5 Tips for Letting Go of Someone You Love

There are no “one size fits all” tips on letting go of someone you love after breaking up. Here are several ways to heal your heart when you have no choice but to leave a relationship behind.

When I wrote 75 Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love, I interviewed life coaches, counselors, and grief coaches on letting go. I know how shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching when your partner leaves. It’s devastating – and it changes how you see yourself. I believe learning about letting go of someone you love after breaking up is about rediscovering your passion and identity.

These tips are inspired by a reader who asked for help detaching and letting go of someone she loves even though he’s not quite “gone” yet. Here’s part of her email: “My husband of 3 years is planning to leave me without an explanation. He is in a band and tours every now and then, but that has never been a problem till this tour… within a week of being on this tour he started distancing himself. No calls, hardly any replies to my messages on Facebook. I want to know how to let go of someone you love because I believe he will leave me.  How do I start over?”

In this post on letting go of someone you love, I focus on reconnecting with the most important person in your life: you (and God). In my “how to let go of someone you love” ebook, I offer more in-depth information.

Letting Go of Someone You Love – After Breaking Up

It’s important to remember that letting go isn’t something you do once – and poof! You’re free, healed, and happy. Rather, letting go of someone you love after breaking up is a journey peppered with steps forward and steps backward, good days and bad days.

If you’re a believer, read Prayer for Healing After a Breakup.

Accept your lack of control

To let go of someone you love, you need to accept that you can’t control many things in your life. You can’t control who loves you, who leaves you, who helps you, who betrays you. You can’t control your neighbourhood, the traffic, the weather, or the economy. Of all the things you want to change in your life, remember that you can’t change people. You can sometimes change circumstances, and you can change your attitude and response to events and people…but you can’t change your husband, children, coworkers, neighbours, or family members.

Remember that you did the best you could

Don’t waste your time or energy feeling guilty or bad about the choices you made in your relationship. You did the best you could, you loved as much as you were able. No matter what you did or didn’t do in your relationship, it ended — and it probably would have ended regardless of what choices you made or actions you took.

If you want to be happy and healthy – and focus on letting go of someone you love after breaking up – you need practice acceptance.

Be open to different ways to let go after breaking up

letting go of someone you love after breaking up

Letting Go of Someone You Love After Breaking Up

A life coach, counselor, financial adviser, or even a professional organizer can help you let go and move on. Whether you should hire a life coach or talk to a counselor depends on your situation. If you’re struggling with self-identity, major life changes, fear, anxiety, depression, or your marriage – then I encourage you to talk to a counselor.

Therapists can provide objective feedback and guidance that our friends and family can’t offer. If you have money problems, financial advisers can help you become financially independent. Professional organizers can help you declutter — which can improve your physical and mental health!

Decide what needs to change in your life

You have to actively decide you want to let go.  Who do you want to be? Where do you want to live, work, love, play, and laugh? Instead of mourning the fact that you have to start over because your relationship ended, I want you to try celebrating it. Stop focusing on your ex and the pain. Instead, focus on the excitement of a new beginning and fresh start. I know it’s easier said than done – especially if your husband left you for another woman – but it’s better for you in the long run.

Refresh your spirituality after letting go of someone you love

The happiest people are those who are in touch with their spirits. Adding spirituality to your life not only makes you feel better emotionally, it improves your physical health. Tap into your soul by meditating, praying, taking time to really listen to your heart, reading Scripture or other soulful books, and talking to people about spiritual matters. The end of a relationship – when you’re trying to let go of someone you love – is a perfect time to start getting back into your spiritual life.

I hope these tips on how to let go of  someone you love help. Please feel free to share your story below. I can’t offer advice, but it often helps to write your thoughts and feelings, even if you feel embarrassed or ashamed.

After Breaking Up Letting Go of Someone You LoveIf you need a more step-by-step approach toletting go of someone you love after breaking up, read You Can Heal Your Heart: Finding Peace After a Breakup, Divorce, or Death by Louise L. Hay and David Kessler. It’s an empowering book that will inspire you to think differently about letting go of someone you love after breaking up. This book could bring hope and fresh insights into your life, and even into your current and future relationships. You will not only learn how to help heal your grief, but you will also discover that your heart can heal.

If you’re starting to think about falling in love again, read Questions to Ask Yourself Before Starting a New Relationship.

Your comments on letting go of someone you love after breaking up are welcome, but I can’t offer advice or counseling. It may help you to share your experience of loss and health. Writing often brings clarity and insight.

I wish you peace and joy as you move on to the next stage of your life.

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Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen
Shalom! I can't give you advice, but please feel free to share your thoughts below. I'm a writer in Vancouver; my degrees are in Psychology, Education, and Social Work. I live with my husband, two dogs, and cat. We can't have children, and we trust in God's love, grace, and wisdom. Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28.

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2 Responses

  1. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    I’m sorry you’re going through this, Gerry. It’s such a painful and sad experience! Letting go of someone you love after breaking up is never fully “over.” Our hearts heal slowly and eventually we move on, but it seems like we’re never fully healed after losing someone we love.

    You WILL start to feel better, though. The pain in your heart and soul will fade over time, and you’ll start to think about falling in love again. You’ll never forget this girlfriend, but you will eventually make room in your heart for a new love.

    May you find peace and comfort as you let go of your girlfriend, and move forward into a new stage of life.


  2. Gerry Della Serra says:


    I moved to be closer to my girlfriend & she was all for it & seemed excited . But after 6 weeks of living in the new place she left me. Without giving any closure although I new something had changed about her say 2 to 3 months leading up to the break up. I couldn’t do anything right as far as she was concerned???

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