Comments on: How to Cope With Difficult Parents – For Adult Children http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-difficult-parents-for-adult-children/ Got goals? Need a push in the right direction? You've come to the right place! Thu, 24 May 2012 01:39:02 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: K http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-difficult-parents-for-adult-children/comment-page-7/#comment-44262 K Tue, 22 May 2012 23:00:34 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=229#comment-44262 I am 19 years old, and my father died when I was 4 years old. Prior to my father's death, I believe that my family life was good. However, I have developed, over the years, a very dysfunctional relationship with my mum. I still live with my mum and my sister as I am in my first year of uni, everyday I feel like I am tredding on eggshells around my own mum. She can change her mood very quickly, she has never physically hurt me. But her words can be very hurtful and she is very secretitive, I can't even ask her what she is up to the following day to make conversation without being met with rolling eyes, dirty looks, and blank answers. I had to find out she had depression by coming across pills, and she drinks ecessively throughout my childhood, becoming aggressive, rude and embarrassing. My sister and I are not 'allowed' to be stressed or hurt about anything because my mum believes that no one else in this world is more unfortunate than her. When my mums mum died, my nan, my sister and I were told that we had no right to cry because we couldn't possibly be more hurt than she was. I love my mum, when she's in a good mood everything is brilliant. But when she is in a bad mood I am her verbal punching bag. And I've developed anxiety because of this, I'm always anxious that my mums mood will change and she Will shout at me for doing harmless things... for making a silly mistake like forgetting to hang the washing out when she told me too. Sometimes I wonder whether I was a mistake, or whether I hinder her life because everything I do that cries out for praise is ignored, and our relationship is only ever good when it suits her. I also feel trapped, because if I stay at home any longer I am going the relationship between us will further decay. But if I leave I presume she will convince me that I am either too inadequate to live independently or, she will make me feel awful and guilty for ever considering moving out just yet. I feel I can't win either away, as I want to move on and maybe that will create a healthier relationship with my mum. But, at the same time I don't want to leave her, as I love her, I just dont always like who she becomes. I just hope that one day my mum will realise that other people do suffer more than her, that drink isn't the solution and that my sister and I are here to help her not to be shouted at. I am 19 years old, and my father died when I was 4 years old. Prior to my father’s death, I believe that my family life was good. However, I have developed, over the years, a very dysfunctional relationship with my mum. I still live with my mum and my sister as I am in my first year of uni, everyday I feel like I am tredding on eggshells around my own mum. She can change her mood very quickly, she has never physically hurt me. But her words can be very hurtful and she is very secretitive, I can’t even ask her what she is up to the following day to make conversation without being met with rolling eyes, dirty looks, and blank answers. I had to find out she had depression by coming across pills, and she drinks ecessively throughout my childhood, becoming aggressive, rude and embarrassing.

My sister and I are not ‘allowed’ to be stressed or hurt about anything because my mum believes that no one else in this world is more unfortunate than her. When my mums mum died, my nan, my sister and I were told that we had no right to cry because we couldn’t possibly be more hurt than she was.

I love my mum, when she’s in a good mood everything is brilliant. But when she is in a bad mood I am her verbal punching bag. And I’ve developed anxiety because of this, I’m always anxious that my mums mood will change and she Will shout at me for doing harmless things… for making a silly mistake like forgetting to hang the washing out when she told me too. Sometimes I wonder whether I was a mistake, or whether I hinder her life because everything I do that cries out for praise is ignored, and our relationship is only ever good when it suits her.

I also feel trapped, because if I stay at home any longer I am going the relationship between us will further decay. But if I leave I presume she will convince me that I am either too inadequate to live independently or, she will make me feel awful and guilty for ever considering moving out just yet. I feel I can’t win either away, as I want to move on and maybe that will create a healthier relationship with my mum. But, at the same time I don’t want to leave her, as I love her, I just dont always like who she becomes. I just hope that one day my mum will realise that other people do suffer more than her, that drink isn’t the solution and that my sister and I are here to help her not to be shouted at.

