Since about one month and a half my boyfriend told me he does not see it with us going further anylonger. He said he cares a lot about me (meaning he loves me), but he also needs time to reflect.

We had some issues, but in my view not really insurmountable and I really did grow a lot (self-development, etc) in knowing myself and facing life challenges (a thing he used to say to me I shuld work on and I did since I realised I need to).

At the moment he feels that his spiritual practices (catholic) are not so compatible with the way I see certain things. However, I respect his way and share some of it but not completely agree with everything.

I told him that’s quite absurd to ask from someone to completelky share everything at this spiritual level, finally spirituality is so personal that’s so difficult to share completely with somebody… He kind of agreed, but he said he really needs space/time to reflect.

And here’s the point: I have really a diffcult time in accepting that he needs time to reflect and that he said he does not see it with us anylonger…

We spoke on Monday (December 6, 2010) lastly and I also agreed to let a week break in between (ie not hearing each other at all).

Next Tuesday (December 14, 2010) we meet a priest who would mediate our meeting and I am lokking forward to that; we know him both of us and he’s really good. We’ve met him already by the end of November and we established again now, in December.

Mostly, I’m noe confronted with issues like fear of abandonment and lack of seeing a sense in everything that’s happening to me at the possibility of him not being part of my life anylonger.

I weeped a lot and in this month and a half a lot of the phone talks or meetings (2-3 only) with him were ending up in hight tones, weeping, dramas this showing up myself very weak, while he was kind of cool but feeling sorry that I’m going through this… But I realise now even better that this is not a behaviour which would bring him back and that’s why I’m decided to really keep quiet, at least a week now, till next meeting. And I’m taking care of myself doing things I like, speaking with friends & family… And I’m thinking now about what brought us to this point and think about what to do next, after December 14. To still propose e.g. a month break and then see again? Or even longer? Of course, this is going to be shown up also during our next meeting…

He’s my first long-time relationship (8 years) and I felt very overwhelmed/shocked by his sudden decision (it came like this after a pilgrimage of 10 days to Medjugorje – unofficial catholic pilgrimage place).

I love him deeply and I do feel he is my soulmate and I hope that someday we’ll be back again together. We’re such a good match!

On his side there were along the way liberty, commitment, taking responsability issues (I had them too, though in a lesser amount) but I have/had the feeling he improved too… But now, when we were about to actually move into a flat (waited for that 2.5 years) he kind of freaked out… So again, fear of really committing covered up by some apparent spiritual incompatibility (which is not so true, as I was saying above)???

I would be gald to hear some of your insights on my situation and I would also be glad of some tips/recommandations on coping with letting space/quiet between us when I feel the urge of contacting him (since I miss him, etc).

Thank you so much!
Best, Nicoleta

I think the best thing you can do is respect her wishes, and be her friend. I know how difficult it is to be friends when you want more, but you can’t change her mind at this point. Right now, your best bet is to accept her decision and be the best friend you possibly can.

The more you push her towards making up and getting back together, the farther she’ll pull away…and eventually you won’t even have a friendship with her! Plus, continuing to try to change her mind is controlling and agressive. You need to respect her wishes, my friend.

Take time to continue working on your issues — because things never get resolved overnight! Keep growing and changing, even though you’re not in a relationship with her right now. She’ll see your growth, and may decide to get back together without you prompting her. Then you’ll know your relationship was meant to be.

I hope this helps, and wish you all the best.

Also — you may find 75 Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love helpful. It’s all about moving on. You don’t have to cut her out of your life or stop loving her, but you do want to show that you’re healthy and independent and strong.

Best wishes,
Laurie

It’s not necessarily too late to get back together with your ex-boyfriend — even if he’s seeing someone else! Sometimes people need to pull away and explore relationships with other people before they realize that the original person was the right one.

However, getting back together with your ex does depend to a large degree on why you broke up in the first place. It sounds like you and he have some issues that need to be worked out…and of course you can’t work those out if he’s seeing someone else.

I think the best thing to do — which may or may not help you get him back — is to focus on the things you can change. One major thing is your own issues. I encourage you to actively work on dealing with your issues, and put thoughts about getting back together on the back burner for awhile.

Give your ex-boyfriend time and space to breathe, and to miss you. In the meantime, do some serious self-evaluation. How did your actions affect your relationship — both negatively and positively? What are some things you want to change about your life and personality?

Work on yourself, and let your ex-boyfriend do what he needs to do. When his birthday or some other significant date rolls around, send him a card or friendly email…let him know you’re thinking about him and that you’re available to talk if he ever wants to.

And, keep focusing on being a woman you’re proud to be! Become someone you respect, like, and even love.

Blessings,
Laurie
.-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post …How to be Lucky – 10 Ways to Get Luckier in Life and Love =-.

After a six year relationship. engaged for three my boyfriend broke it off with me, cause we had three embarrasing fights in one month. the last one did it, i bit him in public over a jealousy fit. Anyways we have been broken up for two months, the first month we communicated atleast one time each day. the second month he didnt call as much, and i found myself wanting to hear his voice and called almost each day. during the second month i found out he was seeing someone else. i want my relationship back, there things about me taht i have to change and i know that, but how do i know if there is a chance. and if i give him space and fix myself, will it be too late since he has already hooked up with someone.

It’s difficult to guess what’s going on in your boyfriend’s head, but it sounds like he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. He needs time and space to figure things out, but he does care for you.

Maybe he’ll want to get back together after he’s had time to think — and maybe by then you won’t even want to make up because you’ve moved on!

In the meantime, while you’re being just friends instead of boyfriend and girlfriend, I enourage you to create a happy, fun exciting life. I know it’s difficult to do when you’re coping with heartache — when all you want to do is get back together with your ex — but wallowing in sadness won’t help. And, being sad and lonely definitely won’t make you more attractive to your ex!

I wish you all the best, and hope things work out for you and your ex….

Laurie

Your boyfriend has serious insecurity and trust issues, and is not acting out of love. Nor is he trying to “prevent things from going wrong.” He’s dealing with fear and pain by trying to control you, which is extremely unhealthy (and even dangerous).

I don’t know if he’s starting to trust you, but I think he needs help from a counselor. This isn’t normal healthy behavior, and it could even be warning signs of worse behavior to come. Many abusive relationships start with “little” things like trying to control what women wear and who they talk to, and grow into bigger, worse issues.

I think you should take a step back from this relationship, and give him time to figure out his trust issues. I don’t know if he’s open to getting counseling, but whether or not he does, I hope you pull away from him.

Wishing you all the best,

Laurie