How to Let Go of Someone You Love – Letting Go of the Past
How Do You Let Go of Someone You Love?
Knowing how to let go of someone you love is tough, but you’re not alone if you’re holding on to the past! It’s hard to let go, my friend.
These tips for letting go and moving on apply to all types of loss, and include resources for healing a broken heart.
Before the tips, a quip:
“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting them back together.” ~ Unknown.
This is one of my favorite quotations on letting go because it’s true – sometimes it’s worse (in the long run) to try to get back together. Sometimes you need to keep forging ahead, and learn to survive heartbreak.
Here are a few tips for letting go of someone you love…
How to Let Go of Someone You Love
If you feel hopeless and depressed, read 75 Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love. I interviewed psychologists, life coaches, counselors, and grief experts on the best ways to cope with and heal from loss.
Remember both the good and the bad parts of the relationship
When you’ve lost someone you love, it’s easy to focus on the great parts of your relationship and life together. But, there was a reason you broke up — maybe even several reasons! Don’t ignore the “bad” parts of the relationship and idealize the best parts…instead, keep reminding yourself that you’re letting go of the past because holding on to it isn’t good for you.
Accept that your loss may always hurt or confuse you
Some things, we never ever get over — but we can still live full, rewarding lives and achieve our goals! Part of letting go of someone you love is accepthing that you may never have all the answers. For instance, my sister cut me out of her life five years ago. She told me she didn’t want to speak to me again and wouldn’t tell me why. That was the ultimate lesson in powerlessness and letting go…and that’s why I wrote Letting Go of Someone You Love.
Accept your lack of control over other people
No matter how “good”, smart, helpful, giving, or attractive you are, you can’t control other people. If they leave you, they have their reasons…and sometimes those reasons have nothing to do with you. The sooner you accept your lack of control, the easier it’ll be to let go of someone you love.
Rebuild yourself
Your losses, heartbreaks, setbacks, and disappointments have made you a different person — a better, more unique, more compassionate person! Instead of mourning what was or what could have been, start something new in your life. Think about what goals you should set for your life. Volunteer, take a solo vacation, join a new gym, take a night class, join a support group, check out a new social club, quit your job, and set new life goals. Rebuild your life — set new life goals.
Remember that letting go of love doesn’t happen overnight
Letting go of the past isn’t something you do once – and poof! You’re free, healed, and happy! Rather, letting go is a journey peppered with steps forward and steps backward, good days and bad days. I grew up in foster homes, and was constantly saying hello and good-bye to new families, friends, and cities. I learned how to love, let go, and open my heart to love again. And I’ve survived those heart-wrenching, gut-twisting breakups that slam you to the ground and rip you to pieces. Letting go is a process that takes time.
Help for Breakups
Sometimes sharing your story can help you heal and let go of someone you love. I welcome your comments below…
Related Articles:
- Break Free From the Past – 75 Ways to Move On With Your Life
- Getting Over an Addictive Relationship – How to Kick the Love Drug
- Love Addiction – 7 Signs of Addictive Relationships
Category: Breakup Survival Tips, Love & Relationships
Laura – Because you love or loved this man, you desperately want him to be the sincere and devoted person you thought he was – the person he ‘should’ be. If only he were, you could have had a lovely life together instead of this wasted opportunity – I totally get that; and, if that makes you an idiot, then, so am I
Please don’t be so hard on yourself – the mixed messages these people send, combined with the half-truths, actual truths and outright deceptions are enough to drive an emotionally-involved rational person to the point of madness.
Am glad we met to share our thoughts and experiences
Laurie,
I just stumbled onto your article. I want to thank you for talking about letting go of someone you love, without the article being only about romantic relationships. We love our family members and friends, too. No matter how loyal a friend (or family member) we may be, sometimes rifts occur and it can be painful. All of your points sound helpful and excellent!
Thank you.
Margaret Mary
Empty—you are so right…I have read your message over and over and I thank you for it. I got it at just the right time. Your comment about a man who is cherished by a wonderful woman yet looks for attention elsewhere truly hit home…I spent a lot of time puzzling about that. He always said he never had anyone who was as good to him as I am. He loved my cooking, my loving, my morals, my sense of humor…everything. he said I’m the best thing that has happened to him in 20 plus years (I beleve that; I really do; trust me). But those comments always made me wonder why he is hanging onto his ‘just friends’. If I’m so great, why does he need those chicks???? I saw some of the text and facebook messages he left for those other women. A man doesn’t talk to a ‘friend’ like that. Yet he insisted that’s all it was. I am so ashamed that I held on as long as I did…I guess I hoped against hope that he would one day give up those chicks since I was the only one in the same city and that I was so good to him. (his other girls were 10 or 12 hours away; go figure). But I now know that he needs multiple women and that he is damaged. I hope that one day I can forgive myself for being so stupid. It doesn’t get any easier to know I was dumped by a guy like that. I’m an idiot.
HI,i stumbled on this site while looking for clue to if my wife still loves me. but what i have realized after reading these post is my relationship is past that and i need to let go. my only issues is we have a 7month boy and if i push away she will not allow me to see him. about 5 months ago after an argument, we stopped talking for about 5 days due to phone issues. when i got my phone back she was still logged on her email and i found out right after we stopped talking she joined this dating sites. started giving her number out and sending videos and pics i died the day i saw them . i cried and wanted to end my life but my son would nned me 1 week later i found out i had a tumar in the back of my head which made me vounerable ,and after all that i saw i wanted and needed her back more then eever.. about a month later she gets a hold of me telling she is so depressed without me and needs me in her life. And life a suker i give in and take her back now she consatantly plays these games with my head that she wants me on min and then next ignores me for days at a time. I really want to be strong and not move on but stand up for my sel and move forward.I dont know what to do or how to go about this im confused and feel as i need to let go before i lose myself completely..i dont know if what im saying makes any sense but it felt good to actually say something. thanks for listening …
Hi Laura! Thanks for the timely reminder – I do believe you – in the context of a bona fides relationship, these guys are toxic because they will never be satisfied with the attention of just one woman, no matter how sincere they appear in their affections.
I didn’t mention it before, but, prior to finding out about the girl in India, I happened to discover that mine was befriending girls on webcam and adding them as friends under a fake facebook profile! Looking back, I find it quite sad that a person who was cherished by two women should obtain such a thrill from the attention of random strangers. At the time, he said he thought I’d be okay with it because he saw it as the equivalent of watching porn, but, of course,it was different because he was interacting with these girls and telling them that he missed them, etc. This was a big red flag, but, because he seemed so utterly contrite, and because I really wanted to believe in him, I let it go.
When you mentioned that yours has been texting and that you returned a single brief text, I was reminded of something I once read – ‘attention, no matter how small, is currency’. Maybe, he was just looking for you to bite on the bait, to know that you’re not too busy/disengaged to read his texts? The point is that he has achieved his goal – he now has your attention to the extent that, once again, you’re wondering about him, his motives, his sincerity.
As much as you may want to believe in him, I can do no better than to remind you of what you already know, (as you have so generously done for me) – that is, to be very wary indeed of his sweet words – Your ex may be sincere as far as his limited capability goes, but the key word here is ‘limited’. These people are damaged, (for whatever reason), and they hurt those around them. Believe me, I know how difficult it is to write them off – I’m living it at the moment – but, if we don’t, we are sacrificing our own peace of mind and, ultimately, our own health, both mental and physical. It’s too high a price to pay.
