Tired of Bad Relationships? 10 Ways to Fix Couples Problems
How Do You Improve a Bad Relationship?
Roll up your sleeves, and get ready to improve a bad relationship before it gets worse. These tips for fixing relationship problems will help you fall in love all over again.
Before the tips, here’s one of my favorite quips:
“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last — more than passion or even sex.” ~ Simone Signoret.
The stronger your threads are, the better your relationship or marriage will be. And that’s what these tips are all about: making those threads better, stronger, and more durable!
10 Tips for Improving a Bad Relationship
Untangle money issues – they contribute to couples problems
“Often, when couples argue about money, it’s not money that’s the problem,” says William Harley, PhD, author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage. “Instead, the money fights are a byproduct of relationship neglect.” Money can become a weapon when one spouse uses the other’s spending habits as ammunition or when a spouse spends money to get even. To improve a bad relationship, figure out exactly what you’re arguing about — especially if you tend to fight about money.
Take risks together, as a couple
Trying new things together, such as sky diving or learning about astronomy, unites you as a couple. Psychology professor Leaf Van Boven from the University of Colorado explains that happiness is found in what you do (not what you buy) because experiences are open to positive reinterpretations, become a meaningful part of your identity, and contribute to a happy marriage or relationship.
Learn how to express anger
Expressing anger and resolving conflict not only improve a bad relationship and keeps your love alive, it also lengthens your life span. “When couples get together, one of their main jobs is reconciliation about conflict,” says Ernest Harburg, researcher and professor emeritus at the University of Michigan. “Usually nobody is trained to do this.” His research reveals that couples who suppress anger are twice as likely to face early death as those who express it.
Resources for Reconnecting and Love
Commit to checking in with each other every day
“Commit to checking in with each other every day – or at least a few times a week without distractions,” says Marriage and Family Counselor Lisa Brookes Kift. “Marriages often get “dry” when couples get busy and don’t prioritize each other and get a read or take the pulse of how the other is feeling.”
This tip for improving a bad relationship will help you stay committed.
Find reasons to laugh (laughter is a surprising fix for couples problems!)
Kift also suggest “cracking each other up” with stupid pet names, funny looks, and private jobs. Humor binds couples together and de-escalating conflict. It also demonstrates friendship in the marriage, which is very important.
Stop criticizing, stonewalling, and being defensive in your relationship
Be mindful of criticism, contempt, stonewalling and defensiveness. If a lot of any or all of these exist in a marriage – research has shown that the chances are much higher for divorce. Criticism and contempt do not keep love alive; in fact, it’ll thwart your relationship goals for good.
Remember your romantic beginnings
“To improve a bad relationship, visualize the person you dated and married,” says psychologist Bruce Eimer. “Remember that person is still alive inside of him. The stressors and tribulations of life may have made that inner goodness hard to see. But, if you can remember who you fell in love with, you’ll improve your marriage.”
Appreciate your partner – be grateful for your love
Look at your husband and take a moment to appreciate all of the things that he does for you and gives you. You may in fact want to express your appreciation for him verbally and/or non-verbally. To keep your relationship strong, tell your husband what you like about him and watch him beam. You’ll beam too!
Keep your intimate life alive and healthy
Knowing how to say “I love you” in small daily acts of love will improve a bad relationship. Making one day a week a special day–a day during which to schedule a “goody time” – can help your marriage. This can be any shared activity that you both can appreciate (such as a dinner out, going to the movies, etc.).
If you struggle to express love, read 80 Ways to Say “I Love You”.
Keep communicating
Research shows that contempt and holding back communication are harbingers of marital trouble and potential failure. So, find things about your spouse to appreciate and respect, and don’t stonewall. To improve a bad relationship, you need to keep talking, touching, and connecting with each other.
