Letting go of someone you love may be the most painful thing you ever do – and the most important. Here’s how to let go and move on.
These tips on letting go of love will help you remember that “relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting them back together.” ~ Unknown.
This is one of my favorite quotations on letting go of love because it’s true – sometimes it’s worse (in the long run) to try to get back together. Sometimes you need to keep forging ahead, and learn to survive heartbreak.
I wrote a book called 75 Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love in 2010, and just updated it. I co-facilitate support groups for people coping with loss, and have learned so much about letting go of love. I want to share with you what I recently learned.
So many people are struggling with the same thoughts, heartache, and shattered dreams. It helps to know you’re not alone, doesn’t it?
How to Let Go of Someone You Love
Here are a few tips for letting go of love…
Remember both the good and the bad parts of the relationship
When you’ve lost someone you love, it’s easy to focus on the great parts of your relationship and life together. But, there was a reason you broke up — maybe even several reasons! Don’t ignore the “bad” parts of the relationship and idealize the best parts…instead, keep reminding yourself that you’re letting go of the past because holding on to it isn’t good for you.
Accept that your loss may always hurt or confuse you
Some things, we never ever get over — but we can still live full, rewarding lives and achieve our goals! Part of letting go of someone you love is accepthing that you may never have all the answers. For instance, my sister cut me out of her life five years ago. She told me she didn’t want to speak to me again and wouldn’t tell me why. That was the ultimate lesson in powerlessness and letting go…and that’s why I wrote Letting Go of Someone You Love.
Accept your lack of control over other people
No matter how “good”, smart, helpful, giving, or attractive you are, you can’t control other people. If they leave you, they have their reasons…and sometimes those reasons have nothing to do with you. The sooner you accept your lack of control, the easier it’ll be to let go of someone you love.
Your losses, heartbreaks, setbacks, and disappointments have made you a different person — a better, more unique, more compassionate person! Instead of mourning what was or what could have been, start something new in your life. Think about what goals you should set for your life. Volunteer, take a solo vacation, join a new gym, take a night class, join a support group, check out a new social club, quit your job, and set new life goals. Rebuild your life — set new life goals.
Part of rebuilding yourself is focusing on your future. If you feel hopeless, read 5 Tips for Staying Hopeful.
Remember that letting go of love doesn’t happen overnight
Letting go of the past isn’t something you do once – and poof! You’re free, healed, and happy! Rather, letting go is a journey peppered with steps forward and steps backward, good days and bad days. I grew up in foster homes, and was constantly saying hello and good-bye to new families, friends, and cities. I learned how to love, let go, and open my heart to love again.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, my friend. Maybe you can’t see it yet, but you will soon.
Do you feel like you can’t move on? Read 75 Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love.
If you’d rather focus on reconnecting, read How to Get Your Ex Back.