How to Get Back With Your Ex After a Breakup

Breaking up isn’t always forever! These five tips on how to get back with your ex after a breakup will help you see your relationship in a new light.

after breakup how to make up with your ex Getting Back Together: How To Reconcile With Your Partner – And Make It Last is a solid, comprehensive guide you can count on to get your relationship back on track. No matter what issues you may face, this step-by-step program shows you how to take the initiative, reconcile your differences, and remake your relationship from the ground up. If you’re serious about getting back with your ex after a breakup, you need to learn how to deal with your relationship issues.

These tips will help you determine if you really WANT to make up with your ex…or if you’re better off letting go of the past and moving on to a happier, healthier stage of life.

I’ve written more articles about how to let go of someone you love than about getting back together with your ex, because I mostly believe that it’s better to move forward.




However, several readers asked for tips on getting an ex back after a breakup – and in some cases, getting back together is the best thing you could ever do. It depends on why you broke up and why you want to get back together. Try to look beyond your heartache and pain, and be objective about your reasons for wanting to reunite. Focus on being a healthy, happy, strong person — not a weak, desperate waif who is scared of not finding love again.

5 Tips for Making Up After Breaking Up

If you’re convinced that you can’t let go and move on, here are a few strategies for getting back together with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. While you’re thinking about making up, don’t forget the importance of healing! Read Prayer for Healing After a Breakup for help with the process.

Don’t play games with your ex

Perhaps you’re tempted to make him or her jealous by flirting or even sleeping with certain people. Don’t do it! Don’t play “mind games” or find psychological tricks for getting back together. Instead, be open, honest, and clear about why you want to make up instead of breaking up.

Get emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy

Nothing is more attractive than an emotionally, physically, spiritually healthy person! Not even a skinny body, full head of hair, expensive sports car, or buckets of money in the bank. If you want to get your ex back, do some work on your own psyche. This isn’t just about working on your weaknesses, it’s about developing your strengths so you’re as happy and grounded as possible.

Figure out why your relationship fell apart

Why was your relationship unhealthy? Was it going “bad” for a long time, or was it an unexpected breakup? Did your ex want to make changes…did you want things to change, but didn’t know how to make those changes? One of the first steps for getting back together with your ex is to be clear on why it happened.

If you didn’t feel emotionally connected with your partner, read What to Do When You Feel Alone in a Relationship.

Talk to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend about why you broke up

how to make up after a breakup

how to make up after a breakup

One of the biggest predictors of successfully making up with an ex is whether you can honestly and effectively communicate with one another. Can you talk about your relationship without yelling, insulting, bringing up the past in a negative way? Can you be vulnerable with your ex – which includes admitting that you may need to change your own lifestyle or habits? If you want to get back together with your ex after an emotional affair, you may want to invest some time, energy, and money in couples counseling.

Make sure something in your relationship has changed

You can’t simply get back together without dealing with the catalyst that caused the breakup. This goes back to my second tip for making up after breaking up: figure out why your relationship ended. But, getting back together involves more than just knowing what went wrong: making up is about fixing what went wrong. Again, a session or two with a couples counselor may be helpful.

If you know deep in your heart that you and your ex aren’t getting back together, read How to Get Over Him.

What do you think – can you make up after breaking up? I welcome your thoughts on how to get back with your ex after a breakup, but I can’t offer relationship advice or counseling.




Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.” ~ Unknown.

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen on twitterLaurie Pawlik-Kienlen on pinterestLaurie Pawlik-Kienlen on linkedinLaurie Pawlik-Kienlen on googleLaurie Pawlik-Kienlen on facebook
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen
Shalom! I can't give you advice, but please feel free to share your thoughts below. I'm a writer in Vancouver; my degrees are in Psychology, Education, and Social Work. I live with my husband, two dogs, and cat. We can't have children, and we trust in God's love, grace, and wisdom. Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28.