]]> By: Looking for unconditional love http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-difficult-parents-for-adult-children/comment-page-7/#comment-44018 Looking for unconditional love Sat, 19 May 2012 15:58:34 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=229#comment-44018 Whenever I start to think about how dysfunctional my family is I always say but someone has it worse than you....which sometimes helps but most of the time doesn't. I googled dealing with difficult parents and came across this website. Of course as I started reading other people stories and reliving my own I began to cry. If I didn't realize it before I realize it now, I AM MISERABLE because of my family. I am the only child of my mothers and multiple half siblings. When I was younger before 6, my mother for reasons I have yet to understand, took me over to live with a family member who took in other kids from the family, it was like we were orphans even though we weren't. My mother would visit but not everyday...I remember each waiting to for a sign that she was arriving and I would get hopeful only to find out it wasn't her and then would be disappointed. Repeatedly this continue for at least a year. I hold resentment towards her for this because the place she took me a person there sexually molested me...and I have yet to tell my mother of this because I don't want to make her feel bad. So then she removed me from this home and into the hands of close friends where I was put in the same bed as two boys one younger one the same age and that was a terrifying experience. During my time there I was almost kidnap, of which I told my mom immediately only to have her laugh at me. We moved in with my father when I was almost 7 and I was physically and verbally abused until age 18-20. When I was 18 I left and went to college and didn't want to come back...but when we had holidays and the dorms were closed I had to return home. When I graduated college at 24 in 2006 I had to move home because I didn't find a job right away. The verbal abuse continued but the physical abuse ceased because I threatened to call the cops. I was so depressed during this time that I didn't want to live anymore. On top of that I had to listen to my parents verbally abuse each other day in and day out and that was so stressful. I somehow found a way to cope, resilience somewhat, and found a job and moved out in 2008...those the longest two years of my life. I remember when I first got my apartment I moved in before my furniture did, I remember laying there on the carpet and thanked God for the silence and how serene it felt. I was so angry at my mother for the many times she had failed to protect me. The majority of the time I was being beaten my mother was present and when my lip bled she would help me clean it up after completely emotionless. my parents and I were not close and would fight and go for months without speaking. it was like we spent more time not speaking than spending precious moments together. My eyes has opened and I see a liar and hypocrite out of my mother and father. My mother who gives me advice that she doesn't apply in her live. She tells me to forgive people and stay humble when she's the complete opposite. I tell her how can you criticize me for doing something that you do all the time? I hold resentment towards my father for physically abusing me and making my youth miserable. on top of that I wasn't allowed to really be social when I until right before I left for college so now I lack some social skills and don't make many friends...I have trust issues, don't care to get married and/or have children. I feel like I need major counseling as I am so screwed up. But if you walked by me on a good day you would never know. Oh did I mention that my parents are still unhappily married and I am still in the middle of their fights? the other day I told them that I needed to pull away until they figure out a way to communicate and work out their problems and that I didn't want to be in the middle of it anymore. Whenever I start to think about how dysfunctional my family is I always say but someone has it worse than you….which sometimes helps but most of the time doesn’t. I googled dealing with difficult parents and came across this website. Of course as I started reading other people stories and reliving my own I began to cry. If I didn’t realize it before I realize it now, I AM MISERABLE because of my family. I am the only child of my mothers and multiple half siblings. When I was younger before 6, my mother for reasons I have yet to understand, took me over to live with a family member who took in other kids from the family, it was like we were orphans even though we weren’t. My mother would visit but not everyday…I remember each waiting to for a sign that she was arriving and I would get hopeful only to find out it wasn’t her and then would be disappointed. Repeatedly this continue for at least a year. I hold resentment towards her for this because the place she took me a person there sexually molested me…and I have yet to tell my mother of this because I don’t want to make her feel bad. So then she removed me from this home and into the hands of close friends where I was put in the same bed as two boys one younger one the same age and that was a terrifying experience. During my time there I was almost kidnap, of which I told my mom immediately only to have her laugh at me. We moved in with my father when I was almost 7 and I was physically and verbally abused until age 18-20. When I was 18 I left and went to college and didn’t want to come back…but when we had holidays and the dorms were closed I had to return home. When I graduated college at 24 in 2006 I had to move home because I didn’t find a job right away. The verbal abuse continued but the physical abuse ceased because I threatened to call the cops. I was so depressed during this time that I didn’t want to live anymore. On top of that I had to listen to my parents verbally abuse each other day in and day out and that was so stressful. I somehow found a way to cope, resilience somewhat, and found a job and moved out in 2008…those the longest two years of my life. I remember when I first got my apartment I moved in before my furniture did, I remember laying there on the carpet and thanked God for the silence and how serene it felt. I was so angry at my mother for the many times she had failed to protect me. The majority of the time I was being beaten my mother was present and when my lip bled she would help me clean it up after completely emotionless. my parents and I were not close and would fight and go for months without speaking. it was like we spent more time not speaking than spending precious moments together. My eyes has opened and I see a liar and hypocrite out of my mother and father. My mother who gives me advice that she doesn’t apply in her live. She tells me to forgive people and stay humble when she’s the complete opposite. I tell her how can you criticize me for doing something that you do all the time? I hold resentment towards my father for physically abusing me and making my youth miserable. on top of that I wasn’t allowed to really be social when I until right before I left for college so now I lack some social skills and don’t make many friends…I have trust issues, don’t care to get married and/or have children. I feel like I need major counseling as I am so screwed up. But if you walked by me on a good day you would never know. Oh did I mention that my parents are still unhappily married and I am still in the middle of their fights? the other day I told them that I needed to pull away until they figure out a way to communicate and work out their problems and that I didn’t want to be in the middle of it anymore.

