstances. Take day by day, remember the lovely moments had between you and the love both given and received, and only start to think about getting another friend/pet when you are feeling better.
Comment by Toni on 10 December 2008:
Hi, I lost my beautiful black lab, Ginger, 3 years ago and had her cremated. I had her ashes in my livingroom which was her favorite room. We moved 2 months ago and only a pet owner would understand this, but I was heartbroken to take her away from “her” room. I decided to have her ashes scattered, but noplace would to it from a plane. She LOVED to stick her head of the window in the car and I thought that being scattered from a plane would be her final “rush”. My brother looked online and found FurEverFlight.com and the reason I decided to have them scatter Ginger’s ashes was they are the only ONLY ones who only do pets! They don’t scatter people’s ashes, they only do pets! And they scattered Ginger over a wildlife sanctuary! She will get to chase squirrels and possums forever now… I guess that’s better than sitting on my shelf. I just wanted to share my grief and how I am dealing with it.
Comment by Roseann on 25 April 2009:
Hi comment by Roseann
I lost my grey and white tabby Nikki 7 years old tonight to Renal Failure..I made the choice to put her down after back and forth to the vet’s..this is the hardest time in my life,,,I came home threw away her catliter box,hung on the wall her collar,and her first toy she has had since the day I adopted her..I cry on and off walking back and forth around my apartment lying on my bed wishing she was lying next to me like we always do/did..I lit a white candle and put it outside my front door where she always sat..
her bags of food and bowls I left in a safe place for all the stray cats in our complex to eat…these things have made me feel less sad
I am thankful for you web site it helps LOVE Roseann
Comment by Bernadette on 1 December 2009:
Two weeks ago I lost my long time cat friend Jack. Jack and I have been together for 11 years. He found me when he was a kitten. He was a stray and very nervous. He adopted me and allowed me to become part of his life. I hope he knew at the time of his passing how much apart of my life he was and still is. We were able to communicate and I found that to be unique. Right now I am having a hard time coping. At times I think I see and hear him in the house. I can still feel his presence. I am not ready to get another friend yet. I want another friend, but I do not want to feel like I am replacing Jack. I have looked in shelters thinking that I could give the same chance to another little guy but I think right now I am still in the guilt stage of grieving and I am not sure how long this lasts.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 6 December 2009:
Hi Bernadette,
How are you? It’s been a few days since you lost your cat Jack…and I hope you’re feeling a bit better.
I don’t know how long your guilt stage of grieving will last….I still feel guilty about having to put my cat Petra down after she somehow shattered her hind leg. It was so traumatic, and after ten years I still feel bad.
Sometimes we just learn to live with guilt, I guess.
Petra was a nervous stray, just like Jack! There is a different, special bond that’s created when you love a cat who isn’t immediately affectionate or trusting. There’s a sense of protectiveness there, which magnifies feelings of guilt when things go wrong.
Have you read my article about coping with guilty feelings after you lose a pet? Here’s the link:
4 Ways to Deal With Guilty Feelings After Your Dog or Cat Dies
I hope it helps, and encourage you to drop in and let me know how you’re doing!
Take care,
Laurie
Comment by Dianne on 21 December 2009:
I lost my best friend this week. Bert Bert was an indoor cat that I rescued from a dumpster 6 years ago. Tuesday night he pushed the screen out of the window, which I never noticed. I am having a hard time with this, because I heard a cat fight at 3:30 a.m. and got up to check (I have 3 other cats, one is his sister). I looked out the front door and saw 2 dogs, which took off. I looked at the cat sitting there, thought he kinda looked like Bert, but his fur was too long and afterall, what would Bert be doing outside? Then shut the light off and went back to bed. I did not notice that the dogs had attacked him. Despite that voice in my head telling me something wasn’t right. I awoke at 6 a.m., and realized my Bert Bert was not around. Realizing that it was him earlier, I went outside get him, only to find him lying dead in the front bushes. I loved this cat more than anything else in my life, how can I ever forgive myself? I keep thinking about what must have gone thru his mind when I turned the light on at 3:30? Did he think I was coming to save him? Only to be ignored and left to die alone out in the cold? Help me.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 23 December 2009:
Ohhh….Dianne, I am SO sorry for you and Bert Bert. That’s terrible. I know how you feel — my poor cat Petra got her leg crushed when I let her out of the house, it was all bloody and broken, and the vet had to put her to sleep. It was crushing. I am so sorry you found Bert Bert in the bushes outside. That’s heartbreaking.
But you couldn’t have known that it was Bert Bert outside! He escaped by accident…it wasn’t your fault. You know — and Bert Bert knew, too — that you would have saved him in a heartbeat if you’d known it was him. You can’t hold yourself responsible for something you didn’t do on purpose. You have to accept that it was an accident…and maybe it was Bert Bert’s time to go.
He was so lucky to have you take care of him for the past six years…I know he loved and was so grateful for you. You saved his life when you rescued him, and you gave him six wonderful years of love.
I wrote a couple of articles about dealing with guilty feelings when your pet dies — here’s the link to one:
Ways to Deal With Guilty Feelings After Your Cat Dies
I hope the article helps, and that you can forgive yourself. You’ll always grieve his loss….but please don’t beat yourself up about it. It was an ACCIDENT — you never would have let this happen if you could see into the future!
Please forgive yourself, and know that Bert Bert doesn’t blame you. He’s happily resting in kitty heaven now, and is watching you and his sisters with love and peace.
