Why Men Cheat on Women – Insights From a Marriage Counselor
You can’t stop him from cheating if you don’t know why men cheat! Marriage counselor Gary Neuman explains why men cheat and how to build a strong relationship.
He also describes how much power women have in their marriages and relationships.
First, here are two interesting statistics about marital affairs, from Neuman’s book The Truth About Cheating:
- 1 in 2.7 men will cheat, and most of their wives will never find about it.
- 92% of men say that affairs aren’t primarily about sex.
Below is a summary of what Neuman told Oprah Winfrey about why men cheat.
For more detailed information on physical and emotional affairs in marriage, read The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It.
Why Men Cheat – Insights From a Marriage Counselor
Neuman says men cheat because of:
- Loneliness in their relationship or marriage.
- Affirmation from “the other woman.”
- Not enough attention at home.
The women men cheat with make them feel valued, secure, and appreciated. “Men love to win,” says Neuman. “If you want to make men feel secure, make them feel like they’re winning.” The husbands who had affairs said that they felt like they couldn’t win at home or in their marriage.
In The Truth About Cheating, Neuman reports the results of a survey of marriage, marital affairs, and cheating spouses. He surveyed hundreds of husbands and wives to determine the real reasons men cheat. Neuman wrote the book because he saw the overwhelming devastation that happens in families, children, and relatives when men cheat on their wives.
If your husband cheated on you, you may find Should I Trust My Boyfriend After He Cheated on Me? helpful.
The Controversy in The Truth about Cheating
Oprah points out the controversy in this book: a lot of the onus for marital affairs seems to be on the women. “How come we have to be the ones to work it out or fix it?” she asks.
Neuman stresses that it’s not the wives’ fault and it’s not a blame game. He says that The Truth About Cheating is a book is about empowering women. “If you do certain things, you can lead your relationship to better place.”
Women think if they appreciate their partners or husbands too much, the men will stop doing wonderful or helpful things around the house or in the relationship. It’s just the opposite, says Neuman. Here’s more marriage advice from Neuman: the more you appreciate your husband, the more he’ll want to please you.
In fact, some marriage counselors believe that you should stay with a cheating husband. Read Should I Leave My Cheating Husband? The Best Reason to Stay Married to learn why.
How Many Men Leave Their Wives For Prettier Women?
Almost none.
“I had a ton of mistresses, and none were prettier than my wife,” said one husband who cheated on his wife.
Neuman said that 88% of the men said that the other woman wasn’t better looking or in better shape than their wives. Remember that cheating on your spouse is NOT about sex.
Why Do Men Cheat on Women?
The number one reason why men cheat is that there’s an emotional disconnection in the relationship. Husbands or partners feel underappreciated, and report a lack of thoughtful gestures. They’re lonely in their marriages.
Men who cheat find women who make them feel alive, admired, and respected.
“Men are very emotional beings,” says Neuman. The stereotype is that men are unemotional beings, but Neuman says men are very emotional beings, they just express it differently.
Men want to feel like they’re pleasing their wives. If they get the message that they’re messing up, they feel insecure – and more likely to stray. Here’s Neuman’s marital advice to help you achieve your personal relationship goals: express how much you appreciate your spouse.
Most people find people to cheat with at work. A friendship or emotional relationship develops.
Some Husbands Will Cheat on Their Wives No Matter What
Neuman says that 12% of men will cheat no matter what the wife does. Neuman says that you know those cheating spouses because they have a lack of remorse, if he’s cavalier about it, there’s no way to heal the marriage.
Do Men Confess Their Affairs?
Only 7% told their wives without being asked that they had an affair. Neuman said that 55% of the men in his study still hadn’t told their wives about their affairs.
When wives do find out that men are having a marital affair, they know who the partner was cheating with. Usually, people talk about their romantic interests.
Signs to Look for Before He Cheats
Marriage cheating signs include:
- Spend more time away from home
- Less sex
- Avoidance of contact (eg, he doesn’t answer his cell phone).
