Comments on: How Do You Help a Grieving Friend? 5 Ideas and Tips http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-help-grieving-friend-ways-support-sad-friends/ Got goals? Need a push in the right direction? You've come to the right place! Thu, 24 May 2012 06:38:43 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: S.M. http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-help-grieving-friend-ways-support-sad-friends/comment-page-3/#comment-42842 S.M. Sun, 29 Apr 2012 01:59:40 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=524#comment-42842 Hi kedhuri, I'm so sorry to hear that your bf is going through this difficult time. I would suggest sending him care packages because he is probably dealing with the funeral and legal side of things with his family. Just reassure him that you will be able to talk to him at any time via phone, email, social network, etc. Hi kedhuri, I’m so sorry to hear that your bf is going through this difficult time. I would suggest sending him care packages because he is probably dealing with the funeral and legal side of things with his family. Just reassure him that you will be able to talk to him at any time via phone, email, social network, etc.

]]> By: Laurie http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-help-grieving-friend-ways-support-sad-friends/comment-page-3/#comment-42699 Laurie Wed, 25 Apr 2012 17:05:48 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=524#comment-42699 Hello Scott, Kedhuri, Bekah, I'm so sorry to hear that your friends and girlfriends are grieving the loss of someone they love! It's such a difficult time, and so hard to know how to help. I wish I could answer all individually, but I can't give personal advice. I did, however, write a follow-up article with more in-depth suggestions: <a href="http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/spouse-grieving-process-how-to-stay-close/" rel="nofollow">When Your Spouse Withdraws Because of Grief - 5 Ways to Stay Close</a> It's for people who are helping their partners or spouses, like Scott mentioned. Again, I'm sorry I can't respond to your individual comments. I wish you all the best as you help your friends cope with grief. Blessings, Laurie Hello Scott, Kedhuri, Bekah,

I’m so sorry to hear that your friends and girlfriends are grieving the loss of someone they love! It’s such a difficult time, and so hard to know how to help.

I wish I could answer all individually, but I can’t give personal advice. I did, however, write a follow-up article with more in-depth suggestions:

When Your Spouse Withdraws Because of Grief – 5 Ways to Stay Close

It’s for people who are helping their partners or spouses, like Scott mentioned.

Again, I’m sorry I can’t respond to your individual comments. I wish you all the best as you help your friends cope with grief.

Blessings,
Laurie

]]> By: Scott http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-help-grieving-friend-ways-support-sad-friends/comment-page-3/#comment-42636 Scott Tue, 24 Apr 2012 11:51:40 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=524#comment-42636 My girl friend who lost her spouse 4 years ago just lost her son 2 weeks ago. She is staying with her family and I think its great that she is but she does not want to talk to me at this time and I want to help her. I am giving her space and only sending her a txt message every 4 days. it bothers me that she will not talk to me. I know its early and she still is in the disbelief or yearning stage. But i cant help her. Should I just keep to the side and give her more time or what. I have never been through this before with someone i care about. What should I do to understand more and be ready when or if she reaches out to me? Thank you Scott My girl friend who lost her spouse 4 years ago just lost her son 2 weeks ago. She is staying with her family and I think its great that she is but she does not want to talk to me at this time and I want to help her. I am giving her space and only sending her a txt message every 4 days. it bothers me that she will not talk to me. I know its early and she still is in the disbelief or yearning stage. But i cant help her. Should I just keep to the side and give her more time or what. I have never been through this before with someone i care about. What should I do to understand more and be ready when or if she reaches out to me?
Thank you
Scott

]]> By: kedhuri http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-help-grieving-friend-ways-support-sad-friends/comment-page-3/#comment-42633 kedhuri Tue, 24 Apr 2012 09:44:04 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=524#comment-42633 hi my bf bro commited suicide i live in dubai wile he lives in sa........i recently moved here for work, it has only been a month but he is really taking the death badly and its affecting him even at work, he also lives alone....im so far away i just want to know how i can help him, i feel terrible being far away hi
my bf bro commited suicide i live in dubai wile he lives in sa……..i recently moved here for work, it has only been a month but he is really taking the death badly and its affecting him even at work, he also lives alone….im so far away i just want to know how i can help him, i feel terrible being far away

