My Girlfriend is Gaining Weight – Can I Help Her Lose Weight?
Here’s how he explains it:
“I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for about six months, and I am absolutely in love with her. Since we met, she has gained 25 pounds. I’m concerned about the long term effects of her weight and of her weight gain. It affects her self image, her attitude, and our intimate life. When I try to talk to her about it, no matter how kind and caring and sweet I am, she gets defensive. I am thinking about changing our relationship. Is there anything that I can do to help her lose weight…or do I need to decide whether to stay or go?”
One way to help a partner who is gaining weight is to exercise as a couple. Do something fun, like hiking, biking, or skiing. My husband and I love doing fitness DVDs together, such as the Zumba Fitness Total Body Transformation System
And, here are a few tips for boyfriends whose girlfriends are gaining weight…
My Girlfriend is Gaining Weight – Can I Help Her Lose Weight?
Don’t push your partner to lose weight. I lost a lot of weight since I got married four years ago (most married couples gain weight after the wedding, not lose it!). In 8 Best Ways to Lose Weight, I explain how my husband’s eating habits helped me slim down – and stay slim. An important thing to know is that he didn’t “do” anything to encourage me to lose weight. He didn’t think I needed to lose weight, and didn’t even realize how my weight loss occurred until I wrote the article. If you push your girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse to lose weight, you may drive a wedge in your relationship.
Decide if you want to be with her through thick and thin. Some boyfriends don’t care if their girlfriends are overweight, while other boyfriends prefer slim women. It’s the same with women with overweight boyfriends: some women want slim men, while others love their partners no matter how much they weigh. This is a personal choice – just like being attracted to someone who has a fair complexion or short legs. Of course, you don’t want to rule out possible partners who have dark complexions or long legs…but you also need to be true to your preferences.
Weigh her as a whole woman, not just a number on the scale. You need to remember the qualities that are far more important than a person’s weight: her values, personality, how she treats others, who she is at heart, what she’s contributing to the world, and her connection with you. Your partner’s weight gain should be secondary to what really matters, which is who she is on the inside and how you relate as a couple. If you love her with your whole heart, then you’ll stand by her — no matter what her weight loss goals are.
Question your own motives. Why are you worried that your girlfriend is gaining weight? Are you worried about what your friends and family will think? Do you think your reputation will suffer if you have an overweight girlfriend? Those are shallow reasons for wanting your girlfriend to lose weight because they’re appearance-based, and centered on what other people think. But, it’s different if you want your partner to lose weight so you can go skiing, hiking, trekking, and biking together. In that case, her weight gain directly affects your life together, which makes it a valid concern. Another unselfish reason to want her to stop gaining weight is that you’re worried about her present and future health.
If you have any thoughts or questions on girlfriends gaining weight and or helping partners lose weight, please comment below…
Category: Dating Tips, Health & Wellness, Love & Relationships, Solving Relationship Problems, Weight Loss Tips
I wish I wasn’t so visually attracted. When my gf gained weight, I lost my sex drive and most of my attraction toward her disappeared. I still love her and think that I always will. But, I think there’s more to a relationship than love. It’s also about finding someone that matches you and makes you feel good. I think it’s funny when people talk about unconditional love and expect you to magically neglect the rest. Maybe if a woman could understand, they’d put more effort into staying fit for there man. I ended up breaking up with my gf. There was no physical attraction and I couldn’t take it any more. A few months pasted. I saw her again. She looked completely different, in shape and very sexy. The chemistry was amazing! She finally realized how important staying fit meant to my programmed mind. I appreciate her willingness to take me back and the “understanding” that came with it.
Hi Martin,
One of the hardest things about relationships is accepting our partners for who they are! We can’t change the people we love, yet we want to see them grow and become better, healthier people.
There’s a fine line between loving your girlfriend as she is, and wanting her to lose weight so she stays healthy and attractive. You can’t force her to see the importance of exercise and healthy eating, but you can create your own healthy, fit, active lifestyle. It may rub off on her, and help her set and achieve fitness goals. You could also invite her out for hikes and bike rides. Encourage her to take Zumba and other fun dance classes with friends.
But ultimately, there’s not much you can do to stop your girlfriend from gaining weight — especially if she doesn’t think fitness or active living is important. Ultimately, you need to accept her for who she is. People do change, but only when they really want to.
Take it one day at a time, and don’t worry too much about the future “what ifs” (What if she doesn’t lose weight? What if you’re not attracted to her if she keeps gaining weight?). Instead, focus on enjoying who she is today. And, stay active and healthy — it may encourage her to do the same!
Laurie
i want my girlfriend to lose weight because i feel if she keeps up her eating habits shell get heavier. i personally like slimmer girls but if she gains the weight i feel like i will lose my physical attraction to her. what can i do? i try to get her to exercise more to counter her eating habits but its not really a solution because she doesn’t feel its that important so she doesn’t do it enough.
You can find why she is unhappy. No happy woman is gaining more than 10 lbs( maybe on vacation or when nesting and in love). Something is wrong.
Thanks for your comment, Jane. There’s alot to be said for boyfriends who love their girlfriends no matter what — even after weight gain!
Hi,
I think if your girlfriend is gaining weight, you should love her no matter what. It’s mean to say she should lose weight! Let her be.
Jane