- More critical of you
These signs of cheating in marriage are the same when he’s about to cheat, or when he’s already involved in a marital affair. Take Neuman’s marital advice if you want to achieve your personal relationship goals, and watch for these signs of cheating.
Do You Think Your Man is Cheating?
If you think he’s cheating, here are three ways to investigate…
“Go to cell phone records to find out whether he’s very involved with somebody,” says Neuman. “Put a GPS magnet on the bottom of his car, so you can see where his car has been. And, if you think he’s cheating but don’t believe what he says, ask him to take a lie detector test.”
“Lying in a relationship can be more hurtful than the affair itself – and it takes a lot to move past it,” said one woman whose husband cheated on her.
A final bit of marriage advice for men who cheat: “It’s best to come clean as early as possible,” says Neuman. “Be honest with your wife when you’re just beginning to get interested in someone else.”
The Psychology of Love
Gary Neuman also wrote Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship.
If you have any thoughts why men cheat, please comment below…
Category: Breakup Survival Tips, Love & Relationships
There’s nothing you can do to make him stop — you can’t make any adult do anything! I’m sorry to say, you don’t have the power to make him stop visiting those sites…that’s something he has to do. He has to choose you and his marriage over his own desires.
Diane, you need to decide if your marriage is working for you (to borrow a phrase from Dr Phil!). Is it making you happy, fulfilling you as a woman, helping you achieve your goals? If you’re not getting what you need from your husband — and if he keeps cheating and blows up at you — then you have to re-evaluate not just your marriage, but your life.
If he’s unwilling to change or work on your marriage, then it’s up to you to decide if you want to accept your marriage as it is and your husband as he is, or if you want to move on without him.
Have you talked to him about why he’s cheating this way?
My husband is addicted to porn sites. I feel it is also a way of cheating on me. He tries to hide it. He does it when i am work.
He also has been on match sites. Maybe he is trying to hook up with someone. When i ask him he blows up at me and he was ready to throw a lamp at me last nite.
I hate that he goes on these sites.
what can I do to make him stop.
It’s not that he doesn’t get love making at home. It’s aleast 2-3 times a week.
I don’t understand. and i hate it.
thanks
Joey
Thank you for sharing your story! I think I am similar as your partner ( ashamed to admit it) I only see that as I read your entry! I do work full-time, we do have kids, we do have sex, BUT I am living in turmoil… I have tried and tried to make things work … I’ve been married for 13 years and with him for 20 all together… I was only 17 when we committed to each other. I know nothing else in life about love, partnership and relationships other than what I have and had over the years. My honey has done many shameful things, dishonesty, emotional infidelity, addictions, lack of support, mental abuse and neglect … he works 24-7, seems to be disconnected and makes choices I disagree with. I have heard similar comments from my man as you wrote earlier this week. WOW, I have insulted his intelligence, I have ridiculed him for choices and interests I disagree with, I have rejected his attempts that I felt were too little too late, I find his faults before his strengths as a person. He is was / and will cheat on me Im sure!!! I have some black and white proof… He down plays the evidence (printed off emails from 2 other women) he minimizes the language used ” sexy-babe, I miss you too, wow you look amazing, I would love to text, talk and see you! and his cell phone # attached!!!!! Still today he states its “NOTHING” BUT it is something to me!!! I need trust… SO this is where your entry has enlightened me. Although he has done damaging things in the relationship, I too am hindering the growth by “being emotionally disconnected, insulting him, disregarding him, ignoring him, making excuses for him … I have been wounded, my heart is bleeding out, I’m losing the essence / vitality of oxygen to live on with this routine, this insane lifestyle we have carved out for ourselves. I thank you for your words, your strength to open up and share your “side of things” I think you have told me what my husband could not! I have heard similar comments between breaths while arguing, but I never “HEARD” what he was saying I just judged it … I can justify every inappropriate comment and action I’ve taken against him … as there is a past and history he built in the early years of our relationship. I never let go of what happened, or dealt with the pain I endured … things would get swept under the carpet and the clock kept ticking I’m 37 now with 3 kids, 17, 15, 11. I am ready to roll up my sleeves and get messy! I wrote down your key points ” emotional abandonment, rejection, lack of compliments, lack of sex, harsh insults” I see I do these things as I want him to hurt!!!! Seeing we females handle emotions differently from men, I wanted to “stick it too him” at times and see his pain … What kind of person am I that I take a sick and twisted pleasure in hurting him BACK!!!! I am ready to work it out. Acknowledging my wrong doing and seeing my role helps me “fix” what I never realized was broken … I was breaking things apart as well as he was. I only saw what he was doing as the problem and not owning what I was doing wrong. I shake my head and think how could I not see what I have been involved with??? … All I need now is trust, commitment and a re-connection with him to prove it is worth while. I can script the “Fairy Tale” I’ve always dreamed about since I was about 10 years old… finding my prince, and living happily ever after….
