Telling Kids About Cancer – 6 Ways Make it Easier to Say “Mom Has Cancer”
Telling your kids that Mom or Dad has cancer is one of most difficult parts of being diagnosed with cancer. Here are six suggestions that might make it easier to say “Mom (or Dad) has cancer – and initiate important, deep discussions about the symptoms, treatments, and side effects of cancer.
“My cancer scare changed my life,” said Olivia Newton-John. “I’m grateful for every new, healthy day I have. It has helped me prioritize my life.”
If you’re a parent, a major priority is to help your kids deal with cancer. One way to help kids cope are the Kimmie Cares dolls, created by Kim Goebel when she was undergoing chemotherapy treatment for breast cancer. Click on the Kimmie Cares dolls for more info, and read on for tips for talking to your kids about cancer…
6 Ways Make it Easier to Say “Mom Has Cancer”
1. Be clear when you tell kids about cancer. When you first tell your kids you have cancer, be direct. “Mom/Dad was diagnosed with cancer.” Tell them that not all cancers are alike, and new and better treatments are discovered every day. Stress that you’re getting good care and treatment.
2. Accept anxiety and tension as normal behaviors. “Sometimes the treatments and the diagnosis are stressful and scary, so there may be more tension in the house than usual and there may even be crying,” writes Patricia Kelly in Everyone’s Guide to Cancer Therapy. “This is normal for such a time.” Let your kids express their fears, confusion, and anger.
3. Remember that you’re a role model. How you deal with your diagnosis and treatment will affect how you talk to your kids about cancer and how they deal with it. If you’re having difficulty with the cancer diagnosis, see a counselor or consider attending a cancer therapy support group.
4. Try different ways of communicating – like the Kimmie dolls. Consider the Kimmie Cares dolls — their hair is removable, and can be replaced with bandanas or very short hair (to help kids see the stages of hair loss that comes with cancer treatments). The Kimmie dolls help kids understand the changes moms face when dealing with chemotherapy, and can smooth the adjustment to different appearances.
“The most noticeable change in a woman’s appearance is hair loss,” says Lillie Shockney, a registered nurse and administrative director of the Breast Center at the Johns Hopkins Avon Foundation Breast Canter. “In our society, hair loss often symbolizes having cancer.”
5. Remind kids that the cancer treatments are temporary. When you’re talking to your kids about cancer, stress that the side effects of chemotherapy are temporary. Hair grows back, weight comes back, and energy levels will return! Cancer and chemotherapy treatments aren’t permanent conditions.
6. Tell your kids that cancer isn’t catching. According to Everyone’s Guide to Cancer Therapy, most cancers don’t run in families. The type of cancer Mom or Dad has isn’t the type that a child will get. When you’re talking to kids about cancer, reassure them that they won’t get sick by being near Mom or Dad.
If you have any questions, thoughts, or tips on talking to your kids about cancer, you’re welcome to comment below. You may also be interested in 16 Women’s Health Tips for Disease Prevention.
Visit KimmieCares.com for more information about Kim Goebel and the Partners for a Cure Foundation. Or, click on the “Mommy and Me” doll set!
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Comment by Julie Whitney on 14 June 2009:
The Kimmie Cares dolls also makes a wonderful gift for any mom with cancer. It is often very awkward to know what a friend or loved one is diagnosed. The Kimmie Cares doll is a Loving gift that says it all and shows that you are thinking of both mom and her children.
No need to say a word! These dolls are highly therapeutic and are endorsed by physicians, oncology nurses and psychologists from coast-to-coast.
Comment by Laurie PK on 14 June 2009:
That’s a great idea – to give a Kimmie Cares doll to a mom diagnosed with cancer! It’ll help her talk about the chemotherapy treatment and side effects with her kids, and perhaps ease that pressure a little.
I’ve seen the Kimmie dolls (thanks, Julia!) — and they’re gorgeous. It’s kinda fun, too, to play with the hair and bandanas. I can see it being a solid way to show a child what’ll be happening to mommy, without being overly dramatic or sad.
