How to Be Happy After Splitting Up With Your Boyfriend
She Split Up With Her Boyfriend - and She Will Be Happy Again
If you think you’ll never be happy after splitting up with your boyfriend, you’re wrong. You WILL laugh again – but happiness asks you to do a few things first.
These tips for happiness after a breakup range from not taking revenge to empowering yourself by taking control of your life. Even if you only try one of these tips, you’ll feel better.
Before the tips, a quip:
“Relationships don’t last anymore,” said comedian Rita Rudner. “When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is, ‘Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?’”
Here’s the first tip for happiness after splitting up: don’t start your next relationship with the end in sight! Learn from your past relationships, but don’t let them drag you down.
If you think you’ll never be happy again, read Letting Go of Someone You Love. I interviewed psychologists, life coaches, and counselors for their best tips on finding happiness after a split.
And, here are five ways to be happy after the breakup…
How to Be Happy After Splitting Up With Your Boyfriend
Make a clean break
After you’ve broken up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t talk on the phone, meet for coffee, or text each other. Even if you’re thinking of getting back together, make sure you take at least three months off. This breakup advice is about finding your self-identity again – figuring out who you are apart from your relationship.
If you split with your girlfriend or boyfriend because of cheating, read How to Stop Loving a Man Who Lies, Cheats, and Steals.
Avoid the temptation to get revenge
Whether your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend cheated on you, borrowed money and didn’t pay it back, or stole your dog – resist the temptation to get revenge. Getting him back only prolongs your connection, and you need to move on in order to stay happy! “The best revenge is living well,” said someone.
Accept that he or she wasn’t “the one.”
This breakup advice is so easy to give, and so difficult to accept! It’s hard to see that you split up for a reason, and it’s likely in your best interests to accept that the relationship is over and move on. Try listening to songs for broken hearts — they may help you heal.
Remember that everything happens for a reason
It’s inevitable: you have to learn to accept that you’ve lost someone or something you love without letting it cripple your emotions or make you bitter! In fact, letting go is something you’ll have to do more and more as you get older – and it only gets easier if you accept and even embrace it. To stay happy after splitting up, remember that everything in life is temporary.
Take control – you are powerful
This break up advice is effective for all painful things in life: you can’t change how you feel, but you can control what you focus on. Instead of focusing on your pain, grief, and loss – mourn it briefly, and then focus on other things. Do you want to stay happy after splitting up? Then think about the great things in your life, the people who love you, your hobbies, your pets, your job. If you don’t enough good things to focus on, consider a few life changes.
The Psychology of Breaking Up
For more tips, read Starting Over After Your Relationship Ends – 8 Tips for New Beginnings.
Do you think you’ll never be happy after splitting up with your boyfriend? Tell me your story.
Category: Breakup Survival Tips, Love & Relationships, Relationship Tips
My boyfriend broke up with me because he said he needs lots of time and space. He wanted to focus to his work, his son and make a better relationship to his ex wife. I just meet my boyfriend in online dating but he went to PH 3x and we had lots of memories and love.In 1year relationship, we are so happy coz were talking everyday, send sms and email. We traveled in different places and even his from USA and im from PH, the distance is really far,its not a hindrance for us. I didn’t expect that he will broke up with me coz everything is really fine. He said also that he don’t have plan for me and were just friends. Why is it he changed easily his feelings for me? Im too good to him. I love him so much! How can i start to forget him? coz it’s so hard for me to focus on work and be happy again, really i am so depressed.I ask him a second chance but he said NO!
wHAT do i need to do? hE’S very important to my life
Thanks
well this is how I feel, I have been with this man who was once my soul mate and found out is that i’m falling out of love with D.A.T and the reason why is becasuse he is doing everything but the oposite of loving me… all we do is fight and show no compassion toward what ever I do, we don’t conversate,we don’t cuddles, we don’t go anywere together and we don’t talk as much but I want out I’m at the point that I hate him and don’t want to be around him, but why won’t he let me go? why won’t he let me leave him he knows that i’m not happy I’m so tired of being his punching bag, and the last time he brought me flowers was years ago… I feel so down that at times I feel suicidal just to get away from him… I truly feel like the love is gone but how can I get away from this man that I once loved and nolonger want to be around?
thank you all for reading my problem and hope to hear some mature comments take care and God Bless…
My girlfriend broke up with me. I’m having trouble letting go. How can I stop thinking about her? I still love her.
Dear Cheryl,
Are you saying that your boyfriend is only with you because he doesn’t want to break your heart? I wasn’t quite sure what you were getting at, but since you found my article on staying happy after splitting up and you asked if you should break up with him, I think you’re trying to decide if it’s time to split.