If you have any questions or thoughts on improving a bad relationship, please share below…
Related Articles:
- Tired of Money Problems? 9 Easy Ways to Save Money at Home
- Why Couples Break Up – 10 Types of Relationship Problems
- 7 Signs of Unhealthy Relationships – The Worst Love Problems
Category: Marriage Tips, Solving Relationship Problems
ok so i read one of your post about half way down the page…and your right it goes upon what i KNOW is right for me…idk i just maybe im to young to understand it yet..i just know that the feeling is real..
hello…so me and my boyfriend of 4 years have recently been fighting like every single day for the past year now….he is a full time homebody that works graveyards and i am a nightowl that works the day shift…ever since our new shifts we have become complete opposites in everything evrything everything…it hurts me that when we fight we say anything and evrything bad to each other…hurtful words pour out from both of us…we both get paid good but im the one that usualy ends up with the exspenss..when we go out to eat when we go shopping when it comes to our habbits…i just want that to get sorted out and us to be fair to each other..i love him and i know he loves me but i am scared that we will fall apart and its not gna last forever like we plan..he gave me a promise ring and i know he is so sincere about it..i forgot to mention that i was only 18 when we began and was still exporing myself..now that some things in my life have happend i like to be typical and do fun things and be out doors and adventurous and hang out and be happy..he on the other hand would rather be locked in the house either on the games on his phone or on the playstation..dont get me wrong i enjoy it too but he will wake up at all hours of his rest and get on his phone…it makes me furious…when he wants to do something sumtimes i wont because of that..and when i want to do something hes to tired..we are constantly back and forth at each other..he tells me i act like im 14 and vise versa..i just dont know what to do…its killing me..i need advice..my heads sayin to leave but my heart knows if i stick it out that we can overcome it…but how long is it gna take and is it healthy??? sorry for the novel im just realy sad..
Hi i am 40 currently living with my parnter who is 39, we have brought a house together, we are not currently getting on, mostly due to finances, we have been together for 11 years now and got engaged last year. The financial pressure is that i pay for 95% of the bills in the house and feel that he doesn’t appreciate this as he will make snied comments about me putting the lottery on, i snapped and asked him what does he think of me, i said to him its alright for him as he does worry about money, from that his body language changed and we haven’t spoke for 2 days. Finances always come up every so oftern, i really feel that we have reached the end of our relationship as he doesn’t let me in when i try to sort out our finances also i feel that he doesn’t see me as part of his family. he has 3 children with his ex partner and his mother died 2 years ago who he would go to for money and when we argued he would go back to his parents house. i would say that i am the dominant on in the relationship and because i see things what he does it gets me angry and i hold it inside, which frustrates me. Even though i am the stronger on, he can be very dismissive of me and completely block me out, this has gone on for years and wish that i had left then, but i feel that i am trapped now because of the house. does this sound like the relationship is over?
Okay, I have been wondering this for awhile now. First it started off as me & my fiance living together & one day I get a call from a friend & them asking if her & her boyfriend could stay at my place till they get back on there feet. I went ahead & said yes because I couldn’t just say no. So they have been living with me for over a month now & they bring there 3 dogs with them, plus mine so that makes 6 dogs!! >:/ They don’t offer to buy the dog food nor pay any sort of bills or buy anything for the house. When I ask she seems to give me an attitude just because I ask for stuff around the house. Her dogs have torn a hole in my floor (dont seem like there even gunna pay for it) & ruined the guest bed door & door knob! I want them to move out but I don’t want to be mean about it or make it seems mean in anyway? Does roommate couples ruin you & your fiances relationship? I also noticed ever since they have moved in our relationship has been funny? It was amazing before they moved in & now it’s like this & I don’t like it!! What should I do???? Help!?
Ok im 25yrs old male and im engaged with a 21yr old. Everything was good at the start, then I lost my job we had some real financial problems and she was pregnant at the time. Finally I started working agin everything was looking good. So I wanted to go out with her but evertime i ask her would be an excuse so we started to fall apart we had some problems were we where living. So I lost my job once again we move in with her sister now when I thought everything was looking good she drop the bomb on me ” I love you but im not in love with you” but she still wants to fix our relationship we both recodnized we made mistakes now we are trying to work them but i dont what should I am in love with her how can I fix it or is it done. I need to know what to do.