Do take care of yourself.
Very nice quote Laura.
I went out with this girl for 4 months and I loved her with all my heart truly and summer vacation was coming up so we separated for the 3 month vacation and the next time I see I asked her if she wanted to get back together she said she met someone better and walked off my heart was broken and still is she is the only girl I have bean able to think about for a year and I cant move on I think I might still love her evan after what she did to me
The one who makes you cry doesn’t deserve your tears; the one who deserves your tears will never make you cry.
Last week I had lunch with my sister who I had not seen since my mothers death 4 years again, before that I had not seen her for at least another 4 years, when we met up I felt nothing, not glad, or happy,or sad, nothing, we had fallen out over my mum, with me being Power of Attorney, and being in charge with things that my sister was not happy about.But why have I no feelings over this.
One of the things that hurts me the most is to see others suffering. I only read through one page of posts- it seems like there are mostly, if not all women posting here. First I want to say to all of you: I am so very, VERY sorry for all of the pain you are going / have gone through.
Time doesn’t really matter to a person who is heart broken; happy things make you sad because it reminds you of how it could be. Words of wisdom sound like a lecture and rarely help us feel like there is hope.
There is no real answer, no real explanation. I know all to well how hopeless and useless you/we/I become. So, I just want to say I wish you were hurting; I wish none of us were hurting. And I am sorry for what you are going through.
xo
Hello everyone,
I just want to thank everyone for sharing their story, and at least I know I am not the only one who is hurt. I ran across this website, because I was trying to find a way to let go of someone you love. I am now 28 about to be 29. When I first met my husband I was still getting over someone who had broken my heart. I remember praying to God to send me someone who will help me get over this guy. Then God sent me my husband who made me smiled, who made me want to change for the better. We did everything together, spent every holiday and birthday together. WE joined the military together. Three years after dating we decided to get married. Something inside of me did not want a child, but he told me that if I did not give him a child he would divorce me. So I stopped taking my birth control. He had to go overseas, that’s when I found out I was pregnant. I was happy and he was happy, after coming back from overseas he told me that he did not want to be married or have a child. So of course during my entire pregnancy I cried because he was not there, but then he hurt me when he told me that. I had one more month to have our child and he was not there. It took me awhile to move on, but I did, and of course my husband apologized to me and told me he has been praying and he is a changed man. I took a step back, and I felled in love with him more, to find out that he never changed. He got out the military because he had hurt his back came home and some night he wouldn’t come home, girls would call the phone. He would tell me that they were lying and he wasn’t messing with anyone. My husband and I separated, but we were still intimate with each other. The moment we started back dating each other, I get a phone call from a woman who told that she has a set of twins with my husband. Again I was heartbroken. WE talked and I took him back with his kids. This time my husband tried, and I did not forgive him. It makes me upset with myself as I write this, because my husband was showing me who he was all along, I just was too blind to acknowledge it. Long story short 10 years has gone by, and now I had made up my mind that I am tired of crying tired of being disrespected. I was trying to hold on because my son loves his dad, but his dad only wants to come around when I am giving him sometime. It’s hard because I grew up without my dad or mom, and I wanted my son to be lucky to have both.
Other reason I stayed is because people would tell me he don’t love me and move on: I thought they were telling me that because they wanted him, or they just didn’t want us to be together. I have been a part of his family for 10 yrs., and not only am I losing a person I have given so much to I am also losing family
I was dating someone briefly (2 months) and made did something they did not like. This caused him to cut me out of his life. I responded by making a thorough ass of myself, to the point that they blocked my number. When I look back on the whole episode, I realize that it wasn’t that deep, yet I feel an unrelenting desire to “fix” the situation and get him back although he has made it abundantly clear that he wants nothing to do with me. I’m not sure what part of me wants him the most, my ego (that took a slap when he dumped me) or me (who may or may not actually like him). Every day I fight the desire to send him emails, knowing full well the chance of him responding is slim. I don’t know why I feel so desperate.
@ Ferguson,
It will take time to get over this. But I can assure you, time will heal the wounds. Sometimes you’ll have good days and you’ll be strong, but sometimes you’ll have bad days thinking about a future with him and missing him. But that’s okay, if you feel sad, just cry.. be sad, even all day if you want. But don’t hang on to it for a long time. The world has so much more to offer and I’m sure there’s someone out there who will love just the way you deserve.
See it as a journey. And don’t forget that God is always with you, He will not give you more than you can handle. You are strong, but I think you just don’t realize it yet. But time will tell, and I have a feeling that you will come out stronger.
@ Beautiful love
You’re welcome. You know, I’ve been through something similar. He was engaged to another woman but wanted to stay in contact with me. At first I didn’t know about him being engaged. He always said that I was the best thing that happened to him and that I was the perfect woman for him. (He was my ex, but he contacted me again, I guess he missed me.)
Then I found out about this other lady. (By the way me and my ex weren’t back together, we were in our ‘sorting things out fase’)
I’ve asked myself this question: If he truly loves me and wants to be with me, what’s holding him back? I mean, he’s a grown man who can make his own decisions right? Later I realized that I was Plan B. If it doesn’t work out with this other lady, he will expect me to be there waiting for him. I can’t believe that I was so blind. So I sent him a long email telling him that I don’t accept it to be Plan B and a lot of other stuff. I never heard from him again ( I think he feels busted).
I’m not saying that your boyfriend (don’t know if I can call it that?) sees you as Plan B. But I’m thinking: If he was really serious about being together with you, he would have taken action long ago. If you want we can stay in contact. What’s your emailadress?
I’m in such a crapy spot right now. I am in therapy learning more about myslef, things I do, how I feel, my beliefs, my fears. I also broke up with a man three years ago for what I’m learning now, were normal relationship things, conflict. He was devistated, he loved me and he would’ve done whatever it took then to make it work. I was too scared and didn’t know what I was doing. I had stuff related to my Dad that’s been coming out too that I didn’t realize was from that. This is so hurtful to realize and every guy I had been with has been my whipping post. It hurts me to know I’ve been this way to others, especially to the I guy I’m referring to from three years ago.
I kept wanting to get back with my ex, he was unsure,and my emotions got the best of me. I did act like a crazy person at times (and that I feel like a fool about too). All I was learning about myself and mistakes I had made, I wanted to apply to being with him. But I’m still learning and it hurts more each time I go to therapy and find out more. Being with him was something I had wanted for the past three years. I couldn’t be just friends with him without acting like a crazy at times and he eventually asked me not to contact him and to move on. He has now moved on and living with a woman. He’s a good man and whomever he is with is a lucky woman. I wished I would’ve known then what I know now and been able to apply it to my relationship with him. I so regret ever letting him go, and not being at a better place with myself while he was in my life and now it’s too late. I loved that man and still do.
So how does one forgive herself and move on. So much guilt and I’m finding it hard to forgive myself. I lost a great man. I don’t feel I’ll ever find or even want to be with another man again. Don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get it right with a man again and right now I don’t care if I do. I lost the one I wanted to be with and it hurts so much.
