Comments on: How to Deal With Depression in a Love Relationship http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-your-partners-depression-relationship/ Got goals? Need a push in the right direction? You've come to the right place! Thu, 24 May 2012 01:39:02 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Lauren Bethugh http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-your-partners-depression-relationship/comment-page-7/#comment-44188 Lauren Bethugh Mon, 21 May 2012 19:05:24 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=265#comment-44188 First, after researching all the information on depression and dating someone with this struggle, I have found an EPIHANY! That is very simple and can’t believe it took me 6 months to figure it out. My epiphany is simple that my boyfriend’s depression is creating me to be over analytical, confused and most importantly lacking in physical intimacy. I can’t believe how I let someone who I adore and really respect make me feel so much like a teenager dating. I am confused and really perplexed at his behavior and can't swallow this monster sized pill that is his depression, stemming from a break up 7 months ago, that took a man from such high self-esteem to a brittle train wreck. He is top of his game at work with everyone admiring his accomplishments and work ethic, but when the office is closed and its personal time he turns into this confused, damaged and wrecked man. He is seeking therapy and thank goodness for that because it is a crutch that he needs. I know that he means well and cares for me but there is NO physical intimacy other than an occasional hug and kiss. I have tried to build his self-esteem with caring gestures and love but it is not helping. I took him away this weekend thinking if I can only get him out of the environment for a quiet peaceful weekend he would be able to focus on me for a little bit and fulfill a need that I have and that is grow our relationship. I can’t handle hearing about his ex-lover who by the way gives nice women a terrible name. He states that he not yet ready to get into the physical intimacy while his self-esteem is so low. He wants to take things slow and make love to his best friend as he has always rushed in relationships. This has been 6 months and he seems to lower his inhibitions when he drinks which I believe is from this depression when the whore ex-girlfriend left him after cheating on him and aborting his child. He is struggling with the dark side weekly and I created a safe place for him where he can talk about things. He does go to therapy weekly and I like to think it helps. I am becoming FAR too confused and contemplating stepping away for a while so I can really determine if this is worth my time and effort. My return on investment seems minimal at best. His esteem makes him wonder why I can care for him with no motive. The dark side has prompted him to drink a lot! When is drinking his inhibition are lowered so he speaks freely. When the morning comes he is back to pity. I have money, family and amazing children. I do not need him to save me like he has tried to do in the past. Is there hope? Please helpppppp. Txs!! First, after researching all the information on depression and dating someone with this struggle, I have found an EPIHANY! That is very simple and can’t believe it took me 6 months to figure it out. My epiphany is simple that my boyfriend’s depression is creating me to be over analytical, confused and most importantly lacking in physical intimacy. I can’t believe how I let someone who I adore and really respect make me feel so much like a teenager dating. I am confused and really perplexed at his behavior and can’t swallow this monster sized pill that is his depression, stemming from a break up 7 months ago, that took a man from such high self-esteem to a brittle train wreck. He is top of his game at work with everyone admiring his accomplishments and work ethic, but when the office is closed and its personal time he turns into this confused, damaged and wrecked man. He is seeking therapy and thank goodness for that because it is a crutch that he needs. I know that he means well and cares for me but there is NO physical intimacy other than an occasional hug and kiss. I have tried to build his self-esteem with caring gestures and love but it is not helping. I took him away this weekend thinking if I can only get him out of the environment for a quiet peaceful weekend he would be able to focus on me for a little bit and fulfill a need that I have and that is grow our relationship. I can’t handle hearing about his ex-lover who by the way gives nice women a terrible name. He states that he not yet ready to get into the physical intimacy while his self-esteem is so low. He wants to take things slow and make love to his best friend as he has always rushed in relationships. This has been 6 months and he seems to lower his inhibitions when he drinks which I believe is from this depression when the whore ex-girlfriend left him after cheating on him and aborting his child. He is struggling with the dark side weekly and I created a safe place for him where he can talk about things. He does go to therapy weekly and I like to think it helps. I am becoming FAR too confused and contemplating stepping away for a while so I can really determine if this is worth my time and effort. My return on investment seems minimal at best. His esteem makes him wonder why I can care for him with no motive. The dark side has prompted him to drink a lot! When is drinking his inhibition are lowered so he speaks freely. When the morning comes he is back to pity. I have money, family and amazing children. I do not need him to save me like he has tried to do in the past. Is there hope? Please helpppppp. Txs!!