]]> By: Bekah http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-help-grieving-friend-ways-support-sad-friends/comment-page-2/#comment-42117 Bekah Wed, 11 Apr 2012 06:20:36 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=524#comment-42117 I met my boyfriend through a Christian video chat room. He could see me and hear me, but I could only hear him. He did not have have a camera. His son was a part of the group and encouraged his father to come listen and eventually he gave his testimony. In January of 2011, him and his fiancé were in a car accident and she died. He broke his neck, but with surgery he healed and walks. She wasn't wearing her seat belt correctly and had she been wearing it right, she would be alive. I could tell from his story he loved her deeply. After a month or so of talking we met. We live over 400 miles apart and we both have grown to care deeply for each other, but there are moments of overwhelming loss for him and guilt. Although, I am so glad the Lord brought us together and my heart is so full and proud to have him in my life...there are many times I feel so inadequate in how to help him. All I can say is that I try to be honest with him. I have told him that it is OK for him to tell me he is having a bad day, I understand that he will have those days and I expect those days and sad moments at any time. And it is OK to share with me what he is willing to share with me. He has been very open and very honest with his feelings. But tonight we watched a movie (from our own homes). The movie closely fit who is fiancé was...a teacher. I didn't even put the two together or even think about it. I got wrapped up in the movie. After the movie he told me he was crying because he never got to see her teach and she was considered the best teacher at her school. I felt horrible for not even thinking about her and what he might have been feeling during the movie. I broke down in tears. For the first time I truly felt helpless, even clueless of the totality of loss and this man I come to love deeply. I realized that I might have missed an opportunity to pay attention to his needs. I love him so much....am I OK? Am I on the right path of grieving with him? How do I be the best mate I can be to help during these times and the fact that simply, he is still mourning a great loss in his life? Is there anything else I can do or perhaps not do? I met my boyfriend through a Christian video chat room. He could see me and hear me, but I could only hear him. He did not have have a camera. His son was a part of the group and encouraged his father to come listen and eventually he gave his testimony. In January of 2011, him and his fiancé were in a car accident and she died. He broke his neck, but with surgery he healed and walks. She wasn’t wearing her seat belt correctly and had she been wearing it right, she would be alive. I could tell from his story he loved her deeply. After a month or so of talking we met. We live over 400 miles apart and we both have grown to care deeply for each other, but there are moments of overwhelming loss for him and guilt.

Although, I am so glad the Lord brought us together and my heart is so full and proud to have him in my life…there are many times I feel so inadequate in how to help him. All I can say is that I try to be honest with him. I have told him that it is OK for him to tell me he is having a bad day, I understand that he will have those days and I expect those days and sad moments at any time. And it is OK to share with me what he is willing to share with me. He has been very open and very honest with his feelings. But tonight we watched a movie (from our own homes). The movie closely fit who is fiancé was…a teacher. I didn’t even put the two together or even think about it. I got wrapped up in the movie. After the movie he told me he was crying because he never got to see her teach and she was considered the best teacher at her school.

I felt horrible for not even thinking about her and what he might have been feeling during the movie. I broke down in tears. For the first time I truly felt helpless, even clueless of the totality of loss and this man I come to love deeply. I realized that I might have missed an opportunity to pay attention to his needs. I love him so much….am I OK? Am I on the right path of grieving with him? How do I be the best mate I can be to help during these times and the fact that simply, he is still mourning a great loss in his life? Is there anything else I can do or perhaps not do?

