These tips are for boyfriends who aren’t attracted to their girlfriends because they gained weight. Here’s how boyfriends can handle this sticky situation…
Here’s how one reader describes it:
“I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for about six months, and I am absolutely in love with her. Since we met, she has gained 25 pounds. I’m concerned about the long term effects of her weight and of her weight gain. It’s decreasing her self image, her attitude, and our intimate life. When I try to talk to her about it, no matter how kind and caring and sweet I am, she gets defensive. I am thinking about changing our relationship. Is there anything that I can do to help her lose weight…or do I need to decide whether to stay or go?”
One way to help a partner who is gaining weight is to exercise as a couple. Do something fun, like hiking, biking, or skiing. My husband and I love doing fitness DVDs together, such as the Zumba Fitness Total Body Transformation System. If you and your girlfriend can incorporate fun and fitness into your lives, you’ll be happier and more attracted to each other. And, she might lose a few pounds! But I think the main goal is to connect as a couple.
And, here are a few tips for boyfriends whose girlfriends are gaining weight…
Tips for Boyfriends Not Attracted to Their Girlfriends – Weight Gain
Don’t push your girlfriend to lose weight. I lost a lot of weight since I got married four years ago (most married couples gain weight after the wedding, not lose it!). In the Best Ways to Lose Weight, I explain how my husband’s eating habits helped me slim down – and stay slim. An important thing to know is that he didn’t “do” anything to encourage me to lose weight. He didn’t think I needed to lose weight, and didn’t even realize how my weight loss occurred until I wrote the article. If you push your girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse to lose weight, you may drive a wedge in your relationship.
Decide if you want to be with her through thick and thin. Some boyfriends don’t care if their girlfriends are overweight, while other boyfriends prefer slim women. It’s the same with women with overweight boyfriends: some women want slim men, while others love their partners no matter how much they weigh. This is a personal choice – just like being attracted to someone who has a fair complexion or short legs. Of course, you don’t want to rule out possible partners who have dark complexions or long legs…but you also need to be true to your preferences.
Weigh her as a whole woman, not just a number on the scale. You need to remember the qualities that are far more important than a person’s weight: her values, personality, how she treats others, who she is at heart, what she’s contributing to the world, and her connection with you. Your partner’s weight gain should be secondary to what really matters, which is who she is on the inside and how you relate as a couple. If you love her with your whole heart, then you’ll stand by her — no matter what her weight loss goals are.
Question your own motives. Why are you worried that your girlfriend is gaining weight? Are you worried about what your friends and family will think? Do you think your reputation will suffer if you have an overweight girlfriend? Those are shallow reasons for wanting your girlfriend to lose weight because they’re appearance-based, and centered on what other people think. But, it’s different if you want your partner to lose weight so you can go skiing, hiking, trekking, and biking together. In that case, her weight gain directly affects your life together, which makes it a valid concern. Another unselfish reason to want her to stop gaining weight is that you’re worried about her present and future health.
Will your girlfriend’s weight gain break up your relationship? Read Why Couples Break Up – 10 Types of Relationship Problems.