The man who broke my heart so many times is trying to contact me again. Am I some kind of damned game to him? He told me he wants out; so I gave him space. Now he contacts me via text message several times a day and writes really sweet messages like he did when we were together. He returned from a trip a few nights ago and one of his texts said he’s glad to be back home so he can fall asleep looking at my picture (on his nightstand). It seems the more I ignore him the harder he tries. Then one day, I did reply to one of his texts. It wasn’t anything big…I simply answered, “yes” when he asked if I had a good weekend. As soon as I did; he shut down again. What is that about? If he truly has the feelings he is trying to express then why would he disappear as soon as I respond to him? And if he doesn’t have those feelings, why say the things he says? What the hell? Is this some kind of game guys play? Any input would be much appreciated.
To Moonshine:
Hi there. Thanks for your advice. yes… you are right. I will open up someday. I know I need to be honest to myself. … But I will pray and try to find the right time for it… and I will need to be ready for it … to accept the consequences of such confession and the impact its gona have to myself, family and friends….
Regarding my friend, …. well, he has invited me to have dinner at his girl friend’s place. This time, I have said yes….. . But I will be away for a business trip for 2 weeks. I volunteered for this work at the end of last year. So, I told him that I would like to catch up with him and his girl friend after i come back from my work trip. Deep down in my heart, I know he is now absolutely happy with his life. His relationship with his 2 children and even his ex wife is very good and they are still good friends. He doesnt have to tell me, but he is now a new person with a bright and light heart . I know he and his girl friend will be very happy and can complete each other. I love him …….very much…… and every single day, I still do miss him.I am praying so that God will enable me to see the happy side of this life path for me and them. And I do hope that I will be happy seeing him happy and finally to find a closure someday.
I will see how God will unfold my life…
Thank you so much moonshine… I am glad a i have a friend in this cyberspace
Just share a little from mine,
It started 2 years ago, when I was with my first ex. We had been for years, but my mom didn’t accept him as my ex. So I decided to backstreet. Everything was fine, until one day my friend told me that he cheated on me. At first I didn’t believe it. Until I met someone, call him Al. Al was my ex’s frienemies (friend and enemy). He told me that my ex cheated on his dating, who supposed to be his girlfriend but she prefer to be my ex’s affair. We was so choked up, so we supported each other and we became friends. 3 months after this mess, I choose to break up with him. Al cheered me up, and said that I’m beautiful and there’s a lot of guys want to be mine include him if he could. So, I decided to move on even though it was hard. A week later, Al messaged me. We talked pointless topic but it was fun and then he said that he liked me then he asked if I did the same or not. But I didn’t answer it:-) After that he gave me a voice note at NYE 2011, “Hi..hi…this is me, Al. Don’t be sad again. Happy new year! Hahaha.” I’m so cheered up and started to like him but I still remembered my ex. Until a week later, he surprised me by picked me up to school which was far from our house and he had to picked me up at 5.30am because it was so far. After he dropped me to school, he asked me to be his girlfriend. And I clearly say yes after all his efforts he had done.
Month through month we had been through, I spent a lot of joyful times with him. He said that he was lucky to be mine because he had never had a girlfriend before and nobody wanted to be his girlfriend before. He said that my ex was so stupid to cheated on me and said he wouldn’t do that. I said that he was the one thing that brings me life. Then we shared cute moments I won’t forget. We had through thickk and thin and we were still fine. And I had my very first kiss with him. I thought this will be the final darkest time of my entire life, but I was wrong. September, it started again. He turned to be cold, but I didn’t know why. I had tried to do everything to get him back like the first we met, but I couldn’t. Until December, he broke up with me. I didn’t find anything wrong at first. I cried hard. And I couldn’t help myself.
A day later, my friend, who was Al’s friend too, called me. She asked me if it’s true I broke up with me. I said that’s true. Suddenly she cried and said, “Hanan, I’m sorry:”( I wanted to tell you about this before but I was too afraid. Al is cheating with my friend. It happens 3 months ago. She had a boyfriend too, but she broke up a week ago. I saw them, what he had been done, he’s a jerk. I can’t tell you, it’s too hurt. I saw he sleep on her thigh, he lied on you, brought her everywhere while you didn’t get it from him. I’m sorry!! Please move on, and if he asks you to come back, just refuse it, he had hurt you bad!!!!”. And after that I tried to move on.. Until my birthday, December 15th, he messaged me happy birthday text and he would give a present for me. I was still hoping for it, even until now. But he didn’t give it….and I received a news that he was in a relationship with that girl now. He said that he was so sorry, but didn’t say anything to him. And soon, we never talked again.
Now, I still think of him. Even though a lot of boys try to steal my heart, but they can’t, because they’re not Al. I know that it’s stupid but everytime I tried to move on I can’t get him outta my head. I still love him, but that’s not enough to take him back. I don’t want him back as my boyfriend, I just want him back as my best friend. That’s maybe true that people will love then gone as the time goes by, but I can’t pretend that I didn’t care of him. I still pray to God to take care him and hope he’ll get the best girl for him, even though it’s not me. I wanna be his friend again, but I’m afraid his girl will angry at me or he has forgotten me. I don’t know what to do, and I still stuck to see both of them and walk in my life fulll of regret.
Hi, Moonshine,
Thank you for your reply. I’m glad someone is listening to me. You are right that he should tells me about his engagement the first time we met. I guess he never intend to fall for me initially, neither me. We have some normal conversation, but after some time, we felt that we have some similarity in our characters and we do communicate well. We never argue, instead we listen to each other whenever we have indifferent opinions. Both of us were soft in solving problems or any issues. We can tolerate each other very well.
Yes, I know I have to stop this, but how to let go someone you love when your relationship are still so good. How to start the conversation to let go this? Currently, it’s so hard for me to do it unless we have a big fight over some issues and that will be the excuse for us to let go… I’m glad you truly understand how I feel now. I’m confused what should I do now? to leave him immediately? I will be miserable if I have to leave him now.
Do you mind to talk? Have email address?
@ Empty…thank you for your well wishes for me. Please be strong. He will contact you and try to keep you in his loop; even if he’s hanging onto the woman in India (or other women.) If he’s like the guy I was with he will work very hard to get your attention again. Please don’t go there. I did…got my heart broken all over again. I know your situation is a little different from mine but the fact remains we both got involved with men who crave attention from multiple women. Please believe me…he’s poison.
@ Fergusson
I also have a good friend who is struggling with the fact that he’s gay. And he’s afraid to tell his family because of his culture & religion. He is even afraid to tell me. (I found out about it when he forgot his ipod at my place and I saw some videos on it). I will just wait untill he opens up.. but I just can’t bare to see him strugge with it.
About your good friend and his girlfriend. Why don’t you just accept one of his invitations? Meet her and you might even like her and see that he’s truly happy with her. I’m sure you don’t want to lose your friendship and he is probably wondering why you are hiding from him. Maybe he will think that he’s done something wrong. I truly understand how hard this might be for you, but you can’t hide forever.
Please let me know what you will do. And good luck! If you need a listening ear,you can always talk to me.
@ Fergusson
I also have a good friend who is struggling with the fact that he’s gay. And he’s afraid to tell his family because of his culture & religion. He is even afraid to tell me. (I found out about it when he forgot his ipod at my place and I saw some videos on it). I will just wait untill he opens up.. but I just can’t bare to see him strugge with it.
