How to Stop Cheating on Your Spouse
Yes, you can stop cheating on your spouse and become strong enough to save your marriage. Use these tips to detach from the person you’re having an affair with and rebuild your relationship.
Before the tips, a quip:
“When he’s late for dinner, I know he’s either having an affair or lying dead in the street. I always hope it’s the street.” ~ Jessica Tandy.
You know it’s not just husbands who cheat; in fact, I’m writing this article in response to a reader who described why she cheated on my emotional affairs article. She didn’t ask about how to stop cheating on her husband, but I suspect there are many men and women in the same boat.
If you’re ready to heal, read Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing.
Below are several ways to quit the affair and rebuild your marriage.
Figure out why you’re cheating on your spouse
People have emotional or physical affairs for different reasons, but the bottom line is that they’re getting something out of the adulterous relationship. If you want to stop cheating on your partner, ask yourself what caused you to be unfaithful. Maybe you felt attractive, understood, and passionate with the person outside your marriage. In Why Men Cheat on Their Wives, marriage counselor Gary Neuman discusses several reasons people have affairs.
Find ways to get the same benefits in your marriage
To stop cheating on your spouse, find healthy ways to enjoy the same benefits you were getting from the emotional or physical affair. For instance, if you felt understood in the adulterous relationship, then work on your communication with your partner. Find ways to meet your needs within your marriage.
Expect stopping the obsession to be difficult
Sometimes it’s easy to end the affair because you know how much it hurts your partner and kids (even if they don’t know about it), and you want to save your marriage. Other times, you don’t want to leave the adulterous relationship – but you know you have to. Preparation is half the battle: expect it to be difficult and even painful to stop cheating on your partner.
Accept that you’re letting go of someone you love
Some affairs are strictly physical, which may be easier in terms of finding ways to stop cheating on your partner. Emotional infidelity or affairs of the heart may be more difficult to end, because there’s a very real connection between two people. For help letting go, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.
Put your spouse first – and learn how to express your love
Perhaps this should be the first way to stop cheating on your partner! You made a wrong choice when you embarked on this physical or emotional affair. You deceived your spouse, you disrespected his or her feelings, and you broke your marriage vows. To end the affair, you have to accept that you made a mistake – and you need to be mature, responsible, and loving enough to re-commit yourself to your partner. You may also want to learn about the love languages, to help save your marriage.
Get individual or marriage counseling
Rebuilding your relationship may not be as simple as ending the affair and communicating with your spouse. Infidelity is a symptom of other problems in the relationship – and to reconnect with your partner, you need to deal with what the real problem is.
If you’re on the other side – your spouse can’t stop cheating on you – read How Do You Forgive Your Husband After an Affair?
Related Articles:
- Can I Trust My Cheating Husband? How to Survive an Affair
- 7 Ways to Tell If Your Husband is Cheating on You
- How to Affair Proof Your Marriage – The Truth About Cheating
Category: Breakup Survival Tips, Love & Relationships, Marriage Tips, Solving Relationship Problems
It is so, so sad that infidelity is so prevailent in relationships, however I know that when I get married if my wife ever cheated on me I would find a way to forgive her as I’m equally againt divorce (except for certain reasons ie violence, or the children in danger etc). I just don’t understand how people get tempted by someone other than their wife. Love, intimacy, commitment, trust, honesty, knowing that you get to share the rest of your life with ONE person, not to mention your wedding vows if you are married or meaningless sex with a random stranger not really a hard choice is it. “Oh but I was in a sexless marriage” So what? Firstly what does or doesn’t happen in the bedroom is between you and your wife and secondly not everything is about sex, what about love? If I had to choose between love and sex it would be love every single time and people like this really, really annoy me because they have got everything, an amazing wife, (possibly) wonderful children, everything I have ever dreamed of and they are willing to throw it all away like it doesn’t matter, it just makes me so upset that they are so self centered their wives and children deserve so much more than cheating scum, they are worth so, so much more than being treated like s**t -Aaron
Thanks for your comment – I’m glad to hear from someone who thinks so lowly of cheaters! Most of the people I hear from are coping with cheating in their relationships, which is so disheartening and sad.
I especially can’t believe I had to write an article on how to stop cheating on your spouse. Isn’t that sad?
I hope you don’t mind me posting on here because I’m a 22 year old guy and I’m not religious but I just wanted to say I compleatly agree that people shouldn’t need things to tell how to be faithful. Infidelity, whether you are married or just dating absolutly sickens me to the point that I can’t even read a book or watch a tv programme or a film if the characters (or the actors in real life) cheat, it just makes me feel physically sick and I have to get as far away from it as possible. Needless to say I don’t have any friends who cheat because cheaters are dispicable and aren’t worth s**t to me.
Thanks for your comments.
Yes, Sally, I agree that it is sad that we need articles on how to stop cheating in marriage. I still don’t know if I believe in the whole “sexual addiction” thing, but some psychologists say it’s very real.
It sickens and saddens me that we need articles that describe how to stop cheating on your spouse. Why can’t men just stop being unfaithful? Why can’t fidelity be a normal part of being married?
Cheating is probably the most heartbreaking that oculd ever happen in your relationship. Having a partner that cheats to the opposite sex is just like saying that he disrespects you and your relationship together. First, talk and sort out the problems first. Next, if it seems that no one seems to listen, then end the argument. Relationship problems such as that no need much talk if the other partner doesn’t even want it at all.
I just watched a movie last night — The Jane Austen Book Club — that had lots of relationship cheating and “save your marriage” themes. It was a little fluffy, but really drove home the fact that physical or emotional infidelity can destroy people’s lives.
Yes, marriages can be healed, but the damage is so long-lasting and difficult to overcome.
Good post. Infidelity is obviously one of the most difficult relationship wounds to heal. There are some good tips here. Of course, it takes much time, patience and commitment. However, there is not reason to believe that any relationship, damaged for whatever reason, if there is real respect and concern on the parts of the couple, can’t be repaired. You can restore your marrige, you life and get your ex back forever.