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27 Responses

  1. Anonymous says:

    me and my bf had been together for 1 and 1/2yrs. Our relationship was perfect at the beginning and then i began to feel that i needed space. I started to hide things from him (about the guys i talk to on the social media, meeting my guy friends over coffee). He knew everything but he never mentioned to me once because he loved me so much and just wanted me to come out with everything. Once he asked me if i have been hiding something n i sad no. We tried to talk but because of my ego i broke up. I didnt expect it to be real breakup but just so we could calm things down. Its been a month now and we were still talking normally. I realised that I loved him and we just needed some time to sort things out. Just last week i had a power-cutoff so i went to his place to charge my fone and i found a girl there. He said it was a friend but i got so furious that i got an anxiety attack. Since than i didnt eat anything to date. I have begged him to get back, apologized, cried so much but he said he cant have the same feeling for me anymore. Please help me. I cant leave without him.

  2. Verl says:

    Hi Laurie,

    I’m in a relationship for almost three years. We’re working on the same company but not on the same building. He was on night shift, i’m on morning. I got promoted and it took me almost three months to adjust the new work load, schedule, task, etc. While I was busy, he also attended a fire brigade training. We seldom date. When i have problems, i talk to him but we always argue because of different opinions. One day, he called me and said he wanted a break up. That night, i wasn’t able to sleep. I realized everything that i didn’t have time for him and didn’t have time to care for him anymore that it was my fault.. We talked, i asked him the reasons why it has to end. I cried and the heartache was unbareable. I reached out for one week visiting him everyday in his house. the first week all i see was a cold and frozen heart. Like a heart made of stone. No feelings anymore. The second week of continuous reaching out, he hugged me. He kissed me. We made love. I am scared to ask him how we are doing now. He just told me it will depend. The heartache i felt the first week is no longer the same now. Maybe because he showed some affection and care. I’m still scared. I fall for him again and have this feeling of “We are okay now” even if there’s no guarantee because we don’t talk about getting back together. I really want him back. I gave him space. He doesn’t want to cut the communication though he always texts me. I don’t know what to do anymore..

  3. Juan says:

    I was in a serious relationship for about 3 years.
    We had a split up in March due to her Ex making threats to her children about me being no good and not to be with me.
    She broke up with me. I pleaded (Mistake) then started the NC rule. After almost a month she contacted me via friends phone and asked me if I was mad. She told me she missed me and loved me.
    We got back together and that lasted almost 2 months.
    Now in early June a similar situation happened again, but with my children. She broke it off again. I did the pleading again with no response from her. I started NC again.
    Friends of mine tell me that she’ll be back again. Through a friend she told them that she loved me & missed me, but to have patience, trust and not to worry.
    Any help I would appreciate it.

  4. Laurie says:

    If your boyfriend needs more time and space, then you need to let him go. Give him what he’s asking for, and start rebuilding your life. Don’t focus on how to make up after a break up! Let go of your hopes of getting back together with your ex.

    Instead, start rebuilding your life. Move forward and find ways to flourish. Nurture your creativity, your dreams, and your hopes for your future!

  5. ektarina says:

    Me nd my bf are of dffrt caste .his ex gf ditched him nd den aftr dat he came into a relation wd me den our relation cntinued for 10 months aftr dat he suddenly told me dat he need a break nd space i told ok nd den find out y he told so his frends told me dat his ex gf came to his hotel for training ..i was so heartbroken i hv loved ds guy so muuch deeply dat it was so dffcult for me to let him go but i stayed strong n did nt cntact him for a month. I started to forfet him and den suddenly he calls me up and says to talk wd him but i really love ds guy i m nt abl to move on bcz of him its so bry dffcult for me to move on i used to so possesve for him still now m possesv i want him to marry me but he says dat he needs time and i want to improve our relation shud i cntinue wd him relation or shud i move on ?

  6. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Sometimes the hardest thing to do – and the healthiest decision you could make – is to let go. You might have all the best tips in the world on how to make up after a breakup and get back together with your ex, but it may not be the right thing for you.

    How do you know if you should try to get back together? Look at his behavior. If your ex isn’t interested in talking to or being with you, then you need to face the painful truth.