]]> By: Heather http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-difficult-parents-for-adult-children/comment-page-7/#comment-43378 Heather Mon, 07 May 2012 23:04:48 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=229#comment-43378 I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, both my parents are alcoholics. They would drink and fight to the point where the neighbors would call the cops to come to our house. Once I turned about 11 yrs old, I started calling the cops on them too. Today I am 28 years old, my parents have been divorced for 13 years and I am still in the middle of every fight. I am getting married in 2 months, my father doesn't even know my fiancé; who I've been with for 5 years, and my mother is refusing to go to the wedding if my father is attending. I have decided it's in my best interest, for my own sanity, to cut ties to both of them. I have done it before over the years and I was always happier when I broke off communication to them. Somehow, someway they manipulated their way back into my life by going through family members and whatnot but I realize now that I am better off having no parents than having toxic parents. Thankfully my fiancé has an AMAZING family and I am happy to spend time with them. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, both my parents are alcoholics. They would drink and fight to the point where the neighbors would call the cops to come to our house. Once I turned about 11 yrs old, I started calling the cops on them too. Today I am 28 years old, my parents have been divorced for 13 years and I am still in the middle of every fight. I am getting married in 2 months, my father doesn’t even know my fiancé; who I’ve been with for 5 years, and my mother is refusing to go to the wedding if my father is attending. I have decided it’s in my best interest, for my own sanity, to cut ties to both of them. I have done it before over the years and I was always happier when I broke off communication to them. Somehow, someway they manipulated their way back into my life by going through family members and whatnot but I realize now that I am better off having no parents than having toxic parents. Thankfully my fiancé has an AMAZING family and I am happy to spend time with them.