This has been more than helpful too me! I needed someone to show me that I am not as innocent in all this as I once believed I was. I don’t take all the blame, I am not attacking myself, but rather opening my eyes to WHO,and WHAT, I have been and brought to this disarray! I was looking for the “Cause and effect” The Action and the reaction the rhyme and reason behind the pain! Which I think I found .. in your posting!
I wish the best for all parties involved, men-women and children who are suffering with relationship distress and disfunction …. Step back and see what I saw ” what am I doing? what has been my role?”
Cheers,
Peace to us all
I will probably be leaving her ASAP – I cannot handle the verbal abuse any longer. Her unwillingness to try to get a job is taking it’s toll on me…. my health is failing me, I have anxiety and panic attacks, and I’m constantly depressed. The stress has caused me a major 3+ year long battle with eczema. I’m embarrassed to even shake hands with people…..
Thanks for your perspective, Joey — it’s not often I hear men talk about how some women make them feel in relationships! It sounds like you’re exactly the kind of guy that Gary Neuman was talking about in his book “Why Men Cheat.”
I’m sorry your marriage is so rough, and I hope you and your wife find a healthy way out of the way it is now.
Laurie
To all you women who beleive that ALL men cheat because they are more interested in the sex – I say: “BLEEP You!” I’ve lived with a wife who for the past 3 years of our marriage has done nothing but emotionally and verbally abuse me, emotionally abandon and neglect me, and constantly reject my attempts to build a stronger marriage. All teh while, refusing counseling and doing nothing to help out financially but place the burden of it all upon my shoulders.
Of course I flirt with other women! It makes me feel good about myself. The wife NEVER compliments me and uses every opportunity to tear me down with the harshest of insults. I have been nothing but kind and sweet and genereous to her. ANd she still has nothign good to say abnout me. Ever.
So yes I do flirt. It’s nice feeling like somebody likes me for me. It’s nice to not be ridiculed. I can’t leave the wife since I am wayyy too far in debt, and I have no one to turn to where I live.
For all teh false accusations I’ve suffered, I am on the brink of WANTING to cheat! She hasn’t given up any sex in four months! No matter how many dishes I do, how much laundry I clean, or how many gifts I shower upon her. My efforts fail at every tun. I once was a hopeless romantic. Now, I just feel so broken and broken-hearted inside. She still hasn’t taken my last name, and after we wed, she decided she didn’t want children……. ripping my very heart out!
So to all you wimmin who are so high and mighty – TAKE OWNERSHIP of YOUR part of how you make your men feel!
Are you serious? Yikes — I’d get as far away from him as I can. He’s one of those men that Gary Neuman mentioned: they cheat no matter how great their relationships are. They’re just jerks. I don’t know what this guy’s problem is – why he’s cheating on his girlfriend/wife, why he needs to lead you on – and it doesn’t even matter!
At least this guy is honest with you about having a girlfriend and getting married! But unless you want to keep getting treated like garbage, I’d move on as fast as possible.