    You WILL find someone else, and you WILL move on! Have faith. Be strong. Trust God, for He does love and and will lead you to the right person.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  7. Jo says:

    Hey..me and my boyfriend started dating 4 months ago..we both are from different countries he is white from Canada and am a Indian girl. we got so attach to each other that we start planning to get married..he told his family members and his all the close friend about our relation. Everyone was happy as they said they really like me. In the beginning he said he will do everything to make our relation work..he have a girl from his ex girl friend She is six year old and he told her also that he want to marry me. When we started dating he had a breakup with her 4 year girl friend. He said he can’t stand her because of so many reasons. His family don’t like her and she don’t understand his well they always used to fight with each other and she get so wild after drinks and she smoke a lot so I thought ge is genuinely broke up with her and that’s why he is telling me all this.

    We was so happy with each other and planned to get marry after 5 months and planned to buy home and family planning everything. Everything was going good and one day I had a problem with my employer and I left the job..I get so disturbed because of that because I am in Canada on my work permit and my employer filed my papers to get permanent residents that was also messed up because I left the job. I was going through hard time but that he said don’t worry he is with me and he will help me. Few days later I was talking to my boyfriend and I normally asked him what you doing and he did am trying to trap him and I felt bad and hang up the phone and texted him that he hurt me. Then he said sorry that he was tired because he do night shift with construction business and they are working on some project. So he hardly get time to meet me or talk to me. I was so upset and depressed.i never had drink in my life that day I had a shot and got more emotional. He was at his work and I called him he said he can’t talk to he hang up the call we had lil but argue that time because he said I am disturbing him on his work. He said he will talk to me tomorrow and meet me I said ok.

    It’s been a week now I didn’t geared anything from him. Do you think he went back to his ex girlfriend? Or he will talk or meet me ever?what do you suggest what should I do now? Is there any chances that he will come back? I really love him, I miss him a lot. But we have no mutual friend or Facebook where i can see him or talk to him.so how can I tell him that I am willing to change everything and want save our relation. Plz help

  8. confused says:

    My bf and I had only been together for about eight months. He was having some work issues and was fired so I let him stay with me til he found a new job. The thing is I rarely got on his case about applying so he was fairly lazy about looking. Over time living together he was an amazing bf. He was amazing to my daughter and was a really good father figure for her.
    However when we were dating, he was always still “looking around”. I did something stupid and created a fake profile to prove he wasn’t just on there “looking for friends” as he tried to have me believe… Then I thought it was fine after I came clean and we discussed my concerns and asked him to delete his primary dating profile. He did.
    I didn’t control him if he wanted to go out with his friend or not.
    However the fake profile lead him to believe I was insecure and eventually the compliments stopped, the affection was always there but I yearned for compliments. I asked him why he stopped and he said “because you know you’re good looking”….
    Then he went out of town and I found out about his second profile and found he had just recently been on there. And instead of waiting til he got home I got angry over the phone. He told his friends about it all. Told them I broke up with him and they said “don’t get back together”. I never did. But then latter that night he finalized it over the phone.
    So I have no idea what to do. I want things to be patched up. So far I’ve cut off all the contact I have with him as much as possible. But more than anything I want to make up but o don’t know when to start contacting or how. I think if we do make up, the next go around I would want from a place of friendship… Any advice?

  9. Laurie says:

    Dear payal,

    I think that if your boyfriend wants to be with you, he wouldn’t cheat on you or break up with you! It sounds like you and he aren’t meant to be together – it isn’t a healthy, happy relationship.

    Sometimes you have to give up on the idea of making up after a break up and getting back together with your ex. Sometimes, you just have to accept that he is cheating on you because the love you have isn’t good.

    You broke up for a reason — you weren’t meant to be together. Can you start grieving the end of your relationship, and move on?