]]> By: naomi http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-difficult-parents-for-adult-children/comment-page-7/#comment-42398 naomi Thu, 19 Apr 2012 06:09:45 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=229#comment-42398 When I was a single mother and didn’t really have any friends to visit, I used to ring my mum pretty much every day and would always be told not to ring so much because they were busy working, I was really depressed and lonely. I used to always ask if she was busy and if I could visit her. She’d always say she was busy and was working, but I’d go over her place any way just to get out the house. Wed always make plans to go shopping, but majority of the time when the day would come shed say she wasn’t feeling well enough to take me shopping. Or before shed make plans with me for certain days shed always have to ask my step father if she could go out with me or if I could go over there. Sometimes I’d make plans for her to have my daughter over her place and again the day would come and shed have to cancel but would always have to check with my dad before making plans to have my daughter over whether she could actually have her or not. Even if we did make plans my dad would always say don’t be out all day, we have to do work for the business. It’s like every time my mum and I were going to spend time together he’d always like to try and stop it, or gets jealous or something. But overall long story short my mother would always be too busy with work, too tired at night after working to visit me and my daughter, or would say she doesn’t feel well enough to do anything. But she has time on a Wednesday and Tuesday night to go to 8ball playing competition games, or always had time to visit her friends but not myself or my daughter. Everytime I call her up for help with anything all she ever says is why can’t this person do it or why can’t that person do it. But then I met my new partner in 2010 we have been together since the 14th feb 2010 and are still together today. Me and my partner’s mother Lee, have a really good relationship we go shopping every Thursday together, do lots of things together she is very supportive always there to listen to me, and says I am like a daughter to her, and treats my daughter as she is her own blood granddaughter.looks after my daughter during the work while i am studying and my partner is working. One day my daughters biological fathers, mother Ann who I also have an excellent relationship with her and so does my new partner, she had my daughter over night but was having a lot of troubles with her back, and asked if we could go and pick her up. I said I would but my partner said he didn’t really have the petrol to get there. So we rang my mother to see if she could help pick my daughter up. My mother said she was suffering with chest pains and had been to the doctors, she said the doctor had told her to go to the hospital. So she couldn’t help because she had to go to the hospital. My partner said quietly in the background ‘always got excuses about something’. She heard him and then said over the phone ‘Tell him if he doesn’t shut up I will come over there and knock him one’. Which I felt was just not appropriate to say to anyone. We then rang lee and asked if she could help and was happy to do so. My mother then rang lee, and said thanks for picking Chloe up, lee said I don’t mind and my mum said are you sure I feel a bit guilty now. We found out later that my mother didn’t even go to the hospital and said she felt too stressed to go to the hospital. Next time my mother came over she said hello to my partner, he didn’t answer her. She said she was that upset over this she almost left. Then when my partner had to go away for work for a week my daughter and I went to stay with lee at her place, my mother asked when we’d be home she said i want to visit you but I know how Daniel feels about me, I said well we will be over lees for the week you can visit there she wont mind, she said ok I will visit you there tomorrow. Then tomorrow came and she didn’t visit. Later that week I got a message saying you always have time for everyone else but not me, I wrote back well I said you could visit on Monday but you never came over, she said well I cant believe you just said that. I said ive always tried to make plans with you but your always busy working, I said all you ever wanted was to see me happy with someone doing things with my life and now I have a life your not happy. And there has been many situations like this since I have been with my new partner. it seems like she is jealous of everything now, but when I was never busy she didn’t have any time for me or my daughter and now we are doing things even though she isn’t busy nights in the week she doesn’t have time or doesn’t feel well enough to visit us. but if we are busy it’s a crime and we don’t want to see her.I don’t visit her or my step father anymore at their place because every time I did he would always change and make the time I spent there horrible. I need advice on what I should do. When I was a single mother and didn’t really have any friends to visit, I used to ring my mum pretty much every day and would always be told not to ring so much because they were busy working, I was really depressed and lonely. I used to always ask if she was busy and if I could visit her. She’d always say she was busy and was working, but I’d go over her place any way just to get out the house.
Wed always make plans to go shopping, but majority of the time when the day would come shed say she wasn’t feeling well enough to take me shopping. Or before shed make plans with me for certain days shed always have to ask my step father if she could go out with me or if I could go over there.
Sometimes I’d make plans for her to have my daughter over her place and again the day would come and shed have to cancel but would always have to check with my dad before making plans to have my daughter over whether she could actually have her or not.
Even if we did make plans my dad would always say don’t be out all day, we have to do work for the business. It’s like every time my mum and I were going to spend time together he’d always like to try and stop it, or gets jealous or something.
But overall long story short my mother would always be too busy with work, too tired at night after working to visit me and my daughter, or would say she doesn’t feel well enough to do anything. But she has time on a Wednesday and Tuesday night to go to 8ball playing competition games, or always had time to visit her friends but not myself or my daughter. Everytime I call her up for help with anything all she ever says is why can’t this person do it or why can’t that person do it.
But then I met my new partner in 2010 we have been together since the 14th feb 2010 and are still together today.
Me and my partner’s mother Lee, have a really good relationship we go shopping every Thursday together, do lots of things together she is very supportive always there to listen to me, and says I am like a daughter to her, and treats my daughter as she is her own blood granddaughter.looks after my daughter during the work while i am studying and my partner is working.
One day my daughters biological fathers, mother Ann who I also have an excellent relationship with her and so does my new partner, she had my daughter over night but was having a lot of troubles with her back, and asked if we could go and pick her up. I said I would but my partner said he didn’t really have the petrol to get there. So we rang my mother to see if she could help pick my daughter up.
My mother said she was suffering with chest pains and had been to the doctors, she said the doctor had told her to go to the hospital. So she couldn’t help because she had to go to the hospital.
My partner said quietly in the background ‘always got excuses about something’.
She heard him and then said over the phone ‘Tell him if he doesn’t shut up I will come over there and knock him one’. Which I felt was just not appropriate to say to anyone.
We then rang lee and asked if she could help and was happy to do so.
My mother then rang lee, and said thanks for picking Chloe up, lee said I don’t mind and my mum said are you sure I feel a bit guilty now. We found out later that my mother didn’t even go to the hospital and said she felt too stressed to go to the hospital.
Next time my mother came over she said hello to my partner, he didn’t answer her.
She said she was that upset over this she almost left.
Then when my partner had to go away for work for a week my daughter and I went to stay with lee at her place, my mother asked when we’d be home she said i want to visit you but I know how Daniel feels about me, I said well we will be over lees for the week you can visit there she wont mind, she said ok I will visit you there tomorrow.
Then tomorrow came and she didn’t visit. Later that week I got a message saying you always have time for everyone else but not me, I wrote back well I said you could visit on Monday but you never came over, she said well I cant believe you just said that. I said ive always tried to make plans with you but your always busy working, I said all you ever wanted was to see me happy with someone doing things with my life and now I have a life your not happy.
And there has been many situations like this since I have been with my new partner. it seems like she is jealous of everything now, but when I was never busy she didn’t have any time for me or my daughter and now we are doing things even though she isn’t busy nights in the week she doesn’t have time or doesn’t feel well enough to visit us. but if we are busy it’s a crime and we don’t want to see her.I don’t visit her or my step father anymore at their place because every time I did he would always change and make the time I spent there horrible.
I need advice on what I should do.

