Is Your Marriage Over? 7 Signs Your Spouse is Ending the Relationship

While I can’t tell you if your marriage is over, I can share a few signs your spouse doesn’t want to be married anymore.

Even if one stage of your marriage is over, it doesn’t necessarily mean your spouse wants to end the whole relationship. Marriages go through phases of love, ups and downs.

“In my work doing marriage coaching, I have noticed that very often the turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom,” says marriage coach Mort Fertel, who offers an alternative to marriage counseling. “It’s not until they’ve been through the worst that things start to get better.”

Maybe your marriage is over, or maybe you just need a tune-up from a marriage coach or book. One of the bestselling marriage books on Amazon is Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs. Perhaps what’s missing from your marriage is love and respect?

7 Signs Your Marriage is Over

Remember marriage coach Mort Fertel’s words: just because you’re struggling with problems in your relationship, doesn’t mean your marriage is headed for divorce court! The following issues may represent the end of one stage of your marriage….and may herald the beginning of a new, healthier chapter of life.

In fact, Mort says cheating husbands are more likely to build stronger marriages.

Your partner can’t see the reality of your marriage

If your spouse doesn’t understand how his actions are affecting you – and even worse, refuses to compromise – then your marriage will be difficult to rebuild. To rise from rock bottom, both partners have to see how their actions or inactions are affecting the relationship – and both partners have to be willing to work on it. If your spouse refuses to accept responsibility, then you have to decide if you want to stay in your marriage the way it is…or end it.

Your spouse sees how thing are, but doesn’t care

You can communicate until you’re blue in the face, but if your partner doesn’t care how you feel or whether the relationship is healthy, then perhaps it’s a sign your marriage is over. Marriage coach Mort Fertel says, “Ironically, communication techniques sometimes give people clarity that they don’t care what their spouse thinks or feels. They “got it,” but “it” doesn’t matter to them anymore.” Communication is secondary to caring.

You don’t connect with your spouse

When you first got married, you probably felt understood, heard, and connected with your partner. Time passes, and the stress of daily life and kids and jobs and money and house all take a toll…and you find that you’re not connecting anymore. This isn’t necessarily a sign your marriage is over – it just means you need to make the time and effort to reconnect. Read 10 Ways to Improve a Bad Relationship for tips on improving your relationship.

You have different visions of the future of your marriage

He wants a four million dollar home on oceanfront property; you want to live in a cottage in the country. He wants six children; you’d rather be childfree. He wants his mom and aunt to live with you in his four million dollar home; you can barely tolerate Christmas dinner together. To keep your marriage together, you need to agree on your vision as a couple or family – and put each other first (and your financial goals, parents, or careers second).

You’re not physically intimate (not always a sign your marriage is over)

This may not be a sure way to tell if your marriage is over — it depends on your physical and mental health – but if you have no love life to speak of, then you probably aren’t connecting on an intimate emotional and physical level. The less you connect, the less healthy your relationship is…and the more likely your spouse is ending the relationship.

You fight the “wrong” way in your marriage

If you can’t focus on the topic of your argument, opting instead to bring up past mistakes or reopen old wounds, then your marriage may be leaning towards “over.” The more past conflicts come into current arguments, the less healthy your marriage is. This may not be a certain sign your marriage is over, because it’s actually fairly easily remedied if both spouses are willing.

You partner cheats and wants to end the relationship

Many couples survive marital infidelity, and even have a stronger bond because of the cheating. Other couples split up right away, while other marriage limp along for years or decades…and the cheating partner remains unfaithful. Cheating in and of itself isn’t necessarily a way to tell if your marriage is over…it’s how the partners act after the infidelity that determines if they’ll stay together.

The Psychology of Love

• 7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage - plus a free relationship assessment from Mort Fertel
• How to Get Your Ex Back
• Even If It Seems Hopeless – The Magic of Making Up

If you’re struggling to move on, read 75 Ways to Let Go of the Past. I interviewed psychologists, life coaches, counselors, and grief experts on the best ways to survive loss.

What do you think of these signs your spouse is ending your marriage? I welcome your comments below. 

Category: Breakup Survival Tips, Marriage Tips, Solving Relationship Problems