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  10. payal says:

    Hi..
    I had 4 years reltn wid my bf.he alwayz cheatd me bt nyhw he knwed hw to make me up.n I too use to fogve him..dis 4 yrs hve made me vry much attracted towards him.1 week ago he again cheatd me..bt I din made a issue by fighting wid him..n jst tld d othr gal nt to b in contact wid him plz..I dun knw wt happnd to him he jst broke wid me..n is nt takng me jst ignoring n says he dun wnt me mre..aftr ol dis I still wnt him bck..plzzz let me nythng or tips through wich I cud get my luv bck..m adictd to him..plzzz suggest me smthng

  11. Laurie says:

    Dear Brian,

    I’m so sorry to hear that your marriage has fallen apart. It’s heartbreaking to be served with divorce papers, and to sign away your love and relationship with your wife. What’s especially sad is that you now see how your marriage went downhill – and you would do anything to change the past and get her back.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Lean on God as you share your heart and soul with your wife. Pray for discernment and the right words, for wisdom and strength. I will pray for you, that you’re able to communicate your true thoughts and feelings, and that your wife will see your heart. I will pray she keeps her mind and heart open, and that God melts her resolve and breathes new hope into her and you.

    Please also remember that making up after a breakup takes time and patience. It may not happen overnight.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  12. Brian Hoff says:

    I am a wreck right now. A few weeks ago my wife and I got into a argument over expectation we have for each other and how we arent meeting them. She made the comment that maybe she should just pack a few things and leave. I was genuinly hurt by her comment and I over reacted out of anger. She was gone that night with all her belongings. I was anger and upset for a few days when it happened. I had been all alone fordays in this house when I calmed down and started running every thing through my head. How did it all come to this. slowly I began to see what had happened. I work alot of hours because it was instilled in me that is what a husband, father does to support his family and to head his family. I had taken my eyes of the prize and let things get bad to the piont of this and didnot even realize it. rachel and I are being civil with each other and have both stated that we do still love each other. it was decided that we would get a divorce and part as friend. the papers are sitting next to me and have been for 5 days now. I know what i have to do for myself and situation to make this love righteous again. been a wreck trying to prep myself for the chance that she still doesnt want me when i let her know i dont want to sign the papers. I have never felt so in love and scared of the outcome. what if she is gone for good. i do not believe i could bare the pain of knowing i did this to us and lost that person that means everything to, my moon, my stars, my sun. my world to me. Pray for me please

  13. AL says:

    LAURIE,

    MY BOYFRIEND JUST BROKE THINGS OFF WITH ME AND IT WAS A SHOCK. WE WERE SO HAPPY, WE NEVER FOUGHT, WE ALWAYS GOT ALONG AND TALKED ABOUT HOW WE FELT SO STRONGLY FOR ONE ANOTHER. WE GOT INTO OUR VERY FIRST ARGUMENT A WEEK AGO BUT MADE UP WITHIN AN HOUR, THAT NIGHT WE TALKED ABOUT OUR FEARS OF BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE WE ARE SO INDEPENDENT. HE SAID THAT IN THE PAST HE HAS PUSHED AWAY THE WOMEN HE HAD FEELINGS FOR, BUT THAT HE WAS HAPPY WITH ME AND NEVER FELT SO CLOSE TO ANYONE. HE WAS DISTANT THE NEXT DAY, AND THEN ASKED FOR SPACE. HE BROKE THINGS OFF A COUPLE DAYS LATER AND SAID THAT WE WOULD NEVER WORK OUT IN THE FUTURE AND GAVE A BUNCH OF REASONS WHY WE WERE DIFFERENT (CAREER CHOICES, POLITICAL VIEWS). THEN WHEN I RESTATED THE CONVERSATION WHERE HE SAID HE PUSHES THOSE HE LOVES AWAY, HE REACTED BY SAYING THAT ALL OF THE THINGS HE HAS TOLD ME ABOUT THE WAY HE FEELS WERE FALSE, THAT HE IMAGINED THEM AND MANIPULATED ME, THAT HE IS A HORRIBLE PERSON. I REPLIED THAT HE WILL LIVE A LONELY LIFE WITH REGRET BECAUSE OF HIS FEARS, AND HE SAID HE PROBABLY WOULD. HE SAID HE CARES FOR ME AND REGRETS HURTING ME.