Hi , i had a old friend whom i had a fling with in the past .Its been six year since ive seen him i made him lunch.A few times he told me he shouldnt come and see me he has a girlfriend.Then he turnns around and tells me there is something abot me that drives him nuts and how crazy it is.Three weeks of hangind out a bit , he got married in los vegas and didnt tell me.When he got home he send a e mail saing he counldnt wait to see me.He stasrted e mailing and calling more but staying away from my home.He has said and i have said we should talk but then he sends a e mail asking how i am .I tink about him all the time and he says he trys to forgt about me but cant.whats this all about??
Tom, how interesting, but not surprising, you recieve my response as ‘angry.’ This is a text book response from individuals in our society that ‘tag’ labels/names when they are offended and defensive when the subject is close to home.
My email was about respect and love in a relationship that stops ‘good men’ in their tracks in tempting situations; and not simplifying something so complex as ‘why men cheat;’ and I touched a little on the rampent cultural norms today that contribute and have many thorougly confused, feeling inadequate (on both sides) and they believe what they see and hear in the media.
Lynn was quick to point out that many women take on too much responsibility in their relationships and blame themselves so that some women that might be reading this book and read her blog response don’t start coming up with another exuse for their husbands infidelity which is usually attached to emotional or mental abuse.
Yes, women cheat too. But the subject was “why men cheat” and my collegue and I have been bombarded enough in the past year with women in our circle of friends, family and even those we barely know that are realing from the effects of their spouses infidelity…a good number of which were fed by the internet – which is apparently a good way to find ‘no strings attached sex’ whether you want to pay for it or not. Then there is the interesting but not so surprising addiction to porn on the internet by not just married men, but even clergy – as one we interviewed was counseling preists on their difficulty fighting their urge to watch porn on the internet.
“Intimacy” is a subject that needs to be revisited on a core level as it is not addressed or harolded in our culture anymore. Casual sex is glorified on many levels which has confused our youth so much so that they have very little faith in love and marriage and commitment – as their are no boundaries, testiments, and goals showcased in our very loud media culture – which surprise, surprise – feeds into our homes.
So, the question really is a moral one isn’t it Tom. Those with high moral standards, that are practicing good and listening to their conscience and remembering the person they fell in love with and why they committed to them and if they are really making an effort everyday to nuture that relationship which means drawing hard lines like telling your spouse you feel unappreciated. This of course gives your spouse a chance to reflect on their behavior and make choices on how to show their spouse they appreciate them. This of course is taking one small and simple example in the complex house of love.
Try and stop the narrow and limited thinking that accompanyies laying name calling like ‘angry women.’ I’m not calling you any names but asking you to reflect on a position or conclusion on a subject that cannot be narrowed down to a or b – because it’s always a question of morals, value and virtue – choices. No defense should be given to those that make the wrong moral choices – What are we teaching our children? The gift of many excuses?
What about teaching our childrent that when we make big mistakes – we admit to them and try to find what is broken in us that made us hurt the one we loved the most. Let’s actually bring into light something courage with honesty – this is always about facing our worst fears. That is courage – facing your fears, not feeding your passions. What a gift that would be for the youth in our country. And maybe as a society we should stop accepting what was never acceptable. Just becuase we are overwhelmed and the old saying ‘if you can’t beat em, join them’ has to be changed to “if you can’t beat them, stay fighting fair and for the good for ourselves and our children – because we all deserve better than this’ Get off the fence, make a choice and take a stand. Don’t accept what you know in your heart should never be acceptable and hope your children somehow are not effected. There is no way around it until you take a stand for what is right and stop making excuses for wrongs.
Many women are offended and even enraged at Gary Neuman’s suggestions, because he seems to be putting the onus on wives. But, he says he’s empowering women, giving them tools to protect their marriages so men don’t cheat.
It may not be a “cause and effect” thing. That is, Neuman may not be saying men cheat because women ignore them. Rather it may be more of a “correlation” thing: men are more likely to cheat if they have wives who aren’t appreciative, or physically and emotionally connected.
Neuman isn’t just pulling this stuff out of his hat — he researched unfaithful married couples, and he’s just sharing what he’s learned. I’m pretty sure he’s not saying cheating is okay! He’s just explaining why he thinks men cheat.
He also points out that some men cheat on their wives no matter what, and that this isn’t a reflection of the wives or their level of appreciation.
