Comments on: Mother-in-Law Problems – How to Cope When She Doesn’t Like You

By: Jill

Jill — Mon, 27 Aug 2012 09:47:31 +0000

This is one of the best articles I have read about toxic in laws. It’s not about not getting on or simply getting unwanted advice from my MIL (that wouldn’t be so bad). It’s despite 8 or 9 years of trying to be pleasant and friendly and nice to my in laws and hoping they would accept me and my MIL still making nasty comments to me. I have finally figured out it’s because my family are working class, not sophisticated or well connected or wealthy that she discriminates against me. She told me in the beginning she thought I was lucky to get my husband – that set the tone for her whole attitude towerds me. She pretends to be nice to me in front of everyone, but when no one else is around she makes really nasty comments to me, attacking the food I serve and telling me I should have a job even though I have two children one of which is in preschool. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t know why I should have to put up with it anymore. It is undermining my confidence and happiness and I won’t have it anymore. I hate the advice that tells you to basically suck it up for the sake of the family. Luckily my husband is supportive.

By: sarah

sarah — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 17:13:59 +0000

My mother in law doesn’t hate me, in fact over the years she has been quite pleasant to me, but I do notice the difference in the way she and my FIL have treated my brother in law’s two wives. They’ve been far warmer to both of his spouses, have invited them on vacations, and while I’m not treated hostilely, I do feel that they’ve chosen to marginalize me to some extent — thankfully, my husband is a wonderful man, we enjoy vacations together and have a great group of supportive friends.

I’ve learned not to internalize it over the years, because I think the big reason for the behavior is the fact that my husband and I are childless by choice, while both wives of the brother’s have provided grandchildren. They were upset many years ago when they asked my husband, then boyfriend, in private if I was interested in having children (his response being no).

I’ve often wondered if they even realize how it appears to outsiders, when they put numerous photos of my brother in law, his former and current wives, and the many photos of the grandkids up, and there is one high school photo of my spouse up (when we have given them photos of us over the years). My own family (who loves my husband, to the point that my mother and sister think of him as their son and brother, respectively) have noticed it as well, without me prompting them.

It does hurt at times that they regard me as lesser because I didn’t have children, more for my husband’s sake than for mine, but I’ve learned to shrug my shoulders, get along with them well on the occasions that we do spend time together, and disengage from holding myself responsible for their behavior.

By: Ashley S.

Ashley S. — Tue, 29 May 2012 01:06:59 +0000

I don’t know what’s my boyfriend’s mothers’ problem, she is so confusing. She acts like she likes me when i come around but then when we leave from there house or family gathering. She’ll call my boyfriend to invite him to lunch when she comes into town, mind you she has never been to our house. It just seems like she is really shaddy and fake i can’t deal with it. I really think its because my boyfriend left home and moved in with me to start a life and the fact that i already have a child does not make it better. Also when we were struggling and didn’t have much they would ask him 101 questions as to why he needs the money, knowing at the time i was the only one employeed and utilities were going up due to a third person in the household and his parents took his phone and his car so i had to lend him my phone when i went to work as well as my car. They to never wanted to give him his car back they asked why he couldn’t use my car while i was at work i mean really i can go on and on about his parents but his mother is the CULPRET…. I just don’t know what to do know my boyfriend has bought me a engagement ring she has a problem with that her only reaction when he told her was “WOW” When she was always talking about we need to stop shaking up and get married. On top of that everytime i talk to her she has a uninterested tone in her voice!!!!! And now that were going to soon be married i know its only going to get worse…. please help or give advice. I really love my boyfriend but i cannot handle his mom and his confusing attitude. oh by the way she invited me to go somewhere with her and when that day came she stood me up…. SO CONFUSED WITH HER CONFUSION!!!!!

By: Lovehim

Lovehim — Thu, 17 May 2012 05:10:59 +0000

I don’t know what to do anymore.. I’m about to get marry in 2 days:0 and I have this sister in law that just keeps saying all this things about me.. That I’m cheating on her brother( my fiancé) when he goes to work then I call her to tell her everything.. She goes telling all his family all this things also she tells my mother in law… Now my mother in law believes her n even when I got my sister in law n my mother in law together. I asked my sister in law to tell me all the stuff she’s been saying to my face she started denying everything… Dat she haven’t said anything n at the end I was still the liar… They believe her even though I confronted her I know my fiancé side of the family is not gonna be in the wedding cuz they don’t like me at all cuz if her I never been in a situation like this n I don’t know what to do can some one give me an advice??? Plz

By: Desperately seeking sanity..