Here’s an article that may help:
5 Signs It’s Time to Take a Break From Your Relationship
I also think you need to listen to your heart. It sounds like your gut is telling you that you should split up with your boyfriend…and if that’s what your gut says, then maybe it’s something you need to do.
I hope the article helps, and I welcome your thoughts here or there.
Blessings,
Laurie
I am so sad becuz my bf except me being his gf becuz he don’t want to break my heart. Should I break up or should I be wit him until he broke up wit me!! Help me!! I am soooooo sad. I keep on thinking bout him. We haven break up yet. I really love him.
Dear Meka,
I’m sorry I missed your comment, and I hope your heart has healed. Sometimes time is the only way to stay happy after splitting up with your boyfriend…has time made a difference for you?
Blessings,
Laurie
It is so hard to let go of the man I love, we have broken up and made up so many times, and they were all stupid reasons on his behalf. Now we have been broken up for three months and I miss him like crazy its like I can;t be without him now. What am I to do? I want him back soooo bad,but we don’t talk, I don’t see him,it hurt so bad, I prayed nightly for him to come back. Now I am ready to actually go and look for him to talk it over, but I am afraid he might reject me in which for each time we broke up don’t care how long it takes we always found ourselves back together again, Now I don’t no what to do. what should I do? I love that man so much. Is it possible that he could of found someone now, I don’t want to get hurt that way.
Hi Laurie,
I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. We dated for 2 years and it was a good relationship. He became overly jealous and I found myself in the end being excited about talking to other guys. I ended up breaking up with him. I have hung out with a few other guys over the past months, and recently I have found out that my ex has been talking to another woman. Me and my ex had still been talking some just because we felt like we had no one to turn to. And after he met this woman, he told me we could no longer talk. I now feel as if I have all of my feelings come falling back down on me. I feel really sad and I dont know what to do because I feel like all of the progress I made over the past 2 months has completely disappeared. I am making myself not talk to him, but it is honestly one of the hardest things i’ve ever done. Please help.
Dear Ivy,
I’m very sorry to hear that you can’t break free of this relationship. It doesn’t sound like you’re happy with this man, or that he’s helping you live your best life!
I encourage you to get in-person support. I can’t give you the help you need here. Please call a counselor, social worker, spiritual leader, or a support helpline. You need to talk to someone in person, who can help you figure the best way to cope with your relationship and your emotions.
You need to figure out why you’re willing to do this to yourself, why you call yourself awful names, and why you feel compelled to stay with this type of man.
Please talk to someone who can give you objective, professional support. You’re already headed in the right direction — reaching out for help and sharing what you’ve been through — and now you need to surround yourself with resources that will give you the strength and courage you need to break out of this unhealthy relationship.
And, remember that letting go of someone you love isn’t something you do once and poof! You’re free, healed, and happy. Rather, letting go is a journey peppered with steps forward and steps backward, good days and bad days, peaks and valleys. If you need help letting go, you may find Letting Go of Someone You Love helpful.
I wish you all the best — and welcome you to come back anytime to update me on how you’re doing!
Laurie
I would love to not be beat around the bush. My despair is at its end. Now that I’m going to put this down, I’ll probably see how pitiful this relationship truly is. I feel extreme deceit from it. I have been the one he wanted to marry, to his on and off girlfriend three times, to what he says is friends with benefits, (which I declined at first, but then agreed, to my surprise he reneged as soon as we got together after that conversation when I asked if that’s what we were still) then to I’m never say no to him again when he wants to see me. I am his private whore and neither his family nor friends know we are together when he sees me and spends the night. They just say, he’s never home and they don’t know where he is. This is the man I love. Uh! I don’t feel he is even my friend for he has cheated on me 6 months into our relationship, not faithful in the little things I need support in, nor my upcoming back surgery, which is a topic he will not discuss and I desperately need his help when I am in recovery because I don’t have many who can. He never can answer a simple question regarding our relationship; especially when I desperately need one such as; “what we are? Do you want me to leave you alone, stop texting? “ It’s up to me he’ll state. But don’t refuse him because he will turn cold as ice and I will beg for forgiveness. I’m pathetic! I know! I believe he just wants to blame me and get sympathy for his behaviors, moods, anger in life. Blame me because to him, I look needy, but fact is I was just trying to love him so I received his love back. When things are fine, we are a perfect pair and get along better than anyone he had. He keeps coming back, and I keep taking him back. But it gets worst each time. This is so unhealthy and I cry everyday because every day I lose more and more of what I think is left. I believe in his own way he sincerely loves me and will admit it, and does not love another, but says he is not ready for a relationship. I am a secret whore who will not be seen with him and his friends and I look like a total ass because I love him quietly, I feel abused and I don’t know how to get out of his control when I believe I love him unconditionally and for better or worse, I am the one who suffers alone while he does and goes wherever he pleases without me, but wants my male friends to think I am his. Bleh ! : (~ Help me find the truth and an action plan for me to live again and not be a burden to my friends and family about this difficulty I can jump over. I have gotten strong a few times, but I am weak when it comes to his love and attention.