]]> By: Rebekah http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-your-partners-depression-relationship/comment-page-7/#comment-43714 Rebekah Sun, 13 May 2012 23:28:41 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=265#comment-43714 My boyfriend and I have had an on again off again relationship for the past 3 years. Most times my depression has driven him away, and his has driven mine away. Over the years he has been able to cope with his, but I have yet to cope with mine. In all honesty, I'm really jealous of him cause he has a close family, mine is broken. He has a very high self-esteem, where I think I'm worth less than worm poop. He treats me well, most of the time, but when he tells me he loves me and how beautiful I am; I just can't bring myself to believe it. Lately I've really moody, and have been trying to make him feel bad cause I feel bad. I've been really nasty towards him, and take allll my anger and frustrations out on him. After doing this for a few days he told me he didn't want to hear from me foe the weekend, and the EARLIEST he would talk to me was Monday. Let's just say that was a good slap in the face saying, "Hey! You need to get your shit under control, before you lose him forever! I have an appointment tomorrow with an old therapist that helped me through a lot when I was younger. I know it's one thing to say I love you, which I kept telling him, but it's another to show it. Actions speak louder than words, so I'm praying he sees how much I love him. A lot of stuff has been going on, on his end, and a lot has been going on, on my end. I'm really hoping by going through therapy will help me feel good, help me focus on the good things in life, and help my relationship work out this time. I really do love, appreciate, and want him. I'm just having problems showing it, and pointing it out to him. I know how it feels to feel unloved, appreciated, and unwanted. It is not, BY ANY MEANS, a good feeling. My depression has been so bad he stopped eating. That's the LAST thing I wanted. I hope all he wants is space, and not to end it. Please help!!! I really do love him! My boyfriend and I have had an on again off again relationship for the past 3 years. Most times my depression has driven him away, and his has driven mine away. Over the years he has been able to cope with his, but I have yet to cope with mine. In all honesty, I’m really jealous of him cause he has a close family, mine is broken. He has a very high self-esteem, where I think I’m worth less than worm poop. He treats me well, most of the time, but when he tells me he loves me and how beautiful I am; I just can’t bring myself to believe it. Lately I’ve really moody, and have been trying to make him feel bad cause I feel bad. I’ve been really nasty towards him, and take allll my anger and frustrations out on him. After doing this for a few days he told me he didn’t want to hear from me foe the weekend, and the EARLIEST he would talk to me was Monday. Let’s just say that was a good slap in the face saying, “Hey! You need to get your shit under control, before you lose him forever! I have an appointment tomorrow with an old therapist that helped me through a lot when I was younger. I know it’s one thing to say I love you, which I kept telling him, but it’s another to show it. Actions speak louder than words, so I’m praying he sees how much I love him. A lot of stuff has been going on, on his end, and a lot has been going on, on my end. I’m really hoping by going through therapy will help me feel good, help me focus on the good things in life, and help my relationship work out this time. I really do love, appreciate, and want him. I’m just having problems showing it, and pointing it out to him. I know how it feels to feel unloved, appreciated, and unwanted. It is not, BY ANY MEANS, a good feeling. My depression has been so bad he stopped eating. That’s the LAST thing I wanted. I hope all he wants is space, and not to end it. Please help!!! I really do love him!