    I HAVE GIVEN HIM SPACE AFTER TRYING TO CONTACT HIM ONCE SINCE THE BREAKUP AND HE REFUSED TO MEET WITH ME TO TALK UNTIL A WEEK FROM NOW. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I DONT WANT TO PUSH HIM AWAY BY PRESSURING HIM TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO SOON, BUT I ALSO DONT WANT TO LOOSE HIM FOREVER BY LETTING TOO MUCH TIME PASS.

  14. Laurie says:

    How do you know it’s a good idea to make up after a break up? Sometimes it’s better to leave a broken relationship broken, and not try to get back with your ex.

    If you’re being abused or mistreated, you definitely shouldn’t try to make up.

  15. rabin says:

    accordin to me women r very clever…i was in love with a girl since 2n half years…we r commited to each other.we share each n everythin of our lyf ,hangin out together..but she betrayed me for another man..she blamed the entire reason of breakup on me before her family..but i didn’t said a single word against her now i m happy n i wld be happy if her new man would be better than me…she told me that she needs a gud n nice man not a bad guy lyk me who don’t understand her feelings(as per her)..tats vry fine…
    now her cousion sister wants to marry me but she is against that..she don’t wanna her sister to go with me..i don’t know the reason..
    i’am happy with her new relation but why can’t she??

  16. Nicoleta says:

    Hello! I discoevered your website and felt encouraged to write down about my current situation…

    Since about one month and a half my boyfriend told me he does not see it with us going further anylonger. He said he cares a lot about me (meaning he loves me), but he also needs time to reflect.

    We had some issues, but in my view not really insurmountable and I really did grow a lot (self-development, etc) in knowing myself and facing life challenges (a thing he used to say to me I shuld work on and I did since I realised I need to).

    At the moment he feels that his spiritual practices (catholic) are not so compatible with the way I see certain things. However, I respect his way and share some of it but not completely agree with everything.

    I told him that’s quite absurd to ask from someone to completelky share everything at this spiritual level, finally spirituality is so personal that’s so difficult to share completely with somebody… He kind of agreed, but he said he really needs space/time to reflect.

    And here’s the point: I have really a diffcult time in accepting that he needs time to reflect and that he said he does not see it with us anylonger…

    We spoke on Monday (December 6, 2010) lastly and I also agreed to let a week break in between (ie not hearing each other at all).

    Next Tuesday (December 14, 2010) we meet a priest who would mediate our meeting and I am lokking forward to that; we know him both of us and he’s really good. We’ve met him already by the end of November and we established again now, in December.

    Mostly, I’m noe confronted with issues like fear of abandonment and lack of seeing a sense in everything that’s happening to me at the possibility of him not being part of my life anylonger.

    I weeped a lot and in this month and a half a lot of the phone talks or meetings (2-3 only) with him were ending up in hight tones, weeping, dramas this showing up myself very weak, while he was kind of cool but feeling sorry that I’m going through this… But I realise now even better that this is not a behaviour which would bring him back and that’s why I’m decided to really keep quiet, at least a week now, till next meeting. And I’m taking care of myself doing things I like, speaking with friends & family… And I’m thinking now about what brought us to this point and think about what to do next, after December 14. To still propose e.g. a month break and then see again? Or even longer? Of course, this is going to be shown up also during our next meeting…

    He’s my first long-time relationship (8 years) and I felt very overwhelmed/shocked by his sudden decision (it came like this after a pilgrimage of 10 days to Medjugorje – unofficial catholic pilgrimage place).

    I love him deeply and I do feel he is my soulmate and I hope that someday we’ll be back again together. We’re such a good match!

    On his side there were along the way liberty, commitment, taking responsability issues (I had them too, though in a lesser amount) but I have/had the feeling he improved too… But now, when we were about to actually move into a flat (waited for that 2.5 years) he kind of freaked out… So again, fear of really committing covered up by some apparent spiritual incompatibility (which is not so true, as I was saying above)???