- Laurie
Comment by Delores on 14 June 2009:
I know when my sister was diagnosed, we didn’t know how the kids would be toward her losing her hair and being sick. The Kimmie Doll and book helped break those fears down and the kids were able to talk about it a lot easier.
I have now made it a point to give the set to anyone I know who is struggling with the disease. It’s my way to give back!
We don’t always know why cancer hits us but when someone can turn it around and help so many others, you want to do everything you can to help see their purpose through.
Thanks Kim and God BLess
-Delores
Comment by sandra on 14 June 2009:
A loving and brilliant way to present to children a few more of life’s bumps! Dolls are always a gift, just like our lives. Together they aid and assist those suffering through some of life’s more difficult drama while also equipping children to learn the capacity to care for the needs of others, which empowers them through their own sufferings. Giving and caring people, who teach these gifts to others will ultimately form loving community for those in most need.
Kimmie Care Dolls equip and educate children, even those who may not have an immediate family member in the situation, but with the loving form of a doll they too may learn to generate and facilitate a community of loving arms for others. Life and love is about giving to others. Kimmie Care Dolls do both in a myriad of ways.
Comment by Kelly Mac on 15 June 2009:
I am so grateful that someone gave my daughter a Kimmie Doll when I was diagnosed. Kimmie opened up dialog that normally would have been difficult, by giving us a way to present cancer to my daughter in a way that was appropriate for her age of 8. I truly believe that Kimmie helped my daughter have a suprisingly comfortable and healthy outlook on cancer.
I was especially concerned about how Gabby would respond to my hair loss during chemo and she had seen Kimmie without hair for so long, she was reassuring me about it! Six months out of chemo Gabby has added Kimmie to her collection of dolls and plays with her today.
We actually used Kimmie to help my friend whose mom was diagnosed… although she had 2 young boys and a doll is a “girl’s toy”, the book and the child friendly visual of the doll with changing hair was really helpful. I would certainly encourage families with young boys to get a Kimmie to help them in the same way.
Comment by Laurie PK on 15 June 2009:
Here’s some extra info about Kimmie Cares doll and book: they’re available in English and Spanish, with additional languages being printed, and they help women with cancer explain the physical changes and emotions that occur during chemotherapy treatments, particularly hair loss. If you’re talking to kids about cancer, the Kimmie dolls make it easier!
Kimmie Cares dolls have been embraced by oncologists, nurses and social workers throughout the country as a highly therapeutic and much-needed aid for both mothers and their children. It helps them share their feelings about cancer and calm their fears.
The dolls are cuddly soft, machine-washable and are available in 5 ethnic varieties (Caucasian, African-American, Hispanic, Asian and Native-American.) Each doll comes with two different removable wigs so they can easily be altered to reflect the stages of hair loss and re-growth accompanying chemotherapy treatments.
Comment by Cindy Hurst on 15 June 2009:
I ordered the Kimmie Cares doll shortly after being diagnosed with breast cancer in October 2007 and am so grateful that I did. Up until the doll and book arrived in the mail, I was beside myself on how I would explain it to my four year old daughter. Whenever I would bring up the subject, she would quickly change the topic. It wasn’t until I got the doll that she opened up about it and began to understand. In fact, she became so comfortable with my baldness that she was ready to share it with the world (i.e.: asking me to be her show and tell project for her preschool)! THANK YOU, Partners for a Cure and Kim Goebel for this fantastic, much needed creation. Every parent, undergoing chemotherapy, and who have a young child, really ought to have one of these!!!
Comment by Heather on 22 December 2009:
Our Kimmie Doll has been such an asset during this time. My three daughters are so intrigued by this hair loss business that they “can hardly wait” to see Mommy’s transformation. Each day they give my hair a little tug and seem a bit disappointed that it’s still anchored in there! They want to know if they can all have hats and bandannas, too. I have always told them not to make a big drama out of bad hair days so now I have to eat my words and play this cool.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 24 December 2009:
Heather, and everyone else who has shared, thank you so much for your thoughts on the Kimmie Dolls! My friend has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, and she has two young sons. I think I’ll give her the Kimmie Dolls so they have the same experience as Heather’s daughters. Cancer doesn’t have to be so scary for kids, with these dolls.
Thank you, everyone.