Dealing With Guilty Feelings When Your Cat or Dog Dies
If you had to put your dog or cat to sleep, you might be mourning more than pet loss…you might be dealing with guilty feelings for putting your pet down. Here are four ways to manage the guilt that often accompanies the death of a dog or cat…
“Dogs have given us their absolute all,” said Roger Caras. “We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made.”
But when you’re on the better end of the deal, you may feel guilty! If you’re struggling with grief and guilty feelings about your pet loss, click on Cold Noses At The Pearly Gates
Dealing With Guilty Feelings When Your Cat or Dog Dies
Stop replaying the “if only” scenarios. “If I only I would’ve known my pet was sick, I would have acted differently…” We can only see clearly when we look back on what’s happened – because hindsight is 20/20, my friend. There is no value in replaying the “if only” scenarios…unless you replay them with a happier ending! Instead of looking back at the “if onlys”, focus on saying good-bye to your dog or cat — perhaps with a pet memorial.
Remember that you don’t know what could have happened. If you’re dealing with guilty feelings when your pet dies, you may think, “If only I would have recognized that he was sick earlier, I could have saved him.” The problem with this type of thinking is that you don’t know what really would have happened! Maybe it’d be a happily ever after ending – and maybe your pet would have died anyway. When we engage in the “if only” scenario, we deceive ourselves into thinking we could have saved our pet from death.
Accept that you made the best decision at the time. If you put your cat or dog to sleep, know that you made the best decision you could. Maybe you didn’t try every pet medication, alternative therapy, or special food that you could find – but you did the best you could. Take a deep breath, accept that you did the best you could, and let go of your guilt that your cat or dog died. You did the best you could.
Know that you’re not alone. Your feelings of anger, grief, and guilt over your pet’s death are felt by many people who lost their dogs or cats. We’re all mourning together, my friends…and our pets are watching and loving us from wherever they are. Make them proud and happy; there’s no room for sadness or guilt where they are.
For more help healing from pet loss, read When Your Pet Dies – Help for Healing From Pet Owners.
If you have any thoughts on these ways to cope with guilty feelings after your dog or cat dies, please comment below…
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Comment by Jai on 4 March 2010:
I wanted to share the Memorial I did for my 15 yr old Siamese, who we had to help go to her next Journey. She had kidney disease and for two years, fought bravely with my help and our vet staff, plus the help of the Feline CRF support group online. It was intensive and aggressive care, and gave her two more yrs of good life with us. I don’t regret a single moment I spent giving that care.
I found two things helpful….my vet gave me a bag of her fur after she was gone, which is in her urn with her ashes and which I sleep with when I get too lonely for her. Also, creating the Memorial page and the album was wonderful medicine. It not only keeps our pets alive, but lets the world know that they are Family and that it is OK to grieve.
I am still dealing with those guilts, those “if only” I had waited a bit longer. But I had the foresight to take some photos of her last weekend and then her last day. Looking at those now compared with her healthy photos from years back, helps me realize what her life had come to….little to no quality and a wasting process. Her physical beauty and her beautiful spirit lives on….nothing can take that away from us.
Memorial page for her:
http://jasmynskye.blogspot.com/
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 4 March 2010:
Jai,
Thank you for sharing the memorial to your cat — it’s gorgeous! I’m sorry you lost her, but glad you were able to help her on her next Journey…and, it sounds like you know you did the right thing, especially since you saw those “before and after” photographs.
Take care,
Laurie
Comment by Jai on 5 March 2010:
Thanks, Laurie. We did adopt another Siamese young adult and that is helping a bit. For those going through this painful decision, I did one other thing that helped me know it was time. When I gathered up the belongings and things I had used for Jasmyn after her passing, I counted up. There were exactly two toys and fifteen items relating to her long illness, such as: needles, syringes for feeding, towels, IV bags, pills, etc. And I realized how long it had been that the quality of her life consisted of more medical items than toys and pleasure. It was her time and I am trying daily to replace the vision of her last moment of suffering and fighting the last needle which gave her Release, with the vision of her Beauty and how she looked afterward. How could she look more beautiful in death/sleep? But it was true…and the sweet baby I loved was returned to me once more in Peace.
I hope all who have lost their beloved pet or may have to finds the comfort they need. It is hard, but what you share can never be lost.