    I would be gald to hear some of your insights on my situation and I would also be glad of some tips/recommandations on coping with letting space/quiet between us when I feel the urge of contacting him (since I miss him, etc).

    Thank you so much!
    Best, Nicoleta

  17. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Jim,

    I think the best thing you can do is respect her wishes, and be her friend. I know how difficult it is to be friends when you want more, but you can’t change her mind at this point. Right now, your best bet is to accept her decision and be the best friend you possibly can.

    The more you push her towards making up and getting back together, the farther she’ll pull away…and eventually you won’t even have a friendship with her! Plus, continuing to try to change her mind is controlling and agressive. You need to respect her wishes, my friend.

    Take time to continue working on your issues — because things never get resolved overnight! Keep growing and changing, even though you’re not in a relationship with her right now. She’ll see your growth, and may decide to get back together without you prompting her. Then you’ll know your relationship was meant to be.

    I hope this helps, and wish you all the best.

    Also — you may find 75 Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love helpful. It’s all about moving on. You don’t have to cut her out of your life or stop loving her, but you do want to show that you’re healthy and independent and strong.

    Best wishes,
    Laurie

  18. Jim says:

    Hi,
    Recently my now ex-girlfriend broke up with me due to some issues we been having for the last year. We were together for about 3.5 years before the break that happened about 4 weeks ago. Since them we have been out twice. The first time was just dinner and although we had a good time, it was very friendly and not like were we a couple. We did share food and drinks during dinner. The next time out we went to a hockey game and had dinner and drank too much where I spent the night at her house in the same bed. But nothing happened. She was more relax the second time. Now we are traveling to Vegas for the weekend to do a couple of running events. Basically we have been communicating regularly, but only as friends and not as a couple. When we broke up she thinks I am a great guy, but doesn’t see us long term or marriage. I’m not sure if that was her way of coping with things. I have since understand my issues and told her that I can change for us, but she still does not want to get back together. She did say during our first time out after the break up that she wants to be friends and let it build. I don’t mind doing it, but do want to have romance in our relationship. Thoughts?

  19. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Hi Lisa,

    It’s not necessarily too late to get back together with your ex-boyfriend — even if he’s seeing someone else! Sometimes people need to pull away and explore relationships with other people before they realize that the original person was the right one.

    However, getting back together with your ex does depend to a large degree on why you broke up in the first place. It sounds like you and he have some issues that need to be worked out…and of course you can’t work those out if he’s seeing someone else.

    I think the best thing to do — which may or may not help you get him back — is to focus on the things you can change. One major thing is your own issues. I encourage you to actively work on dealing with your issues, and put thoughts about getting back together on the back burner for awhile.

    Give your ex-boyfriend time and space to breathe, and to miss you. In the meantime, do some serious self-evaluation. How did your actions affect your relationship — both negatively and positively? What are some things you want to change about your life and personality?

    Work on yourself, and let your ex-boyfriend do what he needs to do. When his birthday or some other significant date rolls around, send him a card or friendly email…let him know you’re thinking about him and that you’re available to talk if he ever wants to.

    And, keep focusing on being a woman you’re proud to be! Become someone you respect, like, and even love.

    Blessings,
    Laurie
    .-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post …How to be Lucky – 10 Ways to Get Luckier in Life and Love =-.

  20. Lisa says:

    Some advise please.

    After a six year relationship. engaged for three my boyfriend broke it off with me, cause we had three embarrasing fights in one month. the last one did it, i bit him in public over a jealousy fit. Anyways we have been broken up for two months, the first month we communicated atleast one time each day. the second month he didnt call as much, and i found myself wanting to hear his voice and called almost each day. during the second month i found out he was seeing someone else. i want my relationship back, there things about me taht i have to change and i know that, but how do i know if there is a chance. and if i give him space and fix myself, will it be too late since he has already hooked up with someone.

  21. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear confused,

    It’s difficult to guess what’s going on in your boyfriend’s head, but it sounds like he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. He needs time and space to figure things out, but he does care for you.

    Maybe he’ll want to get back together after he’s had time to think — and maybe by then you won’t even want to make up because you’ve moved on!