I disagree with Lynn and Allison. The author is trying to point out the underlying basis for affairs and not to assign blame.
I get the feeling that Lynn and Allison are generally angry about many things in their lives and men are #1 on their list.
There are many men who are caring, sensitive, and responsible and are still met with underappreciation at home. This is not an excuse for a guy to have an affair. If this was going on, I would recommend for the guy to talk to his wife about it and if it still doesn’t improve, I suggest he gets divorced before having an affair.
However, the author is trying to point out that underappreciation whether real or not is a common feeling in men that cheat. If the goal is to prevent cheating, then maybe it may be wise to address the underappreciation problem. Maybe Allison and Lynn’s goals are not to prevent cheating. I get the sense that if their spouses cheated on them, they would be kicked out and these women can continue on with their angry lives. To continue to live with these losers is to live a self-defeated life. I can understand that but know that the author’s goal then is entirely different. He wants to preserve marriages – which is one of the most difficult things to do in counseling. And to do that – yes, he will point out things that women don’t like to hear because in so many ways, its always the guys fault so why should the women need to do ANYTHING about it.
I say don’t do anything. You don’t have too. Let the guy cheat and then dump him. He’s no good anyways. But don’t jump on Mr. Neumann because his goal is to preserve the marriage – even after a traumatic thing such as an affair. And to do so, it take BOTH parties to compromise.
So if saying a nice thing now and then to show appreciation is too hard for Lynn and Allison, then maybe marriage is not the thing for them.
Tom
Thanks for your insights, Lynn & Allison!
Allison, your book sounds fascinating — I love reading about how women settle in life, how they lose themselves in relationships, and how they sometimes sacrifice who they are to do what society or their families dictate.
And sometimes we’re not even aware of what we’re doing – we’re conditioned not to make waves, not to disrupt the status quo.
Anyway, I’m glad for your comments — please keep me posted on “Sisters”!
It’ll be interesting to hear what Gary Neuman has to say about why women have affairs…
Laurie
Lynn, hit the nail on the head in many ways – Dr Newman’s perspective is very limited – which he obviously knows – becuase he’s studying women now. However, the conclusion to his study is more simplistic than this subject really is.
Lynn at least includes the warped cultural norms that are rampant today. There are many taboo subjects that are not addressed that need to be. I hope the women reading this blog – read Lynn’s comments several times so they don’t forget it’s not their fault as is the same cultural norm that has been fed for far too long.
There are good men out there that would never think of cheating on their wive’s, they are selfless and not selfish and they value their wives and their partnership far to much to consider jepardizing the woman they are sharing their life with.
My colleague and I are writting a book and conducting interviews know – we are unclear on a name as we are in the northeast and want to make sure we get a clear representation of our southern, and western sisters. We are thinking of calling it – Soul Sisters…or Sisters – we are seeing a lot of women that settled – and it took a long time for them to realize it – as they were trying to fix their husbands. This is just one small piece but many made up for what their husbands lacked and then there were a lot that settled even more as the years progressed and essentiall sold, gave up, gave in. The women that did not compromise the respect they deserved either had changed men or men that were beyond being crushed because they never thought they could lose the woman they loved. The old cliche’ you don’t know what you have till its gone.
In response to sex addicts – no morals and values is very close as most seem to have been raised with none and experience a heavy level of abuse and sexual abuse is high on the ladder.
This is a loaded subject – but the advent of the internet and onslaught of pornography that gets more and more hard core – it is no surprise that on the rise of child pornography and sex trafficing. According to a few clergy we have interviewed that have been counseling sex addicts and married men that are cheating – many with prostitutes. This is a societal existance that was considered the bottom of the barrel as they are the largest spreaders of STD’s and according to the clergy this type of woman “really messes a man up and confuses them” as the men are ashamed and embarrassed. Yet, instead of having to look in the dark alleys for these types of women – they are advertising in the local news paper, on craiglist and on singles sights for sex. It’s rampant. So, here we have the bottom of the barrel – calling themselves “escorts” as if this raises their class and we as a society are ignoring it and doing nothing to curb its prevelance.
