How to Stop Being Lonely – 10 Tips for People Who Feel Alone
Do you feel alone and lonely, with only the internet for company? These tips on how to stop being lonely are for you. You’re alone, but you have the power to connect with new friends.
Loneliness is bad for your health.
“Loneliness is a greater risk for morbidity or mortality than cigarette smoking,” says Nicholas Epley, Assistant Professor of Behavioral Science at the University of Chicago. Research shows that loneliness can accelerate aging, increase blood pressure, and create anxiety.
If you’re lonely because you feel shy and awkward with people (you’re an introvert, perhaps!), read How to Instantly Connect with Anyone: 96 All-New Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships.
And, here are ten ways to stop being lonely…
Tired of Being Lonely? 10 Tips for People Who Feel Alone
I’m happily married, but I often feel alone because I don’t spend enough time with my family or friends. I’m an introvert, and I cherish my “alone time” – and yet I wish I had more coffee dates, dinner dates, and visits with people!
So if you’re lonely and know it’s because of your own habits and lifestyle, you’re not alone.
Meet the three types of loneliness
Life coach and author Martha Beck describes three types of loneliness: 1) Separation loneliness, which results from being physically distant from family and friends; 2) Absolute loneliness, resulting from the belief that nobody understands – nor do they want to; and 3) Existential loneliness, “a bedrock fact of the human condition: the hollowness we feel when we realize no one can help us face the moments when we are most bereft.”
One of the best ways to stop being lonely is to figure out which type of loneliness you’re struggling with. For instance, I’m often existentially lonely but rarely feel separation loneliness. What about you?
Stop being lonely by reaching out to people
Basic human contact – such as chatting with the barista in a coffee shop – can help with separation loneliness. Connecting with kindred spirits or close friends could ease absolute loneliness. Gardening, music, or any type of artistic connection may reduce existential loneliness. Different types of lonely need different tips for overcoming loneliness.
“Anthropomorphize” your loneliness away
Research shows that giving pets or things (such as plants) human traits offers powerful psychological and physical benefits. Dr Epley from the University of Chicago found that the objects don’t even have to be yours to increase feelings of connectedness. This explains why Tom Hanks’ character in Cast Away lived for four years on an island with only a volleyball called Wilson for company. Without Wilson, he probably wouldn’t have survived with his mental and physical health intact. A creative way to stop being lonely is to make friends with objects…but don’t let that become a substitute for real people!
Pet a robotic doggy – or get a real live dog!
Though Aibo is a three dimensional robotic dog, he wags his tail and responds when people call. William Banks, professor of geriatric medicine at Saint Louis University, monitored Aibo and a live dog called Sparky in elderly nursing homes, then assessed feelings of loneliness and companionship. “The most surprising thing is that they [Sparky and Aibo] worked almost equally well in terms of alleviating loneliness and causing residents to form attachments,” said Banks.
Anything that creates a connection can help stop you from being lonely. Walking my dog every day helps me overcome loneliness because I am getting to know my near-and-far neighbors.
Do you have a dog? I wrote Should I Get Another Dog? after I adopted one and had to return her to the shelter. It was awful – but we adopted another dog and love her so much! She definitely helps reduced my feelings of loneliness.
Pick a project – it’ll distract you from feeling lonely
Almost everyone has a list of things they’ve always wanted to do, but they never have the time. Organize your CDs, go through old photos and put them in albums, clean out your closet, plant some flowers. Projects like these may not stop you from feeling lonely, but they can distract you from your feelings.
That’s why setting and achieving goals is so important! A sense of purpose and achievement can alleviate feelings of low self-worth, which sometimes accompanies loneliness.
Push yourself out of your comfort zone
The adventures in your city range probably range from open mic poetry nights to wine tastings to Bingo fundraisers. There may be laughter yoga, volunteer opportunities for special events, museum or art gallery lectures, or “Teasersize” dance classes. Don’t worry about going alone – it’s better if you participate in these activities alone because you’re more approachable and open to conversations with new people. Learning how to make conversation with people will help you feel less awkward.