My ex boyfriend and I broke up three weeks ago. It was my fault, I kept starting arguments with him and yelling him if we ever lived together he couldn’t go out with his friends more than 2-3 days a week. I was also very jealous of this female friend he has that he swears up and down there’s never been anything more than friendship between them. (She’s also his ex-coworker.) He broke up with me and says he still wants to be friends. I know we need space, and I need to let him go, especially if I ever want us to get back together. He says we probably won’t get back together, but he isn’t entirely resigned to not being with me anymore. I know I need to learn to control my temper and let him be who he is, and accept him for who he is. Should I give up hope of being with him again? Or should I give him the space and time he needs and see what happens from there? I am in the process of letting him go, because he said he felt smothered by me. And I’m also giving him space right now. Although we still seem to talk every 3-4 days. Mostly him calling me.
Hi Stewart,
I’m sorry — you adored your exgirlfriend and she turned out to be so fickle! And, I agree with you: I think she is using you as insurance in case her current relationship doesn’t work out.
To save your sanity, I encourage you to let her go completely. No text messages, no phone calls, no being friends on Facebook or Twitter….just time and space to heal. Tell her that it’s too difficult to be friends, and that you need some distance so you can start to move on.
It won’t be easy, but I believe this is the best thing you could do. It’ll be painful in the short run, but far better for you in the long run! Splitting up is never easy…I have no breakup advice that will make you feel happy again. But, if you get a little distance from her, you’ll start to heal.
One day you WILL love again and laugh again and feel great about life again! That day will come sooner if you let her go now.
I wish you all the best, and I’m sorry you’re going through this breakup.
Laurie
Its been 4 months since i broke up with my ex, i adored the girl and am still in love with her. we split up as she cheated on me, i was willing to forgive but she ended it saying it wasnt fair on me to continue. we both started new relationships, but she came back to me and i ended mine to be with her again. after trying to go back to her she said it was no longer what she wanted and she is now in a relationship and is happy with a new guy. she still texts me however saying how she misses me and the things we did. i want her back so bad and it seems a reachable goal as she says she misses me but i cant help feeling like im insurance for her if her new relationship doesnt work. the fact of the matter is i still love her and want her after 4 months of being apart and of being with different people. i just dont know what to do for my own sanity.
Hi Nitan,
I’m sorry that your partner has ended your relationship…that’s very sad. It’s especially difficult when children are involved — and when you’re not ready to let go of your partner.
I haven’t written any articles on relationship breakups when children are involved, but I’ll dig around in my books and other resources for ways to help you. Give me a day or two, and I’ll try to come up with some helpful advice!
In the meantime, you need to accept that — and I’m sorry to say this — this will be a difficult, long process of letting go. You’ll probably always love him, which is normal when you’ve been together for so long.
Also, remember that he’s not the best man for you. He cheated on you, he has other children outside your marriage, and he left you! It’s hard to accept right now, but…you’re better off without a partner like that.
In the next day or two, I’ll write an article about relationship breakups when children are involved, and post the link here.
Take care,
Laurie
I am still in love with a man who i’ve been with for more then 10 years. We have children together. We have been through thick and thin together. In the most recent years he has cheated and had children outside of our relationship. I know this is not what I want in a relationship but I choose to accept it and stay together anyway. A month ago he decided to end our relationship. I was devastated about his decision as well as the fact that upon ending his relationship with me he decided to move in with one of the women he cheated on me with. Since then he is still living with this woman and their 2 kids. He is also spending time at my home with our children on a daily basis. I am still in love with him and we even talk about marriage in the future. I say all this because I am soooo confused. I know this is not right but i don’t know how to let go. I’ve read all kinds of break up tips but none that speaks to breaking up when kids are involved. I don’t know how to cut my ties with him and at the same time its hard for me to maintain a parental relationship with him and not think about how much I still love and want him.
Can you please help me?
Also — remember that you can love someone with all your heart, but know that he’s not good for you or you’re not good together. Love doesn’t heal all wounds, and love alone doesn’t make a healthy, strong relationship.
I think that’s some of the best breakup advice I was ever given: it takes more than love to build a marriage or healthy relationship.
