Depression Help – When Your Partner is Depressed
Depressed boyfriends, girlfriends, or life partners can negatively affect your relationship and home life. Here are signs of depression, plus depression help from an expert.
First, here’s what author Judith Guest says about depression:
“Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling,” says Guest. “People who keep stiff upper lips find that it’s damn hard to smile.”
If your partner is depressed, he or she won’t necessarily walk around crying or being sad. Rather, there will be signs of extreme fatigue, listlessness, isolation, weight gain or loss, changes in sleeping patterns, inability to concentrate, or feelings of being overwhelmed. For more info on how depression affects couples, click on Depression Fallout: The Impact of Depression on Couples and What You Can Do to Preserve the Bond by Anne Sheffield. And, read on to learn about depression help…
Signs of Depression in Your Partner:
- Unexplained changes in behavior.
- Withdrawal or detachment, in communication or otherwise.
- Irrational thoughts or phobias becoming increasingly evident.
“These signs of depression differ by personality and by gender,” says depression expert Rich Naran. “The most intimate person – the partner of a depressed person – will perceive the subtle changes before a co-worker or a neighbor does. In fact, partners will see changes that others don’t grasp.”
Depression Help — When Your Partner is Depressed
Helping a depressed partner depends on how the depression manifests itself and your partner’s level of acceptance. Because of the social stigma, denial and retreat are common when it comes to depressed feelings. This means that depression can affect a couple’s friendships with others, as well as their own relationship.
Learn all you can about depression. Depression can be the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain or a hormonal imbalance – it’s not necessarily caused by a difficult life or recent tragedy. Depression can be caused by less sunshine or a lack of certain nutrients. To help with your partner’s depression, figure out what the possible cause could be. For more info, read Signs and Treatments of Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Never treat your depressed partner like a sick child. Let him or her know that you perceive something is wrong, but don’t demean your partner by “trying to cheer them up.” In fact, never use the words “cheer up” in any fashion.
Be watchful, but respect his or her space. Your depressed partner is, in many ways, like an addict. He or she has to be ready to get help before he can be helped. To learn about solutions for depression, read Natural Treatments for Depression.
Avoid being a crutch or “enabler.” If your partner is struggling with depression, don’t take over all the responsibilities or create a situation that allows him to stay depressed and not get help. You need to find the balance between giving space, and encouraging your partner to get depression help.
If you’re considering leaving your depressed partner, accept that there is no amicable way out. Make a clean break, not a slow agonizing weaning off, which only fosters more guilt, emotional pain, and stress. The breakup has to be clean, or it will mess up both your lives even more – it’s not easy but it is less traumatic over the long haul. For help with this, read How to Break Up With Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend.
If you feel guilty about your partner’s depression, seek counseling or a support group. There are depression support groups in your community, and trained professionals to help you define where your feelings of guilt come from.
For more info, read How to Cope With Your Partner’s Depression. And if you have any questions or comments about helping your depressed partner, please comment below…
Comment by Gini Grey on 28 July 2009:
Good useful info Laurie. I just want to add two things that might be helpful. One is that depression isn’t always a bad thing. If a person can see it and not get lost in it or become it, it can actually be a time of turning inward, reflecting and reprioritizing in life – so perhaps the parnter is just doing that. Of course, if it lasts longer than a month, then it could be clinical depression.
The second thing is for the partner of the depressed person: it’s easy to match other people’s energy and moods, particularly when you live with them, so it’s helpful for you to consciously have your own energy and mood, and not feel you have tone down to match your partner.