]]> By: Kevin Ophoff http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-help-grieving-friend-ways-support-sad-friends/comment-page-2/#comment-41653 Kevin Ophoff Thu, 05 Apr 2012 15:06:17 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=524#comment-41653 Our daughter was killed during a youth group outing, January 23, 2000. We will gladly share things that helped us cope and survive this disaster. I am now a youth leader and Sunday school teacher. It helps me to be with the teen. I understand just how valuable they are. Here is a link to my website which has tips for helping a youth group cope with tragedy: http://sundayschoollessonconnection.com/practical_tips_to_help_grieving_teens.html My wife and I also have a website for adult Christian education. Here is a link to the page for helping parents and families cope with grief and loss: http://coconutmtn.com/helping_grieving_parents.html Our daughter was killed during a youth group outing, January 23, 2000. We will gladly share things that helped us cope and survive this disaster. I am now a youth leader and Sunday school teacher. It helps me to be with the teen. I understand just how valuable they are. Here is a link to my website which has tips for helping a youth group cope with tragedy: http://sundayschoollessonconnection.com/practical_tips_to_help_grieving_teens.html

My wife and I also have a website for adult Christian education. Here is a link to the page for helping parents and families cope with grief and loss: http://coconutmtn.com/helping_grieving_parents.html

]]> By: Dilemna http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-help-grieving-friend-ways-support-sad-friends/comment-page-2/#comment-41084 Dilemna Mon, 26 Mar 2012 13:40:05 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=524#comment-41084 I hope i can get some good advice bcuz i really really need it, and it concerns my friendship. I have a best friend,F. She has been abandoned by her parents since she was young, and she now lives with her grandmother. F behaves really weird at times. Sometimes she can be all sunny and the next, she will be walking out of the room, ignoring and refusing to reply anyone, even though no one has done or said anything to agitate her. It happened a couple of times. Sometimes when i start the first conversation with her for the day, she will just push me away. Telling me things like "I hate you, its all your fault, go away". It really hurts when she says that. And this happened many times. I kept quiet and kept a distance from her for the day. And the next day, she will be all happy and talking to me again. I really felt upset but i brushed the sadness away and forgave her. But it was not until this recent "I hate you, its all your fault, go away" thing started again. That i began to feel really angry, i have been tolerating this for close to two years and i think i had enough. On the night of our quarrel, i had this sudden urge to research about her problems that she was facing -family issues, thinking that this may have something to do with her behaviour. Upon my research, i was shocked at the results i found. She had exactly all the symptoms from abandoned child syndrome. After my discovery, i became very worried, and began looking up on articles about issues & problems that abandoned children face, hoping that i could do something for her. During this period, my friends have advised me to let her be, in short, to leave her alone /keep a distance. I know their concern - we will be sitting for our national exams this year, and they are afraid that my grades may get affected. Recently, i have been questioning myself if this is the right thing. My friend, N and I, have turned to a teacher who we trust the most, to seek help. After a series of events, we decided to let her undergo counselling. Because we couldn't give her the type of help that she needs. However, she has indirectly indicated that she doesn't want to receive help from anyone, she has serious trust issues. And recently, she cursed me, telling me to go and die, despite my attempts of trying to get her on the right track. What should i do? Leave her- give up on our friendship of 2 years? Or to concentrate on my studies (i have very poor grades). Help i'm in a serious dilemna I hope i can get some good advice bcuz i really really need it, and it concerns my friendship.

I have a best friend,F. She has been abandoned by her parents since she was young, and she now lives with her grandmother. F behaves really weird at times. Sometimes she can be all sunny and the next, she will be walking out of the room, ignoring and refusing to reply anyone, even though no one has done or said anything to agitate her. It happened a couple of times. Sometimes when i start the first conversation with her for the day, she will just push me away. Telling me things like “I hate you, its all your fault, go away”. It really hurts when she says that. And this happened many times.

I kept quiet and kept a distance from her for the day. And the next day, she will be all happy and talking to me again. I really felt upset but i brushed the sadness away and forgave her. But it was not until this recent “I hate you, its all your fault, go away” thing started again. That i began to feel really angry, i have been tolerating this for close to two years and i think i had enough. On the night of our quarrel, i had this sudden urge to research about her problems that she was facing -family issues, thinking that this may have something to do with her behaviour. Upon my research, i was shocked at the results i found. She had exactly all the symptoms from abandoned child syndrome.