Hi there Laurie
I am 20years in a relationship with a 36 years old, the problem is we are fighting alt recently even on minor things. I aint cheating on him and not even considering it at all. We both wan fix up what is really wrong between us and work through it. I love him so much and i know he loves me as well. We just need to fix what is really putting a strain in us. please help
hi,
I have been in a relationsips for 5 years and in that 5 years i have broken up with him twice and almost a 3 before he proposed to me i have 3 kids one 12 and she has a diffrent dad then the other two my middle child passed when i was 5 months prego and now we have a one year old together we fight a lot about petty things theres lack of trust on his part cause i was acussed of cheating on him i never had but of coruse he doesnt see it that way him mom wants to fight with me all the time his sister in law talks bad about me all them and he gets mad at me for everything he goes through my phone without asking its almost like hes not happy unless we are not fight hes says i dont love and that he only asked me to marry just to make me happy what do he thought it would fix everything what do i do i love him but he gets on my neavres a lot and are sex life well its theres i guess what do i go how do i fix this cause he hates talking about things please help thank you
Dear Kay,
You had questions about a 3some….sweetheart, Im here to tell u…it completely ruined my marriage…it only happened once butt was enough to do extensive damage…please trust me…what you and your husband have is sacred…Im not an old timer Thats not hip to things these days…Im actually more open minded than most…and Im only 27….Dont do it hunny..
I have been married for almost 10 years and have 3 beautiful children aged 12, 3 and 9 months. Before I married my husband we had discussions about him wanting a threesome. He has had these in the past with previous partners but not with me and I have no interest in it. Before I married him he promised me he wasn’t going to ask me again about having one. In the last couple of months we have hit a rough patch and sure enough he is now saying he wants a threesome. I have only slept with 2 people in my life and find sex something special. Obviously I have been distraught cos now my husband says we want different things. He even told me the other say he was ‘willing to share me”!!! Gee how lovely of him!!! He is trying to sell me on 2 men and then I know he will say but we had another man, now my turn for a woman. I am almost 33 years old and the idea of starting over with 3 kids is terrifying. I love my husband to bits but when he told me he was willing to share me, he broke my heart and I don’t know if it can ever be repaired. Any advice??
I got married three years back. We have a kid 9 months old. I was alchohelic and that became very serious after a level. We had fights, my wife went to her brother twice. The point of argument is that I wish to stay with my parents and leave my place and city of work, to which she has strong reservations. We are at the two extreme ends in this matter. Done know what to do, please help. I might have not been able to narrate in detail but my text would give you some idea.
Dear Rai,
What a dilemma – it’s almost like you have to choose between your marriage and the happiness of your family. It doesn’t sound like your relationship is that bad…it’s just the lifestyle that you’re struggling with.
It’s a difficult life, being a military wife. My husband is a geologist who goes away for 6-8 weeks every summer. I can’t imagine him being deployed – but it would fix one of the most trivial couples’ problems: leaving the toilet seat up! He doesn’t do that, but you know what I mean. Sometimes the trivial daily things cause bigger problems than the big things.
I wrote this article for you:
Tips for Military Wives Who Don’t Like Their Husbands’ Jobs
I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts there or here.