]]> By: Arturo Cenevas http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-difficult-parents-for-adult-children/comment-page-7/#comment-41501 Arturo Cenevas Mon, 02 Apr 2012 22:29:27 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=229#comment-41501 I am 34 and my parents are very strict and conservative. Some bad financial decision moved me back to my parents place, and even touhg I love them and I respect them a lot, and also thank them for letting me stay for a few bucks, I truly can not dissappear the bad feelings that sometimes I have against them. Specially my dad is very methodical and hipocrite, with double moral, adding to that the fact that they never accepted my homosexuality, I have been living a few hard months. I will move as soon as I can, this is a toxic relationship, where they preten to tell me what exactly I have to do, and they mean no harm, but the way of mind closeness, with the arbitrary decision over all of my life, for example, how to dress, how to talk, where to go, etc, it really sucks! I am 34 and my parents are very strict and conservative. Some bad financial decision moved me back to my parents place, and even touhg I love them and I respect them a lot, and also thank them for letting me stay for a few bucks, I truly can not dissappear the bad feelings that sometimes I have against them.
Specially my dad is very methodical and hipocrite, with double moral, adding to that the fact that they never accepted my homosexuality, I have been living a few hard months.

I will move as soon as I can, this is a toxic relationship, where they preten to tell me what exactly I have to do, and they mean no harm, but the way of mind closeness, with the arbitrary decision over all of my life, for example, how to dress, how to talk, where to go, etc, it really sucks!

]]> By: sj http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-difficult-parents-for-adult-children/comment-page-7/#comment-41118 sj Tue, 27 Mar 2012 01:36:56 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=229#comment-41118 I googled "How to deal with difficult parents" and was directed to this website. Misery loves company, what can I say. I am 48 and today my mom indirectly told me that she thinks my wife is a freeloader who wants her money. Of course she never trusted any of my decisions, and this is just the latest example. My brother has always been the apple of her eye and his kids are favored over my sister's kids. I am very successful yet no matter how successful I am, I will never be seen in the same light that my brother is. Reading everyone's comments made me feel better. I know I am not alone and I also know a lot of you have it a lot worse than me. A monk once said he was very grateful to his parents because they gave him two eyes, two ears, a nose and a mouth. In other words he was grateful, they gave him life, but he did not have the time or energy to get sucked into all this terrible guilt and suffering. Hard as it is we have to move on I wish that we all find ways to become free of this suffering. I googled “How to deal with difficult parents” and was directed to this website. Misery loves company, what can I say. I am 48 and today my mom indirectly told me that she thinks my wife is a freeloader who wants her money. Of course she never trusted any of my decisions, and this is just the latest example. My brother has always been the apple of her eye and his kids are favored over my sister’s kids. I am very successful yet no matter how successful I am, I will never be seen in the same light that my brother is. Reading everyone’s comments made me feel better. I know I am not alone and I also know a lot of you have it a lot worse than me.