After my discovery, i became very worried, and began looking up on articles about issues & problems that abandoned children face, hoping that i could do something for her. During this period, my friends have advised me to let her be, in short, to leave her alone /keep a distance. I know their concern – we will be sitting for our national exams this year, and they are afraid that my grades may get affected.

Recently, i have been questioning myself if this is the right thing. My friend, N and I, have turned to a teacher who we trust the most, to seek help. After a series of events, we decided to let her undergo counselling. Because we couldn’t give her the type of help that she needs.

However, she has indirectly indicated that she doesn’t want to receive help from anyone, she has serious trust issues. And recently, she cursed me, telling me to go and die, despite my attempts of trying to get her on the right track.

What should i do? Leave her- give up on our friendship of 2 years? Or to concentrate on my studies (i have very poor grades). Help i’m in a serious dilemna

]]> By: iloveyou1998 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-help-grieving-friend-ways-support-sad-friends/comment-page-2/#comment-40840 iloveyou1998 Tue, 20 Mar 2012 00:37:09 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=524#comment-40840 i had a friend who lived in america for a few years but who's hometown was london..she was like a sister too me and helped me through anything and everything she always smiled and never complained a few times she would occaisonaly not be able to cope any longer she had given me so many clues that she was ill but always told me i should live life as fully as i can and always smile because i am a beautiful and perfect girl she even said that i was the best and sweetest person to have ever entered her life i knew everything about her and vice versa i literally loved her so much i cant breathe i cry so much she never told me she was dying i only recently found out she had passed i finally realised why she never told me she was really ill it was because she had been diagnosed with lung cancer at 22 which my mum ages 45 at the time had died from 3 years earlier i feel so angry she didnt tell me but understand because she couldnt hurt me the one thing that pains me the most is she died 2 days before her 23rd birthday which is the 5th of march...i spend many days and nights thinking of her and crying i cannot cope much longer and people say im over-reacting because im young but she meant everything to me and is my other best friends who is also like a sisters half sister...i self harm not being able to handle this because all the memories of her come flooding back i feel so guilty cause i cry like this for beth but not for my mother i still write letters too beth and message her on facebook certain songs i hear make me cry so much but no one seems to understand..i need help...how do i get through this alone..i want to end my life so i can see her again i had a friend who lived in america for a few years but who’s hometown was london..she was like a sister too me and helped me through anything and everything she always smiled and never complained a few times she would occaisonaly not be able to cope any longer she had given me so many clues that she was ill but always told me i should live life as fully as i can and always smile because i am a beautiful and perfect girl she even said that i was the best and sweetest person to have ever entered her life i knew everything about her and vice versa i literally loved her so much i cant breathe i cry so much she never told me she was dying i only recently found out she had passed i finally realised why she never told me she was really ill it was because she had been diagnosed with lung cancer at 22 which my mum ages 45 at the time had died from 3 years earlier i feel so angry she didnt tell me but understand because she couldnt hurt me the one thing that pains me the most is she died 2 days before her 23rd birthday which is the 5th of march…i spend many days and nights thinking of her and crying i cannot cope much longer and people say im over-reacting because im young but she meant everything to me and is my other best friends who is also like a sisters half sister…i self harm not being able to handle this because all the memories of her come flooding back i feel so guilty cause i cry like this for beth but not for my mother i still write letters too beth and message her on facebook certain songs i hear make me cry so much but no one seems to understand..i need help…how do i get through this alone..i want to end my life so i can see her again

