These tips are for boyfriends who aren’t attracted to their girlfriends because they gained weight. Here’s how boyfriends can handle this sticky situation…
Here’s how one reader describes it:
“I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for about six months, and I am absolutely in love with her. Since we met, she has gained 25 pounds. I’m concerned about the long term effects of her weight and of her weight gain. It’s decreasing her self image, her attitude, and our intimate life. When I try to talk to her about it, no matter how kind and caring and sweet I am, she gets defensive. I am thinking about changing our relationship. Is there anything that I can do to help her lose weight…or do I need to decide whether to stay or go?”
One way to help a partner who is gaining weight is to exercise as a couple. Do something fun, like hiking, biking, or skiing. My husband and I love doing fitness DVDs together, such as the Zumba Fitness Total Body Transformation System. If you and your girlfriend can incorporate fun and fitness into your lives, you’ll be happier and more attracted to each other. And, she might lose a few pounds! But I think the main goal is to connect as a couple.
And, here are a few tips for boyfriends whose girlfriends are gaining weight…
Tips for Boyfriends Not Attracted to Their Girlfriends – Weight Gain
Don’t push your girlfriend to lose weight. I lost a lot of weight since I got married four years ago (most married couples gain weight after the wedding, not lose it!). In the Best Ways to Lose Weight, I explain how my husband’s eating habits helped me slim down – and stay slim. An important thing to know is that he didn’t “do” anything to encourage me to lose weight. He didn’t think I needed to lose weight, and didn’t even realize how my weight loss occurred until I wrote the article. If you push your girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse to lose weight, you may drive a wedge in your relationship.
Decide if you want to be with her through thick and thin. Some boyfriends don’t care if their girlfriends are overweight, while other boyfriends prefer slim women. It’s the same with women with overweight boyfriends: some women want slim men, while others love their partners no matter how much they weigh. This is a personal choice – just like being attracted to someone who has a fair complexion or short legs. Of course, you don’t want to rule out possible partners who have dark complexions or long legs…but you also need to be true to your preferences.
Weigh her as a whole woman, not just a number on the scale. You need to remember the qualities that are far more important than a person’s weight: her values, personality, how she treats others, who she is at heart, what she’s contributing to the world, and her connection with you. Your partner’s weight gain should be secondary to what really matters, which is who she is on the inside and how you relate as a couple. If you love her with your whole heart, then you’ll stand by her — no matter what her weight loss goals are.
Question your own motives. Why are you worried that your girlfriend is gaining weight? Are you worried about what your friends and family will think? Do you think your reputation will suffer if you have an overweight girlfriend? Those are shallow reasons for wanting your girlfriend to lose weight because they’re appearance-based, and centered on what other people think. But, it’s different if you want your partner to lose weight so you can go skiing, hiking, trekking, and biking together. In that case, her weight gain directly affects your life together, which makes it a valid concern. Another unselfish reason to want her to stop gaining weight is that you’re worried about her present and future health.
Will your girlfriend’s weight gain break up your relationship? Read Why Couples Break Up – 10 Types of Relationship Problems.
What do you think – is your girlfriend gaining weight? Should you love her through thick and thin?Comments welcome below…
Dear in need of practical advice,
I do not think you can do anything to stop your girlfriend from gaining weight. Your comments about thin girls, your neurolinguistic programming, your thoughts about rewarding her like she is a dog will never work.
How about talking to her about why she is gaining weight? If you and she marry, you will have to talk about the most difficult subjects in the world….and now is as good a time as any to start.
I believe people gain weight either because they are unhappy or because they have a health problem. It is either emotional or physical. What do you think is causing your girlfriend to eat more than she needs?
I love my girlfriend. We intend to marry in the next 2 years. FACT
While the comments by ‘sick of hypocrisy’ are jokes I still need some practical steps / advice from you internet folks on how to stop her getting fatter. The only solution so far has been to dump your gf so she has to look in the mirror at a fat lonley singleton before actively changing her physique – I don’t want to dump my gf.
What can I try at least – neuro-lynguistic-programming? Installing Reward mechanisms observed by Burrhus Frederic Skinner during his work in the 40s? Commenting on every thin female that appears on TV films and the media?
Lads, Men, Males – practical advice please
Females, Birds – stop getting lazy once you have entered a relationship.
I admire boyfriends who are honest about the fact that their girlfriends gained weight, and they’re not attracted to them any more. It’s a tough situation – I know if my husband gained 50 pounds, I wouldn’t be as attracted to him! It’s just so unhealthy, to be overweight.