]]> By: Jessica Thomas http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-your-partners-depression-relationship/comment-page-7/#comment-42461 Jessica Thomas Fri, 20 Apr 2012 22:16:09 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=265#comment-42461 I have been married for 5 yrs now, but we have been together since our first son. So a total of 8 yrs. I'm not sure if its depression or not, but im starting to feel like it is. My spouse is like the energized and worker of this relationship. I stay at home with our 3 kids all day everyday. I have not had many female friends in my life period due to the fact I may not like how they act or im just not trustworthy. He is military so we hae traveled to 2 places in the last 4 years. With him working all the time, I feel as if im in his shadow and its really starting to bother me to the point to where I wanna give up! Since the beginning of our relationship there has been trust issues so it started out wrong. He has cheated on me with 2 people before he was due to deploy to Iraq in 2010. I was trying my hardest to forgive him due to us having children so i took him back. He promised me it would be better, we would get out more as a family and do more things just the two of us. That lasted for about a couple months then it was right back to him doing things by his self again. He has joined groups and everything and yes I could of went with him but i chose not to due to I know how i may act at times around females being in his face. His personality is very friendly he calls it. I call it toooo friendly he can meet males n females easily from day to day, but for some reason i cant and thats always been a problem with me as well. I just wanted to do more things as a family, while he seems more happier doing things on his own and without the kids. He says he perfectly happy nothing dofferent in the sexual side of our relationship. It's just that i dont want to keep pushing at him to do things as a family if thats not what he really wants to do deep down even though he says he does. He does look at other females time to time nothing serious but that also bothers me as well due to me knowing that he cheated on me before. He doesnt really introduce me to people he knows because he says I have a attitude when I meet people so he rather not. That goes for people at work and etc. So i stick to myself daily in the house while he's out talking to people daily n he never understands where i'm coming from. And there is lots of more stuff from finance and all that I feel like i have no conrtol over and its just really starting to make me think I want to call it quits. Any suggestions will help!! Thanks I have been married for 5 yrs now, but we have been together since our first son. So a total of 8 yrs. I’m not sure if its depression or not, but im starting to feel like it is. My spouse is like the energized and worker of this relationship. I stay at home with our 3 kids all day everyday. I have not had many female friends in my life period due to the fact I may not like how they act or im just not trustworthy. He is military so we hae traveled to 2 places in the last 4 years. With him working all the time, I feel as if im in his shadow and its really starting to bother me to the point to where I wanna give up! Since the beginning of our relationship there has been trust issues so it started out wrong. He has cheated on me with 2 people before he was due to deploy to Iraq in 2010. I was trying my hardest to forgive him due to us having children so i took him back. He promised me it would be better, we would get out more as a family and do more things just the two of us. That lasted for about a couple months then it was right back to him doing things by his self again. He has joined groups and everything and yes I could of went with him but i chose not to due to I know how i may act at times around females being in his face. His personality is very friendly he calls it. I call it toooo friendly he can meet males n females easily from day to day, but for some reason i cant and thats always been a problem with me as well. I just wanted to do more things as a family, while he seems more happier doing things on his own and without the kids. He says he perfectly happy nothing dofferent in the sexual side of our relationship. It’s just that i dont want to keep pushing at him to do things as a family if thats not what he really wants to do deep down even though he says he does. He does look at other females time to time nothing serious but that also bothers me as well due to me knowing that he cheated on me before. He doesnt really introduce me to people he knows because he says I have a attitude when I meet people so he rather not. That goes for people at work and etc. So i stick to myself daily in the house while he’s out talking to people daily n he never understands where i’m coming from. And there is lots of more stuff from finance and all that I feel like i have no conrtol over and its just really starting to make me think I want to call it quits. Any suggestions will help!! Thanks

]]> By: Laurie http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-your-partners-depression-relationship/comment-page-6/#comment-42448 Laurie Fri, 20 Apr 2012 16:41:13 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=265#comment-42448 I think we often walk on eggshells when our partners are depressed, for fear of saying or doing things that may cause problems. It's important to remember that we can't give advice, and we can't counsel them out of their depression. And, we have to be free to be ourselves, without watching everything we say and do! If you're dealing with depression in a relationship, I urge you to contact a depression helpline or talk to a counselor in person. I know it's easier and faster to ask for help on websites like this, but I can't offer the support you need. I wish you all the best - I welcome your stories because I know that it helps us all see we're not alone! Also, a depression support group would be another good way to get help with a partner's depression. If there's something like that in your area, please look into it. It could make all the difference in the world. Blessings, Laurie I think we often walk on eggshells when our partners are depressed, for fear of saying or doing things that may cause problems. It’s important to remember that we can’t give advice, and we can’t counsel them out of their depression. And, we have to be free to be ourselves, without watching everything we say and do!