About your good friend and his girlfriend. Why don’t you just accept one of his invitations? Meet her and you might even like her and see that he’s truly happy with her. I’m sure you don’t want to lose your friendship and he is probably wondering why you are hiding from him. Maybe he will that he’s done something wrong. I truly understand how hard this might be for you, but you can’t hide forever.
Please let me know what you will do. And good luck! If you need a listening ear,you can always talk to me.
A part of me feels really pathetic but I cant stop the feeling I get when he crosses my mind..everyday. I first met him at work..he was a supervisor..not mine tho. very attractive and very responsible for the age of 20. We started dating..I pursued him he was interested. He claimed the first time we hung out that it wasnt a date but clearly when we said goodbye that night he wasnt sure anymore if he meant that. The next morning he would not take his eyes off of me at work when I would be close to his department and he would text me saying how bad he wanted me…I wanted him too. The lust was insane. I have never been more attracted to a man since laying my eyes on him. We stared to hang out a lot more and traded stories of past relationships… we both were newly seperated. I had recently got out of a 6 yr relationship with a man I have two children with. That relationship was very unhealthy and started when I was 16. I thought I would always be unhappy and that even if we seperated noone would ever want to be with a young mother of two. that was until I had found the job that I met the new guy at. I was 23…he was 20. He told me about his last relationship and that the woman was older than him aswell and she had a daughter. He said they split because she was a compulsive liar and he felt she didnt give him any respect and to add to that she was still married but seperated because the man was abusive. He told me that he missed her daughter tho because he was like a second dad to her…it all sounded so crazy to me. It didnt stop me from wanting to see him since I had a previous past too and he accepted that. we quickly became a cpl I would say we did the first time we hung out cuz it didnt stop after that. about a month after getting to know him he called me and said he was very depressed and has some really bad news. He told me that his ex had sent him a pic of a positive pregnancy test and he doesnt think its his. He told me that she said she wasnt able to have any more kids due to a condition she had..and b4 when he attempted to break up with her she would say she was prego to make him stay. when he told me about the pic she sent him..I thought..of course something had to go wrong cuz he was someone I would only find in my dreams. He was so confused and told me that even tho its only been a month he wished that it was me pregnant instead of her..and that he felt his life was ruined. I told him everything will be okay but I cant compete with this. I felt that if it really was his kid he will eventually get back with her and after everything i have dealt with in my past I didnt want to fall further inlove with him and have my heart broke. He said that it really hurt his feelings that I wanted to walk away…and when he expressed that..there was no way I could cuz the feelings I had whenever I would see him, talk to him, hear his voice and touch him were sooo extreme that him showing his vulnerable side made me fall for him even more. So I hung in there. She pleaded to him that it was his baby. So he stood up like a man and told her he would go to appts with her. The first time he went with her she said she wanted to be with him again and she was sorry for everything and he told her that he was with someone new “me”. She was so pissed off she kicked him out of the docs office and said she didnt want anything to do with him. The following months after that she would randomly text him saying she was truley sorry for everything..and she would ask how he was doing. He wouldnt respond to her. months passed and she emailed him saying the baby was his and it looked liked him and that she moved out of state with her husband . He showed me the pictures and with a cpl month old baby you cant tell.I told him to get a paternity test. he mentioned it to her and she said she wouldnt do it unless he was going to be with her. I thought it all was bullshit and manipulting. by this time him and I were extremely close. I had the best times of my life with him. I still got butterflies whenever I spent time with him but it seemed like I always had feelings of being scared that I would one day lose him. We were together about a good yr and a half until we started getting in petty arguments and whenever we would argue my insecurities lead me to think he was arguing with me to have a reason to break up with me.. we did end up breaking up but the texting wouldnt stop.. we continued to keep contacting eachtoher and saying how we miss eachother and lets try again…I honeslty could never stop thinking about him so whenever he would express to me that certain songs on his ipod would make him miss me bad and that he thinks he can never let me go I would fall right back and even deeper inlove with him. the messed up cycle continued..and he had complete control over it. he finally said we cant do this anymore I dont want to hurt you and I dont want to have more bad memories than good memories with you so were not gonna continue this. I was completly devastated. I didnt agree..my heart and head wouldnt let me let him go. since I still had to see him everyday at work that didnt make it any easier. My heart was freshly broken everyday we crossed paths:( it was like walking by my bestfriend and having to act like I didnt kno him..it was a knife in my soul. I found out about a month later that he went on a date with another female from work. I was not gonna let that slide if I had any control over it. I confronted him and I was very upset. I told him I cant live like this and that I was going to quit my job. He said ..no, dont quit because of me..and then he ended up making plans with me and said that he cant stop himself from wanting to see me and that me being angry and hurt made him stop talking to the other girl. I knew it was true too. because I had mutual friends that were facebook friends with her and seen she was pissed and mislead. I didnt care because I was already madly inlove with him and it wasnt fading away with time. I honestly was basically his muse. He knew how to make me feel like a queen when I was down n out and knew that I thought very highly of him and I knew all about his past and his recent troubles and that he could find comfort in me. I guess something had to give and we didnt talk for about 5 months. I was tring to be strong even tho I had to see him everyday at work. I finally gave in and texted him. He acted soo surprised and said that he was sure I wouldnt ever talk to him again and that we should watch a football game together..I agreed. when we hung out I asked if he thought we would ever be together again and how much i miss him. He said maybe but I dont kno. I want to be alone right now. basically he wanted his cake and eat it too :/ months passed but he was still always on my mind..I tried texting him again and he wouldnt respond… I didnt give up cuz my heart wouldnt let me. about 5 months of him ignoring me he responded to a text i sent him saying… fine grant..if this is what you want ill leave you alone. he responded and said why? I was so irritated that he would come back with such a stupid text after months of me feeling helpless and in the dark. I told him “why” and that I believed since he was gone from work about a week that he was in that other state with his ex. he said we need to get together and talk…I agreed.. I was curious with what he had to tell me and I so badly wanted to see him especially after having no contact with him for months. the following day he came to my apt and looked like his same heartthrob self and gave me a hug and proceeded to my living room where he started with some small talk. I said just tell me grant..whats going on…r we ever going to try again and are you back with her?? he said I did go there and I took a paternity test and the girl is mine she was 2 yrs old at this time. he told me that the only way he could get his ex to come back to mn so he could be in his daughters life was to have a place they could live in because she wasnt gonna leave arkansas for nothing just because he wanted to be in his daughters life and she obviously still wanted him. I said isnt she married he said not anymore. I asked if he really wanted to be with her… and he said I dont but meeting my daughter and seeing how happy I made her in just a week I cant leave her and lose anymore time in her life and I dont want her to lose her dad. I started to cry and he said please dont cry I dont want you hurt but I want to do whats best for my daughter…he also said whatever happens we always end up talking again..that was my only reaasurance. He said she was flying up in about a week and that he already bought a house. He said if he lived for love the way I do…he would be with me but he had to do what he thought was right for his daughter and that he never had any intentions on hurting me. I cried and told him I wish I would have let him go when she said she was pregnant and then he said but then we would have missed out on all those great times we had together. Im telling you it was the worse feeling I have ever had.he said we will talk