In response to the book “Learning Why Men Cheat”. This is really more of the same just targeted at a new generation and millions of these books that state the obvious will likely be sold, not to mention the attention it will get from outraged women, which is the intent, so congratulations. Whatever happened to common respect? Marriage counselor Neuman says men cheat because of: Loneliness in their relationship or marriage. Affirmation from “the other women.” And not enough attention at home. He left out that they also cheat to fit in with other guys they’re friends with and work with because it is more and more socially acceptable for married men to cheat and they like it that way and want it to be even more acceptable. Books like this make it okay because it puts the blame on wives, soon there will be a book putting the blame on their children. There are also men who will drive this into the ground, with exhausted worn out wife at home, “she couldn’t give me the attention I needed”.
This might come as a shock but there are many married women over the years who have been lonely, get flirted with by men regularly, and who do not get enough attention at home and who, yes cheat because of that, many emotionally cheat with another man and it is not a new phenominon. If you factor in fear of physical abuse from husbands and social stigma towards women who cheat, there are probably more wives who cheat than husbands, you just don’t know about it. Women are emotional, which everyone is aware of, much more than men, and because of their emotional needs that many men joke about and ignore, and pressure put on women to be caregivers (which books like this pile it on even thicker), leaves little if any energy or time for women, for themselves on a day to day basis and it eats away at ones self esteem. Women then rely on a husband to fill that void and help. Often husbands don’t because they are too focused on themselves which is the basis of Neumans book, men basically lack mature responsibility and are self centered. This leads many women to get the attention they need from someone else if not sooner, then later. The so called higher number of wives cheating in recent years, really isn’t a new thing, it’s just not as easy for women to hide as it used to be. I cannot count how many women I’ve known who have dealt with this immature self centered attitude from men, and who have simply given up on them. Eventually wives figure out if they didn’t already know going in to marriage, that for many women it is not an equal playing field and marriage usually isn’t a partnership. After all, it isn’t exactly condusive to ones self esteem when your husband is constantly flirting or pursuing other women. Or after a 12 hour work day in an office, you go by the daycare pick up the kids, go home, fix dinner, do a load of laundry and help with homework, while he sits in front of the tv, then has his nightly romp with you, and you still have time and energy to somehow follow him in the things he’s interested in which is usually a sport, and yet he still cheats. And then the wife says, what did I do wrong? So wives move on emotionally and just treat their daily routine like a job and are very discrete about their other activities, while men are not so discrete because it is more and more socially acceptable for them to cheat. Again, life goes on, more of the same old thing, where if men and women simply had respect for each other and treated each other with respect, it could make such a difference in marriage.
Your husband’s secret relationships with women aren’t so secret after all! I’m sorry, Barb Ann – it sounds like he has an unhealthy need to interact with other women.
Whether it’s a bunch of emotional affairs or a series of full blown cheating matters less than YOUR response. What kind of a marriage is this for you, and what kind of a marriage do you want for yourself? If he’s not willing to work on your relationship with you, then I suggest you get individual counseling or go to workshops or do something that helps you grow into a strong healthy independent woman.
I think your husband has broken the vows of your marriage — but it’s up to you to respond to his actions. I don’t know if he’s willing to rethink the way he’s been treating you — but I encourage you to rethink the way you’re allowing yourself to be treated.
Thanks for sharing, Barb Ann, and I wish you all the best. If have further thoughts or comments, I’m right here!
Laurie
My husband has had several secret relationships with women from work over the years. He gets invested in their personal lives. One woman he met because they did sports activities together. He spent over 1200 minutes of phone calls talking to her in one month. He insists when they met he was always with a group. When I got the phone bill, they both denied knowing each other. He says he knows it was wrong and was sorry …for a while.