If you’re dealing with depression in a relationship, I urge you to contact a depression helpline or talk to a counselor in person. I know it’s easier and faster to ask for help on websites like this, but I can’t offer the support you need.

I wish you all the best – I welcome your stories because I know that it helps us all see we’re not alone! Also, a depression support group would be another good way to get help with a partner’s depression. If there’s something like that in your area, please look into it. It could make all the difference in the world.

Blessings,
Laurie

]]> By: Claire Carroll http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-your-partners-depression-relationship/comment-page-6/#comment-42180 Claire Carroll Fri, 13 Apr 2012 03:13:43 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=265#comment-42180 I am 25 years old and have been with my partner for nearly four years. When I met my partner he was on anti-depressants, due to his last break up. He has been off these for some time now, as he found going to the gym was much more helpful for him. He now looks great and is going to the gym most days. However, there are some days where he seems very depressed, whether it be about work, our relationship or not having many friends. I find this hard to deal with sometimes as it comes from nowhere. He talks to me about how he feels, but he makes me out to be the bad guy. Since we have been together he has lost touch with his friends, this due to us moving from where we were living and partly because he never kept in touch with friends. If they invited him out he would never text back or answer their calls. Where we are living now is a small place and it is hard to meet people. I have suggested joining a club or asking his work mates if they would like to go for a drink and a game pool after work. His response is no because they have partners and that I am useless and should just shut the f**k up. I must say over the last year and half we have both been through a lot. We moved from Christchurch due to the earthquakes and there has been lots of illness in his family. I really don’t know what to do, I try to give him advice. I am very aware of his depression and try not to say certain things in case I upset him. I just wish he wouldn’t take it out on me and say he is going to cheat on me. I need help, I have no one to talk to about it. Cheers I am 25 years old and have been with my partner for nearly four years. When I met my partner he was on anti-depressants, due to his last break up. He has been off these for some time now, as he found going to the gym was much more helpful for him. He now looks great and is going to the gym most days.

However, there are some days where he seems very depressed, whether it be about work, our relationship or not having many friends. I find this hard to deal with sometimes as it comes from nowhere. He talks to me about how he feels, but he makes me out to be the bad guy.

Since we have been together he has lost touch with his friends, this due to us moving from where we were living and partly because he never kept in touch with friends. If they invited him out he would never text back or answer their calls. Where we are living now is a small place and it is hard to meet people. I have suggested joining a club or asking his work mates if they would like to go for a drink and a game pool after work. His response is no because they have partners and that I am useless and should just shut the f**k up.

I must say over the last year and half we have both been through a lot. We moved from Christchurch due to the earthquakes and there has been lots of illness in his family. I really don’t know what to do, I try to give him advice. I am very aware of his depression and try not to say certain things in case I upset him. I just wish he wouldn’t take it out on me and say he is going to cheat on me.

I need help, I have no one to talk to about it.

Cheers

]]> By: Lillian http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-your-partners-depression-relationship/comment-page-6/#comment-42135 Lillian Wed, 11 Apr 2012 21:35:29 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=265#comment-42135 Hey, there. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now. We're both 22, and in college. I've always struggled with depression, but I've managed to cope with it on my own and with some therapy. My love, however, is just seeing that he does have some pretty heavy depression and anxiety. He was pretty abused as a child. He was neglected by one parent, and fawned over by the other. He was completely sheltered, and is having a hard time learning how to be an independent adult. He gets angry whenever I try to help him with anything, so I just let him do things on his own. He constantly seeks approval from other people, which makes sense with his upbringing. He acts completely inappropriately publicly whenever I don't pay enough attention to him. He is getting help, especially with the anxiety, but this is becoming a bit much for me. I love him so much, but I have my own depression and struggles to deal with. I was wondering if you have any advice for how I can continue to help him without compromising my own well-being. Thanks. Hey, there.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months now. We’re both 22, and in college. I’ve always struggled with depression, but I’ve managed to cope with it on my own and with some therapy. My love, however, is just seeing that he does have some pretty heavy depression and anxiety. He was pretty abused as a child. He was neglected by one parent, and fawned over by the other. He was completely sheltered, and is having a hard time learning how to be an independent adult. He gets angry whenever I try to help him with anything, so I just let him do things on his own. He constantly seeks approval from other people, which makes sense with his upbringing. He acts completely inappropriately publicly whenever I don’t pay enough attention to him. He is getting help, especially with the anxiety, but this is becoming a bit much for me. I love him so much, but I have my own depression and struggles to deal with. I was wondering if you have any advice for how I can continue to help him without compromising my own well-being.
Thanks.

