What you’re describing is totally normal! When adult children move back in with their parents — no matter how old they are — they often get treated like teenagers or toddlers. You won’t be able to change your mother…and as cliched as it sounds, while you’re living under her roof you’ll have to abide by her rules. Sorry about that, my friend.

I encourage you to take small risks and do things to rebuild your self-esteem, such as joining a hiking group or calling possible employers to learn about job prospects. It doesn’t matter WHAT you do — small risks can do wonders for your self-confidence! I know it’s difficult to conceive of when you feel bad about yourself, but you have to start somewhere.

You could also talk to a career or employment counselor about your career and life goals. Those counseling services are often free, and invaluable in clarifying what people need to do to move forward after a setback.

The more you focus on your future, and the more steps you take towards making your future plans a reality, the happier and more self-confident you’ll feel. And, that’ll help you shrug off your mom’s behavior! You need to stop the downward and start your upward spiral, and the things I’ve suggested may help you do that.

I wish you all the best, and hope you come back and let me know how things are going!

Blessings,
Laurie

Thank you for your kind words…you made my day!

Blessings,
Laurie

I love your blog! It’s fabulous, it’s fantastic and it’s superb. I think it’s amazing that you write this – we need so much strength to deal with life and also to achieve our goals and your blog has done that.

Thank you for doing such an awesome job!
x.
Ange

It’s great that she lives in Iran, and has the strength, courage, and ability to divorce her husband! She sounds like an amazing woman; no wonder you’re in love with her. And, you care about her deeply.

But, no matter how amazing she is or how much you care about her, you can’t control what will happen in three years or even three months. You and she need to take it one step at a time, which means supporting, loving, and encouraging her over the internet as much as you can. Even if she doesn’t check her email regularly, she’ll be reassured to know that your messages are there.

You also can’t worry about how she’ll feel about you in the future. Even if you and she lived together in the same house, you wouldn’t have any guarantee of marriage or lifelong commitment! Life is uncertain and full of twists and turns…and all we can do is be open to everything and attached to nothing (that’s from Dr Wayne Dyer — if you can read his stuff, you should! He offers amazing life lessons).

You’re not a “sinner” if you’re being a friend by supporting her. This is why I said all the stuff above; she needs to wrap up her first marriage on her own, and come to you as a free woman. You can support her by being a source of encouragement and friendly love.

Take a deep breath, my friend, and remember Dr Wayne Dyer’s words: “Be open to everything, and attached to nothing.”

Wishing you all the best,
Laurie

m sure, she loves me genuinely and i can vouch for it. sometimes, i feel like a sinner to get in between my gf and her husband and then this relationship but i cannot see such discrimination against her. she deserves a life, where she will hear her ownself rather subjecting it for her husband. i know her last many years! do u think, m really a sinner?

Thanks for your advices. Im giving her time but like I said, giving her much space, dont you think, god forbid, she will forget me in due course of time? Its not that, I want her to marry me right away! Offcourse, her university degree is the only way, through which she can do for herself, the very best and this is what she wanted for her and so do I?

The problem is that getting a divorce, seems way too tough for her to acheive. I am talking about Iranian Law. She is from Iran and women rights are very little over choices, getting divorce. It worries me … and I want to do something for her!

We’re into this relationship, last 1 year and her whole family supports me but her husband and this divorce thing, really gives me nightmares! I want to help her but I cannot bcos she lives in Iran and Im living in Switzerland She cant come online as her husband, watches her from distance .. her online activities and calling her, is a mess too becuase, she is married and she dont want to get caught. I dont want to be pushy ..

Laurie, she is living with he rparents last 2 years to pursue her degrees and m sure, she loves me and is looking forward to be with me but how shall I get serenity, for both of us until the next 3 years?

Hope you’ll write back soon.

This may be difficult to hear, but I think the best thing to do in this case is give her time to finish her university degree and get her divorce. She needs to focus on tying up those chapters of her life before she brings in a new love.

If she quits university and moves to you now, she may not go back and she’ll always regret that. Plus, she needs time to heal her heart, mind and soul. Even people who really want to get divorced find it difficult to start over with a new life.

And, you don’t want to be her rebound person! That is, if she starts a new relationship too quickly after her marriage, she may not be starting for the right reasons…which means the love may not last.

Though it may seem like it, she doesn’t need a knight in shining armor or a hero to rescue her. She needs to get strong and independent, on her own.

I wish you and her all the best….and encourage you to give her at least until the summer to focus on pulling her life back together.

Blessings,
Laurie