]]> By: dasyia http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-help-grieving-friend-ways-support-sad-friends/comment-page-2/#comment-40473 dasyia Wed, 22 Feb 2012 07:56:57 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=524#comment-40473 Hi, just would like some advise, me and my boyfriend had just started dating recently, I hadnt date in about 3 yrs just due to busy schedule my kids, ministry and my work also due being in a bad relationship before, I had a daughter that was gna turn 3 June 6,2006 she passed in Aprils 16, 2006 after she died it got real hard I lost myself my beliefs and went into depression her father wasnt really there for a year n half before she passed, will me being under depression I had all gaurds down and came back in, I got pregnant at a year later again, he hadnt change his ways, so It was very hard for me to open up to any man as far as a relationship wise. Just this past year after being single for 3 yrs n 8months I finally was giving.this one guy a chance I seen.alot of good in him and gave him a chance, we stayed as friends for 2 months before, well right when we started dating, his mom got real sick were he literlly had to move in with her and would get off work and straight there to take care of her, he and his family thought she was dealing with depression, he had to literlly take care of as baby! Well lil did anyone know she had cancer, they had rushher to er, and found out lungs were full.of water and cancer had spread, she stayd In hospital for a week in a half they did kimo and ddnt take it well and passed. I tried being there for him during this time, but I had started relocateing I own a daycare and so move moving and ppw plus my 2 kids but I did my best out of my schedule to there for him, I took half a week off, to be with him, well his ex had started sending me msgs trying to make me and him fight, she later said it was all made up, but it was too late cuz we had broken up, I understand how painful it is too grieve and everybody griefs different, I also feel bad cause I let that get in middle of us. Please help me Idk how to approach him, his ex is evil as we can.see and he has also have had problems with his brothers after their moms death due to money, its all sad and me and him wereso good friends, Im afraid he feels btrayed by everyone. Please help me. Thanks Hi, just would like some advise, me and my boyfriend had just started dating recently, I hadnt date in about 3 yrs just due to busy schedule my kids, ministry and my work also due being in a bad relationship before, I had a daughter that was gna turn 3 June 6,2006 she passed in Aprils 16, 2006 after she died it got real hard I lost myself my beliefs and went into depression her father wasnt really there for a year n half before she passed, will me being under depression I had all gaurds down and came back in, I got pregnant at a year later again, he hadnt change his ways, so It was very hard for me to open up to any man as far as a relationship wise.
Just this past year after being single for 3 yrs n 8months I finally was giving.this one guy a chance I seen.alot of good in him and gave him a chance, we stayed as friends for 2 months before, well right when we started dating, his mom got real sick were he literlly had to move in with her and would get off work and straight there to take care of her, he and his family thought she was dealing with depression, he had to literlly take care of as baby! Well lil did anyone know she had cancer, they had rushher to er, and found out lungs were full.of water and cancer had spread, she stayd In hospital for a week in a half they did kimo and ddnt take it well and passed. I tried being there for him during this time, but I had started relocateing I own a daycare and so move moving and ppw plus my 2 kids but I did my best out of my schedule to there for him, I took half a week off, to be with him, well his ex had started sending me msgs trying to make me and him fight, she later said it was all made up, but it was too late cuz we had broken up, I understand how painful it is too grieve and everybody griefs different, I also feel bad cause I let that get in middle of us. Please help me Idk how to approach him, his ex is evil as we can.see and he has also have had problems with his brothers after their moms death due to money, its all sad and me and him wereso good friends, Im afraid he feels btrayed by everyone. Please help me.
Thanks

]]> By: Kate http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-help-grieving-friend-ways-support-sad-friends/comment-page-2/#comment-40024 Kate Fri, 03 Feb 2012 03:27:54 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=524#comment-40024 My 10 year old daughter who was born severely disabled and my husband and I were told would probably be still born died last december 2010. I'm having trouble getting past my intense feelings of grief. I also work as a Hospice nurse and work with the terminally ill and their families every day. I'm taking a disability leave from my job and am doing counseling and finally going to a support group for bereaved parents. I think I'm doing everything I can but I still feel like I will always grieve her as deeply as I am now. Is there anything else I can do? My 10 year old daughter who was born severely disabled and my husband and I were told would probably be still born died last december 2010. I’m having trouble getting past my intense feelings of grief. I also work as a Hospice nurse and work with the terminally ill and their families every day. I’m taking a disability leave from my job and am doing counseling and finally going to a support group for bereaved parents. I think I’m doing everything I can but I still feel like I will always grieve her as deeply as I am now. Is there anything else I can do?

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