]]> By: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-your-partners-depression-relationship/comment-page-6/#comment-41090 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Mon, 26 Mar 2012 16:20:17 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=265#comment-41090 I'm really sorry I can't offer personal advice or help for you, as you struggle to understand and cope with your partner's depression. You deserve to get good advice from someone you can talk to in person, so you can share exactly what's going on in your partner's life and your relationship. I can't do that online, in this comments section. I may do more harm than good! However, I did write a follow-up article -- it's specifically for girlfriends who are involved with men who engage in self-harming behaviors. <a href="http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/helping-a-depressed-boyfriend-who-cuts-self-harms/" rel="nofollow">Helping a Depressed Boyfriend Who Cuts and Self-Harms</a> I hope it helps - and I wish you all the best as you cope with your partner's depression. Again, I'm really sorry but I can't offer personal advice. Sincerely, Laurie I’m really sorry I can’t offer personal advice or help for you, as you struggle to understand and cope with your partner’s depression. You deserve to get good advice from someone you can talk to in person, so you can share exactly what’s going on in your partner’s life and your relationship. I can’t do that online, in this comments section. I may do more harm than good!

However, I did write a follow-up article — it’s specifically for girlfriends who are involved with men who engage in self-harming behaviors.

Helping a Depressed Boyfriend Who Cuts and Self-Harms

I hope it helps – and I wish you all the best as you cope with your partner’s depression. Again, I’m really sorry but I can’t offer personal advice.

Sincerely,
Laurie

]]> By: Danielle http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-your-partners-depression-relationship/comment-page-6/#comment-41062 Danielle Mon, 26 Mar 2012 00:30:04 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=265#comment-41062 Hi Laurie. I'm 16 years old and so is my boyfriend. We've known eachother for a little under a year, but we had an instant connection when we met. We talked on an off because we went to different schools and never got time to see eachother and I found out that he was a "player". Eventually we just stopped talking and it became a thing to where we only talked ever couple months. Well, in January he switched schools and came to mine, since then we've been inseperable. He asked me to be his girlfriend February 3rd. At first, things were great then we started to fight some, and it wasn't little fights. One got physical, he never layed a hand on me though. That was the first and last time it went that far. He always appeared as this outgoing, always happy teen. One weekend we hung out at his house and I spent the night, things went further than they should have; it wasn't planned. No protection or anything. We had a pregnancy scare after that, but I'm not pregnant. Since then, I've seen a new side of him. He finally opened up to me. Turns out, he has depression, anxiety, and is suicidal. He selfharms to get by. I asked for his lighters and he gave them to me. It's been a week since he's burned. We hungout Friday and Saturday. Saturday afternoon we had sex, afterwards I had a weird feeling in my stomach & Started to bleed. He got scared and so did I. He had a breakdown, and cried and cried. He even tried to cut, but I took it away. I don't know what to do or how to make him feel better. He's been to a mental institution already. (3 months.) When he came out he wasn't any better. He made me promise not to tell anyone because he didn't want to end up back in one again. I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want him to feel I betrayed him and not open up to me anymore, but I would feel so guilty for not speaking up if something happened to him. He's never happy anymore and it seems there's nothing I can do. Please help me. It kills me to see him like this. Any advice? ): Hi Laurie.