Well, A Jamir, it’s difficult to give breakup advice without knowing the particulars….but one way to figure out if you should get back together with him is to write out the pros and cons. If you have a journal — or just any old writing paper — write down your reasons for breaking up with him, the reasons you think you should stay away, and your reasons for getting back together.
And, above all, listen to YOUR gut and head! Don’t get caught up in what your friends or parents or anyone else’s ideas about what you should do. If you feel you can’t trust him, then you need to close that chapter of your life and move on. If you really feel you want to try the relationship again, then go for it…but it has to be your decision.
Perhaps you could take a break from him and from thinking about getting back together. Maybe take a month to just heal and think. Once you get some physical and emotional distance from him, you’ll be better able to think clearly and you’ll be less confused. Right now, you’re right in the middle of things…and that makes it hard to know what to do.
Please feel free to come back in a month and let me know how things are going!
Best wishes,
Laurie
Hi,
I’m in love with a guy who’s 6 yrs younger than me…we broke up as he was lying down with a girl holding her shoulder…i really love him but can’t digest the way he did in front of me! now all the blame goes to me as his Mum thinks I’m persuading me…He’s telling me that he still loves me and kept on inquiring about me to my frens which tempts me to go back to him…I’m so confused and dunno what to do…please help!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Tommy and Wibetro.
I agree about online dating; it’s a good way to meet new people. But, I think you have to be careful about rebound love and infatuation. It can be easy to fall into the temptation of being with someone new just to get over your ex….and that’s not always what’s best in the long run.
This was a great article.
Thanks
I have found online dating to be a wonderful way to find people I would not have otherwise come in contact with. I have not been able to meet a lot of woman at my job because I am in a male dominated line of work, and I just do not work with women in my industry. Bars and nightclubs haven’t worked out to well because they are loud places, and it’s hard to compete in places like that. Not to mention the sleepyness the following day. A friend turned me on to online dating, and I have found the selection to be much larger, and the singles to be higher quality.
I think for over worked singles, there is nothing better than internet dating. Just my 2 cents…
Makai, you and your ex-girlfriend are breaking the first rule of “how to stay happy after splitting up.” Making a clean break is key breakup advice — and it’s number one for a good reason!
It sounds like she doesn’t want to be in an intimate relationship with you, but she doesn’t want to totally let you go. She wants to be friends even though you’ve split up. She wants her cake (freedom from a committed relationship) and to eat it too (watching and discussing wedding shows).
You need to decide if you can be friends with her, with no expectation of getting back together. Most people do best with a clean break after a breakup….and you need to decide what is going to help you heal and move on.
My advice is to let her go. You tried to get back together, and she wasn’t into it. It’s over.
I’m sorry it worked out this way, and I encourage you to put your long-term happiness and health at the top of your priority list! It’ll hurt in short-term, but you’ll be glad in the long run.
Good luck,
Laurie
It’s been a month since the break up, I pleaded twice 4 her to give me a chance till I gave up. She keeps asking me why I am silent and she still texts me about things we used to do. Like we used to watch wedding shows together. This monday she emailed me that the last Sunday wedding show was the best she ever saw. I still love her. Should I let go or what should I do?? I feel confused
Your spiritual spins are always welcome, Gini!
I wish I had your insight when I was nursing my broken heart(s). What a wonderful, healthy perspective that is — to accept that your time together was meant to end and you just can’t journey further together.
My favorite quip about relationships ending:
“One tear met another tear floating down the river. ‘I am the tear of the woman who lost her man,’ said the first tear. ‘I am the tear of the woman who found him,’” said the second. (unknown)
Unfortunately, when we’re in the midst of pain, heartache, other complicated emotions (fear, guilt, anger, frustration, sadness) we have a hard time seeing that there’s a REASON the relationship had to end. And it was a good reason!
And, the woman who is with or will be with our ex-partner may be crying, too….
Laurie
Great advice – I particularly like the last two – letting go and taking control by owning your power. But you know me, Laurie, I can’t leave a comment without putting my spiritual spin on things so I would like to add another suggestion.
Looking at the relationship from the bigger spiritual perspective – I’ve seen how healing this can be for people when they get really centered within themselves (through meditation etc.) and look at the relationship from a soul perspective – what were the gifts, lessons, growth etc. and then look for why it is ending from a higher/bigger perspective (not a right/wrong or good/bad or success/failure dichotomy but from a place of acceptance).
When I help clients do this they often see that the relationship was meant to be for awhile and a purpose, and now is meant to end – that the two of them are not resonating any more so one of them had to end it so they could continue to grow and blossom. As soon as the person sees this, they can let go much easier and the sadness releases and acceptance and joy take its place.