Stop being a pushover! These tips for standing up for yourself will help you say no to your boyfriend – and make you stronger and sexier to both him and you. Don’t let your boyfriend push you into doing things you don’t want to do.
These tips are inspired by one of my readers:
“My boyfriend asked me to lend him money, but I said no,” says M. on Why Couples Break Up – 10 Types of Relationship Problems. “I was shocked when he asked because I already lent him a big amount of money a week ago, and now he’s asking me to lend him more. I know he used it to gamble. He’s angry at me, and thinks that I don’t believe him and I only like money. What do you think about this?”
First, I think she should read Should You Lend Money to Family Members? Warnings and Tips.
Second, I think she’s being taken for a ride – and she knows it! I don’t think she should lend him money, and I hope she learns how to say no to her boyfriend. Here’s a book that’ll help: The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It – And Mean It. Stop People Pleasing Forever.
And, she (like all of us!) needs to learn how and where to set her boundaries. Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life is a bestselling book on how to be and stay yourself in relationships.
And, here are my thoughts on saying no to men…
Tips for Saying No to Your Boyfriend – Be a Strong and Sexy Woman!
I’m part of a group of women who meet once a week to discuss The Complete Artist’s Way: Creativity as a Spiritual Practice. We talk about being more creative, more authentic, more real. We’re getting stronger and smarter every week because we’re tuning in to what we really think and feel.
Sometimes we talk about love and relationships.
Jan, for instance, said she was married for 20 years – and she thanked God the day her husband left. He squelched her creativity, passion, and authentic self. He didn’t want her to play the guitar, paint, or write. He was insecure and jealous, and he didn’t let her be who she was. He was threatened by Jan, and he pulled her down to his level.
Why didn’t she leave him? I’m not sure – but here are a few reasons women stay in loveless marriages.
And here are a few tips for saying no to your boyfriend, husband, or partner…
Speak your mind – say what you think, feel, and wish
I often trip myself up in my marriage because I don’t want to offend, upset, or anger my husband. Don’t get me wrong – he’s a fantastic man who loves me deeply and would never hurt or take advantage of me. But, I’m scared that if I speak my mind and he gets hurt or angry at what I think, he’ll leave. That’s my issue, not his. We’ve been married for almost six years, and I’ve always struggled with expressing my thoughts and opinions.
Don’t live that way. It sucks.
Let him think what he wants to think
“He’s angry at me, and thinks I don’t believe him and I only like money,” says M.
Of course he’s angry – he’s a boyfriend whose girlfriend is saying no! So what? Let him be angry.
I admit that this is hard to do. Women generally don’t want to rock the boat, make waves, or make people mad – especially the men we love. When my husband (or anyone, really) responds to me with frustration, anger, or grumpiness, I immediately want to cave in and take it all back. But, I’m learning to let my husband be mad, let him be grouchy, let him get frustrated.
I’m learning how to be myself in my marriage…but it ain’t easy. It’s definitely easier to “start as you mean to go.” If you’re not authentic and real at the beginning of your relationship – which often means refusing your boyfriend things like money, sex, and material possessions – then you’ll never get there. Well maybe you will eventually, but the road is much steeper!
Remember that saying no to your boyfriend makes him respect you more
What kind of man wants a woman he can push around, who never speaks her mind, and who gives gives gives without expecting anything in return? A Jerk Who You Should Dump Immediately — that’s what kind of man!
A REAL man respects and admires a woman who can say no, who speaks her mind, and who knows how to give as well as get. She’s a 50/50 partner in the relationship, and she doesn’t put up with crap. Real women who are truly loved are strong, savvy, and sexy — precisely because they can say no to their partners.
For more tips to build your self-confidence, read Standing Up for Yourself – 6 Tips to Make Speaking Up Easy.
What do you think – can you say no to your boyfriend? Can you be yourself in your marriage? Are you a strong savvy, sexy woman?
I'm glad you're here! My name is Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen; my husband Bruce and I live in Vancouver, BC with our critters. We can't have kids, and are learning to accept whatever life brings - both good and bad. I have an MSW (Master of Social Work) from UBC, and degrees in Education and Psychology. I hope you say hello below - I can't give relationship advice, but writing can bring you clarity and insight.