again and if you ever need anything i will help you if I can. he said just give it a lil time. we talked everyday that following week b4 she flew out here. When she actually came he continued to text me saying that he couldnt stand her and that shes still a liar and hes unsure of what to do…he called me crying saying that he just wants to spend time with his daughter and he cant stand his ex. I said then take her to court for custody rights you dont have to be with her to see your daughter. he said its not that easy..she will leave she will fly back and take her from me..he was definatly confused. a few days passed and you could tell things were simmering down for him…it made me sick to my stomache to kno he was spending everynight with another woman while I was alone and missing him and was always tru to him. I called him one day and said I have to let you go grant.. we have to cut all ties because i feel like like im constantly waiting for something to happen thats not going to. he started crying saying please dont say that…but it wasnt fair to me at all…we cried together on the phone acting as if everything would be fine when we hung up…and it hasnt been since and that was about 1yr9 months ago. He stopped returning my texts and gave me the cold shoulder at work. on facebook he never posted pics of the woman only of his daughter. its like he is living a fake life and it pisses me off that i couldnt get a decent goodbye.and whenever I felt like I was strong enuf to let him go he would beg me not to and since I really dint want to I wouldnt. about a yr and 3 months ago I met a really nice man. Ive made a lot of memories with him already and have fallen inlove with him we now live together and im 4 months pregnant and engaged. but I still think about grant allll the time… I wonder if hes really happy…and if we ever will talk again someday….I have vivid dreams all the time about him and it makes me feel like shit. Theres nothing I can do about it. I cant stop living my life…life goes on…but I feel as if i never got closure….. I kno theres no good enuf answer out there to make me feel better about it all. and its a pain I have to live with. I kno he lives only 20 minutes away from me… I ended up quitting that job a cpl months ago since my fiance said I could since im pregnant anyways and it wasnt a career. and deep down I thought it would be good for me to not have to see grant anymore…but I still think about him and every sad love song makes me think of him. I dont want to be judged but I feel as if writing this makes me feel a lil better and not soo alone like its a huge secret. cuz thats basically what it is. they say time heals everything… I wish it also made me forget. cuz now hes just someone I use to kno…
My GF just let me go 2 days ago.I’m not a kid…I’m 53,been around the block a few more times then I’d like to remember.We’ve known eachother since last april.We met in a massage parlor of all places.I am not happy at home,and when I met her we both felt some kind of connection.I was embarresed and ashamed and she , being chinese,not knowing english very well,had no options but to be in this shitty place.after some months of visiting I said to her she is better then this,and told her this is no place for a woman with a red heart…She quit to be with me.But this life got so complicated and she told me to let her go….it’s such a long long story…..but I am so sad
To Moonshine,
Thank you so much for your reply. Really appreciate that there is someone out there listening to my story. Yes I know…. I am not being fair to myself (and him) . I know from the very beginning when i started to develop the fellings for him that we will never be together. Just simply impossible. My friend is now very happy cuz new possibilities and beginning are unfolding for him. It would be very selfish of me to wish otherwise.
I have been trying to reason with myself that if I TRULLY love him and I really want him to be happy and all best things possible for him, then I should be more than happy for him to start his new life. Very painful for me to do this, but……. I want to do it because I love him. Recently , i thought to myself, wouldnt it be wonderful if I could contribute to his happiness by being genuinely supportive. But……….easier said than done… I am sure this will take time..
The problem is now trying to get over him. I have been trying to distant myself from him and I think he is starting to notice that. He and his new girl friend have been trying to invite me to dinner and social gatherings. I have so far politely declined their invitations by giving them any excuses. Still a bit painful to see the, together…. but i dont want to lose his friendship….. is this the right thing to do???? i dont know…..I end up contradicting myself… i am very very confused..
About me being gay…. maybe some day i will be able to open up. But …I cant now… that will destroy my family….
Thanks for listening..
@ Fergusson
It must be very hard for you! I can imagine what you’re going through right now and I feel your pain.
But from the day you’ve met him, you knew he’s not gay. So this is an impossible love & you must recognize and accept that. You’re saying that you’re good friends, does this mean he also knows that you are gay?
How come you can’t tell your family that you’re gay? Are you afraid that they would hate you? Do you think that they will never talk to you again? I think the first thing you need to do is tell the people around you who you really are (admit to them that you’re gay) I think and hope that this will make things easier for you and maybe easier to accept that the guy you’re in love with isn’t the one for you.
My story is beyond different I think….. Without writing a saga..which believe me it is, I will try to compact it. My partner and I have been together for 11 years. When I met him I was married to someone else but we had grown apart and were more like friends. He came over here for me and for a while it was a difficult situation. Eventually my ex moved out after fights with him and all sorts of drama. Throughout the years my partner has had his moments, where he felt he had to go away for a while he always missed me terribly and came back happy. He is an extremely caring and loving person and I love him more than is logical.. Anyway he does get upset easily and has a bit of a temper if things don’t go as he wants. I am a very easy going person and he wanted to do everything for me so I let him and relied on him totally. Last year he started with needing to go away for a while, he did and came back ok. We have a huge problem with my family. My sister has been a problem for ages and he can’t tolerate her as either can I in general. Anyway he felt that he was not appreciated by my family as we also work together and he is a hard worker and does deserve appreciation. The time during when he first came was also difficult for him beyond understanding and I feel awful about it, but then the outcome was us together so much in love and planning our future together so to me it was ok in the end. On top of all this we have been trying to have a much wanted baby and have had problems. Last year a few fights where he could not handle my family and also did not feel appreciated ended with him going away again and this time saying horrible things. He said things like maybe I need to have someone to hurt me so that I can appreciate you etc. Time moved on and he told me at the end of last year that he wanted to keep working with me to fulfill our dreams he still wanted to have children with me that he loved me but he did not see our future:( He said he wanted to be friends although he can never see me as a friend??. Since then he has said I love you to death but the future scares me (mentioning my family) and I don’t know what the future holds or if we end up together. Now trust me a lot has been said and happened in between, but to add onto all this he used to say for as long as I remember that he wanted to help people. He said if he was really rich he would give money to people on the street and get them off the street that he would save prostitutes and everyone who needed help. This to me showed a caring person and only made me admire and love him more. Last year he would cry and I would ask what is wrong and he said I am too caring, I asked him what he meant and he said that he did not want to hurt me but I could see he wanted to tell me something. Before this period he also took some of our money and did not tell me what it was for and was crying over it. Anyway it turns out when he was away he went out and tried to help people. He met this prostitute who apparently is here doing this because she owes a huge amount of money in her country and is chained to this job and can’t get out. He has told me the whole story that she wants to go back to her country and has a dream of opening a business and get out of the contract she has here. This was all a lot to hear as one can imagine. He confided it all to me. He said to me I am not sleeping with her if that is what you think, he said I care for her and want to help her. I felt a connection with her and she wants to be saved. So he sees himself as a saviour so to speak. In the meantime no one knows of this, he does not want me to tell anyone and we continue on as though nothing is different to everyone. However he goes off sometimes to give her money and to not make her work. I know each time where he is going etc. Each time I am sick knowing this and when he tells me all about the progress etc. He found out the price to