Blessings,
Laurie
Comment by LINDA SAFARIK on 27 February 2010:
HELLO TO EVERYONE,
I AM HAVING A VERY HARD TIME DEALING WITH THE LOSS OF MY TWO BELOVED CATS, TAILS & REXIE. THEY WERE BROTHER AND SISTER. I HAD WELCOMED THEM INTO MY HOME ON JUNE 1ST,1996. THEY WERE A YEAR OLD WHEN I GOT THEM. I WILL NOT GO INTO DETAILS ON HOW I GOTTHEM BUT I WILL TELL YOU THAT THEY WERE BOTH WELCOMED INTO MY SON,S AND MY HOME WITH OPENED ARMS. I LOVED THEM FROM THE FIRST DAY!!! TAILS WAS THE MALE. ONE DAY BACK IN APRIL HE JUST STOPPED EATING. I HAD THE VET COME OVER RIGHT AWAY. WE HAD TRIED EVERYTHING TO GET HIM TO START EATING AGAIN. NOTHING SEEMED TO WORK. AS IT TURNS OUT HE HAD CANCER IN HIS LUNGS. HE HAD GONE FROM 14LBS TO 6LBS IN A VERY SHORT TIME. MY VET BILLS WERE IN THE THOUSANDS, BUT I DID NOT CARE. ON AUGUST 8TH 2009 I KNEW WHEN THE VET CAME THAT DAY THAT IT WAS TIME TO SAY GOODBYE. I CRIED FOR HOURS BEFORE I COULD SIGN THE PAPERS. I DID NOT WANT TO BELIEVE THAT THIS WAS IT. I SAW IN HIS EYES THE LOOK OF LOVE AND SAID TO ME, HOLD ME AND SAY GOODBYE. I DID AND I HATE MYSELF FOR DOING SO. HIS SISTER REXIE LOOKED EVERYDAY FOR HIM. SHE DID NOT UNDERSTAND THAT HE WAS NOW IN KITTY HEAVEN. TO BE HONEST, NEITHER COULD I. I CRIED EVERYDAY. IT HURTS SO BAD. HAVING TO DEAL WITH TAILS LOSS I STILL HAD REXIE TO TAKE CARE. SHE WAS DIAGONISED WITH DIABETES IN JAN. OF 2007. I HAD TO GIVE HER INSULIN SHOTS TWICE A DAY. THE VET WAS HERE TO CHECK HER EVERY 3 MONTHS FOR 3 YEARS STRAIGHT. SHE WAS DOING GOOD. ON FEB 4TH 2010 SHE JUST STOPPED EATING. IT WAS ALSO MY BIRTHDAY!!. THE VET CAME AND CHECKED HER. GAVE HER FLUIDS AND OTHER MEDS. NOTHING HELPED!!!!! ON MONDAY FEB 8TH I TOOK REXIE TO VETS TO GET X-RAYS AND MORE BLOOD TESTS. AS IT TURNED OUT SHE TOO HAD THE LUNG CANCER. I COULD NOT LET HER SUFFER ANYMORE SO I HAD TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO HER ALSO. IT WAS EXACTLY 6 MONTHS APART THAT I LOST BOTH OF THEM. WHY WAS GOD SO CRUEL TO ME? I WILL NEVER REALLY UNDERSTAND WHY HE TOOK BOTH OF MY CHILDREN AWAY FROM IN SUCH A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. HOW DO I DEAL WITH THEIR LOSS? I DO NOT REALLY HAVE ANYBODY THAT I CAN TALK TO ABOUT THIS. EVERYONE SAYS THAT I SHOULD GET MORE CATS. I DO NOT THINK THAT I CAN DO THAT AT THIS TIME. TAILS AND REXIE WERE THE FIRST PETS THAT I EVER OWNED. I FEEL LIKE THAT I WAS CHEATING ON THEM IF I LET ANOTHER CAT OR CATS IN MY HOUSE. MY HEART IS BROKEN IN A THOUSAND PIECES RIGHT NOW. I WISH I HAD SOMEONE TO TALK TO THIS ABOUT. MY FAMILY THINKS THAT I AM CRAZY FOR HURTING ABOUT 2 CATS. I TRULY DO NOT THINK THAT THEY UNDERSTAND WHAT I FEEL. IF THERE IS ANYONE THAT CAN HELP ME I WOULD REALLY APPRIECIATE IT.
THANK YOU,
LINDA SAFARIK
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 28 February 2010:
Dear Linda,
I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your cats…that’s so sad, especially around your birthday — and especially within such a short time of one another! Maybe one would have been too lonely and sad without the other, so they had to go together.
Many people don’t understand how difficult it is when your cat dies…I’ve lost several cats throughout the years, and I’m still surprised at how sad I am! Even 10 years later, I miss my old cats and wish they were still here.
So, I’m sorry to say, there are no easy pet loss tips….it just takes time to heal.
I encourage you to find people who understand the pain of losing a cat or other pet. Don’t keep talking about it to your family and friends who don’t understand about pet loss…because they just don’t get it. And, it adds frustration to your pain if you try to explain how much it hurts!
Also, remember that everyone grieves in different ways. You need to find YOUR way of mourning your cats’ deaths. That could be a small on-line or “real” pet memorial. It could be a collage of pictures of your cats, hung somewhere you see it often. It could be writing in your journal everynight while you cry. It could be reading forums like this, about mourning pet loss.
You WILL heal and you WILL be happy again, my friend….it’s just that your heart is broken right now. One day, you’ll be ready to love another cat or two — and those cats will be so happy that you found them!
It may also help to picture your cats in kitty heaven…happy and safe and watching you with fondness, remembering their wonderful life with you.
Please come back anytime, and let me know how you’re doing. My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Blessings,
Laurie