Blessings,
Laurie
Hi I have been married for 10 years and have three boys ages 8, 5 and 17 months, My Husband is in the United states Marines and I am very proud of him and love him with all my heart, Recently I took my children on vacation away from him since he could not get anytime off to go with us, since we have been back we have not seen eye to eye as I didnt want to come back to this duty station as I dont have any friends here and nor do my children as everyone leaves and we are still here but we had a really great time on vacation, anyways I havent been treating my husband the way I should he would tell me i dont respect him or his job and his family and now he dosent come home and wont answer my phone calls and hasnt seen the children I dont know what to do I admit I wasnt happy when we came home but I still really love and want to be friends with my husband again not only for our children but for us as he is going for a year away on deployment coming jan 2012 and I want to get through these 5 months without fighting and arguing how do I do it and what advice do you have I have hurt him and i dont think he believes me when I say Im sorry im at the end of solutions please help
If your husband refuses to talk about your marriage, then there isn’t much hope that you can improve your relationship! Communication is the key to a happy, healthy marriage.
Julie I hate to say this BUT I don’t think there is much hope for your marriage. Your husband’s behavior will probably only get worst not better. Your belief that your husband is somehow committed to you because he hasn’t already left you, makes me cringe. The reason I say that is because the relationship you have with your husband sound almost identical to what happened to me. My husband had an affair years ago and we stayed together but it took a big toll on me. A few years before he also had an “emotional” relationship with my best friend. He didn’t think it was strange to invite my best friend to stay in our house for six weeks while I was out of state. And I only found out she was there because I heard her voice while I was on the phone with my husband. At the time she was separated from her husband because she had an affair when she was six months pregnant, and obviously her husband wasn’t too happy with her. To this day I’m not fully convince that nothing sexual ever happened between them because she abruptly ended our friendship by only saying that her life was too complicated for our friendship to continue. Anyway other things that our marriage have in common is that my husband also said that he doesn’t love me (he has even said that he doesn’t’ even like me). He also come and go without saying anything to me (I recently started calling him my roomie), he doesn’t hug me or is affectionate either. I tried for years to talk to him about ways of repairing our relationship but all he does is glare at me. Yesterday he moved out which although I am heartbroken it probably is for the best. The only advice that I can give you is think hard about whether you want to try and save your marriage because I would hate to see you waste a big part of your life on a deadend marriage.
I have been maried for 16 years. As any marriage, we have had our ups and downs. 4 years ago my husband cheated on me. It wasn’t sexual, only emotional but still tore my heart. I got through that and worked at our marriage. We had recovered and things were good. One day, 6 months ago, my husband tells me he is not sure if he is in love with me. He doesn’t want to be committed. He wants to come and go as he pleases without having to tell me when and where. AT the same time, he says he wants to try to get back that “it” feeling and that”love”feeling and try to save our marriage. We don’t sleep in the same room and have very little physical contact. No hugs, carresses or kisses. Sex amybe once every 4-6 weeks and mostly because he is horny and not because he feels it. Is it over, is this just a midlifecrisis. I want to save my marriage. What can I do?? Is there hope if I am the only one really trying?? He refuses therapy or counseling or talking about it. How can I bring back that love we once had. I know it is there, or else he would have walked out by now. How can I convince him it is there and to let it out again?
I am so very lost and in search of any assistance. I have been with the love of my life for 4 years now. I 30 and he is 25 and for the last year we have been dating long distance. We both have things in life which we need to do and want that for each other. But after 1 year long distance things are tough. Both of us are questioning how to make it better but there seems no clear answer. Both of us still love each other, but perhaps are not feeling as much ‘in love’ with each other as we used to. I dont want to give up and think I will regret not making every effort I can. While he says he loves me and wants to make it work, I think he is more honest to himself and has been considering how to break up for sometime but never actioned it. Thus part of our difficulty is that, maybe, when he moved he was ready to accept breaking up and so visiting me and writting love letters etc has not been high on his priority. But he still tells me he wants to be with me. Im very confused and really need guidance. Thank you, Sara
Hello Jessica,
That’s great that you and your boyfriend really want to improve your relationship and fix your problems!
Here’s a link to an article about questions to ask before you get married:
http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/premarital-questions-to-ask-before-you-get-married-premarital-conversations/
Since I don’t know exactly how your relationship is “bad”, I don’t know what questions to ask to improve it. But, the questions in that article will help you figure out the areas in which you’re compatible, and the areas you’re not.