Decide if you’re an introvert or an extrovert
People with introverted personality traits enjoy solitude and socializing with one or two others (crowds drain them). Introverts may have a more difficult time making small talk. People with extroverted personality traits are energized by people – the more, the merrier! If you’re an introvert struggling with existential loneliness, going to a boisterous bar or kickboxing class may increase your discomfort. If you’re an extrovert wrestling with separation loneliness, gardening alone may not be effective. When you’re figuring out how to stop being lonely, consider your personality.
Tell someone they have a cool hat
“The best method to break out of solitary confinement is to seek to understand others, and help them understand you,” says life coach Martha Beck. To connect with a new person, compliment them sincerely and ask a question. “Cool hat. Where’d you get it?” Share information about yourself, such as your reluctance to wear hats because they make you look fat. This is a creative tip for loneliness because it forces you to interact!
Start a lonely hearts club
Okay, you don’t have to call it that, but if you enjoy walking, baking, or writing, spread the word. “A friend and I started a book club because we felt isolated, and we knew people who felt the same. Now we meet regularly at someone’s home, keeping it casual and inexpensive,” says Donna, a freelance writer in Australia. Starting a group gives you a focus and connects you with like-minded people.
Just be lonely (a surprising way to stop being lonely)
Not all uncomfortable feelings need to be overcome, expressed, or fixed. Sometimes you’re lonely or sad – and that’s a healthy part of being human. Simply sitting with negative emotions can be the healthiest thing to do. After awhile, your lonely feelings will go away.
If you find it difficult to make friends, read How to Find New Friends After Moving to a New City (even if you haven’t recently moved to a new city!).
What do you think about these tips for overcoming loneliness? I welcome your comments below…
Category: Emotional Health Tips, Happiness Tips
To overcome loneliness, you need to try to figure out why you feel so alone. That’s why the first tip from Martha Beck is so important!
My tips on how to stop being lonely may not work for you — it depends on your personality, lifestyle, habits, hobbies, and interests. Sometimes you have to push yourself out of your normal realm. For instance, I recently started playing the flute and want to join an orchestra in September. This I think will help me feel less lonely.
And, I’ve applied to be a Big Sister. Volunteering is a great way to stop being lonely and start meeting people!
I am lonely all the time and none of these solutions helped me! im lonely becqause everyone in my family ignore me. when i reach out, they just ignore! they always say theyre busy, even when i hear them say earlier, i donjt have anything to dO! HELP
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I’m 21 years old I have a 4year old son.. I’m not in a relationship and don’t have family or friends around me.. I’m quite outspoken and don’t have any problem with talking to strangers.. But no matter what I try to do I can’t find a way to stop feeling like this.. Its starting to affect me quite abit.. What shall I do?
I broke up with 2 very very close friends. They said they did not want to be close with me anymore(they were really close). 2 friends. I’ve never felt lonely as much as now. I always wanted to know from them simple things, how I look(if it is good) or like, I like that guy over there alot(i’m gay) how can I start a conversation with him… But i never really dared to start one. I always got scared about the fact that they might hate me for saying to them that i like them. And i’m also scared about the fact that if he might like me on the outside. I really hate what the 2 friends did to me. So i don’t want to count on them anymore. But I dont even dare to go alone to school without shaking my legs off. Always scared of people and what they think about me. I really only want to hug a guy and wrap my arms around him.
it aint easy being alone it has taken my class work being single and alone is a nightmare If i focus on work where do i find persons 2 interact with ur site has provided a little help which I will use still every situation is different still struggling my only way out is work work work how will I cope in a relationship think it has led to relationships dying in a way. Now I am a catholic single and alone hope this works the sooner I recover from this the better its keeping me back from reaching the level I wish to reach in life
Readers,
If you’re lonely and you know it — you’re not alone!
This article is read dozens of times a day, and the words “how to stop being lonely” are searched for thousands of times a day!
I think we’re all lonely, even those of us who seem not to be lonely at all.