release her of the contract and how much she owes in her country and that is what he is working towards and putting an extra mortgage on our house. He has several times offered to pack up and go because he can see how I am suffering but I always say no as one I love him and can’t live without him, two we have our dreams together which he also wants three he would have to find another job and what would he do unti then for money and also my Mum lives with us. She is elderly and loves him dearly and he looks after her wonderfully. When he has gone away and I tell her for work, I find her sobbing so it would kill her to think he is gone and we are no longer together:( So I continue suffering not sleeping, not eating unless he is home and in bed beside me. He is an obsessive person and likes to take control and I am just always agreeing and allowing him to do so. In the meantime it is so important to me to have the baby and that has been hard too with all the stress. As he has had problems also in the past he believes the only way is invitro. There are so many questions in my head. Do I continue with the hope that when this journey of helping is over that all will be good and we will be happy and as he said whether we end up together or not this will make us closer? Do I wait to see how his heart is at the end of all this? I want our baby more than anything. If I get rid of him from the house like he said I should do because of all my suffering, I not only cause myself extreme pain, I say goodbye to my dreams and also most definately damage my Mum. He still often tells me how he loves me and how he cares for me. He still calls my Mum his Mum and we mix with our friends as a couple. He thanks me for being on this journey with him to help this girl as he never expected that I would support him. He says he worries that one day I will have enough pain as the body tends to protect itself and kick him out. He said he is putting all his trust on me. A lot of things were said in the past, and even recently. A couple of days ago he thought we had missed our chance to be together that he changed and thata miracle would have to happen for us to end up together but then a couple of days ago he said when this is all over I hope I can see what is truly in my heart and he also sent me a message yesterday telling me he loves me to death and misses me to death. (something he has not said which is our signature for ages) I cried and cried when I read it. I have asked for signs what to do and I pray constantly for guidance. I just don’t know how to go about it or what to do…. It is really torture:((
To Laura
Laura, I’m deeply grateful to you for taking the time to respond – Your advice has helped me so much. He’s asked to remain friends, but I’ve decided to eliminate him from my life completely, and, anytime I feel my resolve weakening, I’m going to re-read your post! Throughout our time together, I lacked peace of mind because my heart and mind were telling me that he was genuine, but my gut was sending a different message. I’m sorry you got burned, too – it’s a very painful and disorientating experience. With my best wishes for a happy and peaceful life!
I’m 45 years old. We met when I was 19 and she was 15. I was in the Air Force, and she was in High School. Her Dad was in the Air Force and they lived on the base. It was love at 1st sight for me. The first thought in my mind when I saw her was …”I’m going to marry that girl”. On 17 January 1986, we started going out together. Last week was a real killer for me – as it was our 26th anniversary (or would have been). We made such a beautiful family, 2 gorgeous kids. My daughter is now 16 and my son is 13. We have been separated for 6 and a half years -and divorced for just over 2 years. She met a guy (claims they’re just friends), but I think otherwise. I have met a few girld over the last few months – but everytime someone gets close to me – I run! I feel like “Runaway Bride” sometimes. The girls I have met have all been very lovely. But I just feel so trapped and scared when they start to like me. I thought I was further along the road, but the other day – something happened that really hurt me so badly (still trying to recover). We had all just arrived back from overseas (weird to take a family holiday together – I know), when she was off to visit her “friend” and tell him about the holiday. Now….I know in my heart that i don’t want her back (and there hasn’t been any invitation from her side either), but that really hurt. I couldn’t understand why I was hurting so badly – even though I don’t want her back. Then the 17th January rolled around – and I never ever forget any important dates / anniversary’s etc (but i had to ignore this one). We are not together anymore – so there was no point even thinking about it. I am trying so hard to move on with my life. I am so hurt by this – I have been alone for over 6 years, and I feel like I want to meet someone. But I am scared of what I did recently (get them to like me – and then run away). I think I have hurt the feelings of some lovely ladies. I just can’t seem to “let go” of my past. I am looking all lover the internet to get advice on “how to move on – how to let go” (that’s how I ended up here). I am a very loving, honest man. I want to fall in love again. But it seems I have built up walls around myself, that won’t let me out!! My relationship with my beautiful kids has always been so amazing – and is still awesome. When I had to leave home – I left everything behind. I said they could stay in the house – keep all the furniture. All I took was my clothing. I didn’t want to disrupt the kid’s lives anymore than was neccessary. My life is very blessed in so many ways. We have a very successful business together (we don’t need to work together in the same office). My kids are healthy and as happy as can be expected. She is a great mom. I just really need to “suck it up, grow up”, and move on. Why am I struggling so much? I torture myself by thinking of her and this guy (“friend”). I am finding it really hard to get “my groove” back. We were in each others lives for 26 years. I so badly want to move on. I think I have made progress over the last year – but I guess some days are harder than others. Perhaps this last week has thrown me a bit (since I have never missed any important dates in our history together). I have read so much good advice over so many websites – why is it still so hard? And why does it still hurt?? Even though I know I do not want to go back.
Hi,
I am glad I accidentally found this site. I am going thru some changes in my life and I havent been able to tell my family, friends and loved ones of what I am going thru. I hope you or someone out there could give me some advice to move on with my life.
I am a gay Christian………….. Very difficult for me to admit this but … I really need some guidance about my situation. i cant tell my family or friends about the fact that i am gay.
I was a happy single gay guy and pretty much was happy with whatever life I had.
In 2004, I met this wonderful person at work. He is a funny, caring, attentive and religious man who likes to help people.He has one of the most influencial position in the company. However,he remained down to earth and doesnt mind befriending people with lower positions at work (people like me).I trully admired him.
Thru different projects at work,I got to know him little by little . He was a wonderful mentor and played a major role in my career (and even spiritual) development. He was happily married with 2 kids. Life looked like a bed of roses for him (thats what I thought initially). Unfortunately, in 2007,life turned sour for him and he separated from his wife of 16 years. This really devastated him. He just burried him self with piles and piles of work. I didnt have the heart to see him going thru such hardship. I tried to help him with work as much as I could.Even that meant I had to work passed midnight to help him meet his deadlines. Tried to cheer him up and keep him company whenever I could. This process went on for 5 years and I developed a stronger bond and friendship with him and even with his family and friends. This however also fostered my special feelings for him. I fell in love with him…. He is my dearest friend. I never told him how I felt about him. he opened his family and circle of friends to me.
I live alone in an apartment and because of that, he often asked me to join him, his family and his church acivities. I was very happy and felt he trully cared about me.
5 years went by and finally what I had been dreading came true late last year. My dear friend finally moved on…..After 5 years of separation from his wife, He finally got divorced from his wife. He started to see someone from his church. A nice lady who is a widow. While my heart trully knows that I can never be with him, and I am glad he finally has found that true happiness he has been longing for, my heart was broken to pieces. I went to a severe depression. I always put on a happy face whenever my friend asked me to join him and his new girl friend for dinner or other activities. Told them I was very happy for them. But my heart cried cuz I felt like my friend is slipping away from me.
I know the dynamic of my relationship with my friend has changed. He now has little time to hang out with me and I havent caught up with him properly after the new year. I am now feeling left alone an abandoned… I miss hanging out with him and I miss seeing him outside work. I am jealous of the relationship he has now…..