Once he met a woman working in the US from Britain. Because of her marital problems my husband ended up holding her passport, green card and immigration papers. At first, he said he just talked to her at work. Then they had lunch with a group of people once or twice. He went on a sales call (in home sales) and got home at 11:30 PM
There seems to be someone new now. She called his cell phone at 8:30 on a Sunday morning. She works at his office. When I asked him about it, he first said it was work related. He said it was a voice message from the previous afternoon. I saw both a morning and afternoon call on the list originally. After I mentioned it, the morning call was erased. He always answers his work calls with peoples names….Hi Kelly, Jeffrey, how’s it going……When this person calls, he says< ” Hiiiiii” and his voice deepens.
Is there such a thing as a person who has many emotional affairs or is this just a series of full blown cheating?
Tata, I’m sorry that your husband cheated on you and that you have a child together.
I wish I had a magic solution that will bring you two back together, but I don’t think it’s that easy. If he doesn’t want to be married, then I don’t know that there’s much you can do to get him back.
The best route may be to be a good friend to him. You say you still have good relations — I’d suggest not pushing him to get back together, but encouraging him to have a good relationship with your child. Be a supportive person in his life, but don’t push him into a relationship he’s not ready to go back to.
I also suggest moving on with your life. I know it’s painful, but having your own life and interests will not only make you feel better, it’ll make you more attractive to your ex (and other people!). Sometimes moving on is the best option — and I encourage you to build a happy, healthy life.
Plus, if he cheated on you once, he may cheat on you again and again. Can you trust him? I don’t know — it’s just something to consider.
Good luck, Tata……and be a strong, healthy woman!
Laurie
Please provide me with your advice.
I have been living with my husband 5 years and we are having a child.
we have seperated for 6 months alreay and I discovered that he has been cheating.
we are having still good relations with each other, but he keeps his relations with her cowerker still.
Please helm me and advice me what can I do and how can I get back my ex, as I still love him too much.
Thanks for your support.
Tata
The secret to staying faithful has been studied by researchers from UCLA and the online dating service eHarmony. It boils down to one thing: remembering the love you feel for your partner (or once felt!).
Here’s a link to the article I wrote about this study: http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_stay_faithful_to_your_partner
I totally believe that their is an emotional cheater,like it was said on the Today Show, you don’t have to have sex to cheat. Seeking that attention from another man/woman, flirting, texting, emails, phone calls. If you cannot have an emotional connection with your spouse you should not be married.
No solution to sexual addiction? Some people (like Dr Laura Schlessinger) don’t even believe there’s such a thing as sexual addiction – they just think the person has no morals or values.
About your question, Dawn: what if 12 different people tell you do to 12 different things with a guy who cheats on you? Then what do you do?
I think you need to figure out what’s best for you, and get help, and then follow through with your decision (it’s usually easier when you have support). I think you should follow your gut. If he’s telling you there’s no solution, then you need to do some research on your own.
If I were in your situation, I’d leave so fast he wouldn’t know what hit him. But everyone’s different – some people have reasons for staying in a relationship that baffle others.
What do YOU think you should do?
You know what, how about if the husband is sexually addicted, there is no solution to that addiction. It is worse than cheating. He always find means and ways to have sex with different women by hook or by crook. Tell me what to do with this situation. Thanks much.
Hello Laurie: You may want to take a peek at my “Love Lies and Brain Scans” which appeared in my regular column for the Providence Journal. For $10,000 some people are requesting the scans to determine fidelity and infidelity. But you will be amused by the common sense ending. Right now it is posted on September 9th at http://www.ritawatson.com. Later today I will have it added to the relationship columns. I did just notice a Pingback (however, it is an earlier version because the one up there includes your name. Happiness/ R
Why do women cheat on their husbands? Dr Neuman is gathering research on that now, and told Oprah he’ll be writing a book about why women cheat next.
So, perhaps husbands will soon be asking their wives to take a lie detector test…I wonder if women are more likely to ‘fess up to marital affairs? According to Dr Neuman in The Truth About Cheating, men don’t usually spill the beans unless asked.
You are correct. Lie Detector (polygraph) testing has been used for many years to determine whether a person has been involved in extramarital relationships, and it’s use continues to grow worldwide.
Michael Martin
Global Polygraph Network