A monk once said he was very grateful to his parents because they gave him two eyes, two ears, a nose and a mouth. In other words he was grateful, they gave him life, but he did not have the time or energy to get sucked into all this terrible guilt and suffering. Hard as it is we have to move on
I wish that we all find ways to become free of this suffering.

]]> By: Help! http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-difficult-parents-for-adult-children/comment-page-7/#comment-40711 Help! Fri, 16 Mar 2012 00:39:22 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=229#comment-40711 okay... so im 21 . I dont really remember EVER being happy during a child. While growing up she always brought in different men and ALWAYS fought with them .... like fists fights all the time as a child i remembered hate seeing that..and now I am still living with her now and plan on moving out because it is just to crazy to stay here with her. She accuses me of sleeping with her boyfriends and they arent even cute...she is sooo insecure. vshe doesnt have any friends or goes out...she doesnt have any hobbies... she calls me names like B**** which really hurts me and im not. Whenever her boyfriends want to come out she tells me to cover up when imnot even showing anything... and i just want to be comfortable you know in my pajamas and relaz without having to worry about her nagging at me all the time. As a child she abbused me witht he belt. She's pulled me by my hair at one point and left me with bruises. She consistently yells and whnever she gets in a fight wit her boyfriend she takes things out on me when she has no one else to talk to. I've never really had my father around...which is fine now i accept that... but i dont know how it is to be a mother.. i nkind of just want her out of my life now... after what she put me through as a child i just dont want anything to do with her anymore. She really is mommy dearest and she is so self centered....she ALWAYS thinks im talking about her when im talking over the pone which im not!!! she 's not even interesting to talk about until now i cant take it anymore... she is such a B**** I hate how she doesnt even help me out with school or anything.. i nver had a college fund ... i got a junkie ass car that i cant even fix and its broken now she doesnt want to help i never had birthday parties or a quince or sweet 16 or whatever she never put me through any kind of extra curricular activities as a kid...she always talked shit about the friends that i had... now i dont have any friends because of her. things are just weird between me n her .. okay… so im 21 . I dont really remember EVER being happy during a child. While growing up she always brought in different men and ALWAYS fought with them …. like fists fights all the time as a child i remembered hate seeing that..and now I am still living with her now and plan on moving out because it is just to crazy to stay here with her. She accuses me of sleeping with her boyfriends and they arent even cute…she is sooo insecure. vshe doesnt have any friends or goes out…she doesnt have any hobbies… she calls me names like B**** which really hurts me and im not. Whenever her boyfriends want to come out she tells me to cover up when imnot even showing anything… and i just want to be comfortable you know in my pajamas and relaz without having to worry about her nagging at me all the time. As a child she abbused me witht he belt. She’s pulled me by my hair at one point and left me with bruises. She consistently yells and whnever she gets in a fight wit her boyfriend she takes things out on me when she has no one else to talk to. I’ve never really had my father around…which is fine now i accept that… but i dont know how it is to be a mother.. i nkind of just want her out of my life now… after what she put me through as a child i just dont want anything to do with her anymore. She really is mommy dearest and she is so self centered….she ALWAYS thinks im talking about her when im talking over the pone which im not!!! she ‘s not even interesting to talk about until now i cant take it anymore… she is such a B**** I hate how she doesnt even help me out with school or anything.. i nver had a college fund … i got a junkie ass car that i cant even fix and its broken now she doesnt want to help i never had birthday parties or a quince or sweet 16 or whatever she never put me through any kind of extra curricular activities as a kid…she always talked shit about the friends that i had… now i dont have any friends because of her. things are just weird between me n her ..