I am trying to get over him by distancing myself from him. Doing other activities after work. Asking to be transfered to a different deaprtment at work and even volunteered to work out of town. But I cant seem to forget him. I cant move on… . I am making 1 step fwd of progress but somedays,i went backward 2 steps.
I cant live, I cant function and I feel empty. I want to die and cease to exist. Help me….please…help me…. I dont want to feel like this. I dont want to love any more. I have had enough of all this……
sorry if this long message but I am just so very desperate to talk to someone…
broko…no kidding, you just described my exact breakup. Only difference is when he left for work (to take a job in England) I went with him for 6 months…and pretty much set up a home there with him. The plan was after 6 months back in the States, I would return to England for 2 years to live with him.(Even all of my things are still there.) I have been back in the States for 3 months…and because of his schedule and love of being so focused on work, he broke up with me! He said that he was happy after I left England because then he could really focus on work and not worry about me! Crazy thing is, we broke up in person right after New Years (he came to visit friends) and we were like a couple in love…even during the breakup. We held hands, kissed, cuddled, made love, told each other we loved each other (though he doesn’t think he’s “in love” with me anymore)….then on our 3rd day together before parting he told me that he wants use to continue to talk on Skype sometimes and see if in 3 months maybe we could make more sense together. What?! I mean, I do want him to come crawling back to me, honestly…but now I wonder if I am just setting myself up for another round of heartache in 3 months. Totally hurt!
i was with my boyfriend for a year. at the end of the year, he didn’t see me for 3 months because he was away with work. when he came back he told me that he couldnt be with me anymore because he had too much on his plate (work wise). I waited for him for 3 WHOLE MONTHS – and then he told me that.
we were fine the time i last saw him and i spose thats why i’ve not got over it yet. i keep thinking back to how good we were and how good we would still be if he wasn’t so busy with work. i’ve told him so many times how i feel – he just ignores it. and him ignoring it makes me wonder whether he still cares but can’t admit it cause he knows being together again would hurt us both.
we’ve met up twice briefly as “friends” since, but we still act as we always did when we were together – we still flirted, it was as though nothing happened (except it was missing sexual things, obviously).
I fell in love with him and i can’t let go of this. never thought i’d be in a situation like this with a guy. never fallen like this before.
guess i just need to keep thinking that someone better must be around the corner, no matter how hard that might be to believe.
@Empty
Please, please, please cut off all contact with this man. You will save yourself the agony I experienced for over a year. I was so in love with a man who was loving, sincere, attentive, became close to my teenage daughters, did all the right things. We had lots of things in common and we would talk about how we are the same person. I think you get the idea. I, too, figured out via Facebook that he had several relationships going on. He insisted they were ‘just friends’ and I bought it for a long time but the relationship changed. He refused to answer my questions about them. Suddenly a password appeared on his phone. He insisted that he wanted to marry me and was very convincing about it. I suppose I stayed because I wanted him so much and wanted to believe in him.
One day, he got very angry at me because I made a posting on his Facebook that referred to our relationship. He unfriended me and got all of our common friends to unfriend me. Turns out, he wasn’t hiding those girls from me, he was hiding me from them. Apparently he had ‘forgotten’ to mention me to his ‘just friends’.
You must not let him have it both ways. He is not going to make a decision as long as he thinks you will be there for him. Empower yourself. It is going to kill you for a while and you will have days when it feels like you can’t function. But you will function; and one day you will meet a man who respects you enough to not hide himself from you. Your confusion will only continue if you stay with this man. Trust me, I’ve been there and it sucks.
I finished with my boyfriend of five months on Tuesday because I found out he has a girlfriend in India whom he’s planning to marry some time next year. He didn’t tell me – I found out via facebook.
I think I’m in shock because he seemed so sincere that I never expected him to hurt me like this. I feel like I need to get a grip, but I’m finding it difficult to function because he was so loving and caring to me that this has really hit me for six.
When I confronted him, he was in tears and said he has to marry her because, before he left India, they were in a committed relationship and he’s made promises to her which he feels he cannot break, particularly as her mother really likes him! It seems that neither his father nor hers is aware of the relationship, although his mother is supportive. In the past, he mentioned to me a troublesome ex-girlfriend who was often yelling and shouting in front of his friends. It turns out that this is the person he’s planning to marry!
He still insists that I’m the best and most compatible person he’s ever met. I’m so confused, as none of this makes sense to me. I mean, it’s not as if they’re married, and he seems to be missing me badly. Please let me know your thoughts. He will be in this country until at least the end of the year, but, as he is well qualified, he could probably stay indefinitely if he wanted to. I feel I need to cut off contact altogether, but I miss him so much that my mobile has become a real liability
. He keeps apologising to me, but this only makes me feel worse.
So many people with so much pain, I am also one of them but what is annoying me is that apart from some people commenting on some entries, a lot of these posts are left with no one answering and a lot of them end with please help I have been crying for days…… I want to help if I can. I am going through a horrendous time myself with my partner currently and maybe will share on this a little later but for now I am going to try and address some of the sad stories……Blindedbylove I am going to say I understand well what it is like to love someone and feel like you are sharing him and it is not fun and it hurts like hell. What you need to ask yourself is ,.. is there a chance he will leave that life and be with you? If there is a chance then it is your choice only and no one else’s if you stay and wait for that time. If you love him enough or you think what you have is strong enough to bind you together in the future or if you feel that he is your soul mate and worth waiting for then wait however if you feel that you will never be anything but a weekend love, then you should think seriously about if you are prepared to live like that. At the end of the day it is up to you and how much you love this guy. All the best and God bless.
5 years of togetherness would end up this way..I just could not bear it. I’m breaking down and going through a great depression.
He is in the Special Mobile Force and am a graduate, that was the main issue, our educational background. We have been madly in love with each other. This relationship was just a perfect one for us, a couple really meant for each other. The way we spoke, the way we acted, listening, caring, loving, honesty, sharing,,just everything was so perfect. We could get along really well.
But the problem was that I was more educated than him which my family were never to accept our relationship. I tried my level best to seek advice and to pacify my parents..I got no encouragement no positive feedback from them. I ended by getting beaten up by my parents. We tried to get a registered marriage, yet it was unsuccessful. I tried to make up my mind to elope with him, then I thought about my mother and all the things she would have to bear after I am gone. I just couldn’t sort this out and he did not give up. He was always there for me expecting that I will one day come to him. I started shattering, all my dreams with him started to seem so far fetch to me. In other words I could not muster the courage to go with him.
His family started pressurizing him for marriage and I could not do anything. I still want to go to him. I just could not do anything because all I wanted was the consent of my parents for our wedding to take place. But they never ever understood where actually lies my happiness.
Now he is with somebody else, and am left all alone with memories and tears. Am trying to come over this but am just not able to do it, its not about 1 day, 1 year but 5 years of my life! It meant all to me.
Now am left with nothing, just sweet memories that always pinches me trying to say that I did not act wisely when it was time for me to take the most important decision of my life and choose my happiness.
I lost him forever.:’(
Maybe you can try telling her how you feel. I fell in love with my friend a long time back. When we were alone I could really be honest with him and the time we spent together was splendid. But I had to act as if he was my friend in front of others as I am not sure if he likes me to cross the line and he has never said he loves me or wants me to be his girlfriend. Sometimes, I feel he is leading me on as well because he does not want to hurt me. I felt we have drifted apart now and letting go of him is not easy.