    In the meantime, while you’re being just friends instead of boyfriend and girlfriend, I enourage you to create a happy, fun exciting life. I know it’s difficult to do when you’re coping with heartache — when all you want to do is get back together with your ex — but wallowing in sadness won’t help. And, being sad and lonely definitely won’t make you more attractive to your ex!

    I wish you all the best, and hope things work out for you and your ex….

    Laurie

  22. confused says:

    I talked to him since & he was really confusing. At first, he was normal, then when I seemed sad he grabbed my hand and put his arm around me and asked me what was wrong. When I asked him how he felt about breaking up, he said he felt normal cause it didn’t feel like we were. He even kissed me & told me he needed time to think and would tell me after class. After class, he hugged me and said he wants to work things out, and hugged me and kissed me, then after that class he said he pretty much made up his mind that he wanted to break up because we argue too much, but then he said he needed time to think & and still he hugged and kissed me and told me he loved me. At the end of the day, he was in a really good mood or so it seems & he said we should take a break for a week. Last night he called me and said he doesn’t think he’s ready for a relationship and pointed out everything I did wrong, then said that he’s not dating anyone for a long time and we should be friends until we are both ready & that ill find someone perfect for me but he won’t. I’m not sure what to think. Does it sound like he plans dating me after he’s had some time to think things through? He said he’s going to or like those are cheesy ways to let me down easy? He also said that his parents have made him realize that he’s not cut out for long term relationships. he’s used excuses like this to break up with past girlfriends, but the difference is he didn’t mention dating them in the future & the first time me and him dated for only 9 days he didn’t date anyone for half a year & then it was only cause he thought I had moved on. This time we’ve been together for almost 8 months.

  23. confused says:

    Lately me & my boyfriend have been arguing a lot. Like, we would be fine for a week then argue again. We’ve broken up before, but never for more than a few hours. Today we got in a argument about something he did & he broke up with me for real. He says he still loves me and always will and if were meant to be, well find each other again because he’s feels like we argue too much & like he shouldn’t be so emotionally attached. He also said he’s not going to be dating for a while. And he still wants to be best friends. Does it sound likf he’s just trying to make me feel better or like he might wanna get back together?

  24. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Hi paranoid,

    Your boyfriend has serious insecurity and trust issues, and is not acting out of love. Nor is he trying to “prevent things from going wrong.” He’s dealing with fear and pain by trying to control you, which is extremely unhealthy (and even dangerous).

    I don’t know if he’s starting to trust you, but I think he needs help from a counselor. This isn’t normal healthy behavior, and it could even be warning signs of worse behavior to come. Many abusive relationships start with “little” things like trying to control what women wear and who they talk to, and grow into bigger, worse issues.

    I think you should take a step back from this relationship, and give him time to figure out his trust issues. I don’t know if he’s open to getting counseling, but whether or not he does, I hope you pull away from him.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Laurie

  25. paraniod? says:

    My boyfriend has always been a little possessive & I have too but not as much as him. He doesn’t like me wearing make up, talking to other guys, or really dressing up. he said recently that he’s going to not care what I do anymore and if I want to do something do it because he doesn’t want me to become depressed from feeling like he’s controlling me, and he doesn’t want is to end up breaking up later down the road because of it. I didn’t think much about it but two of my friends did. Now I wonder, does it sound like he cares about me less? Or is he trying to prevent things from going wrong, like he says. he has admitted to me that he doesn’t trust me because he’s scared to because that makes him vulnerable. Is it possible he’s starting to trust me but is scared to admit it? Or, does it seem like he’s just losing interest?

  26. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Angelo,

    Thanks for your comment — I look forward to seeing “The Broken Hearts Club”!

  27. Angelo Bell says:

    I am an independent filmmaker. I wrote, directed and produced an indie film called, “The Broken Hearts Club” that might be a fitting tool for closure. The film is like LOVE ACTUALLY meets IN TREATMENT, funny, heartwarming, brave and true. It provides hope: hope for closure, reconciliation or simply mending a broken heart.

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