]]> By: Lisa http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-difficult-parents-for-adult-children/comment-page-7/#comment-40652 Lisa Fri, 09 Mar 2012 23:38:40 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=229#comment-40652 I am over 40 and have lived with my parents all my life. My mom passed away about 5 years ago, my dad staring seeing someone 3 days after my mom was put in the ground, he started seriously dating her 3 months later and asked her to marry him. They married exactly the same day that Mom was put in the ground, one year later. They divorced 5 months later, there were issues. I stayed with them, was the hardest thing I had ever done, as I loved my mom very much, I had planned on leaving December of the year they got divorced. I changed my mind, not because I did not have money to move, but because I would feel guilty if I left my dad. After I reached 21 I wanted to move out but Mom and Dad would make me feel guilty if I left. Since my dad's divorce, he has had a few women come and go, he tells me he wants me to stay with him, even if he remarries, I told him, that I could not live with another woman, that I will leave, he gets very upset. How do I handle these issues of anger, I don't want anyone moving in and yet I can't leave, I know my Dad and I know he can not hold a relationship. He wants me with him and his woman all the time, he wants me to have dinners with them, do outings with them. I asked him why is it so important that I be there all the time. He had no answer for me, and gets upset with him. But everytime I think of having to meet some woman, I get this anger in me, that grows and drives me crazy. I am over 40 and have lived with my parents all my life. My mom passed away about 5 years ago, my dad staring seeing someone 3 days after my mom was put in the ground, he started seriously dating her 3 months later and asked her to marry him. They married exactly the same day that Mom was put in the ground, one year later. They divorced 5 months later, there were issues. I stayed with them, was the hardest thing I had ever done, as I loved my mom very much, I had planned on leaving December of the year they got divorced. I changed my mind, not because I did not have money to move, but because I would feel guilty if I left my dad. After I reached 21 I wanted to move out but Mom and Dad would make me feel guilty if I left. Since my dad’s divorce, he has had a few women come and go, he tells me he wants me to stay with him, even if he remarries, I told him, that I could not live with another woman, that I will leave, he gets very upset. How do I handle these issues of anger, I don’t want anyone moving in and yet I can’t leave, I know my Dad and I know he can not hold a relationship. He wants me with him and his woman all the time, he wants me to have dinners with them, do outings with them. I asked him why is it so important that I be there all the time. He had no answer for me, and gets upset with him. But everytime I think of having to meet some woman, I get this anger in me, that grows and drives me crazy.

]]> By: 26 and working to get out http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-difficult-parents-for-adult-children/comment-page-7/#comment-40629 26 and working to get out Wed, 07 Mar 2012 02:08:37 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=229#comment-40629 I'm a twenty six year old guy that has difficult parents. I recently had to move back in with my parents after quitting a job. The job required me to lie and intentionally provide bad services to customers. Our customers had to pay thousands and thousands more than they should have. Sounds like a bad deal, right? As a result I'm living with my parents. My parents act like I don't exist. My parents work most days so I don't see them very much(a lot of the time this is a good thing). When they come home they immediately turn on the tv and watch it until they go to bed. Occasionally I'll try and talk to them while they are watching tv, but, I'm usually told to shutup. This kind of treatment made me pretty angry, because it has been going on my entire life. Well, I let em have it pretty good one night and they deserved every word. Since then, they claim I have a rage problem. I was level headed enough to entertain the thought and bought some anger management books. In reading these books I learned alot about anger management. The most important thing I learned was that I didn't have a problem. Whenever I have a problem with my folks I always try to talk the problem out. Even if the problem is small their response is usually a life altering ultimatum. They've threatened to throw me out of the house countless times. EX. My mom was supposed to babysit my nephew and had conflicting events in one case.She needed me to help her out. I had plans and told her I couldn't do it. Her response was to threaten to kick me out of the house and never help me again. Needless to say, an extreme reaction. My parents take financial advantage of me by putting me in crazy situations. Once they figure out a way to corner me I have to give them my money. After my money is gone they leverage me because I have no money. I'm starting to wonder if I should just move out and make it work. I don't think I have enough money to make it work,but, know this cycle will continue. I know I won't get anywhere while I'm living with them, they won't let me. Every time I start to do well they suck me back down. The sad part is, they are wealthy and I'm a poor, working, studying young adult. They are mooching off of me. It makes me sick. I have to buy my own food because they don't eat at home. Then they eat my food. Every book I've read is telling me to move out. I just haven't been able to scrape together enough cash to make it happen. I guess I'll just have to work harder, because it needs to happen. I’m a twenty six year old guy that has difficult parents.