So I’ve never blogged before…but my NOW “ex-boyfriend” (we were seeing each other…don’t really know what that label means), just told me tonight he’s been talking to another girl and will be going on a date with her…I also went to the doctor’s recently and may have gotten an STD from him. I feel hopeless, and confused beyond belief. I constantly think about boys, but I always seem to get involved with the bad ones. What do I do? How can I get him out of my life for good, and how can I stop from getting hurt?
Hey all! I’m so happy that I click on this site. I can so relate to all of you as I’m experiencing this as well. I can’t wait to feel good again and to stop crying over this guy.
Honestly, I’m an NBSB girl, so when this guy finally showed interest and we started dating. I was so excited and read all the rules so that I will not do something crazy that might scare him. No, he didn’t call me or sms me to say hi or how’s my day. It is mostly by email, so as the date invitations. We would just communicate by phone on the day that we are going out. After almost 6 months, I talked to him about us and he said he is not sure how he can have a relationship in a foreign land ( he is from another country by the way) and then he said sorry. Of course I felt so sad, I cried. after about 2 weeks, we started going out again, even became closer. So I thought maybe he changed his mind. So all was well, better, I was hopeful. He even started giving me stuff. One day we went on a day trip somewhere. On the way home on the bus, I took the initiative to hold his hand. He then started to say “This is ok, just don’t expect more. I like you, nothing more than that”. I was just so shocked with his reply. It wasn’t what I was expecting. I know we were doing well, so I had the courage to hold his hand. I ask him what should we do, he said we can go on like that or stop.
Anyway, I decided to stop because I thought if it’s not gonna go anywhere then why should I continue with it. I want a real relationship. But now, that decision makes me feel like “is it right or wrong, maybe I should wait or what”. He still communicates with me just to say hi and ask how I am. Every time he does this, it hurts me and confuses me. Makes me wonder if maybe there is still hope. But it’s been 6 months after that holding hands incident and he still hasn’t said anything about changing his mind. So I know i should really forget about him.
My question: Clearly I know that our relationship will never be a bf/gf thing , but every time he tries to get in touch I start to be all hopeful again. Why does he do this? What should I do when he does this and I feel hopeful again? Should I just be rude and ignore him. What should I do?
Sorry for this long message. I really need help. I’ve been crying for days now.
Thanks for reading.
I know he is my gud friend… at least i think he is! I have developed feelings for him, and now I don’t know how 2 “take back my love” because, I came 2 knw he thinks me to be his sister. I don’t ever expect anything from him, just hope this “friendship” stays on forever…..
Me and my best friend recently have had quite a bit of sexual attraction towards each other and that eventually led to me catching feelings for her. when ever its just me and her i can tell she feels the same, or is just leading me on, but when other people are about were just “best friends”. Her being honest is one thing i can understand but i cant take her leading me on by flirting and the different attitude towards me when were alone…. what should i do
Hi, I jst recently found out dat my boyfriend of 5months, has a woman who he engaged to marry and a son of 4mnths. Well he told me he had a galfriend and thngs were not working out and he want to leave her.but now my problem is that I luv him so much, last tym I was @ his place there was pictures of his fiance in and her clothes filled the wardrobe. And nw the gal found out about us and she sends me smses telling me to break up with her man. When I tell him he says she wants him back, I only c him weekends only. Everything between us is fine. I’m confused please help me, must I stay in this relationship or not.
Hi Choco: Thank You for your kind and supportive advice. I started to question whether I over reacted cutting all ties. I just hope I can look back on this experience in a year and not have any feelings towards it. I have some great friends and family that have kept me busy and I feel like I’ve come such a long way from how I was at the beginning.
Setbacks still exist: I saw him a few months ago (he didn’t see me) but I noticed him instantly. My feelings run deep for him and it is hard coming to the understanding that I’ll never talk to him again.
Your right I should and will seek out even more opportunities, facing my undetermined future with a smile
Hey Skysthelimit:
I have read through your writing, and I could feel how painful it was to be in your situation.
The only thing I would say to you is: let him go, he doesn’t deserve you. I know it’s easy to say, still I’m sure you can do it. That man is messed up. He doesn’t know what he wants. You don’t want to be with a man who doesn’t know what he wants, and you already know that he would cheat on you, then why keep dragging on, and hurting yourself?
Open yourself up for more opportunity. There are thousand possibilities that you can find out there, and I’m sure you’ll find someone that is perfect for you, not that man.
Regards,
@ Michellemlova
Would love to talk with you. I myself find it hard to find people who really understand me. How can we contact? Do you have an emailadress?
I had to leave him. We were on and off for around 4 years. Best Friends to lovers to him disappearing for weeks on end. He asked me on two occasions to be his girlfriend but I knew him> the novelty would of worn off and he would cheat on me like the other girls he has mistreated in the past. With one of the women refusing him access to his child for a few years now. So I kept my guard up waiting for a genuine sign that his intentions were sincere. I finally sent a letter of sorts to tell I could no longer see him. I felt like I wasn’t able to date freely like he was without separating myself from him.
It has been well over 7 months since I’ve spoken to him. His attempts of communication have been managed with no reply. He called a handful amount of times and sent a one word email. Life is less stressful, I’m happy most days and I’m doing a lot of the hobbies I neglected while obsessing over his whereabouts. He must have sensed I was anxious in getting involved and hurt by him- why didn’t he try and get rid of the doubt by being an open and honest man when I asked for the truth. I’m naturally a trusting person with men, I’ve had in the past only two relationships lasting a few years each and they ended amicable. No trust issues we just as people just grew apart.
But my gut refused me to settle around him, it was so bad I felt wary introducing him to friends and family in case they saw him with another woman in my area. It was the constant lying and sneaking about. He would say out of nowhere without any prompt he never wanted to compliment me in case I got a huge ego, He has been on dates with other women, slept with a few I assume. The only thing he ever admitted to me was that he liked another woman at the same time as me and he like us the same. He went on holiday with one all of the rest I found out was from Facebook. There was no indication as to what his future was and what he wanted from me. We probably would have had a chance perhaps to be distance friends if he had been honest (after plenty of time apart)
It was the weirdest situation I have ever been in. I was so use to be being treated respectfully by men I would see, it surprised me when he stopped all that. We were like best friends before then we just stopped communicating properly during last year. One day he’d be so loving saying time spent together was precious and it wasn’t lust he felt, pushing to go on holidays, discussing my family then especially early in the morning, he would be so moody I felt like I was always treading on eggshells. He’d promise to take me out for the day but would sleep most of the day away.
There’s still this dull ache when something reminds me of him and but he comes into my mind less and less everyday.
But he caused so much pain because he was not straightforward with the truth or his intentions that I can’t go back to any form of friendship
That pain I still feel within my body when I think about him makes me stay away from him- I hope I never see or hear from him again.
I don’t ever want to police a man I want to be because his loyalty to his relationship should be on his conscious. He’ll be held accountable for his actions & I for mine. He found himself in too many situations & didn’t always resist, needless to say I sent him back out into the world to deal with those women that he deemed more important than trying to build a relationship with me.
I lost him but I gained myself back : D