Overcoming Perfectionism – 5 Ways to Stop Trying to be Perfect
Are you constantly trying to be perfect — and feeling a lot of stress and anxiety? Here are five tips for overcoming perfectionism, which may help you let go of your obsession with being perfect.
Before the tips, a quip:
“I went for years not finishing anything,” said Erica Jong, author of Fear of Flying. “Because, of course, when you finish something you can be judged…I had poems that were re-written so many times I suspect it was just a way of avoiding sending them out.”
Perfectionists often procrastinate, set themselves up for eating disorders and anxiety attacks, and rarely enjoy success. For more info about perfectionism, click on The Pursuit of Perfect: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD. And, read on for five tips for overcoming perfectionism…
Overcoming Perfectionism – 5 Ways to Stop Trying to be Perfect
1. Balance high hopes with harsh reality. Perfectionists have expectations and goals that simply can’t be met! To overcome perfectionism, you need to balance great expectations with reality, my friends. Accept that your limits – and other people’s limits – are real. You simply can’t create perfection. If you see your perfectionism as an unhealthy habit, read 8 Tips for Breaking Bad Habits.
2. Practice being imperfect. The best way to stop trying to be perfect is to let yourself (and others) release imperfect work to the world. Be imperfect in your parenting, projections, and relationships with others. The more you practice being imperfect, the more comfortable you’ll be with it!
3. Savor satisfaction for what you’ve achieved. Learn to appreciate and honor your effort, the journey, and your accomplishments. The big picture matters more than the tiny details: the fact that you’re hosting a dinner party means more than whether the dishes match, and the fact that you finished the report at work matters more than a few grammatical errors.
4. Express your emotions. To overcome perfectionism, learn to accept your painful emotions (regret, disappointment, depression) – but don’t ruminate on them. In The Pursuit of Perfect Ben-Shahar writes, “Rather than having thoughts playing in an endless loop in our heads (ruminating), we would be better off expressing our thoughts verbally or in writing.” If you’re afraid, read How to Overcome Fear and Anxiety.
5. Take action towards your goals. What have you always wanted to do, but didn’t because you were afraid of failing? Try it now! Audition for a community play, send a resume for a job, ask someone on a date. “Don’t worry if you fail and have to try again,” writes Ben-Shahar. “In writing, reflect on how this process of learning from failure applies to other areas of your life.”
If you have any thoughts or questions on overcoming perfectionism, please comment below…
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Comment by Celes | EmbraceLiving.Net on 23 May 2009:
Hi Laurie! I love #3. It is important to savor our accomplishments – perfectionists often focus too much on what has yet to be achieved rather than celebrate what they have achieved. I attest to this as I’m also a perfectionist myself. On other tips to overcome perfectionism, I wrote on that a few months back at http://embraceliving.net/blog/2008/12/overcoming-perfectionism-in-8-steps/, which is part 3 of a 3-part series. One of the tips I have is to respect and love ourselves – that’s important because we can’t achieve great things until we start loving ourselves.
Comment by Laurie PK on 5 July 2009:
Thanks for your comment, Celes. I agree — we do have to love ourselves to achieve great things.
Do perfectionists love themselves?
Comment by Stephan V on 17 August 2009:
Thank you, Laurie. This is a good set of tips and I will follow up now. Perfectionism is always a struggle for some people. But it is worth working to control.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 17 August 2009:
Thanks for stopping by, Stephan. Overcoming perfectionism is so difficult in almost all stages of life, and it makes life hard. In fact, a woman just left a comment on my “End Procrastination for College Students” article about how her procrastination is connected to perfectionism. They’re definitely connected.
Good luck with overcoming your perfectionism….it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be done!
Comment by Gurmit Singh on 18 August 2009:
In the current society, is it achievable?
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 18 August 2009:
If you’re asking if overcoming perfectionism is achievable, I say YES! Definitely. I know I for one am no perfectionist.
Our society may put alot of pressure on people, but there are also lots of ways to destress and find peace.
Comment by elizabeth ndambuki on 15 February 2010:
i have always known that i am a perfectionist and known some effects of it in my life which has paralyzed me. i relate with the symptoms mentioned above. i would want to overcome and am going to start now to apply your tips.
Thank You.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 17 February 2010:
Hi Elizabeth,
I hope these tips on overcoming perfectionism help you…and that you’ll stop trying to be perfect and start enjoying your life and personality the way it is right now!
Blessings,
Laurie
Comment by Tim Wilson on 12 March 2010:
Thanks for these tips, Laurie.
I really like the second one about releasing imperfect work to the world – great way to put it!
This seems to relate to the 80-20 rule. It’s amazing how often what we do is on the wrong side of it – we can spend too much time for too little reward.
Comment by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on 14 March 2010:
Hi Tim,
Good catch, that the “releasing your imperfect work to the world” is related to the “80/20 rule.”
When it comes to blogging, for instance, I can try to write a post perfectly and it’ll take 4 hours…and nobody cares enough to read or comment on it. But, sometimes the articles I zip off without worrying about the perfectionist details are the most popular, interesting ones to readers!
That’s the 80/20 rule in action, I think….and the kicker is that you don’t necessarily know which of your efforts will be the ones that’ll pay off.
But, perfectionism has never been my albatross….I’m definitely a “forest” person. I don’t pay much attention to the trees….
Laurie