I recently had to move back in with my parents after quitting a job. The job required me to lie and intentionally provide bad services to customers. Our customers had to pay thousands and thousands more than they should have. Sounds like a bad deal, right? As a result I’m living with my parents.

My parents act like I don’t exist. My parents work most days so I don’t see them very much(a lot of the time this is a good thing). When they come home they immediately turn on the tv and watch it until they go to bed. Occasionally I’ll try and talk to them while they are watching tv, but, I’m usually told to shutup. This kind of treatment made me pretty angry, because it has been going on my entire life. Well, I let em have it pretty good one night and they deserved every word. Since then, they claim I have a rage problem. I was level headed enough to entertain the thought and bought some anger management books. In reading these books I learned alot about anger management. The most important thing I learned was that I didn’t have a problem. Whenever I have a problem with my folks I always try to talk the problem out. Even if the problem is small their response is usually a life altering ultimatum. They’ve threatened to throw me out of the house countless times. EX. My mom was supposed to babysit my nephew and had conflicting events in one case.She needed me to help her out. I had plans and told her I couldn’t do it. Her response was to threaten to kick me out of the house and never help me again. Needless to say, an extreme reaction.

My parents take financial advantage of me by putting me in crazy situations. Once they figure out a way to corner me I have to give them my money. After my money is gone they leverage me because I have no money. I’m starting to wonder if I should just move out and make it work. I don’t think I have enough money to make it work,but, know this cycle will continue. I know I won’t get anywhere while I’m living with them, they won’t let me. Every time I start to do well they suck me back down. The sad part is, they are wealthy and I’m a poor, working, studying young adult. They are mooching off of me. It makes me sick.
I have to buy my own food because they don’t eat at home. Then they eat my food.

Every book I’ve read is telling me to move out. I just haven’t been able to scrape together enough cash to make it happen. I guess I’ll just have to work harder, because it needs to happen.

]]> By: LJ http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-cope-with-difficult-parents-for-adult-children/comment-page-7/#comment-40614 LJ Mon, 05 Mar 2012 21:09:28 +0000 http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/?p=229#comment-40614 I have toxic parents too, something I have only just let myself believe and I'm 45!, always blamed myself for the relationship disaster with my parents, with consequent serious low self esteem and debilitating shyness. They also make a scene/create a drama during happy times. This is really sad as I am now too old for the stress and I have had to distance myself from my Mum and can no longer see my Dad. The hurt goes deeper because the upset comes when times are good and its like a slap in the face, when they don't speak to me for months and spread malicious gossip through the rest of the family. Just during the last twelve months I have had to make the decision to keep my distance for good for my own sanity. Toxic parents cannot change. You have to toughen up, let go of the unhealthy dependency that often goes with abusive parent/child relationships, face outwards and live your own life. But also be aware of the damage caused by an unhappy child/parent relationship, being aware of how you feel is good advise and accepting the past which cannot be changed. I have to do a lot of positive thinking to keep on track and its tough somethimes,but it is worth it for my childrens sake, a lovely husband and a successful career - Just completed a degree!(and the parents are not talking to me - again - but hay, their loss not mine!) I have toxic parents too, something I have only just let myself believe and I’m 45!, always blamed myself for the relationship disaster with my parents, with consequent serious low self esteem and debilitating shyness. They also make a scene/create a drama during happy times. This is really sad as I am now too old for the stress and I have had to distance myself from my Mum and can no longer see my Dad. The hurt goes deeper because the upset comes when times are good and its like a slap in the face, when they don’t speak to me for months and spread malicious gossip through the rest of the family. Just during the last twelve months I have had to make the decision to keep my distance for good for my own sanity. Toxic parents cannot change. You have to toughen up, let go of the unhealthy dependency that often goes with abusive parent/child relationships, face outwards and live your own life. But also be aware of the damage caused by an unhappy child/parent relationship, being aware of how you feel is good advise and accepting the past which cannot be changed. I have to do a lot of positive thinking to keep on track and its tough somethimes,but it is worth it for my childrens sake, a lovely husband and a successful career – Just completed a degree!(and the parents are not talking to me – again – but hay, their loss not mine!)

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