How to Survive Sadness and Depression After Breaking Up
After a breakup, sadness and depression can feel overwhelming and suffocating. Don’t suffer alone! These tips will help you survive sad, depressed feelings after breaking up.
First, a quip from a famous fairy tale:
“The horror of that moment,” said the King. “I shall never, never forget!”
“You will, though,” said the Queen, “if you don’t make a memorandum of it.” ~ Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass.
You will get past your sad and depressed feelings after breaking up – but you need to focus your energy and thoughts on healing and moving on. You can’t dwell the relationship breakup itself. In other words, you can’t make a “memorandum” of your breakup, of your feelings of sadness and depression!
In Letting Go of Someone You Love I interviewed psychologists, life coaches, and counselors to get their best advice for surviving depression after a breakup. The 75 tips will help you heal and find happiness.
And, here are several ideas on surviving a breakup…
How to Survive Sadness and Depression After the Break Up
Expect feelings of rejection and loneliness to come in waves. “Feelings of rejection may run high because we often measure the results of our efforts in terms of whether or not the world accepts or rejects us,” says Dr. Phil. Sometimes, another person’s reaction can be a barometer of our worth and value. “When the love of our life leaves us, any past rejection issues can be magnified.” You may feel unworthy, not good enough or like damaged goods. A divorce may also signify the failure of your dream, because you couldn’t make the marriage work.
To survive, remember that a marriage or relationship breakup doesn’t change your value as a woman or man. You didn’t break up because of a failure on your part; the relationship failed for its own reasons.
After breaking up, you may fear you’ll never be loved again. If you’ve been married for many years, you may think you won’t be able to survive emotionally, socially, or financially without your partner. You are entering a new phase of your life and don’t know what to expect.
To survive sadness, depression, and fear of being alone, surround yourself with a support group! Gather your old friends around you, and be deliberate about making new friends. Don’t focus on the fear of never being loved again; instead give yourself the gift of self-care, self-love, and self-soothing. This relationship breakup help involves surviving your emotions by accepting them.
After breaking up, you may remember only the good parts of the relationship. “It’s just all too easy, once you separate from an irreconcilable situation, to remember and focus on only the good,” Dr. Phil writes. You may find yourself forgetting the irritating habits of your partner and only remembering the nice and sweet things he or she did for you. “By doing this, it’s very easy to fool yourself into wishing that you were back in the relationship and rationalizing that things actually weren’t that bad.”
To survive this “selective memory” experience, don’t contact your ex-partner in a weak or lonely moment. “Once you’re out, stay out, unless one or both of you earns your way back in,” says Dr Phil. Focus on surviving sadness and depression after breaking up without wishing you were getting back together.
Other emotions after breaking up include anger, shock, bitterness, and loss. It takes time to survive heartbreak and feel happy again — but it will happen!
You will live, love, and be happy again.
Links for Reconnecting and Love
- He Doesn’t Love You Back? 12 Secrets to Melting His Heart
- Captivate Him – Be the Woman He Never Wants to Leave
- The Breakup Wasn’t Your Choice? Get Your Ex Back
- Even If It Seems Hopeless – The Magic of Making Up
Part of surviving sadness and depression after breaking up can involve writing down how you feel. You’re welcome to do so below — you’d be surprised at how much better you feel!
Related Articles:
- Sad Breakup Songs – Music to Make Breaking Up Easier
- Can I Trust My Cheating Husband? How to Survive an Affair
- Surviving a Child’s Death – How to Cope With Grief and Depression
Category: Breakup Survival Tips, Divorce Care Tips, Love & Relationships
Hi there
It’s been a few weeks for me now and reading these posts is really interesting. I can see some people struggling a lot and others giving really good advice. I feel at the moment still stuckin my break up. I get angry at the freedom my ex partner has now whilst I struggle still with 3 jobs, a mortgage, pets, and a child to finish raising. I feel overwhelmed some days but other days i feel ridiculously happy to be free. The profound sadness reappears and the self-blaming rears its ugly head – I knew there would be regrets but I also know it was the right thing to do.
Break ups are a big challenge. I realise now though that for years there was no love – no real love – because she was unhappy. Its hard to stop. Its hard to give up on everything I have worked so hard for. I worked really, really hard and she became more and more passive. So I guess that what I am doing now is really trying to accept that although I didnt want to let her go, she basically behaved worse and worse and worse and made me feel really bad until it got to the point that I ended the relationship. Now she behaves like a victim, like someone who has had a tough deal. I can’t get over the anger. She is free with no responsibilities and none of the financial strain that I bear – and yet she is running around acting like she is a victim. She had seven years of me being everything – breadwinner, mother, carer, and she withdrew from intimacy with me. So I guess I am still going through the stages of grief, and every time I see her it throws me back. I have to go to mediation this week with her and I am dreading it because she manipulates me all the time and lives to make me angry and upset. And I dont know how to not be upset around her. I am trying to move on but until the divorce is through it seems like all the time I have to face the fact that it ended and there was nothing I could do to make her into a different person. I am also angry at how much time I wasted, time, energy and resources, trying to make it work. I should have ended it at least 2 years ago. So I am really screwed up about the whole thing because its not simple and its not easy and that makes me angry too. She doesnt seem to care very much and shows no remorse. And I am bearing the burden of grief while she runs around having a really busy social life, out and about every other night. I want to move on but the anger is holding me back.
But I believe in myself enough to believe that I will get through this and come out of it a better, more honest person, with integrity and self-respect.
I’ve found that when a guy doesn’t respond to your text messages, e-mails, calls and so forth, he usually isn’t doing so intentionally, he’s busy doing other things, trying to forget about certain parts of his past. I would know, I’ve had some tough times, too. I may not be the brightest crayon strewn about the house, but I presume that this is out of fear, or a natural quirk that we all have not to touch the things that hurt us, be it physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. Eventually, it will come back to haunt, and when it does, he would do anything to get you back. If you let him, he may repeat the same mistakes that hurt you both in the first place.