I’m 16 years old and so is my boyfriend. We’ve known eachother for a little under a year, but we had an instant connection when we met. We talked on an off because we went to different schools and never got time to see eachother and I found out that he was a “player”. Eventually we just stopped talking and it became a thing to where we only talked ever couple months. Well, in January he switched schools and came to mine, since then we’ve been inseperable. He asked me to be his girlfriend February 3rd. At first, things were great then we started to fight some, and it wasn’t little fights. One got physical, he never layed a hand on me though. That was the first and last time it went that far. He always appeared as this outgoing, always happy teen. One weekend we hung out at his house and I spent the night, things went further than they should have; it wasn’t planned. No protection or anything. We had a pregnancy scare after that, but I’m not pregnant. Since then, I’ve seen a new side of him. He finally opened up to me. Turns out, he has depression, anxiety, and is suicidal. He selfharms to get by. I asked for his lighters and he gave them to me. It’s been a week since he’s burned. We hungout Friday and Saturday. Saturday afternoon we had sex, afterwards I had a weird feeling in my stomach & Started to bleed. He got scared and so did I. He had a breakdown, and cried and cried. He even tried to cut, but I took it away. I don’t know what to do or how to make him feel better. He’s been to a mental institution already. (3 months.) When he came out he wasn’t any better. He made me promise not to tell anyone because he didn’t want to end up back in one again. I don’t want to tell anyone because I don’t want him to feel I betrayed him and not open up to me anymore, but I would feel so guilty for not speaking up if something happened to him. He’s never happy anymore and it seems there’s nothing I can do. Please help me. It kills me to see him like this. Any advice? ):

]]> By: Marci http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-your-partners-depression-relationship/comment-page-6/#comment-40812 Marci Mon, 19 Mar 2012 03:32:18 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=265#comment-40812 Hi Laurie, I am writing in hopes of getting some advice or at least a little better understanding of what I'm dealing with. Like many others who've posted comments, I met a terrific guy almost a year ago. When we started dating he made me aware of the fact that he works two jobs and is a single father of a son entering his freshman year of college. I was then and continue to be supportive. He never seemed to show symptoms of depression (or perhaps I overlooked some obvious signs). He frequently complained of being tired, but I assumed it was from working so many hours. He also frequently complained of not getting enough sleep although I'd notice that he slept in excess of 12 or 13 hours each night. After nine months of dating he abruptly stopped calling or responding to my calls or attempts to communicate. On the rare occasion that he does actually respond or initiate a conversation he assures me that he loves me, and that he simply is trying to resolve his issues by himself without his decisions impacting me or anyone else. Before this "out of the blue" episode our communication was superb. We spoke every day, several times a day and made every effort to see each other when our hectic schedules permitted. He has infrequently used the word "depressed", but I always took it very casually and didn't realize he might actually be clinically depressed. I suppose my questions are; will he "come back around"? and during this period of isolation, does he even remember what we had or think about me at all? It's hard for me to understand how a person can communicate with me constantly and then not at all. Also, how can I NOT take it personally when he still manages to go to work and appears to function in other areas of his life. He doesn't drink or smoke at all, he doesn't hang out with the guys or anything, but seems to have totally wrapped himself up into work and sleep. I've met a few of his co-workers and besides saying he acts a little distant, they haven't indicated any significant changes in his behavior. Any advice? Hi Laurie,

I am writing in hopes of getting some advice or at least a little better understanding of what I’m dealing with. Like many others who’ve posted comments, I met a terrific guy almost a year ago. When we started dating he made me aware of the fact that he works two jobs and is a single father of a son entering his freshman year of college. I was then and continue to be supportive. He never seemed to show symptoms of depression (or perhaps I overlooked some obvious signs). He frequently complained of being tired, but I assumed it was from working so many hours. He also frequently complained of not getting enough sleep although I’d notice that he slept in excess of 12 or 13 hours each night. After nine months of dating he abruptly stopped calling or responding to my calls or attempts to communicate. On the rare occasion that he does actually respond or initiate a conversation he assures me that he loves me, and that he simply is trying to resolve his issues by himself without his decisions impacting me or anyone else. Before this “out of the blue” episode our communication was superb. We spoke every day, several times a day and made every effort to see each other when our hectic schedules permitted. He has infrequently used the word “depressed”, but I always took it very casually and didn’t realize he might actually be clinically depressed. I suppose my questions are; will he “come back around”? and during this period of isolation, does he even remember what we had or think about me at all? It’s hard for me to understand how a person can communicate with me constantly and then not at all. Also, how can I NOT take it personally when he still manages to go to work and appears to function in other areas of his life. He doesn’t drink or smoke at all, he doesn’t hang out with the guys or anything, but seems to have totally wrapped himself up into work and sleep. I’ve met a few of his co-workers and besides saying he acts a little distant, they haven’t indicated any significant changes in his behavior. Any advice?