Are guys shallow for not being attracted to girlfriends who gain weight? I’m not sure…
I agree with the above comment. If someone is happy or content they dont gain weight suddenly.. something health wise maybe wrong or something is causing unhappiness inside. Maybe the guy is part of the problem….
Sick of mysogyny you are clueless. Women are just as superficial as men. Wont date a guy unless he is a certain height. Or has a full head of hair. Or a certain sized bank account. Etc etc. And many women are just as concerned about body type as men are. But I guess THAT is ok.
You come across as a bitter fat chick. Instead of hating on men you should put the ice cream down and hit the gym. Men may give you the time of day.
I am worried about my girlfriend loosing weight because I am not attracted to her as much anymore. I have no plans of wanting to break up or find someone else. I love her no matter what but that doesn’t mean I want to have sex with her still. I find myself making excuses when she wants to have sex instead of telling her why I really don’t want to for the fear of hurting her.
These comments, and similar ones one the web, confirm to me that I live in a patriarchal society. All this talk of health and confidence is bull****. The guys do not care about the health and happiness of their wives and girlfriends, they care about how quickly and easily they are physically turned on sexually by them, like pavlov’s dogs. Women are just as turned on visually by images of sex — men are not special creatures who love porn more. They are just less sexually imaginative. Women are more capable of seeing their partner’s beauty and personality, and have these inform their sexual attraction to them. That is why women react with shock that men demand there wives lose weight, like they are being disrespected by their women for neglecting to recognize their manliness with sexy bodies. Women are shocked that men are so shallow – because they themselves are not.
Talk of health and confidence is a ploy for the guy to successfully manipulate his wife/girlfriend into losing weight. Pretending it is about her, when really its a more subtle and strategic means of achieving his ends.
I’ve got news for you guys. As women make more money and achieve more status in the workplace, studies have proven they choose more attractive mates. You and your balding, beer-bellied, back-haired bodies will be traded in for newer, younger models. I hope. Though it is a stretch for me to imagine women being this shallow.
All of this confirms to me that marriage is for making babies. You best be damn sure as a woman you do not compromise too much of your career potential for some superficial sap whose limited sexual imagination taps out without the young nubile bodies he thinks he entitled to from his regular visits to porn sites.
I wish I wasn’t so visually attracted. When my gf gained weight, I lost my sex drive and most of my attraction toward her disappeared. I still love her and think that I always will. But, I think there’s more to a relationship than love. It’s also about finding someone that matches you and makes you feel good. I think it’s funny when people talk about unconditional love and expect you to magically neglect the rest. Maybe if a woman could understand, they’d put more effort into staying fit for there man. I ended up breaking up with my gf. There was no physical attraction and I couldn’t take it any more. A few months pasted. I saw her again. She looked completely different, in shape and very sexy. The chemistry was amazing! She finally realized how important staying fit meant to my programmed mind. I appreciate her willingness to take me back and the “understanding” that came with it.
Hi Martin,
One of the hardest things about relationships is accepting our partners for who they are! We can’t change the people we love, yet we want to see them grow and become better, healthier people.
There’s a fine line between loving your girlfriend as she is, and wanting her to lose weight so she stays healthy and attractive. You can’t force her to see the importance of exercise and healthy eating, but you can create your own healthy, fit, active lifestyle. It may rub off on her, and help her set and achieve fitness goals. You could also invite her out for hikes and bike rides. Encourage her to take Zumba and other fun dance classes with friends.
But ultimately, there’s not much you can do to stop your girlfriend from gaining weight — especially if she doesn’t think fitness or active living is important. Ultimately, you need to accept her for who she is. People do change, but only when they really want to.
Take it one day at a time, and don’t worry too much about the future “what ifs” (What if she doesn’t lose weight? What if you’re not attracted to her if she keeps gaining weight?). Instead, focus on enjoying who she is today. And, stay active and healthy — it may encourage her to do the same!
Laurie
i want my girlfriend to lose weight because i feel if she keeps up her eating habits shell get heavier. i personally like slimmer girls but if she gains the weight i feel like i will lose my physical attraction to her. what can i do? i try to get her to exercise more to counter her eating habits but its not really a solution because she doesn’t feel its that important so she doesn’t do it enough.
You can find why she is unhappy. No happy woman is gaining more than 10 lbs( maybe on vacation or when nesting and in love). Something is wrong.
Thanks for your comment, Jane. There’s alot to be said for boyfriends who love their girlfriends no matter what — even after weight gain!
Hi,
I think if your girlfriend is gaining weight, you should love her no matter what. It’s mean to say she should lose weight! Let her be.
Jane