Be well,
Laurie
Hi there
Me and my long-term boyfriend are having troubles but we both really want to fix it. What sort of hard questions were you talking about that we need to ask ourselves?
Thank you!
Jessica xxx
Hello Dear Readers,
I’m very sorry I can’t respond to each of you individually! I just can’t keep up with all the comments, and can’t offer personal advice for relationships.
But, I can say that if you’re in an unhealthy or bad relationship, you really need to figure out if this relationship is the best thing for you. You can’t improve a bad relationship all by yourself…your partner has to be willing to do some work, too.
To fix couples problems, you need to ask some REALLY hard questions and be REALLY honest with yourself. I know you love your men, but you need to put your own well-being and self-respect above the love you feel. Love is wonderful, but it’s not enough to save a relationship.
If you’re with me this far and have more questions, please feel free to ask here! I’ll do my best to respond as quickly as I can.
Blessings,
Laurie
Im EstimaWaiKhian from Malaysia. 18yrs old this year. my girlfriend was elder than me 2years. we had couple 4years plus but broke up July 2010. We couple back this year 2011 Valentine. Everything in my mind. what she hurt me into deep. hardly remove. My feeling and love for her still deep. What can i do now ? We coupled back but i don feel anything better. Her treat to me. behavior. I always b like the only one want the relationship closer.improve. I tired of all these. i wanna hav her. but she a monster killing my mind.heart again n again. deep n deep.I love her too deep. I dont know what can i do.
Hi
I m in a relationship with Aman.He is 2 years older than me..We are commited from past six months..He talked 2 me day night.whenever i said.but after two months he got busy wit his business nd nt talked 2 me..i have to force hm to talk 2 me….i am damm sure that he is loyal but is ignoring me due to his work nd talk 2 me very less…….one day i lie to him nd nw he thinks that always i lie to him..bt nw i cleared out everything wid hm bt he does’nt have time to talk 2 me becoz of his work.he does nt even meet me.he is totally ignoring me and fed up…..plz suggest me to improve my relation i luv hm so much
Hi
I have been married to my husband now for 3 years. We only knew each other about a year before that.
While for the most part we have been a loving couple, we have had a few problems.
Especially the past few months have been the lowest poits. we can’t stop fighting with each other. Every conversation with him now turns into this big fight.
So often in these past weeks we have told each other that we want some time away or want to call it quits.
We have had sexual intimacy issues from the beginning. We are very touchy feely during the day, but not in bed.
our fights usually stem or dive back into some core issues… he thinks that I want to tell him how to do everything in his life and that he can have nothing go his way.
I believe that I am insecure in our relationship and want him to keep me involved. I don’t want to be asking him everyday about everything in his life, but want him to come out and tell me. And these questions, then look to him like I am questioning his responses.
We seem to be going in circles, and now its reached a point, where I have left home for a few hours and we have moved to seperate bedrooms.
There is so much anger and hurt all around, and he sometimes says very mean things when he is angry and I can’t take that.
We are both strong willed and its hurting us.
I want things to change.. I never imagined my marriage would reach this point. I do love him.. but I need him to want me more. I need him to never make me feel that I am not part of his world.
We have been thinking of having a baby and I am not really ready, and he is. But I am so scared of briging another person in our lives, when we can’t figure each other out yet.
Pls. help, I do want to save my marriage. I can’t be in pain anymore and don’t want to hurt him either.
hello actually i m in a relationship since past 5 years..my guy is very loving and i know he cares for me n loves me.but he is short tempered n he feels that i try to dominate him.but its not so.this is creating problems in our relationship.sumtimes if i shout on call for he being late night out with his frnds..he yells at me dat he needs his freedom also.he gives imprtnc to me when needed but i just want to prove him dat i care for him n i fear that he may get into bad habits so i stp him..how can i prove to him that i m not dominating him.