]]> By: Katie-Jane http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-your-partners-depression-relationship/comment-page-6/#comment-40599 Katie-Jane Sat, 03 Mar 2012 22:06:21 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=265#comment-40599 Hello. I have been going through the works for the past year, and have finally realised I am suffering from depression in a very bad way. I had a major motorbike accident almost a year ago, and have been working very hard at getting my life together again. 8 Months ago I meet the man of my dreams. He absolutely blew me away in every possible way. 2.5 months after meeting he asked me to Marry him and I said yes. We were so happy. Over the past few months our arguments have become more freequent and more full on. I get to the point where I decide it's time to wrap this all up and send him a letter with all that I am feeling (I turn away from talking about it, as I break down too often) and how it seems to be best for us to not be together. He never fights it, he takes what I say and acts on it. Days later I realise exacty what I have done and beg for his forgivness, to try again and give me another chance. We have been through that 3 times now. I did it again 2 days ago. I have been begging for his forgivness since the same night I wrote to him. But he has decided that he has had enough, no matter how much he loves me, he no longer sees a future with me. I have no control over what I am doing. I am unwell, very unwell. I lost my career and many friends and am struggling to hold onto a job. I live with this incredible man, and work with him too every single day. He came to my country to live and work a year ago, and has just told me he no longer sees a future for him in New Zealand, and it's time for us to go our own way. I have tried to explain to him that I am so unwell, that I have lost this control of how I interpret things and react. I am seeing a doctor next week and will be seeking councilling as soon as possible!!! I need help desperately. I will not let him walk away because he thinks I am this person my brain has been making me. I want to hold onto him for dear life any way I can as I know how much he loves me too. How do I try to get him to understand that I WILL get better, that all of this has only happened because of my illness? If he understood this he might find the strength to stand beside me as I get help and get well. I am so broken right now. I may have survived a broken neck but I am unsure how to survive all of this. Any help would be so greatly appreciated. Hello. I have been going through the works for the past year, and have finally realised I am suffering from depression in a very bad way. I had a major motorbike accident almost a year ago, and have been working very hard at getting my life together again. 8 Months ago I meet the man of my dreams. He absolutely blew me away in every possible way. 2.5 months after meeting he asked me to Marry him and I said yes. We were so happy. Over the past few months our arguments have become more freequent and more full on. I get to the point where I decide it’s time to wrap this all up and send him a letter with all that I am feeling (I turn away from talking about it, as I break down too often) and how it seems to be best for us to not be together. He never fights it, he takes what I say and acts on it. Days later I realise exacty what I have done and beg for his forgivness, to try again and give me another chance. We have been through that 3 times now.

I did it again 2 days ago. I have been begging for his forgivness since the same night I wrote to him. But he has decided that he has had enough, no matter how much he loves me, he no longer sees a future with me. I have no control over what I am doing. I am unwell, very unwell. I lost my career and many friends and am struggling to hold onto a job. I live with this incredible man, and work with him too every single day. He came to my country to live and work a year ago, and has just told me he no longer sees a future for him in New Zealand, and it’s time for us to go our own way.

I have tried to explain to him that I am so unwell, that I have lost this control of how I interpret things and react. I am seeing a doctor next week and will be seeking councilling as soon as possible!!! I need help desperately. I will not let him walk away because he thinks I am this person my brain has been making me. I want to hold onto him for dear life any way I can as I know how much he loves me too.

How do I try to get him to understand that I WILL get better, that all of this has only happened because of my illness? If he understood this he might find the strength to stand beside me as I get help and get well. I am so broken right now. I may have survived a broken neck but I am unsure how to survive all of this. Any help would be so greatly appreciated.

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