Desperately seeking sanity.. — Wed, 16 May 2012 00:13:49 +0000

My bf and I have been together for a couple if years now things moved quite quickly abd I moved in with him,now we have a baby that’s 6months old.The problem us HIS MOTHER !!
My partner said when we first got together that he wasn’t really that close to his mum as he said they used to argue when he lived there and that it only marginally got better once he moved out,however,since I first met her I just felt she was v over powering and nosey and she always tried to make herself seem so nice and genuine that I knew it was the opposite regarding some of what she was really like and I know that she has spoken about me behind my back about lots of things.
The trouble is we live quite close to his family and his mothers side is a close and large family I feel like everything we do us told to the whole family or posted on Facebook !(I’m not exageratonv it actually is talked about with the family my baby gets passed around like a parcel when we are all together and I dread any event I need to attend where I will need to go with my baby.my partner doesn’t seem to understand why I’m so annoyed but it’s caused many arguments as she always calls and asks him everything about our baby,what we have been doing,etc etc down to fine detail!she even sent me a text recently saying she wasn’t happy about the fact we were renovating not to her speed liking as she thought our baby was suffering for it !the way she gies about things is manipulative though and I really am now finding it so hard to even be around her.I hate the way she disregards me when we take our baby round as she completely takes over and she acts like it’s a major offence if u want to hold your own child whilst visiting them.it’s honestly driving me mad..also the other thing that bothers me is the constant comparisonsaxd by her between myself and my baby and get niece and hers as our babies are the sane age,I feel like moving so far away and not telling her where we are but my partner doesn’t understand and I do feel bad as I know he’s stuck in the middle he’s close to his family as I am with mine but my family totally respect us I just wish whenever she asked him he wouldn’t tell her everything or she wouldn’t ask I just want her to stay out if our lives as I honestly don’t feel at ease ever knowing she might want to see her grandchild since my baby has been born it’s so bad I just want a break !it’s getting me so far down..if anyone can relate or help in a positive way pls do I’m not over reacting this family is too much and his mother is a nightmare it’s seriously affecting our relationship now pls help !

By: meka

meka — Mon, 14 May 2012 22:32:15 +0000

First of all I feel when you marry a husband the relationship is between GOD the husband and wife yes you marry into the famiy but by no means is anyone obligated to have contact if there’s such a dislike for a spouse then the hubby or the wife should keep their relationship with there spouse between the two under no circumstances should the spouse of either side tolerate disrespect from a family member to their spouse it should be addressed if inlaws have a problem they should stay away especially if when they come to visit or call they are disrespecting a spouse a spouse is first regardless Of who doesn’t likes it When you marry you are one no longer two meaning if thigs have to get done financially it comes from both spouses why should a spouse help a family member out when they are getting disrespected so much it’s crazy and to all the controlling inlaws they need to back off it may be your child first no one is taking that away but the fact that the adult child chooses to marry doesn’t give their family the right to meddle and be disrespectful its sad and people need to be very careful about how they treat people it’s also very selfish if you love s yur child you would want to see them happy. And the same goes for the spouse to not divide any family members unless they are being disrespectful then boudares have to be set and followed.

By: Les

Les — Mon, 14 May 2012 16:05:35 +0000

Caityn,

I met my husband many years ago, and I married him. The mother in law did not like me, still does not like me, she has given all sorts of made up stories, and altered the truth. When we had our first child she informed my huabnd that he shold get a blood test to see if the child was in fact his child. SHe had no grounds for saying such a thing. I dont know what to tell you to do, but speaking from experience, judge things for yourself. I had no one to talk to and it was hurtful. Good Luck.L

By: Les

Les — Mon, 14 May 2012 15:53:25 +0000

I also want to say, over the years she has really not wanted to have anything to do with us, and she has no reason. She is just cold and mean spirited. I also realze it was not their to do anything to support us. But whenever thye have needed us to be of support, we have been there even with all the drama.But ML called my husband offered to assist when he was ill and out of work. It was after she collected lots of information about his situation, then she refused to do anything! SHe is a confusing woman.

By: Les

Les — Mon, 14 May 2012 15:48:13 +0000

Also over the years, my husband did allow some of her behavior. He would try to speak with her, and it did no good. It doe not make anyone feel good to have a person dislike you and have nothing to do with ones children cause she does not like you. I think some of it is mental concerns, that she never had addressed. ML’s marrage did not last as she got married on teh rebound.

By: Les

Les — Mon, 14 May 2012 15:40:28 +0000

I want to know if I am dealing with this in the wrong way. I have had problems with my husbands mother for years. She has lied on me in the past, has given so much disrepsect over the years, even for her own son. To get into this would take so much ime, and I dont have the time right now. Her is waht happened. My father in law died last year suddenly. He lived on his own and had left my mother in law years ago. Well during this time my husband ill and out of work. We could get no help from my husbands family, none. However my husbands mother di call me up to speak to me in a terbbile manner and to inform me what she would not assist. Okay, when my father in law passed, she and he toehr three children took everything. My husband did not get anything at all to remember his dad. There is so much to this story, you would not believe. well here it is mothers day and my husbands mother forwarded paperwork for my husband to give her all rights whatever else esle is left. The information is dated may10th that she went to the court to have this forwarded to us, by registered mail. My husabnd and I are clueless, and we do not know how to proceed. My father in law died with no will. What does she want from us. SHe has been horrible over the years. The social skilss for my husbands family is little to none. I hav tried over the years to just deal with it. But no more. Let me know what to do, there is more.